Fanfic / Blood Meridian with extra sprinkles

At the end of Blood Meridian, The Judge killed The Man offscreen and no one really knows how he did it, except for me. Now I am uploading what happened in order to enlighten everyone of McCarthy's lost work.

— The opening lines of the fic

Blood Meridian with extra sprinkles is a Blood Meridian fanfiction published on Archive of Our Own. Being a Crack Fic, it takes large liberties with the original novel and setting, drastically changes The Man's backstory, and features a super-powered Garfield as The Man's comrade. It was published on December 18, 2023.

The Man and The Judge have one final conversation, before they both engage in a copiously violent battle that reveals their various superpowers. They both find that they severely underestimated one another and have to resort to their wits to win the final battle.

Before you read it, keep in mind that it's meant to be nonsensical and trying to make sense of it will actually hurt your brain.

Read it here.

Has examples of

• Adaptation Deviation: The Man is a diabetic in the fanfic, but this wasn't in the original novel.
• Ambiguously Human: In a twist, it's The Man who is revealed to be a non-human. Despite his appearance, he showcases many abilities that suggest otherwise, and in the climax it's revealed that his true identity is a Saiyan. However, given how The Judge tried to kamehameha in the first act, it's possible The Judge is a Saiyan too.
• Adaptational Personality Change: The Man is upbeat, jovial, a limitless bundle of joy and nearly impossible to let down.
• Adaptational Species Change: The Man was a human in the original novel. Here, he is a Pokémon, a hedgehog, and a Saiyan.
• Adaptational Superpower Change:
  • The Man uses a Chaos Emerald to blast the Judge and throw him across the wall.
  • Judge Holden is a Stand user, specifically his stand is Star Platinum. This would mean by extension he also has Dio's timefreezing powers.
  • Garfield is a warrior skilled at performing punches, kicks and uppercuts, and can also shapeshift into a rocket. The Man summoned him into battle thanks to a spellbook.
• The Bad Guy Wins: Even though The Man has the upper hand for most of the fight, Judge Holden kills him using a corn chip, before dancing and chanting that he will never die.
• Big Stupid Doo Doo Head: The Judge exclaims that "diabetes is gayer than war". The Man retorts by saying that the Judge is "gayer than diabetes".
• Blood from the Mouth:
  The Judge then used his super speed to run up to The Man and proceeded to punch him one million times in the span of a split second, causing The Man to cough up grape jelly looking blood.
• Blue Blood: The Judge was once again flung into another wall. The force behind the attack caused the Judge to cough up blue raspberry flavored blood.
• The Cameo: At the end, Cormac McCarthy himself appears and gives his thoughts on the fanfic.
• Comically Small Bribe: Judge Holden says that if The Man gives in to the side of war and hatred, he can have an Oreo cookie.
• Creator Thumbprint: Like Charles Manson Vs The Teletubbies and Prince Heinel Vs The Barney Bunch (same author), this fanfic flanderizes all the characters into gratituously violent manchildren.
• Crunchtastic: Judge Holden, after knocking down The Man, begins "smirking the biggest smirk down in smirktown.".
• Dies Differently In The Adaptation: The Man eventually dies when Judge Holden throws a corn chip (his ultimate weakness) at him.
• A Dog Named "Dog": It is heavily implied The Man's name is Man, considering how he's a Pokemon and yells out “MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN” as he emits a thunder shock attack.
• Exactly What It Says on the Tin:
  The Man then sat down and started drinking a nice tall can of Mountain Dew. “It’s the Mountain Dewiest” said The Man happily.
• Hero of Another Story: Garfield. After he gives The Man the Lasagna Gauntlets, he announces he must battle with Chaos Eater Jon Arbuckle and then turns into a rocket ship before blasting off to the cosmos.
• Ironic Name: The Man's name is The Man, but is anything but human. The fic eventually settles on calling him a Saiyan, despite claiming that he was a Pokemon and a Hedgehog before.
• Mundane Made Awesome: The lasagna gauntlets are in fact a pair of boxing gloves made of lasagna, but when The Man wields them he inflicts heavy damage on Judge Holden. Judge Holden has to summon Star Platinum to put an end to them.
• Plot Hole: Cormac McCarthy can't keep his thoughts on this fic consistent.
  What really happened is that as The Man turned into his Super Saiyan form, The Judge prepared to use his ultra secret attack, an attack so secret that no one even knows it exists. An attack so secret that not even Cormac McCarthy knew the Judge had this in his arsenal until now.
  Cormac McCarthy then read my fanfic before shedding a tear and saying “finally, someone who truly gets what Blood Meridian was all about” before highfiving me and adopting me as his son.
• Politically Incorrect Hero: The Man uses "gay"/"gayer" as an insult and even uses the soft n-word while praying to God.
• Power Dyes Your Hair: The Man gains long, spiky blonde hair when he turns into a Super Saiyan.
• Shout-Out:
  • To Sailor Moon
  Garfield pointed at the Judge dramatically before doing a Sentai pose and said “in the name of Lasagna, you shall be punished.”
  • The Man is able to use Chaos Emeralds and Amy Rose's Piko Piko Hammer, whereas Judge Holden uses the Donkey Kong hammer. This is possibly a nod to the Fandom Rivalry between Sega and Nintendo (the respective parent companies of those games).
• War Is Glorious: Judge Holden espouses war as glorious and tries to convince The Man to agree with him.
  “GIVE INTO WAR AND HATRED!” said The Judge before bashing The Man.

  “NEVER! WAR IS GAY!” said The Man before bashing The Judge.

  “DO IT!” said the Judge before bashing The Man.

  “WAR IS SUPER ULTRA GAY” said The Man before bashing the Judge.

  “IF YOU GIVE INTO WAR AND ALL ITS GLORY, YOU CAN HAVE AN OREO COOKIE” said The Judge before bashing the Man.

  “I’M DIABETIC” said the Man before bashing The Judge.

  “DIABETES IS GAYER THAN WAR” said The Judge before bashing The Man.

  “YOU ARE GAYER THAN DIABETES” said The Man before bashing The Judge.
• War Is Hell: Well, sort of. The Man believes that war is "super ultra gay".
• Wolverine Publicity: In the "Relationships" tag of the fic, the author puts "The concept of existence x a chicken tender". However, this pairing actually never shows up in the fic.