History Creator / CarlHiaasen

** ''Skin Tight'': The thing that convinces most people who meet Mick Stranahan that he's ''"monstrously deranged"'' is that his calm demeanor seems unconnected to his AxCrazy actions; when he caught his then-wife in bed with another man, he didn't lay a hand on his wife, but calmly took the man outside and [[GroinAttack Krazy-Glued his testicles]] to the hood ornament of his Cadillac.

-->-- ''Headline of Hiaasen's farewell column for the ''Miami Herald'', March 15, 2021''

A native of perhaps one of the more... [[OnlyInFlorida eccentric]] states in the Union, Carl Hiaasen (born March 12, 1953) has built his career writing both on the fictional and real-life exploits of the citizens of Florida. Known for a strong sense of black and satirical humor, many of his novels involve situations that he insists isn't that much of a stretch for his fellow Floridians: from a crook being beaten with a frozen lizard to a particularly ornery and sexually deviant dolphin to a female lead that continually has two songs clashing in her head, his novels are filled with all manner of colorful individuals. Notwithstanding the more colorful of their type and behavior, Hiaasen's books usually contain recognizable yet unstereotyped characters that are often criminal, eccentric, mentally ill or challenged, etc., yet still make endearing protagonists, whereas his villains are the sort of individuals for whom his imaginative fates can be seen as richly deserved.

[[http://www.carlhiaasen.com/index.shtml Official website.]]

* ''Wreck'' (2023)

A native of perhaps one of the more... [[OnlyInFlorida eccentric]] states in the Union, Carl Hiaasen (born March 12, 1950) has built his career writing both on the fictional and real-life exploits of the citizens of Florida. Known for a strong sense of black and satirical humor, many of his novels involve situations that he insists isn't that much of a stretch for his fellow Floridians: from a crook being beaten with a frozen lizard to a particularly ornery and sexually deviant dolphin to a female lead that continually has two songs clashing in her head, his novels are filled with all manner of colorful individuals. Notwithstanding the more colorful of their type and behavior, Hiaasen's books usually contain recognizable yet unstereotyped characters that are often criminal, eccentric, mentally ill or challenged, etc., yet still make endearing protagonists, whereas his villains are the sort of individuals for whom his imaginative fates can be seen as richly deserved.

** ''Native Tongue'': a steroid-inflamed bodybuilder deciding to chew off his own foot after it is trapped under a car;

-->'''Jim Tile''': I'd appreciate if you'd tell me what's going on down here.
-->'''Skink''': The usual. The bad guys are kicking our collective asses.

* AnythingThatMoves: In ''Native Tongue'', a local Glades theme park (run by a scumbag) bought an oversexed male dolphin as an ill-thought-out visitor attraction, and he attempts pelagic-style loving with pretty much any warm body that enters his tank; these wet and warm bodies include a local TV reporter doing a live segment and the park's roided-out Head of Security (who proved endlessly irresistible...).

* ArtisticLicenseHistory: In ''Native Tongue'', Hiaasen [[TakeThat lampoons]] both Disney World and the media over Disney's efforts to save the now-extinct Dusky Seaside Sparrow:
-->''With much fanfare, Disney had unveiled a captive breeding program for the last two surviving specimens of the dusky. Unfortunately, the last two surviving specimens were both males, and even the wizards of Disney could not induce the [[ArtisticLicenseBiology scientific miracle of homosexual procreation]]. Eventually the dusky sparrow succumbed to extinction, but the Disney Organization won gobs of fawning publicity for its conservation efforts.''
** Hiaasen suggests that the whole effort was an elaborate publicity stunt, doomed to fail from the beginning since there were no female duskies left. In fact, Disney's program was an attempt to cross-breed the surviving duskies with females of other sparrow species, but failed because the hybrids produced were not themselves capable of reproducing or surviving in the wild.

* UndignifiedDeath: In ''Native Tongue'', a hit man falls into a tank at a "Sea World"-like attraction, and simultaneously drowns and is humped to death by the oversexed dolphin that lives in the tank.

* SexualKarma: Partially deconstructed in ''Skinny Dip''. Chaz Perrone is [[SexGod good in bed]]--even after [[spoiler:his incompetent attempt to murder her]], Joey still admits this--but she's well aware that he only cared about her enjoyment as a [[ItsAllAboutMe way of feeding his own ego]], and is pleasantly surprised by her new physical relationship with the protagonist, Mick Stranahan:
---> While Mick wasn't as robotically durable as her husband, he was far more attentive, tender and enterprising. For Joey it was something of a revelation. With Mick, there was no furtive peeking at his own clenched buttocks in the mirror, no collegial exhorting of his manhood, no [[TheGruntingOrgasm self-congratulatory rodeo yells when he was finished]]. In Chaz's embrace Joey had often felt like a pornographic accessory, one of those rubber mail-order vaginas. With Mick, she was an actual participant; a lover. The orgasms had been quake-like with Chaz, but then he would immediately demand to hear all about them; he was always more interested in the reviews than in the intimacies. With Mick, the climax was no less intense, but the aftermath was sweeter, because he never broke the mood by asking her to [[SexinessScore grade his performance]].

--->'''Orange Bowl Chairman''': Sergeant, you don't seem to understand what's at stake here.
--->'''Al Garcia''': Human lives, that's all I'm concerned about.
--->'''Orange Bowl Chairman''': It's much more than that! NBC is here...! And let's not forget the theme of this year's parade, 'Tropical Tranquility'.

** ''Sick Puppy'': Desirata "Desie" Stoat's plans to earn a teaching degree in college were derailed by her engagement to a professional basketball player who spoke no English, and after than she had a string of equally vapid fiances, before finally marrying lobbyist Palmer Stoat. While Palmer treats her well materially, she is acutely aware that she is a TrophyWife and her husband has zero interest in what she thinks or feels.
* SocietyIsToBlame: subverted to the Nth degree. In nearly all of Hiaasen's novels, there is at least one villainous or criminal character whose backstory makes clear that they started out with affectionate parents, good teachers, and no obvious trauma or temptation towards criminality, and yet they become criminals anyway, largely because they are too lazy to pay attention in school or hold legitimate jobs. In ''Skink - No Surrender'', Richard remembers two of his classmates being arrested (separately) for petty burglaries, and reflects that their parents are both good, solid people, "so what happened?":

** ''Skin Tight'': Retired investigator Mick Stranahan lives on a stilt house in Biscayne Bay, and rarely visits the mainland except for groceries, and has no television or radio; when a female model compliments his eyes, comparing them to Creator/Sting's, he thanks her, but privately reflects that he doesn't know ''"who the hell she was talking about. Maybe one of those pro wrestlers on cable TV."''

