We try to kill SCP-682

Result: The entity and SCP-682 ended up bonding over their sadism, and the latter was released to wreck havoc upon the world. We managed to recapture SCP-682, but we also pressed the Reset Button just in case, because the last thing we need is to be stuck in a Time Loop.

Test: Cover SCP-682 in bread crumbs, then throw it into a massive deep-fryer.

Edited by TimeLordVictorious on Jan 31st 2019 at 10:51:38 AM

Result: It tasted horrible, just awful.

Test: Launch it into space by use of a volcano, attempted by an unruly teenager, his mother, an Italian who was killed via rock, and a red rock that harnesses the power of the sun.

Edited by LeveNuke on Feb 1st 2019 at 11:14:25 AM

Result: You do what to know what happened after that, Sir. "Oh boy, what the world happened over here?!" - Dr. Bright.

Test 1: Travel back in time and sell SCP-682 as well as the other SCP's, especially Keters, and possibly Creepypastas to the Dutch East India Company, was once the richest company in the world, and they all go to the Netherlands to be in a museum.

Test 2: Summon the Mi-Go to take him out. And by the way, the Mi-Go are interdimensional insectlike entities that can survive in space. Also, the Mi-Go have some pretty crazy technology in their arsenal, so they might have a way to take him out eventually.

Edited by HeadHoncho on Feb 2nd 2019 at 4:43:43 AM

(Also, I am new. Be nice)

RESULT(to 1): They bought the keters, but they had to find a way to contain them then, and so they got a large group of scientists and reaserchers together, and thusly is the story of the creation of the foundation.

TEST: Subject 682 to the dwarves from Dwarf Fortress. Ether way it will be Fun

Result: SCP-682 removed the Dwarfs and ate them. Did you really think that would work? No offense.

Test: Have rodents of all kinds (Mice, Rats, Squirrels, Chipmunks, Beavers, Capybaras, Porcupines, Hamsters, Gerbils, Nutrias, and many other rodents) in the same room with SCP-682, then heat the room up, which would cause the rodents to go to SCP-682 and eat through it in and possibly eat SCP-682 alive or burrow into it to escape the heat and see what happens next. By the way, rodents can eat their way through almost anything.

Edited by HeadHoncho on Feb 2nd 2019 at 2:49:54 AM

Result: Almost anything. They couldn't eat through 682, mostly because its skin killed them when they bit it.

Test: Throw SCP-682 into the Abyss.

Result: DENIED TO THE MAX. Look. that shit killed a god and is shown to be both harnessable and sentient. Best case scenario is that we lose a benevolent deity in the process. Worst case is that 682 brings back the radiance and eats it. Also it was shortly discovered that the abyss is about as big as a normal couch.

Proposal: We just throw it into a giant blender designed by doctor bright. then blow it up while he's inside. Any gibs will be burnt and smoke dissipated.

Result: A single drop of blood escaped the blender, after a few days the whole thing grew back.

Test: Somehow convert into a computer file and delete it.

Result: Considered but denied. Reason: While 79 exists allowing 682 having access to any tech is already super dangerous but if we convert him into a data file he could directly contact 79 plus he could brick any and all computers we put him on

Proposal: We simply expose it to Various works of art and literature hoping to educate it. If that doesn't work show it the mortal kombat series give it a vat of beer and hope those things simply convice him to enslave huamnity instead of killing it

Result: It did not do anything at all because it still hates humanity and wishes to destroy humanity.

Test: Summon a Shoggoth because a Shoggoth would have no problems with SCP-682 as it would just become a part of the primordial goo that is the Shoggoth and give it all it’s properties. ...And do the same thing with the other Keter SCP's.

Edited by HeadHoncho on Feb 3rd 2019 at 12:23:02 PM

Result: SCP-682 pulled a near literal example of Hijacking Cthulhu (more like hijacking one of his underlings) by virtue of absorbing the Shoggoth's consciousness, and began to turn everything else nearby into part of the primordial goo that was now 682. Reset Button pushed, but with slight side-effects; the Shoggoth is still a part of SCP-682 (because 682 was bragging about the Shoggoth screaming in its mind), but the primordial goo is nullified. Similarly, all of the researchers and D-Class personnel absorbed by 682 are still a part of it. We're erasing any record of them ever having existed.

