This is discussion archived from a time before the current discussion method was installed.
Working Title: Dont You Dare Pity Me: From YKTTW
Gemmifer: Just curious: Do you think that pity is truly an affront to a sufferer's dignity? I never felt that way. I think that the ability to pity and feel with someone is very important and it is the one reason we feel the need to help others. It's not condescending, it's human.
Goldfritha: That's the way it's treated in many stories.
And it can be condescending.
How and where it is delivered has a big effect. Pity is more likely to be accepted if delivered one-on-one in private that if delivered in front of a crowd in public.
The Fedora Pirate: Yes, it is. It's condescending. Hence the similarities between 'pity' and 'pitiful'.
Double D: Ah, but isn't 'pitiful' a derivative from 'pity'?
Sunder The Gold: Feeling pity isn't condescending, it's human. How is "being moved by compassion for another's plight" any different from "feeling pity for their plight?"
True, people can be blind in their pity. They can be insensitive in their attempts to be sensitive. But that doesn't mean that compassion itself is condescending. Not unless you think all love is selfish.
However it's delivered, the subjects of pity likely hate acts of compassion (mercy, pity) because of shame at their own weakness or misfortune. Pride cannot abide the compassion of others, because weakness is humbling.
We have tropes like Love Makes You Evil, right? Because we can all agree that love is a good thing — but we also recognize that sometimes, people can pursue misguided infatuation, and even the best romantic love can go unrequited. In the same way, we should agree that compassion/pity is love for others, but that people can bungle acts of mercy, and even the best compassion can be spurned.
I feel that the Trope of Pride is cast too nobly, and this trope of Pity is cast too ignobly.
Gemmifer: Exactly. How is one supposed to help others if one doesn't feel pity? Only because of abstract principles of wrong and right?
Sunder The Gold: There's also a difference between Pity and Contempt. When you are in a position of strength, and find someone in a position of weakness, you either feel sorry for them, or despise them — love them or hate them. A selfish person who feels contempt for those weaker than himself will probably expect those stronger than him to feel contempt for him, and see any pity from them as contempt. This is another reason why some people just can't stand pity — because those unfortunate people don't understand Pity, only Contempt.
Goldfritha: Are people entitled to self-pity because their pity is not appreciated as much as they would like?
If they are so concerned about other people, why is what they like such a concern?
Goldfritha: No renames without discussion.