* PopCultureIsolation: several of Hiaasen's protagonists live in a self-imposed isolation that leaves them ignorant of pop culture trends; Hiaasen makes clear that they do not feel the lack;

* DramaticallyMissingThePoint: ''Scat'': A corrupt oil executive is forced to halt his illegal drilling operation after an anonymous tipster reports a sighting of a Florida panther near his land. The officer from the U.S. Fish & Wildlife remarks that the animals are not only highly endangered, but also quite beautiful, and asks the executive if he's ever seen a picture of one. The man gripes that he's seen stuffed cougars, which are legal to shoot and kill out west, and he doesn't see why panthers should be any different; his project manager FacePalm{{s}} internally, reflecting that his boss couldn't have come up with a dumber thing to say, or a worse person to say it to, if he'd had a week to think it over.

* IRejectYourReality: George and Gilda Carson, the DotingParent{{s}} in ''Scat'', who demand, on a weekly basis, that their "genius" son be skipped ahead at least one grade level. When the headmaster shows them that their son failed the aptitude tests, George just waves away the results and scoffs, ''"so he had one bad day, big deal!"''

* AsTheGoodBookSays: ''Lucky You'': as Bode is reading a white supremacist pamphlet that labels minorities as ''"descended from Satan"'', Amber asks him where it says that in the scriptures; since Bode ''"[hasn't] cracked a Bible since junior high"'', he makes up a quote from thin air;
* BackAlleyDoctor:
** In ''Native Tongue'', Skink insists on going to a veterinarian to treat his gunshot wounds, refusing to go to a regular hospital. His reason given is that he trusts the vet, who tried to save the life of a Florida panther Skink brought to his office after it was hit by a liquor truck.
** In ''Lucky You'', the protagonist, [=JoLayne Lucks=], was trained as a registered nurse and her first job was working in an ER, but she prefers working in a vet's office. She starts to treat Chub (one of the men who attacked and robbed her), saying she works in an animal doctor's office, ''"and you're about the dumbest, smelliest critter I ever saw."''
* BeingEvilSucks: the villains of Hiaasen's novels, in their ruthless, single-minded pursuit of money, sex and power, often end up getting it, and it's miserable.
** For instance, in ''Lucky You'', Bode Gazzer and "Chub", after beating and robbing [=JoLayne=] Lucks, are in possession of two winning lottery tickets worth a total of $28 million. But to cover their crime, Bode insists they have to hide for a few days on a remote island in the Florida Keys, which leads to Chub running their stolen boat aground and trying to push it free:
--->''The mud sucked at Chub's legs, and his bare skin stung from the sea lice. Fastening to his arms and belly were tiny purple leeches, no larger than rice kernels, which he swatted away savagely. Additional concern was generated by an exotic tingle in his crotch, and it occurred to Chub that some exotic parasite might have entered his body by swimming into the hole of his pecker. No other millionaire in the entire world, he thought rancorously, had these kinds of problems.''
** In ''Sick Puppy'':
*** Palmer Stoat, big-time lobbyist and self-described as ''"one of the most powerful human beings in the State of Florida"'' has his life ''"reduced to a tabloid freak show"'', mostly through dealing with his own clients.
---->''Here he was, standing in the scorching sun like a eunuch servant, obediently holding a silk robe for a man – his own client! – who had filled both pockets with dolls. Not only dolls, but a miniature pearl-handled hairbrush. The bristles looked exquisitely fine, and the handle... my God, could it possibly be? Stoat squinted in amazement. Pearl! Palmer Stoat slowly looked up... what's happening to this country of ours? What's happening to me?''
*** Likewise, Robert Clapley, the Barbie Doll-fetishist, has finally realized his lifelong dream of hooking up with two women that can be [[AlwaysIdenticalTwins surgically modified into identical twins]], only to have to cope with their infidelity and drug-fueled craziness;
*** Governor Dick Artemus is ill-equipped to deal with the actual daily grind of ''"jerkwater Florida politics"'' and misses being a car salesman in Jacksonville - ''"you know, I never had to deal with shit like this in Toyotaland."''

** ''Lucky You'': Bode Gazzer, the self-proclaimed founder of a white supremacist militia (which consists entirely of himself and two other people) insists on being addressed as "Colonel."

** One of the villains in [[spoiler: ''Lucky You'']] dies of thirst after being marooned and failing to use a pair of Hooters shorts to flag down a plane.

* DeepSouth: Sometimes fulfilled, sometimes subverted:
** In ''Double Whammy'', after Clinton "Skink" Tyree resigns as governor, he relocates to the (fictional) Harney County, one of the "reddest" counties in the state; his best friend, Jim Tile, an African-American state trooper, is assigned to the same county, and the protagonist, R.J. Decker, cannot imagine a more miserable place in the state to be a black police officer.
** On the other hand, several of Hiaasen's characters move to Florida expecting it to fulfill most of the Deep South archetypes, only to be severely disillusioned by some communities' ethnic diversity and tolerance of minorities and liberal politics, especially in South Florida; for instance, in ''Lucky You'': Bode Gazzer, a self-proclaimed white supremacist and militia leader, has become ''"thoroughly fed up with Miami. Everywhere you turned there were goddamn foreigners, and when you came across a real, English-speaking white person, there was a better-than-even chance he'd turn out to be a Jew, or some ultra-liberal screamer."'' He starts to fantasize about Idaho as a promised land for white supremacists, where the ''"minorities... were more docile and easily intimidated."''

* DyingAlone: ''Lucky You''. After Bode Gazzer dies of blood loss, Chub is alone on Pearl Key, having elected to be stranded there instead of accompanying Krome and [=JoLayne=] back to the mainland to be arrested. By the time his water and food are gone, he is frantically trying to signal planes passing overhead, not caring whether he goes to prison for the rest of his life if it means not dying of thirst on the island. But since his parents disowned him, he disavowed his family, and the closest thing he had to a friend in the world is buzzard bait next to him, there's no one left on earth who knows he's missing, is looking for him, or gives a rat's ass if he dies.