Test: Trap it in a parallel universe that's two seconds away from collapsing.

Edited by TimeLordVictorious on Feb 4th 2019 at 10:08:33 AM

Results: DENIED. This happened once before, and good Lord you don't wanna know.

Test: Throw it into the OTHER Abyss.

Result: SCP-682 climbed out, but was cursed with diarrhea, severe vomiting, and a high fever. It shouted obscenities for three weeks straight and only stopped after it made SCP-053 cry. The many D-Class Personnel who had to clean up its messes sent numerous complaints during that time, and only stopped doing so after we fed one of them to SCP-682.

Test: Play "Cotton-Eyed Joe" by Rednex on repeat 24/7 until SCP-682 kills itself out of intense irritation.

Result: SCP-682 hold its ground and doesn't agree to death. However the other researchers don't have the same resilience as SCP=682 and kill themselves. Project terminated by Dr. █████████

Test: Build a vehicle that SCP-682 can fit on and have SCP-666-J drive it.

Edited by Glitchy99 on Feb 5th 2019 at 9:38:39 AM

Result: We had already tried that back in 1986. We put SCP-682 on a spaceship named [REDACTED] with SCP-666-J and seven other researchers masquerading as NASA astronauts. The seven researchers perished, while SCP-666-J was recovered upon landing, and SCP-682 spent a year reforming its body.

Test: Stab SCP-682 with the sword Deadpool used to kill the Marvel Universe. It can kill beings with a Healing Factor, as Wolverine can testify to.

Edited by TimeLordVictorious on Feb 5th 2019 at 12:17:06 PM

Result: Test commenced and speared to be working at first. However the discarded and cut bits simply turned into miniature versions of 682. After 24 hours 682 manged to adapt to the special material and melt himself back together.

Proposal: Send a Medusa at it then get Drill-X (https://skylanders.fandom.com/wiki/Drill-X) to smash it into pieces. If the first two steps succeed take different pieces to a different planet with a max of 3 on each.

Result: Wait, you mentioned miniature SCP-682s? Abandon everything and find them ASAP! We already have to deal with one of these degenerates, we don't need to deal with others that could potentially reproduce!

Addendum: One of them appears to have grown significantly and seems to have taken up residence in the ocean near Japan. We've alerted the Japanese division to watch out for a Kaiju-sized SCP-682. Three of them have been captured and are being sent back to containment. The remaining ones were apparently eaten by Kaiju!682.

Addendum 2: The kaiju battled the Japanese division and shot with thousands of tranquilizing agents. Reports indicate that it is in a coma, though it remains on the ocean floor. It is now classified as SCP-169-B.

Test: Drop it into a pit full of dark matter.

Result: SCP-682 survived and gained an immunity to the dark matter.

Test: Subject SCP-682 to the primordial cow, who is Kamadhenu, and get her to eat it and make milk out of him and throw the milk, which is now SCP-682, into a black hole.

Result: Like with SCP-343, Kamadhenu was unable to see SCP-682. So more proof SCP-343 is God, or at least a God.

Test: Drop an anvil on it. It'll probably be flattened, if cartoons are anything to go by.

Result: Reality is disappointing.

Test: Retcon it out of existence via time travel.

Result: Denied. If you knew anything about time travel, you'd know that whenever sending someone back in time to retcon someone or something out of existence, they would end up failing. Also see: Hitler's Time Travel Exemption Act.

Test: Drop it in a giant tub of holy water.

Result: It is quite successful because SCP-682 melted away and at the same time, it started to cuss like crazy. And now it is in hell, for good.

"What should we do now?" - Dr. Bright

Edited by HeadHoncho on Feb 7th 2019 at 10:11:45 AM

Test: Default Dance on em'

Result: While not the direct results of the test, apparently, some demon, if not Satan himself, let SCP-682 back out into the world of the living, and and well, long story short, he killed the guy default dancing on his grave, not because of the dance mind you, but because that's what 682 does, kill.

Test: Well sending him to hell didn't work, let's try sending him to an abandoned plane of existence

Result: So far so good. He's been gone for a couple of weeks, and no sign of him yet. Don't default dance on his grade this time assholes. Also, congrats on your promotion.

Test: Diver the funds we were wasting on trying to kill 682 and divert them to the crusade of punching Nazis. Because fuck it.