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12/22/2013 17:39:54 •••

Mario: Lost World

More proof Sonic Team has little idea of what to do with their flagship franchise, Sonic Lost World represents a game that had promise and threw it to the side to appease a Mario-centric market.

Controls are a gentle kind of ass; you have to get used to them on both the Wii U and 3DS before you come to realize that the general fear of going any faster than 150 mph on foot has led to a whole-game slowdown. Slowing Sonic down could've proved to be what the franchise needed, as it was more hooked on speed than a druggie for the past few years. Unfortunately, S'Team picked up more Labyrinthian elements than Genesis, and the concept of letting physics dictate Sonic's speed still hasn't punctured through their skulls. You'll wind up spin-dashing just to get back that sense of speed from before. Gameplay is not what you rented this game for. The story is trite and unfinished, again showing that Iizuka is too scared to give Sonic a story any deeper or more meaningful than a two-ply roll of 50 year old used toilet paper.

Some have said that the game is darker than other Sonic titles because of some "extreme" dialogue involving genocide and skinning alive and whatnot. This peaked my curiosity, for I do adore pesticidal fury, and yet upon hearing said obviously hashed-in lines, I now realize that the hype over this "Darker and Edgier" aspect of the game is completely overblown. The game isn't any darker than Colors, and this is yet another point of contention in that Sonic Team has little conscious idea of what kind of brand they're aiming to sell. This terminal confusion and aimless meandering is what will do the franchise in.

That leaves the music, which, true to Post-Colors Sonic form, is decent but a tad too inspired by Mario. That, and the whole damn game. I'd like to believe that mimicry is the best form of flattery, but apparently some Sega execs said "Hmmm. I think gimmickry is the best form of mimicry." And so on. It just doesn't suit Sonic well to be doing this. One minute he's stopping ancient gods; next, he's swearing and brandishing lawyer friendly M16s. Now he's getting his furry leg over Mario.

That's the nature of the game: Sonic Team doesn't give a fuck. I'd give it a 6/10 at best. Another game fans will cry "It's so good" at launch only to foetal up and remember as mediocre for years to come.

Worth a rent.

12/22/2013 00:00:00

I wonder how a review about how a game has "no direction" could equally be so vague and explanatory at the same time.

You explain so much of the controls yet you say absolutely nothing about the gameplay or story, or even how the game is anything like Mario (besides "The music is a tad too inspired by Mario", whatever the heck that means). You talk about how the dialogue is "hashed-in" (without showing an example or anything), and despite doing nothing but bash the game, you give it a 6/10, and "Worth a rent".

Like, what?

Also, I disagree with you about the controls. And the story. And dialogue. And music.

And it was SHADOW brandishing M16s and crap, not Sonic.

12/22/2013 00:00:00

Note: I'm not holding you against my disagreements, though.

12/22/2013 00:00:00

I think you should go into more detail about why the game itself is bad, though I do agree with your review in general. I'm very disappointed in this game. It just isn't much fun, and is an enormous letdown after the fantastic Sonic Generations, which itself built off ideas from Sonic Colors.

12/22/2013 00:00:00

Emulating the Yahtzee stye much?

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