* EntitledToHaveYou:
** Louis Piejack towards Honey Santana in ''Nature Girl'': the moment he laid eyes on her, he was ''"anesthetized by lust"'', and for him the only question was when, not if, he'd succeed in making her his ''"sex angel."'' Unfortunately, the elaborate fantasy he's constructed of life with Honey keeps getting punctured by the unmistakable signs that she's not into him. At all.
--->''"[F]or squeezing her boob, she'd [[GroinAttack walloped his nuts]], and for [[WouldHurtAChild clocking her bratty son]], she'd [[MamaBear nearly strangled him]]... Even in his addled state, Piejack comprehended that this was a woman who wouldn't settle easily into the role of obedient homemaker-slash-[[SexSlave sex slave]]. He'd have to battle for every lousy feel, and she was strong enough to make him pay with blood."''
** Bode Gazzer's attitude towards [=JoLayne=] Lucks' winning lottery ticket in ''Lucky You''. In his InsaneTrollLogic world, winning one-half of a $28 million jackpot is proof that the government is trying to screw him out of the other half.

* TheFettered: most of Hiaasen's protagonists are journalists, police officers, or retired versions of same. Very often their choices are constrained by their loyalty to the ideals of journalistic ethics, or upholding the law, even if it gets them into trouble.
** ''Lucky You'': even after quitting his newspaper to help [=JoLayne=] Lucks, Tom Krome still cares enough about the tenets of journalism to carefully note the particulars of what is happening, as if he is reporting the story;
** ''Basket Case'': Jack Tagger stumbles onto a crime scene, but the state prosecutor says he can't act without a signed affidavit from Tagger attesting to what he saw, which Tagger can't sign because then he would be prohibited from writing the story;

* HanlonsRazor: Averted in ''Lucky You''. Once Bode Gazzer learns that someone is following his fledgling white supremacist militia, his paranoia quickly fastens on the ''"only two possible explanations"'': a government agency is tracking them by spy satellite, or one of his cohorts has "leaked" to the enemy. To be fair, the latter is closer to the truth, which is that Bode idiotically decided to use [=JoLayne=] Lucks' stolen credit card to finance their road trip after the theft, thus ensuring that no matter where he runs to, the one person on earth who can track him down is the woman he and Chub robbed and savagely beat up.

* HumansAreTheRealMonsters: Most of Hiaasen's protagonists prefer the company of animals to humans, and are quick to recognize that while animals are more than capable of violence, it is never gratuitous as it is with humans;
** In ''Lucky You'', [=JoLayne=] Lucks, who is recovering from a vicious beating from two white supremacist thugs, returns to her work at a veterinary clinic; when her boss compliments her for keeping her cool after a dog bites her thumb, she responds, ''"you'd do the same thing if you had a dog's brain. I've seen humans with less of an excuse do worse."''
** In ''Skink - No Surrender'', Richard remembers his father saying that humans are the only species in which true evil occurs - violence is a common means of survival in the animal world, but humans are the only species who find pleasure in it.

* {{Inherent in the System}}: ''Lucky You'': ATF Agent Moffitt, reviewing Bode Gazzer's extensive criminal history, is not the least bit surprised that ''"despite his many crimes, Bodean James Gazzer had cumulatively spent less than twenty-three months of his whole worthless life behind bars."''
* IdiotBall: In ''Lucky You'':
** Onus Dean Gillespie, a.k.a. "Chub", when he isn't ''"stoned to the gills"'', displays flashes of common sense that are lost on his partner, Bode Gazzer. These include: 1) winning $14 million in the state lottery is a '''good''' thing, not the [[ConspiracyTheorist latest evidence of the government conspiring against the ordinary white man]]; 2) even though the lottery prize will be paid in installments, and subject to taxes, it is still more money than either of them has ever seen or could ever hope to earn or steal in their lifetimes; 3) robbing and assaulting the owner of the other winning ticket might complicate the collection of their legitimate winnings; and 4) using said owner's stolen credit card to fund their shopping sprees and drunken nights at a Hooters is ''"risky to the point of stupid."'' Unfortunately, because Chub is too lazy to argue against his partner's InsaneTrollLogic, he lets himself get dragged along on these idiotic ventures.
** Judge Arthur Battenkill, Jr., realizing that he's about to be arrested and indicted for felony murder, hurriedly packs a suitcase and makes plans to leave the country... then spends a leisurely time in his home showering, shaving, and getting dressed for his new life in the Bahamas, allowing the police to pull up outside his front door a good ten minutes before he walks out.

** ''Lucky You'': After subduing the two men who beat up and robbed her, [=JoLayne=] Lucks tries to understand why they did it in the first place:
*** Treating Chub's gunshot wound, she examines his unconscious face, and concludes, ''"if there was a telltale mark, a congenital feature identifying the man as a cruel sociopath, [=JoLayne=] couldn't find it. His face was no different than that of a thousand other white guys she knew, living out hard, fumbling lives - not all of them were impossible racists."''
*** When Bode Gazzer is lying on a beach, [[spoiler:bleeding to death from a stab wound inflicted by a stingray]], [=JoLayne=] pleads with him to stay awake and explain why he and his partner targeted her to beat up and rob. Bode retreats into half-baked racial assertions, ''"We believe in the supremacy of the white race, if that's what you mean. We believe the Bible preaches genetic p-p-purity."'' When [=JoLayne=] demands to know what she or any other black person ever did to him, he mumbles, ''"prison one time, there was a Negro that stole the magazines out from under my bunk... another time, they got my car stereo. Either them or Cubans for sure."''

* KarmicDeath: Hiaasen positively delights in dishing these out:

** ''Lucky You'': Bodean Gazzer, a self-proclaimed survivalist and militia leader, takes refuge on an uninhabited island in the Florida Keys to hide from the [[ConspiracyTheorist vast forces]] he believes are pursuing him; but being too lazy to do any actual research about Florida's wildlife, he [[spoiler:mistakes a stingray for a large grouper and kicks it - with fatal results.]]

*** It is also a recurring trope in Hiaasen's novels that the villains remain entirely oblivious to the folly or wrongness of their own actions, and so likewise oblivious to the irony of their own fates.

