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We try to kill SCP-682

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KJsixteen SPEED-UP MISSILE DOUBLE LASER OPTION ? ! from Planet Gradius Relationship Status: Who needs love when you have waffles?
SPEED-UP MISSILE DOUBLE LASER OPTION ? !
Clockwork_Heart The Elemental of Air from The Land of Mist Relationship Status: I'm Clockwork and she's Quartz
The Elemental of Air
May 27th 2019 at 9:34:19 AM

Result: Denied.

Memo from Dr. Irae: If this file is correct, we have very little way of telling how or where RPC-666 will manifest. Test denied due to high risk of SCP-682 breaching containment should RPC-666 fail to manifest.

Test: Find the universe's computer file system. Delete SCP-682.EXE, then empty the recycle bin.

"You trespass the gate I must guard, Mortal. Turn back now, or feel the wrath of wind and air!" - Valhalla
TimeLordVictorious Never Ask Me For Anything Ever Again from Mallet Island Relationship Status: YOU'RE TEARING ME APART LISA
Never Ask Me For Anything Ever Again
Jun 1st 2019 at 12:05:47 AM

Result: The universe's computer file system can only be navigated by Lovecraftian horrors.

Test: Crush it in a hydraulic press, like the one seen at the end of The Terminator.

Edited by TimeLordVictorious on Jun 1st 2019 at 12:06:02 PM

"Shout, shout, let it all out These are the things I can do without, come on I'm talking to you, come on!" -Tears For Fears
KJsixteen SPEED-UP MISSILE DOUBLE LASER OPTION ? ! from Planet Gradius Relationship Status: Who needs love when you have waffles?
SPEED-UP MISSILE DOUBLE LASER OPTION ? !
Jun 1st 2019 at 6:14:50 AM

Result: SCP-682 was crushed by the hydraulic presses as usual, but 30 minutes later, SCP-682 repairs all damaged body parts.

Test: Put SCP-682 in the same room with SCP-729-J.

Edited by KJsixteen on Jun 1st 2019 at 6:15:25 AM

Destroy The Core!
HeadHoncho The Boss
The Boss
Jun 10th 2019 at 4:51:00 PM

Result: Success! SCP-682 was actually defeated, and SCP-682 was contained in a better position.

Test: Instead of trying to kill it, show SCP-682 the beauties of Humanity by showing this video on ethnolinguistic groups. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lOnfFZYFNM Maybe it might enlighten it to a point that it will stop hating humanity.

RJ-19-CLOVIS-93 from New Zealand
Jun 10th 2019 at 5:46:10 PM

Result: SCP-682 politely explained that it doesn't find humanity disgusting because of Humans Are Bastards, though it doesn't help. It finds them disgusting because Earth life is so different from what it's naturally used to they are worse eldritch abominations to it than 682 is to humanity. Appreciated the effort, before going back to its murderous ways and eating people

Test: Use Medusa's head on SCP-682 to petrify it. If it tries to close or remove its own eyes, make sure SCP-173 is in the room. Secondary test ideas-It would also be good idea to test Medusa's head on SCP-173 to see if we can paralyze a statue. Or SCP-096 to see if being petrified can stop it from going on rampages.

Representing New Zealand, TV Tropes addict
medievalParadox "In the arena of logic, I fight unarmed!" from any device that can get onto the internet Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
"In the arena of logic, I fight unarmed!"
Jun 11th 2019 at 8:49:11 AM

Result: Success....Sort of? While we couldn't goad 682 into a room containing the statue, we were able to use it to stop 096 from going on murderous rampages every time someone sees it's face.

Test: Beat 682 with 096's dead lifeless statue of a corpse.

Here's a Godmodder. Please Kill him before he fucks up everything. https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=15527074470A62989200
ReynTheLord Mangaka Extrordinare from ?? Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
Mangaka Extrordinare
Jun 11th 2019 at 10:25:03 AM

Result: Shitstorm, And no success

Test: This Is likely not going to kill scp 682, but It will get it out of the way for the forseeable future. Just YEET SCP-682 into the depths of space, and hope and pray that it hits a star eventually. or gets stuck on jupiter or some shit.

Edited by ReynTheLord on Jun 11th 2019 at 11:25:54 AM

Art for the sake of art.
HeadHoncho The Boss
The Boss
Jun 11th 2019 at 11:00:10 AM

Result: Denied. The last time we let that happen, it came back to earth from outer space as a meteorite that crashed on planet Earth.

Test: Subject SCP-682 to Nyarlathotep, who is the crawling chaos, to destroy SCP-682 permanently.

