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11/19/2017 00:26:33 •••

Shattered my faith in the MCU. (SPOILERS)

What a load of crap.

It starts with a terribly-planned assault on a HYDRA base ("Let's send our archer/sniper and our espionage agent into close-quarters combat against people with machine guns!")

After thoroughly curb stomping HYDRA and setting up an obnoxious, poorly-handled running gag, they go to a party and act like assholes in an effort to show how "human" they really are. Tony Stark and Bruce Banner had decided to use the thing in Loki's staff to create an A.I., giving it access to the internet and leaving it unsupervised, despite knowing that it has a mind of its own and will be unpredictable.

This AI tentacle-slaps Jarvis to death to visualize forced deletion or whatever, and Tony apparently had no backups anywhere, because he replaces Jarvis immediately.

So The Avengers go to Wakanda to stop Ultron from stealing their Vibranium (the material Plot Armor is made from). They are thoroughly defeated by Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, the former of whom makes Hulk go crazy and start massacring innocent people in some city somewhere.

After an aerial robot fight with Ultron, Tony dons his Hulkbuster armor to subdue Hulk, and probably bankrupt Wakanda. (Their economy depended on Vibranium, after all.)

Ultron continues unimpeded until the final battle, where he lifts a city into the air after putting vibranium all up in the underside of it with intent to drop it and cause a mass extinction.

We then get a palette-swapping of the Chitauri battle with absolutely 0 suspense, where Ultron refuses to drop the city even after it gets high enough to guarantee the near-extinction of humanity.

Ultron is punched into submission and Nick Fury Deus ex Machina's up the hellicarrier to evacuate the city before the Avengers literally vaporise it.

All of this because somehow Jarvis was "in pieces" on the internet, preventing Ultron from using hacking to nuke the world.

Incidentally, the avengers had also stolen Ultron's in-development godmode final form to shove Jarvis into it, creating a literal Deus ex Machina, The Vision, who proves vital to smacking things with Thor's hammer and somehow wiping Ultron from every computer on earth.

I will not be watching any more Marvel films. This film clearly demonstrates a cynical belief that they can create any crap, slap a superhero's face on it, and print money. A rare 0/10.

09/14/2015 00:00:00

This isn't a great review. All it does it recap the film with jibes thrown at it. Explain your title instead. Why did you like previous MCU films better than this one? Why could suspend your disbelief for those but not for this one?

10/29/2015 00:00:00

I don't think you know how reviews work.

11/19/2017 00:00:00

Forget reviews, I\'m uncertain that they realize how ratings work.

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