* MoralMyopia:
** ''Tourist Season'': Skip Wiley considers himself perfectly justified in kidnapping Kara Lynn Shivers and leaving her to die in an island explosion, but is shocked and outraged when Brian Keyes evens the score by bringing Wiley's girlfriend Jenna to the island, ensuring that all four of them will be killed.
** ''Lucky You'': Tom Krome's girlfriend, Katie Battenkill, is married to a Circuit Court Judge. Her husband, Arthur, has been cheating on her for years, but becomes a jealous maniac when Katie confesses her affair to him.
* MoralityPet: Hospice patient Maureen, for [[PsychoForHire Earl O'Toole]] in ''Skinny Dip''. Initially she's just a (not-entirely-voluntary) source for his fentanyl fix, but...

** ''Lucky You'': Thomas Paine Krome;

* TheNapoleon: Bode Gazzer in ''Lucky You'', is ''"five foot six and had never forgiven his parents for it."'' Literally ''everything'' that goes wrong with his life, he blames on his shortness, which he blames on his (equally short) parents.

* NeverMyFault: Bode Gazzer, the ConspiracyTheorist white supremacist villain of ''Lucky You'', has spent the entire 31 years of his life ''"perfecting the art of assigning blame..."''; His efforts at ImplausibleDeniability are the only funny things about his otherwise violent and racist actions:
--> ''By the time they'd reached Pearl Key, Bodean Gazzer and Chub were barely speaking. At issue was the newly-purchased marine chart of Florida Bay, which neither of them were able to decipher. Chub blamed Bode, and Bode blamed the mapmakers from the National Oceanic And Atmospheric Administration, who (he insisted) had purposely mislabeled the back-country channels to thwart the flight of survivalists... this time, Chub wasn't buying it.''

* NotSoHarmlessVillain: In ''Lucky You'', Bode and Chub's incoherent white-supremacist views (and their blinding stupidity on [[ArtisticLicenseGunSafety other topics]]) are pathetic enough to ''almost'' be funny, at least for the first few chapters. Then they give [=JoLayne=] a NoHoldsBarredBeatdown for the offense of being a black woman in possession of a winning lottery ticket. And [[KickTheDog threaten her turtles]] for good measure.

* NotUsedToFreedom: a subtle example in ''Lucky You''. Bodean James "Bode" Gazzer has ''"spent thirty-one years perfecting the art of assigning blame"'' for his sorry excuse for a life. When being the (legitimate) owner of a $14 million lottery ticket offers him an easy road to making all his dreams come true, he does everything in his imagination, consciously or unconsciously, to ''avoid'' collecting the prize, because he needs to bitch about how unfair life is to him the way other men need oxygen to breathe.

* NudityEqualsHonesty:
** In ''Lucky You'', [=JoLayne=] Lucks quickly gets the better of Tom Krome by forcing him, at gunpoint, to strip down and climb into her bathtub just as she's vacated it, while she questions him about his assignment to interview her for a newspaper story. He reflects that he's dealt with all manner of reluctant interviewees, but he's never felt so uniquely disarmed.
** In ''Sick Puppy'', Skink, needing more information about the dog and woman he's supposed to rescue, breaks into the home of their owner/husband, sleazebag lobbyist Palmer Stoat, and interrupts Stoat while he's in the shower by smashing the glass door, because, in his words, ''"in my experience, men who are buck naked and scared nutless tend to be more forthcoming. They tend to have better memories."''

* RoyalWe: subverted slightly; when a character wants to intimidate another, or dodge responsibility (or both), he or she will often use the Royal "We", claiming to be speaking on behalf of others. For instance, in ''Lucky You'', Tom Krome's ''"useless, dickless incompetent"'' editor, Sinclair, tries to use the royal "We" when rejecting Krome's pitch for an investigative story into the theft of the main character's lottery ticket; Krome recalls this as one of several ''"insipid tricks"'' taught at Sinclair's mid-level management school, on the ''"theory that a plural pronoun brought corporate muscle to an argument."''

* ShootTheDog: In ''Lucky You'', Bode Gazzer and Chub persuade [=JoLayne=] Lucks to confess where she hid her winning lottery ticket by shooting one of her pet turtles; later, their newest "recruit", Shiner, fires wildly at a sound in the night, wounding the paw of an innocent raccoon.

** The demise of the Everglades (''Lucky You'' and ''Skinny Dip'')

* SoapPunishment: In ''Lucky You'', there's a white supremacist whose nice liberal parents once washed his mouth out for saying the N-word. Now he can be as racist as he pleases, but he can't bring himself to utter the N-word, much to the amusement of the other white supremacists.

* SocietyIsToBlame: subverted to the Nth degree. In nearly all of Hiaasen's novels, there is at least one villainous or criminal character whose backstory makes clear that they started out with affectionate parents, good teachers, and no obvious trauma or temptation towards criminality, and yet they become criminals anyway, largely because they are too lazy to pay attention in school or hold legitimate jobs. In ''Lucky You'':
** ''Lucky You'':
*** Bode Gazzer's parents were both teachers, both earnestly tried to "interact" with him, and only inflicted corporal punishment on him once (for saying the n-word at age 12), yet he still turned out as a white supremacist thug, blaming everything wrong with his life on his parents, authority figures in general and the government in particular.
*** Likewise, Onus Dean Gillespie was born to reasonably affluent parents and all six of his older siblings attended Georgia State University, but Onus chose a "life of sloth, inebriation and illiteracy." After his parents disowned him, he took up his childhood nickname of "Chub", but was too lazy to think of a surname.
** ''Skink - No Surrender'': Richard remembers two of his classmates being arrested (separately) for petty burglaries, and reflects that their parents are both good, solid people, "so what happened?":
--->''That's a harsh fact in every school in every town. Not everyone wants to work hard, and not everyone has a wonderful life ahead. Certain kids are going to flame out in the grownup world-either crash and burn, or flop the old-fashioned, lazy way. Sad but true.''
* StalkerWithACrush: Chub from ''Lucky You'' is a notable one, towards a waitress who reminds him of Creator/KimBasinger.

