Author's Note is a Crack Fic published on Archive of Our Own published on December 5, 2023. It is a satire on fanfictions as a whole. Like everything else written by the author (of Charles Manson Vs The Teletubbies fame), it is, from the start to the finish, a complete Crack Fic that runs on Insane Troll Logic. It is crude, over the top and even offensive at times, but what stands out is that almost after every sentence, there is an "author's note" (added in brackets) that adds further context to the situation.
The plot (if you can even call it that) starts with Sonic the Hedgehog and Knuckles the Echidna going to KFC on their spaceship. Unfortunately, the restaurant falls victim to a robbery. Sonic and Knuckles won't stand for this, and make him pay.
Be prepared for your mind to actually go numb if you try to make any sense of it. Also, if you took a drink every time the word "author's note" was mentioned, you would die.
Read it here
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Has examples of
- 20 Minutes into the Future: According to the very second "author's note".Author's Note: This fic takes place in the year 3000 and Sonic the Hedgehog had his brain implanted in a dildo so he could live forever.
- Adaptation Species Change: In the original franchise, Sonic was a hedgehog and Knuckles was an echidna. Here, Sonic is a dildo (though he doesn't do anything sexual) and Knuckles is a rock with googly eyes attached to it.
- Adaptational Nationality: Sonic is Italian here.Sonic looked over and said “hello-a Knuckles, what-a is-a up?” (author’s note: Sonic also switched nationalities with Mario thanks to Shigeru Miyamoto being tossed into the fires of Tartarus).
- Adaptational Villainy: Sonic murders a man for stealing wallets, even though in the original series he was an All-Loving Hero. Though to be fair, that guy was also the King of Hell.
- Alien Among Us: Colonel Sanders. He was recently outed as a Martian wearing human skin, (although the mustache is real) and has a KFC on Mars.
- All Men Are Perverts: The first sentence alone.One bright and sunny day, Sonic the Hedgehog (Author’s Note: This fic takes place in the year 3000 and Sonic the Hedgehog had his brain implanted in a dildo so he could live forever) was walking down the road until he spied his friend Knuckles (author’s note: in this continuity, Knuckles is a rock with googly eyes glued to him and instead of guarding the Master Emerald, he guards a stash of panties he stole from Rouge the Bat).
- Ambiguously Evil: Steve Jobs. Sure, he's the King of Hell, but he tries to steal everyone's wallets. That would be evil, if it wasn't for the fact that this fic establishes that wallets are actually parasites that drain their owner's life force. Hence him coming off as an unintentional hero.
- Ambiguously Gay: Burt Reynolds. He willingly took a bet where he could shove 1,000 planets up his ass, but lost at 999. Whether he did it because he liked the idea, or because he wanted to win the bet, is unclear.
- Artistic License:
- One of the author's notes is that peanut butter is actually the main ingredient in the atomic bomb. In reality, atomic bombs (such as the one dropped in Hiroshima) have high concentrations of the fissile isotopes uranium-235 and plutonium-239. Scientists select these two because of how readily they undergo the fission process. Though, some with uranium-233 also have been constructed.
- The fanfiction also states that Colonel Sanders is a Martian, though this has yet to be proven in real life.
- Crack Fic: A rather offensive one, with copious amounts of violence.
- Creator Thumbprint: Like Charles Manson Vs The Teletubbies, this fic has the main villain do something ridiculously petty, in spite of already being quite powerful themselves (in this case, it's the King of Hell trying to take everyone's wallets). Though, unlike him, Charles Manson had an understandable reason for what he did (he stole the tubby custard hoping to use it to lure the Teletubbies to his cult).
- Dissonant Serenity: Neither Sonic or Knuckles are disturbed by the fact that KFC is a criminal stronghold masquerading as a restarant, or that Colonel Sanders is an alien.
- Evil Is Petty: Despite already being the King of the Underworld, Steve Jobs still makes a stop at KFC to steal people's wallets.
- Exactly What It Says on the Tin: Some note completely wacky, like the narration telling us that Sonic and Knuckles died and were resurrected again during their trip to KFC. Others are lines like this.Steve Jobs, angered by this, said “so be it” (author’s note: it, is a book by Stephen King).
- Fictionalized Death Account: The fanfic states that Steve Jobs died in a car accident, when in real life he died of pancreatic cancer.
- Fingore: Knuckles delivers this to Steve Jobs after he tries to take his wallet.Steve Jobs shook his head, before getting back up and shooting a fireball at Knuckles. Knuckles managed to deflect it with his green lightsaber (author’s note: Knuckles gained mastery of lightsaber combat after spending years training with Yoda and Knuckles gave Yoda ten pounds of cocaine in return) before running up to Steve Jobs and chopping his fingers off.“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH” yelled Steve Jobs in pain as blood sprayed like a fire hose from where his fingers used to be.
- Hell Has New Management: After Steve Jobs dies, he is sent to hell, but takes over it "with the help of his trusty boomerang"
- Insane Troll Logic:
- How did Knuckles steal Rouge's panties if he was a rock with googly eyes attached to it?
- How did Sonic eat chicken pot pies if he's a dildo?
- If Sonic's spaceship is made of Lucky Charms cereal, how come it didn't fall apart when they travelled to Mars?
- Just....whatever this line is.
The two heroes sat down on chairs (author’s note: chairs are made of entire galaxies and everytime someone sits on one, they are destroying whole civilizations) and pulled out menus to read. - Fun with Acronyms: Acording to the very fourth author's note.(Author’s note: in this universe, KFC is a fastfood restaurant that doubles as a stronghold for the worst criminals in the world, it stand for Krime Fortress Castle)
- Parasites Are Evil:As Steve Jobs got to Sonic and Knuckles table, he said “hand over your wallets” (author’s note: a wallet is a parasitic creature that sucks away its host’s lifeforce in exchange for giving them all of the knowledge of the universe) but Sonic and Knuckles began shaking their heads in objection to this.Sonic said “you-a really think-a that-a you can steal-a from-a us and get away-a with it?”
- Rouge Angles of Satin: When Sonic and Knuckles receive their food, the waiter says "bone app tit".
- Troll Fic: The fanfiction is a parody of fic writers that tend to gratuitously add "author's note" in their works. It could also possibly be a reference to Tara Gilesbie of My Immortal fame, who was known to do this whenever she received any criticsm.
- Verbal Tic: Sonic has a tendency to say "-a-" in between words since he switched nationalities with Mario. Presumably, Mario now has his Totally Radical style of talking.
- Villains Want Mercy: After he fails to burgle Sonic and Knuckles' wallets Steve Jobs swears he'll change as a man if he's given another chance. Sonic refuses.
- Year Inside, Hour Outside: It takes Sonic and Knuckles an hour to go to Mars and get some food, but the author's note adds that an hour is one trillion years and the characters died and got resurrected several times in the span of that sentence.