KJsixteen SPEED-UP MISSILE DOUBLE LASER OPTION ? ! from Planet Gradius Relationship Status: Who needs love when you have waffles?
SPEED-UP MISSILE DOUBLE LASER OPTION ? !
Jun 11th 2019 at 12:37:03 PM

Result: Denied

Memo from Dr. Bright: SCP-682 is already a terrible Eldritch Abomination to deal with, but pitting him against an even stronger and more diabolical Eldritch Abomination would be utterly disastrous. If anything, Nyarly would further corrupt SCP-682 even further, or Nyarly would take over SCP-682's body and spread chaos and destruction all For the Evulz!

Test: Pit SCP-682 against RPC-399. Unlike Nyarly, RPC-399 has not shown signs of sapience or psychological manipulation. Why you may ask? Because pitting a battle between two Reptilian Animalistic Abominations from similar universes is fucking awesome!

Edited by KJsixteen on Jun 11th 2019 at 12:53:28 PM

Destroy The Core!
HeadHoncho The Boss
The Boss
Jun 12th 2019 at 6:25:20 PM

Result: SCP-682 fought RPC-399, and they fought for more than 24 hours and guess who won? SCP-682 won against RPC-399 by simply eating RPC-399.

Note from Dr. Bright: Hey, at least we have one of our problems are gone, right?

Test: Tame SCP-682 with SCP-053 and give it as a gift to Odin.

Edited by HeadHoncho on Jun 12th 2019 at 3:25:50 PM

TimeLordVictorious Never Ask Me For Anything Ever Again from Mallet Island Relationship Status: YOU'RE TEARING ME APART LISA
Never Ask Me For Anything Ever Again
Jun 19th 2019 at 6:26:52 PM

Result: Loki, the God of Mischief, decided to fuck SCP-682. Considering Loki fucked a horse once in Norse Mythology, this doesn't come as much of a surprise. Please pass the Brain Bleach.

Test: Have it fight Emerald Weapon.

"Shout, shout, let it all out These are the things I can do without, come on I'm talking to you, come on!" -Tears For Fears
HeadHoncho The Boss
The Boss
Jun 26th 2019 at 9:49:25 PM

Result: SCP-682 was defeated and it got temporarily destroyed. However, it grew back and it is a "little" upset at the fact that it died.

Test 1: Subject it to SCP-040 for some effects.

Test 2: Summon a Xenocyte Queen to possess SCP-682 and mutate it into something even worst (i.e. Dnalien). Hey, at least the Xenocyte Queen might control SCP-682 and it would probably be put in a colder enviorment because Dnaliens cannot survive in warm climates.

HeadHoncho The Boss
The Boss
Jul 6th 2019 at 4:08:03 AM

Bump. Hello? Anybody there?

Draxterrus An Eldritch Troper Relationship Status: Wishfully thinking
An Eldritch Troper
Jul 6th 2019 at 5:40:43 AM

Result: Both tests denied.

Dr. [REDACTED]: SCP-040 could manipulate living matter, any interactions with SCP-682 could be highly dangerous to us and her. We are not going to even test for some effects now. And a Xenocyte Queen plot to mutate 682 into something even worse? The idea of mutating 682 beyond its current state frightens me for the opportunity for 682 to [DATA EXPUNGED].

Test: Exile SCP-682 to Apokolips.

Humanity is defined by its absurdity, and I am no exception.
HeadHoncho The Boss
The Boss
Jul 6th 2019 at 7:40:52 AM

Result: It seems that SCP-682 survived and ate all the Inhabitants. "Oh boy, things did not look pretty at in there... I do not think that [REDACTED],"

- some anonymous scientist.

Test 1: Turn SCP-682 into a human and get King Leonidas to kick it into the pit of doom.

Test 2: Subject SCP-682 to the Creepypastas.

Test 3: Subject SCP-682 to the [Highbreed][1]

Test 4: Pay Bill Cipher to defeat him and use some kind of alien technology to defeat Bill Cipher.

Edited by HeadHoncho on Jul 6th 2019 at 4:41:44 PM

Draxterrus An Eldritch Troper Relationship Status: Wishfully thinking
An Eldritch Troper
Jul 6th 2019 at 6:37:31 PM

Test 1 Result: SCP-682 was successfully converted to a humanoid form, but after falling into the pit of doom, it came back 35 minutes later in its original form. Threat neutralized and contained with no casualties.

Test 2 Result: SCP-682 ended up horrifying even the Creepypastas. It then let out a scream at several researchers and MTF personnel, traumatizing all who hear it with nightmares that are set to last years.

Test 3 Result: The Highbreed retreated from SCP-682, although this is conjectured to be more out of fear of SCP-682 than of their xenophobia.