** ''Lucky You'':
*** Bodean James "Bode" Gazzer is five-foot six inches tall and [[TheNapoleon compensates for it]] by wearing three-inch cowboy boots, and walking ''"with a swagger that suggested not brawn so much as hemmorhoidal tribulation."'' To his secret shame, his parents' SoapPunishment at age 12 left him incapable of saying the n-word.
*** Onus Dean Gillespie, a.k.a. Chub, is six-foot two inches tall, but beer-bellied, glue-sniffing, and emits a ''"damp, fungal reek."''
*** Shiner invents the word "swatch-ticker", but can't visualize the symbol, and asks Bode to draw one; Bode gets it wrong, but insists that ''"that's exactly how the Nasties done it."'' Amber privately reflects that the "militiamen" who have kidnapped her are ''"a pretty lame operation."''
*** As Bode is dying, Chub demands that he ''"act like an upright, God-fearing member of the white master race"'' and say the word "nigger" just once. Chub even offers to spell it for him - ''"N-I-G-E-R."''

** ''Double Whammy'' and ''Lucky You'' feature dishonest evangelists who fake miracles and use their audience's donations to run their business empires. A swipe at 1980's era "televangelists." The scammers in ''Lucky You'' are portrayed slightly more sympathetically, partly because they aren't exactly raking in the big bucks with their schemes.[[note]]They'd probably be better off getting real jobs, but they're generally too lazy, on the verge of BelievingTheirOwnLies, or both.[[/note]]

** ''Lucky You'':

* ThisIsReality: InUniverse. Near the climax of ''Lucky You'', the hapless wannabe-skinhead Shiner is confronted at gunpoint by [=JoLayne=] Lucks, who demands to know why he helped Bode Gazzer and Chub, who savagely beat her up and stole her lottery ticket. He mumbles that they offered him a place in their "brotherhood" (but not a share of the money), and he said "sure" because he thought it sounded cool. [=JoLayne=] offers to show him the bruises on her face, breasts and belly that his "brothers" inflicted on her, and he throws up.
** Likewise, when [=JoLayne=] and Tom Krome let him go to take Amber back to the mainland, he tries to make a show of bravado, and she reminds him (in case he forgot) that the second they see a telephone, she has every right to call the police and report that Shiner kidnapped her and delivered her to (almost) be raped by Bode and Chub. He throws up again.

** ''Lucky You'': Chub, once he has run out of glue to sniff, tries using pepper spray as an intoxicative inhalant - the resulting pain is so volcanic that he screams non-stop for 25 minutes, and vomits non-stop for 50.

* WindmillCrusader: ''Lucky You'': Bodean "Bode" Gazzer might honestly believe that the United States is about to be invaded by an army of NATO troops from secret bases in the Bahamas, and that he and other white supremacist militiamen (but mostly himself) will be the only thing able to preserve ''"the heart and soul of America."'' It's one of the reasons why he insists that half of a $28 million lottery jackpot isn't enough, and he and Chub "deserve" to have the other winning ticket as well (especially when it comes out that the holder of that second ticket is a black woman).

* YouWatchTooMuchX: Bode Gazzer, TheNapoleon of ''Lucky You'', gleaned from television that ''"humans as a species were growing taller with evolution"'', which is why he blames his height (5'6'') on his mother gobbling MSG during pregnancy and his father failing to stop her; the fact that both his parents are genetically short is irrelevant to him.

* InsaneTrollLogic: Bode Gazzer, the ConspiracyTheorist white supremacist of ''Lucky You'', inherited his teacher parents' rhetorical skills and added his own ''"boundless"'' creativity. His myriad theories would be funny if they didn't serve as justification for his chronic laziness and racist violence:
** Handicapped parking spaces are actually earmarked for the ''"blue-helmeted"'' NATO troops posed to invade the United States from hidden bases in the Bahamas;
** Seat belts were designed to keep patriotic Americans trapped in their cars when the invasion happens;
** Holiday airplane crashes are deliberately engineered by the FAA to ensure themselves Christmas bonuses;
** The NOAA has deliberately mislabeled nautical charts to prevent survivalists from finding refuge in the Florida Keys;
** The U.S. government is deliberately preventing ''"Christian white men"'' from winning the Florida lottery, which explains why Bode and Chub only won ''half'' of the $28 million jackpot, instead of the whole prize;
** Using [=JoLayne=] Lucks's stolen credit card at a gun show will send the show's ''"disguised ATF agents"'' on a wild goose chase after [=JoLayne=] (instead of making it ridiculously easy for [=JoLayne=] to track the men who assaulted and robbed her).

* DramaticallyMissingThePoint: ''Scat'': A corrupt oil executive is forced to halt his illegal drilling operation after an anonymous tipster reports a sighting of a Florida panther near his land. The officer from the U.S. Fish & Wildlife remarks that the animals are not only highly endangered, but also quite beautiful, and asks the executive if he's ever seen a picture of one. The man gripes that he's seen stuffed cougars, which are legal to shoot and kill out west, and he doesn't see why panthers should be any different; his project manager FacePalms internally, reflecting that his boss couldn't have come up with a dumber thing to say, or a worse person to say it to, if he'd had a week to think it over.

* ActorRoleConfusion: Crossed with RealityShow in ''Chomp'' and ''Razor Girl''. Both novels feature a LoonyFan who is severely disillusioned to learn just how much of their favorite "reality" series is scripted, rehearsed, and often outright faked.
** In ''Razor Girl'' in particular, the "star" of the ''Series/DuckDynasty'' ripoff ''Bayou Brethren'' is literally ''begging'' his StalkerWithACrush to believe him when he says the whole show is an act, that he's not a {{Deep South}}ern chicken farmer, he just plays one on TV - without success.

** ''Razor Girl'': Benny Krill, a "hopelessly incompetent" burglar earns the nickname "Blister" after backing into a serving bowl of hot soup while trying to burglarize the kitchen of a homeless shelter, causing ''"parboiled, abscessed buttocks"'';

* AsTheGoodBookSays:
** ''Lucky You'': as Bode is reading a white supremacist pamphlet that labels minorities as ''"descended from Satan"'', Amber asks him where it says that in the scriptures; since Bode ''"[hasn't] cracked a Bible since junior high"'', he makes up a quote from thin air;
** ''Razor Girl'': Busboy Winchell, after finding about $1,200 in cash dropped on the street ($600 if you believe his word), lost it all in a poker game on the same night;
--->'''Winchell''': Man, you can't never win if you don't take a chance. Even the Good Book says so.
--->'''Yancy''': [[DeadpanSnarker I'm pretty sure it doesn't.]]

** ''Razor Girl'': Brock Richardson, a wealthy class-action attorney whose main activity is hustling potential clients through TV commercials and then referring their cases to practicing attorneys, honestly believes he has the ''"gift of instant empathy"'' and enough powers of persuasion to convince a Mafia ''capo'' to return the diamond engagement ring he had stolen from Richardson in the first place, free of charge. The outcome is predictably humiliating.

