Uatu the Watcher decides to bring on the funnies for once with a look at some goofy alternate realities.
He begins by explaining the difference between 'imaginary stories' and 'alternate realities', with the latter being a story with a demonstrable point of difference between the main timeline, and the former being just exploring the results of a concept without caring about how it happened. As demonstrations of 'imaginary stories', he shows off panels of the Fantastic Four's powers being given to bananas (resulting in one long banana, one rocky banana, one invisible banana, and one banana on fire), Odin being Peter's uncle Ben (Peter went into the entertainment industry, since there's no way some random burglar would be able to kill Odin), Donald Blake and Tony Stark being brothers (their Sibling Rivalry extends to Tony stealing Mjolnir in walking stick form and Don taking Tony's armor suitcase), Aunt May being Ant-Man (the family would be so buggy, they'd move into a roach motel), and Spider-Man marrying Spider-Woman (Jessica Drew), with his Rogues Gallery attending and noting that he'd planned to marry Black Widow before he saw what she'd planned for their honeymoon.
As examples of alternate timelines, Uatu gives Reed Richards accepting their postman Willie Lumpkin's offer to join the team (it quickly spiraled out of control, with ridiculous powers soon becoming an entry requirement), Captain America remaining Nomad (he gets annoyed that now all the Captain America comics are reprints), Rick Jones abandoning Captain Marvel in the negative zone (Captain Marvel spends his time invisibly and intangibly glaring at Rick, ruining his dates), and Nick Fury wearing his eyepatch on his other eye (he's annoyed because he can't use the LMDs with his classic look).
Next there's What If Ghost Rider had possessed somebody else, resulting in him riding a flaming wheelchair, pair of skates, and baby carriage. Then, What If everyone who had become an Avenger remained an Avenger, which results in serious overkill when the massive team all respond to mundane threats. Next page, What if Him had married Her (they have Them as kids and a dog named Bartholomew), What If Black Bolt got the hiccups (the page image for Hiccup Hijinks), and What If Galactacus ate the Earth (Exactly What It Says on the Tin).
Kazar gets a short story about being an accountant instead of a savage, and then it's back to one-panel gags: Hulk being yellow (he declares that this does not mean he's chicken), the Invisible Girl dying her hair (only her hairdresser would ever know), Power Man being white, and The Thing being blue (which makes him constantly sad). Then there's panels showing what if Captain Marvel, the Phoenix, and Elektra hadn't died- Marvel happily flies around the solar system, Jean Grey goes on a movie date with Cyclops (they're watching 'Ordinary People'), and Elektra decides to go straight after escaping Bullseye.
Short stories return with Dazzler as a stand-up comedienne rather than a rock star, Marvel Comics going for a more intellectual bent (resulting in Spider-Man talking down the Mad Thinker), and then to short 'imaginary story' gags with Willie Lumpkin as a Herald of Galactacus (resulting in the Fantastic Four receiving some surprisingly low-key declarations of Galactacus's arrival), The Ghost Rider having a fast-food franchise ("Have it my way... or else!"), and all of New York's superheroes moving to Toledo (they're very bored).
Uatu then spends a page watching other Watchers, before showing off Howard the Duck forming his own super-team of animals (Devil Dinosaur, Redwing, Zabu, Emma, Aragorn, Dragon Man, and Lockjaw), Thor with a Swedish accent, Cyclops having ear-beams instead of Eye Beams, Rule 63 of Wonder Man and Power Man (DC threatens lawsuits), Black Bolt being a rock star (it's exactly as bad an idea as you think), Daredevil being deaf instead of blind (he can't properly hear villains yelling at him), the production crew's Marvel Universe versions (except Tom DeFalco, who edited the issue and as such doesn't have to embarrass himself), Tony Stark owning an automotive business and becoming a Transformer (technically, the Invincible Limo-Man), the Fantastic Four with Sue Storm and Ben Grimm's powers swapped, Moon Knight getting his multiple identities mixed up, Uatu with hair, the Alpha Flight talking like stereotypical Canadians, multiple white-wearing heroes (Silver Surfer, White Tiger, Night Rider, Iceman, and Moon Knight) fought Wendigo in a blizzard (the panel is blank white), and Black Panther fighting the Shroud in a coal mine (a black panel).
Back in short stories, we see Moon Knight with three civilian identities even crazier than usual- Charles Guckman, an exterminator who uses Kill It with Fire and No Kill like Overkill, Murray Bushbaum, who makes fur coats out of the rats that Guckman kills and steals purses, and Ned Coldguts, who works for Marvel and sometimes wishes he could blow up his coworkers with plastic explosives- and King Conan becoming Bing Conan.
In goofy panels, Black Bolt proves a bad talk-show host, the Hulk is defeated by modesty when his pants get shredded, the Leader is a pest to sit behind in movie theaters, Aunt May is shown as three superheroes (Iron Man/"Golden Oldie", Ant-Aunt, and Iceman/"Auntie-Freeze"), the Fantastic Four showcase why the unstable molecules Hand Wave is necessary, the Hulk marries She-Hulk (with a page-long comic about their kid), Norrin Radd refuses to become the Silver Surfer and escapes an exploding Zenn-La, Dazzler becomes a singing lawyer, and Luke Cage becomes Thor.
- Thor Cage: By the gleamin' gates of funky Asgard, you suckas are gonna eat hammer!
Next, there's the story of the Masters of the Mystic Arts as stage magicians, with Baron Mordo doing a 'saw the Ancient One in half' trick, Dr. Strange stopping him with doves, and Dormammu telling Strange to Pick a Card, followed by Bnoxi the clown as various superheroes. Then it returns to one-panel scenarios, with Daredevil not being blind (he notices how scary his Rogues Gallery look and quits), Thor getting a haircut, Black Widow marrying Spider-Man (she eats him), a short story where Iron Man is fat instead of drunk, Dr. Doom with a sense of humor, Galactacus needing quick cash and pawning the Silver Surfur, and finally:
What If... Stan Lee read this issue? He'd fire everyone who worked on it.
What if... this issue was troped?
- Hiccup Hijinks: The current page image. Black Bolt with hiccups is a recipe for disaster.
- Invisible Streaker: Defied. Even if Sue's powers don't include her clothing, she's not stripping.Sue Storm: All of me turns invisible... but Gypsy Rose Lee
I'm not! - Magic Pants/My Suit Is Also Super: A few gags are about what happens without clothing hand-waves. Hulk gets embarrassed when his pants are destroyed, Reed looks ridiculous without his suit stretching, Sue refuses to strip for her invisibility to work, and Johnny is naked as soon as he flames off. He asks for at least some asbestos underwear.
- Silent Bob: There's a lot of gags about Black Bolt's silence.
- You Wanna Get Sued?: Lawyers from the Distinguished Ccompetition advise Marvel not to do the 'What If... Wonder Man was a woman, and Power Man was a girl?' gag.
