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Okay, so when I was a kid, my dad used to get my books on tape from the library constantly. There's 1 book I listened to about 15+ years ago that I SWEAR is real but I have not heard about ot since despite constant googling. So the book is about this boy called either Jeb or Jed, but I'm pretty sure it was Jed. The book is a diary in the style of Go Ask Alice but it's not a true story and as the days go by Jed is revealed to be suicidal (my dad didn't realise this when he gave it to me and confiscated it shortly after I finished it) and the rest of the book is him documenting his suicide plan and getting things in order. He buys his sister, who is an Elvis fan and a bit of a free spirit, some apple seeds and blue suede shoes for her birthday a few days before he goes through with his plan. He kills himself by taking a large dose of sleeping pills and jumping off a bridge into running water. As it turns out, he survives and the last pages are narrated by his little sister. The most vivid memory I have is the last line being "Instead you picked a rotten apple, you didn't see the blossoms. Maybe someday you will." Is anyone thinks this sounds remotely similar, please let me know! I know this book exists but I can't find it!!