** On the other hand, several of Hiaasen's characters move to Florida expecting it to fulfill most of the Deep South archetypes, only to be severely disillusioned by some communities' ethnic diversity and tolerance of minorities and liberal politics, especially in South Florida;
*** ''Lucky You'': Bode Gazzer, a self-proclaimed white supremacist and militia leader, has become ''"thoroughly fed up with Miami. Everywhere you turned there were goddamn foreigners, and when you came across a real, English-speaking white person, there was a better-than-even chance he'd turn out to be a Jew, or some ultra-liberal screamer."'' He starts to fantasize about Idaho as a promised land for white supremacists, where the ''"minorities... were more docile and easily intimidated."''
*** In ''Razor Girl'', the Romburg brothers, born in Whitefish Bay, Wisconsin, reinvent themselves as "Buck Nance and the Brawlers", a redneck accordion band, ''"eager to gain a following in the South"'' after becoming ''"disenchanted with the so-called progressive elements on the rise in Wisconsin politics."''
*** When they are cast as rural chicken farmers in a ''Series/DuckDynasty'' imitation, they undergo a "makeover" to play up to redneck stereotypes: in addition to their long, flowing beards, they are taught to speak with Cajun accents, shoot guns and ride motorcycles, and have their normally shiny teeth darkened and chipped (their director also prohibits them from brushing while the show is being filmed).
*** During a break in filming, the show's producers note that South Florida, ''"due to its diversity"'' is one of the markets where the show is least popular, and sends the eldest brother, Buck Nance (f.k.a. Matthew Romburg) to make a public appearance in Key West. Not recognizing the demographic of his audience, he starts telling homophobic and racist jokes, starting a riot that sends him fleeing in terror for his life.
*** In an interview, Hiaasen remarked, ''"Being a white guy from the South, I find it amazing that so many TV viewers are enchanted by beards, bad dentistry and moonshine accents. Also there's this false notion that this is a regional phenomenon, when in fact every state in the union has hardcore rednecks. No exceptions."''

** ''Razor Girl'': Benny Krill earns the nickname "Blister" after scalding his buttocks in a pot of hot soup while trying to burglarize the kitchen of a homeless shelter.

* EvenEvilHasStandards:
** In ''Tourist Season'', the main bad guy tells Brian Keyes they're going to "violate the most sacred virgin in all Miami", but when Brian immediately assumes rape, [[RapeIsASpecialKindOfEvil the bad guy is disgusted Brian would think such a thing of him]].
** Dominick "Big Noogie" Aeola in ''Razor Girl'' is probably the nicest Mafia ''capo'' you could ever meet:
*** When Martin Trebeaux employs the ComfortAnimal scam to get himself and Big Noogie preferred seating on an airplane, Big Noogie calls him ''"the scum of the scum"''; though not a pet lover himself, even Big Noogie is disgusted when, after Trebeaux's fake service dog wanders off, Trebeaux shrugs off the loss and proposes picking up a new one on the way to the airport.
*** Big Noogie retrieves the original service dog himself and adopts it; though he does this mainly to please his girlfriend, he finds himself enjoying the complimentary attention from passers-by in Key West and makes sure to order extra bacon at breakfast for the dog.
*** Walking to a meeting on the beach without a beach umbrella, he buys a spare from an elderly tourist couple; they would have given it to him for free, but he insists on paying for it.

** Merry Mansfield, the title character of ''Razor Girl'', spends an evening with the talent agent whose car she purposely crashed into, and watches a Website/YouTube video of his client trying to win over the crowd in a Key West bar with racist, homophobic jokes:
--->'''Merry''': The dude's a total homophobe! Also a bigot.
--->'''Lane Coolman''': There's a culture gap, that's all.
--->'''Merry''': No, it's a ''decency'' gap, Bob! Your client's a flaming a-hole! What's the matter with you? I'm so disappointed.
--->''Coolman had received other morality lectures, though never from a professional criminal.''

* ExcrementStatement: ''Razor Girl'': Benny "Blister" Krill, insulted that a California talent agency has sent a vice president instead of the chairman to Florida to negotiate with him, emphasizes his right to ''"respect"'' by taking the proposed deal memorandum, wiping his ass with it, then returning it to the vice president's briefcase.
* ExpectationLowerer: InUniverse examples.
** ''Bad Monkey'': Patrolman and ''"local bubba"'' Sonny Summers became the frontrunner in the Monroe County Sheriff's election after the two leading candidates were indicted on separate charges, simply because, in the laid-back atmosphere of the Florida Keys, it's not that hard to shine by comparison with the rest of the police department:
--->''Sonny Summers had received numerous commendations for not fucking up on the job. He was well-groomed, and diligent about his paperwork. He never took his girlfriends on dates in his squad car and smoked pot only on his days off.''
** ''Razor Girl'': the creators of the RealityShow ''Bayou Brethren'' have intentionally targeted two different fan bases: half are ''"cynically amused by the boorish culture"'' of the stars; the other half identify with it.

* TheGhost: In ''Razor Girl'', Buck and Crystal Nance, the stars of the RealityShow ''Bayou Brethren'', have two adult sons who are not interested in appearing on the show, and so are never mentioned while the cameras are rolling. Most of the series' fans have no idea that they even exist.

* HumanResources: to Hiaasen's villainous characters, people (especially "lesser" people) are not people
** ''Razor Girl'': after his restaurant goes bankrupt, salad chef Prawney works out, shaves his head and gets hired as a bodyguard; he DoesntLikeGuns and has never thrown a punch in his life, but is much in demand with his security company's clients, because ''"white celebrities always wanted big, shiny black muscle. It was a status thing."''

* KarmicJackpot: In ''Razor Girl'', Andrew Yancy notices a stray dog wander into traffic and dashes after it; it turns out to belong to Mafia ''capo'' "Big Noogie" Aeola, who is not a pet lover himself, but is wary enough of his girlfriend's reaction if the dog was lost that he promises Yancy a future favor; Yancy calls it in to finally secure ownership of the lot neighboring his home, on which the previous owners have been trying to build eyesore ''"[=McMansions=]"''.
* KickedUpstairs: ''Razor Girl'': after the ''"major disappointment"'' of the pilot episode of the RealityShow ''Bayou Brethren'', the network vice president who thought viewers would find pig farming fun to watch is ''"summarily promoted to a more harmless position."''

