History Funny / Excalibur

-->'''Merlin:''' Looking at the cake is like looking into the future. Until you've tasted it, what do you really know? And by then, of course, it's too late! ''(Arthur, who is not listening, takes a bite)'' Too late...

* Morgana tries to prove her premonition skills to Merlin by saying she sees a castle of silver of gold near where they're standing. Merlin points out there is already a plan for that castle and that ''everyone'' knows about it.
* When the Round Table are first seen carousing and feasting, Merlin is slumped in a corner fast asleep.

-->'''Merlin:''' It is everywhere. It is everything. Its scales glisten in the bark of trees, its roar is heard in the wind, and its forked tongue strikes like, like... ''(lightning strikes a tree)'' '''''whoa''''' ''like lightning!'' Yes that's it!

-->'''Merlin:''' You have a kingdom to rule.
-->'''Arthur:''' But how? I don't know how!
-->'''Merlin:''' You knew how to draw the sword from the stone.
-->'''Arthur:''' That was easy.
-->'''Merlin:''' Was it?! I couldn't have done it!

-->'''Merlin:''' You're not listening! Your heart's not! Love is deaf as well as blind, that's it. ''(Arthur is still away with the faeries)'' You've a land to quell before you can start all that ...[[UnusualEuphemism hair-pulling and jumping about!]] ''(scowl)''

-->'''Merlin:''' ''(disbelieving)'' Now look! I once stood exposed to the Dragon's Breath so that a man could lie one night with a woman. It took me nine moons to recover. And all for this lunacy called, "love", this mad distemper that strikes down both beggar and king! Never again! Never!

-->'''Merlin:''' You're not listening! Your heart's not! Love is deaf as well as blind, that's it. ''(Arthur is still away with the faeries)'' You've a land a quell before you can start all that ...[[UnusualEuphemism hair-pulling and jumping about!]] ''(scowl)''

** Suddenly Arthur bangs the table Merlin jerks awake and struggles to answer Arthur when asked what the best quality of a knight is, like a sleepy student picked by a teacher in class. Being put on the spot, Merlin can't think of one and so stammers that they 'blend'.

-->'''Merlin:''' ''(slowly turns, exasperated)'' Follow your nose.

* Having rued his folly at killing Lancelot and breaking Excalibur, the Lady of the Lake holds aloft an intact Excalibur. While Arthur is too dumbfounded, Merlin keeps hassling him to take the sword quickly. When Arthur does, Merlin puffs out his cheeks in relief.

* Morgana tries to prove her premonition skills to Merlin by saying she sees a castle of silver of gold near where they're standing. Merlin points out there is already a plan for that castle and that ''everyone'' knows about it.

-->'''Merlin:''' You're not listening! Your heart's not! Love is deaf as well as blind, that's it. ''(Arthur is still away with the faeries)'' You've a land a quell before you can start all that ...[[UnusualEuphemism hair-pulling and jumping about!]]

* Having rued his folly at killing Lancelot and breaking Excalibur, the Lady of the Lake holds aloft an intact Excalibur. While Arthur is too dumbfounded, Merlin keeps hassling him to take the sword quickly. When Arthur does, Merlin puffs out his cheeks in relief.

* In issue zero, Nightcrawler's response to an out-cold Brian, who's drunk himself into a stupor, is basically to shrug and throw him in the sea, remarking that based on what he's seen, if he doesn't surface it won't be a great loss.
* In the first issue, Kitty and Rachel resolve a hostage situation, and one of the ex-hostages - a skeevy merchant banker called Nigel Frobisher (who becomes an important recurring character and chief ButtMonkey) - hits on Rachel, who makes clear that she's not interested.
-->'''Frobisher''': Your lips say that, my darling...
-->'''Brian''': *DeathGlare* So do mine. Go away.
* Kitty impersonates Rachel to lure at the Warwolves, costume and all, while inwardly complaining, at length, about the impractical nature of Rachel's skintight and high-heeled costume.
* The fate of the Warwolves? Becoming exhibits at London Zoo.
* While Brian's alcoholism is generally played tragically, Rachel casually tossing an entire crate of whiskey into the ocean outside the lighthouse and Brian's horrified reaction is pretty hilarious.
* Kitty furiously scolding Lockheed (who, it should be remembered, is ''a miniature purple dragon'') for letting Ms Locke, Arcade's minion, escape after being DistractedByTheSexy. The line, "shook her bad girl booty", followed by the general ''"SHAME!"'' is one for posterity.
* Issue 8, the follow-up to the ''{{ComicBook/Inferno}}'' tie-in had a cameo from a certain 'Lois and Clark'. The latter is excited to see Captain Britain take off. The former is not so impressed.
-->'''Clark''': Isn't New York ''fantastic'', Lois? Why, it's almost as though you can't turn around without bumping into some hero or other!
-->'''Lois''': *sigh* Clark, be real. If you've seen one hyperthyroid, egomaniacal exhibitionist in skintights, you've seen 'em ''all!''
* Nigel Frobisher being a creep is a multiversal constant, apparently, as demonstrated in one world still directly ruled by the monarchy, with a lot of magic around and about. He promptly tries hitting on Rachel, like his mainstream counterpart, and promptly ends up literally tarred and feathered by a furious Rachel for what he was thinking. Brian sternly tells her off for that, as they're guests and should behave as such... until Rachel telepathically shows him what he was thinking. Cue a BeatPanel where he looks shocked, then the rest of Excalibur have to try and stop a homicidal [[BigBrotherInstinct Brian]] from tearing alt!Frobisher's head off.

* Kitty furiously scolding Lockheed (who, it should be remembered, is ''a miniature purple dragon'') for letting one of the human villainesses of a particular arc after being DistractedByTheSexy. The line, "shook her bad girl booty", is one for posterity.