Test 4 Result: [REDACTED]. Fortunately, the alien technology we used was selected so as to undo the damage done and send Bill Cipher back to his customary place although that meant that SCP-682 regenerated to its usual state and was sent back to containment.

My next proposal: Have all the Dungeons & Dragons characters fight SCP-682. They need not attack all at once, you may send them individually or group after group.

Humanity is defined by its absurdity, and I am no exception.
HeadHoncho The Boss
The Boss
Jul 11th 2019 at 5:12:13 PM

Result: They all subjugated SCP-682 little by little and eventually, he was defeated through the magic of Dungeons and Dragons characters.

Test 1: Summon MLG Shrek, Spingebill and Potrock, and Saneegee to defeat it.

Test 2: Send it to back to the bronze age.

Test 3: Put it in a never ending time loop without it realizing it is stuck.

Edited by HeadHoncho on Jul 11th 2019 at 2:13:25 PM

Draxterrus An Eldritch Troper Relationship Status: Wishfully thinking
An Eldritch Troper
Jul 11th 2019 at 7:07:56 PM

[up] Addendum: The result of the Dungeons and Dragons Test states that 682 was defeated, yet it was not terminated or destroyed. It is however astonishing that 682 did not retaliate with a potentially world-threatening adaptive ability that would have endangered us all.

Test 1 Result: SCP-682 mauls them so badly that the attack in itself becomes a meme.

Test 2 Result: SCP-682 was reported to have assaulted some Bronze Age folk before being recaptured to prevent it from potentially altering human civilization in the present due to its actions in the past.

Test 3 Result: I don't know what this is supposed to mean, but 682 realizes it's in a time loop after experiencing 10,000 years of it and somehow breaks from the loop. Sent back to containment.

Next Test: Send in an alternate universe counterpart of The Avengers to fight 682. An alternate universe counterpart will be used to spare the MCU and Earth-616 versions the trouble.

Humanity is defined by its absurdity, and I am no exception.
HeadHoncho The Boss
The Boss
Jul 12th 2019 at 4:11:50 PM

Result: [REDACTED]

Test 1: Subject SCP-682 to the human centipede.

Test 2: Subject SCP-682 to the Shrekoning.

Test 3: Cut off its water supply because life cannot exist without water.

HeadHoncho The Boss
The Boss
Jul 14th 2019 at 5:21:28 PM

Hello? Anybody there? Hello, anybody there?

RJ-19-CLOVIS-93 from New Zealand
Jul 15th 2019 at 1:45:36 AM

Result: Denied. 1 wouldn't kill SCP-682 as its survived far worse poisoning, it would only piss it off. 2 would probably result in Shrek being killed, and we don't want Dreamworks suing us for killing their main money maker. 3 isn't an option because if 682 can survive the physical constants being altered, it probably doesn't need water(plus there's debate on whether water is necessary for non-Earth life).

Test: Order from SCP-294 "2 cups of something poisonous enough to kill SCP-682 in minutes". Put the contents of one cup inside a wildebeest carcass and give it to 682 to eat. If 682 doesn't bite, force-feed it the other cup

Representing New Zealand, TV Tropes addict
Draxterrus An Eldritch Troper Relationship Status: Wishfully thinking
An Eldritch Troper
Jul 15th 2019 at 2:28:27 AM

Result: SCP-294 gave an "OUT OF RANGE" error.

Test 1: Ask the RPC Authority on what we should do and if they could help us in any way. (Also tell them about what SCP-682 is and how we contain him)

Test 2: Have Skeletor, Hordak and King Hiss fight SCP-682. They may fight SCP-682 one by one, (Why would they work together?) and they are to bring their entire armies and henchmen with them.

Test 2 Addendum: Don't let He-Man, She-Ra or their allies get near the fight.

Humanity is defined by its absurdity, and I am no exception.
HeadHoncho The Boss
The Boss
Jul 15th 2019 at 3:41:16 PM

Result 1: Success! The SCP Foundation and RPC Foundation managed to contain after a long 72-hour breach.

Result 2: SCP-682 ate them all one by one, and it ate the other three, too.

Test 1: Subject SCP-682 to the Spurdo Sparde universe.

Test 2: Subject SCP-682 to the Polandball/Countryball universe.

Test 3: Give SCP-682 a glass of Soma/Hoama from SCP-294; It better drink it, or else it will die a fiery, painful death.

Test 4: Subject SCP-682 to the Spongebob universe.

Edited by HeadHoncho on Jul 16th 2019 at 12:53:13 PM

HeadHoncho The Boss
The Boss
Jul 16th 2019 at 3:53:39 AM

Hello? Anybody there? Hello, anybody there?


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