** ''Razor Girl'' was inspired by a real-life incident of Megan Barnes, who crashed her car on the Florida Overseas Highway after taking her hands off the wheel to shave her bikini zone.
* LovableRogue:
** Bud and Danny begin ''Native Tongue'' a just a pair of incompetent, [[ButtMonkey unlucky]] white trash burglars OnlyInItForTheMoney and the resident ButtMonkey's, but ultimately prove to be dependable allies (to a point), with Danny getting caught up in the environmentalism of their employer and Bud wanting to [[OneLastJob start over if they make enough money]].
** Merry Mansfield, the title character of ''Razor Girl'': her "profession" is deliberately crashing into cars on the highway, distracting their drivers long enough for them to be abducted by loan sharks or mafiosos they owe money to, but all of her "targets" are sleazeballs (even the one she hits by accident), and she is very proud of the fact that she never injures any of them in the crash; when one of her targets is caught with his pet cat for company, she offers to refund her entire fee to the mob if they promise not to hurt it.

* NoAccountingForTaste: In ''Razor Girl'', attorney Brock Richardson represents the plaintiffs in a class-action suit against a ''"combination deodorant and testosterone wipe"''; the defendants included Creator/BenAffleck, who lent his voice to the TV commercials, but Affleck was dismissed from the suit by a judge who happened to be ''"a die-hard fan of ''Film/{{Gigli}}''."''

** ''Star Island'': pop star Cheryl Gail Bunterman debuted her stage name "Cherry Pye" at age 14, just before being cast in a Nickelodeon made-for-TV movie (her mother invented the name; her father suggested "Cherry Pop");
** ''Razor Girl'': Reality show star Buck Nance's mistress goes by the "porny name of Miracle" (her real name is never revealed)
* {{The Power of Language}}: as a news reporter, Hiaasen has experienced, and explores, this trope to the fullest:
** ''Tourist Season'': To Skip Wiley, terrorism is just an extreme form of P.R. campaign:
--->''What grabs the headlines? Murder, mayhem, and madness! The three cardinal 'M's of the newsroom!''
** ''Razor Girl'': As part of his act as a RealityShow ''"redneck chicken plucker"'', Matthew Romburg/Buck Nance gives phony sermons at a phony church to a phony congregation; some of his "sermons" are too coarse and racist even for the show, so instead they get bootlegged on Website/YouTube and attract plenty of views from the show's more racist fans. To Matthew/Buck, it is all fake, and he is genuinely horrified when his self-proclaimed biggest fan decides to "impress" him by committing a hate crime that kills an innocent Muslim tourist;

* {{Refuge in Audacity}}:
** ''Bad Monkey'': Medicare fraudster Nicholas Stripling goes the extra mile when [[spoiler:faking his own death, by having his arm amputated and arranging for it to be found in Florida. The protagonist's girlfriend, a coroner, admits that while more than a few con artists are willing to give up a finger, giving up a whole arm is ''"a new one."'' Stripling himself boasts about the ''"jumbo-sized cojones"'' it took for him to go through with the amputation, but it's fairly clear from the narrative that his decision was less about bravery than his sheer terror of going to prison.]]
** Merry Mansfield, the title character of ''Razor Girl'', has perfected a ''"signature"'' crime, crashing into cars on purpose while holding a safety razor and having her pants partially pulled down, pretending to have been distracted by giving herself a bikini shave ''while driving''. Since her "targets" are always men, they cannot help but be distracted long enough to be snatched by Merry's employers. As she explains to Lane Coolman:
--->'''Coolman''': Why not just wear a super-short skirt for the crash? The snatch-shaving thing, that's pretty twisted.\\
'''Merry''': These days you need more than a great pair of legs, Bob. You need to boggle their little minds.
*** Likewise, she is quite upfront with both Coolman and Andrew Yancy about her work as a con artist, knowing that if they try to turn her in, no one would believe them.

** ''Razor Girl'': Miami attorney Brock Richardson gives his fiancee an engagement ring set with a $200,000 diamond, but since it was originally sized for his previous fiancee, it falls off her finger and is lost almost immediately; naturally he was too lazy or too cheap to insure it.

* RoyalWe: subverted slightly; when a character wants to intimidate another, or dodge responsibility (or both), he or she will often use the Royal "We", claiming to be speaking on behalf of others:
** ''Lucky You'': Tom Krome's "useless, dickless incompetent" editor, Sinclair, tries to use the royal "We" when rejecting Krome's pitch for an investigative story into the theft of the main character's lottery ticket; Krome recalls this as one of several "insipid tricks" taught at Sinclair's mid-level management school, on the "theory that a plural pronoun brought corporate muscle to an argument."
** ''Razor Girl'': Talent agent Jon David "Amp" Ampergrodt, sensing that his subordinate, Coolman, is angling to assume a more prestigious credit on their star client's reality show, tries to reject his request: "Associate producer, that's the best we can do for you."

* SmoothTalkingTalentAgent: ''Razor Girl'': Lane Coolman, reality television star Buck Nance's agent, plays every role necessary to keep his client happy ("manager, confidante, pimp, shepherd"), but his "laser focus" on Buck's well-being is strictly limited to his status as Coolman's "meal ticket"; when Buck disappears in Key West, Coolman finds the possibility of him being dead less troubling than the possibility that he has found another agent; called to a crime scene to view what he believes is going to be Buck's dead body, Coolman bitterly reflects, "self-destruction was acceptable in show business when your career was tanking, but not while you're starring in America's hottest cable show."

* SocietyIsToBlame: subverted to the Nth degree. In nearly all of Hiaasen's novels, there is at least one villainous or criminal character whose backstory makes clear that they started out with affectionate parents, good teachers, and no obvious trauma or temptation towards criminality, and yet they become criminals anyway, largely because they are too lazy to pay attention in school or hold legitimate jobs:

** ''Razor Girl'': Benny "Blister" Krill has several siblings with legitimate jobs and healthy lifestyles, but Benny becomes a "hopelessly incompetent" burglar; his mother claims that his brain was affected from breathing toxic fumes from a paper mill upwind of their home, but none of his siblings seem to have been affected.

* StalkerWithACrush:
** Chub from ''Lucky You'' is a notable one, towards a waitress who reminds him of Creator/KimBasinger.
** Benny "Blister" Krill towards Buck Nance in ''Razor Girl'' (the protagonist describes his infatuation as a ''"man crush"'');

** ''Razor Girl'': Buck Nance (f.k.a. Matthew Romburg) inherited his father's racist views, but admits privately that being the star of a ''Series/DuckDynasty''-based RealityShow has exposed him to ''"many white fans who were poor advertisements for a master race[.]"'' His self-proclaimed biggest fan, Benny "Blister" Krill, ''"[stands] out as one of the worst specimens he'd ever met--stupid, reckless, dirty and delusional. And that's when he was stone sober."''

** ''Razor Girl'' is a swipe at "reality" TV shows and the dangers of rabid fanbases taking said shows too seriously.

* ThereShouldBeALaw: In ''Razor Girl'', RealityShow star Buck Nance's bootleg "sermons" are too racist to be aired on his show but find their way onto [=YouTube=] and are eagerly devoured by the show's hardcore fans, at least one of whom tries to impress Buck by committing a hate crime in Key West that ends with the death of a Muslim tourist. The protagonist, Andrew Yancy, is profoundly depressed that Buck is ''"a septic inspiration to impressionable mouth breathers"'', yet there is no law that will hold him accountable for the actions of his fans.
** PlayedWith in ''Double Whammy'': there ''is'' a law that punishers reckless boaters who kill manatees, but the fine imposed is so paltry that the law's deterrent value is practically nil, especially to out-of-state tourists who can claim ignorance of it; during his governorship, Clinton "Skink" Tyree campaigned for a law that would have required any offender to immediately forfeit his boat (whether it was a dinghy or a full-size motor yacht) and either pay a $10,000 fine or go to jail for 45 days, ''and'' bury the dead manatee himself at a public ceremony.

** ''Razor Girl'':

** ''Squeeze Me'':

* {{Viewers Are Morons}}: InUniverse.
** ''Double Whammy'': After successfully launching his evangelical TV show, the Reverend Charles Weeb creates the "Outdoor Christian Network", based on a simple formula of ''"religion, hunting, fishing, farm stock reports and country music awards shows."'' Even Weeb is astonished by how popular and profitable it turns out to be, reflecting ''"it confirmed everything he had ever said about the state of the human race."''
*** Weeb spends an evening with a star-struck lap dancer, who says her whole family watches his show every Sunday and offers him $200 and a blowjob in exchange for a prayer to cure her father's gout; Weeb thinks, ''"it's true what they say about the power of television."''
** ''Razor Girl'': the creators of the RealityShow ''Bayou Brethren'', about a family of rural chicken farmers, deliberately target ''"a fandom with two distinct segments: those who were cynically amused by the boorish culture of the Nance Clan, and those who identified with it."'' Both segments seem unaware that the show is entirely fake, and the redneck "Nance brothers" were actually born in a suburb of Milwaukee, attended college, and toured the South as an accordion band before being cast on the show.

** ''Squeeze Me'': Angie Armstrong is a professional wildlife wrangler, and usually declines assistance, since in her experience ''"large men are usually terrified of snakes."''

* WorstNewsJudgmentEver:
** Hiaasen frequently excoriates the media, including his own newspaper, for feeding the public's appetite for meaningless "news", especially celebrity news. In a column for ''The Miami Herald'', he wrote about the media's coverage of the trial and arrest of Creator/OJSimpson:
--->''The smelly stuff that was once left to the capable vultures at the ''Star'' and the ''Enquirer'' is now front-page fodder in your hometown newspaper and the lead story on the six o'clock news.''

* YourApprovalFillsMeWithShame: Buck Nance, the star of ''[[RealityShow Bayou Brethren]]'', has met ''"many white fans who were poor advertisements for a master race"'', his self-proclaimed biggest fan, Blister Krill, is such a vile specimen that Buck starts to question continuing with his TV career; then Blister commits a hate crime that kills an innocent Muslim bystander and stabs a police officer, both based on what he believes are Buck's "teachings." [[spoiler:at the end of the novel, Buck quits television, reverts to his birth name and moves back to his hometown of Milwaukee to open a music store.]]

* ''Tourist Season''
* ''Double Whammy''
* ''Skin Tight''
* ''Native Tongue''
* ''Strip Tease''
* ''Stormy Weather''
* ''Lucky You''
* ''Sick Puppy''
* ''Basket Case''
* ''Skinny Dip''
* ''Nature Girl''
* ''Star Island''
* ''Bad Monkey''
* ''Razor Girl''
* ''Squeeze Me''

* ''Hoot''
* ''Flush''
* ''Scat''
* ''Chomp''
* ''Skink: No Surrender''
* ''Squirm''

* WomenAreWiser: Lisa June Peterson, the governor’s executive assistant in ''Sick Puppy'', was initially HiredForHerLooks, but her ''"unexpected and dazzling competency"'' quickly advanced her to being the governor's right hand. She is well aware that the governor, and most or all of the men who hold power in the state government, are corrupt, womanizing alcoholics, but she chooses to see the positive side:

** Averted in ''Flush'': when Noah's sister Abbey manages to temporarily subdue [[TheBully Jasper Muleman, Jr.'s]] cohort, he tells her to run, knowing that ''"Jasper, Jr. was a vicious punk who wouldn't think twice about beating up a girl half his size."''

* MachoMasochism: UpToEleven in ''Skin Tight''. Reynaldo Flemm (an {{Expy}} of Geraldo Rivera), the shock television journalist, is less famous for his "skills" as an investigative reporter than his willingness to get beaten up on camera; at one point he confides to his producer that his secret fantasy is to [[RealMenGetShot get shot on camera]], and to continue broadcasting while being loaded into an ambulance. When said producer is nearly killed during a gunfight, Reynaldo is so jealous that he decides to go one better by scheduling a procedure with the crooked doctor the team is investigating, planning for his cameraman to ambush the doctor during the surgery. It doesn't end well.

** Hiaasen frequently excoriates the media, including his own newspaper, for feeding the public's appetite for meaningless "news", especially celebrity news. In a column for ''The Miami Herald'', he wrote about the media's coverage of the trial and arrest of Creator/OJSimpson: ''The smelly stuff that was once left to the capable vultures at the ''Star'' and the ''Enquirer'' is now front-page fodder in your hometown newspaper and the lead story on the six o'clock news.''