We try to kill SCP-682

Result: The things done by the Decepticon Justice Division is to SCP-682 what BDSM is to humans. In other news, a sequel to Holy Terror has been approved.

Test: Use Pearl's Killer Wail.

Result: 682 is partially damaged, but adapts its own Killer Wail to counter Pearl’s. Unlike Commander TARTAR, 682 wins.

Test: Have Star Dream, Dreamstalk Sectonia, and Void Soul all use their laser attacks on 682 at once.

Result: SCP-682 turned its skin into mirrors and reflected the attacks.

Test: AVADA KEDAVRA!

Result: Nothing happened to SCP-682, but a LOT of things happened to US! Since that freaking discarded monster from Godzilla absorbed the effect of the spell and is now using it TO KILL US ALL!!!

Test: Put SCP-682 to watch the Chimera Ants arc from Hunterx Hunter.

"If the son of a bitch don't kill himself in sadness after watching it than nothing can kill him" -Dr.Hendricks

Result: SCP 682 seammed to treat it as a romantic comedy

"DEMOTE THIS GUY TO D-CLASS WITH THE FORCE OF A THOUSAND SUNS, PLEASE. THIS IS THE SECOND TIME." -Dr. Rat

Test: Distract 682 with a copy of The Holy Terror sequel.Whilst he's distracted, we'll throw Chuck Norris and Segeta Santuro on him.

"If this doesn't work, I'll binge the entire Marville series, and write a 398 Paragraph review of it.I have 375 cans of booze and funeral preperations prepared." -Dr. Rat

Test 2: Throw Frank Miller at it.

"It's my fault that second Holy Terror comic entered this world. It's time to redeem myself." -Dr. Rat

Edited by Warmaster23rat on Jul 16th 2018 at 6:46:13 AM

Result 1: 682 destroys the print copy and subsequently removes the attackers from this reality.

Result 2: Frank Miller, while thrown, breaks the metal around 682’s acid containment and dissolves as a containment breach occurs.

Dr. Ing: I’ll tell the others not to throw people at any SCP. It just doesn’t work. Maybe the O5s will just demote you, if you’re lucky.

Test: Send 682 to Phaaze. Either 682 dies of Phazon, Phaaze dies of 682 and we’re free of Phazon forever, or they’re both trapped in the farthest corner of the universe. There’s no way this will fail!

Result: Phaaze has been added to the list of places SCP-682 likes to vacation at. Also, SCP-682 successfully adapted to Phazon corruption and can now spread it around.

After a two week quarantine in [REDACTED], SCP-682 was free from Phazon contamination and returned to containment.

Test: beat SCP-682 to death with a comically oversized squeaky mallet.

Result:SCP-682 is unaffected by the mallet

"WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN."

-Dr. Rat

Test: Send SCP-682 to a universe where the Nazis won WWII. Their problem now. Keep sending him back if he returns. Either it kills all the Nazis, or the Nazis kill it. Either way, win-win.

Edited by Warmaster23rat on Jul 17th 2018 at 3:13:36 AM

Result: In that alternate world, 682 kills everyone, then comes back. Without the Foundation to keep it contained, did you think it would stop at the Nazis?

Dr. Ing: At least it was an alternate world. As much as I’d like to demote you for indirectly killing everyone, I don’t have the rank for it and sending it to an alternate reality first was a great countermeasure.

Test: Drop SCP-682 into Null Space. Either it can’t escape, it destroys that dimension, or it dies because of how terrible the level is. Whoever wins, we win.

Result: SCP-682 likes the level so much that he improves it making it far far worse (from a human perspective, after which he returns to our world alive.

Test: Have one million (1,000,000) ninjas attack SCP-682. It's unlikely that this will kill him, but the assault should weaken him possibly making whatever we try next more likely to work. Plus when else will you get an opportunity to see a million (1,000,000) ninjas fighting in one army?

Result: SCP-682 ate all of the ninjas and grew to the size of the site he is currently contained. A total of 78 guards were killed during the containment breach and were able to damage SCP-682 enough so he would go back to his normal size.

"Yeah, because shurikens and kunais are WAY more powerfull than freaking weapons." - Dr. Hendricks

Test: Make SCP-682 see the videos of the youtuber Poiised. (Let's see if he can literally die from laughter)

Result: Test denied. It's been made abundantly clear that media, good or bad, doesn't have an effect on it. Or, really, anyone. This isn't a reviewer channel...

Test: Ask SCP-738 what exactly we would need to afford the deal to get rid of SCP-682 forever while leaving this planet, its biosphere, its human population, its human civilization, the SCP Foundation, and the rest of the universe intact. Yes, we currently can't afford it, but it would be good to know what we would need to do so. And the fact 738 doesn't say that he's incapable of doing so means it's possible if we could afford it. Once we learn what we need, focus on trying to obtain it

We could steal the Sun of another universe, get a 100 dollar note from a decillion parallel universe(don't we have an infinitely Bigger on the Inside SCP container that could fit it?) and have Nintendo make Kraid Ridley. Though I suppose that would take so long too long to get all that before star formation ceases

Edited by RJ-19-CLOVIS-93 on Jul 20th 2018 at 6:45:49 AM

It wants our sun specifically, along with another one. Also, 738 cares about inflation.

Result: 738 wants approximately 100 decillion in one-dollar bills, the Sun, another star of our choice, and the Foundation to prove Kraid is Ridley. We can’t do any of those (more money than actually exists, we would all die, we couldn’t get one here, and logically impossible, respectively).

Dr. Ing: Yeah... we’re not paying that anytime soon.

Test: Get Yukari Yakumo to gap 682 into the core of the sun, then surround it in more gaps so it can’t leave. Either it’s trapped or it’s very, very dead.

Edited by Emperor_Ing on Jul 20th 2018 at 7:56:26 AM

Result: SCP-682 adapted and created its own portal to get out of the sun. It was a pain in the as trying to recontain a thing that can teleport everywhere.

Test: Put a small piece of Lego in SCP-682 containment area and just wait.

Result: SCP-682 converted itself into a living (for lack of a better term) collection of LEGO bricks, allowing it to simply add the lone brick to itself.

Due to it now being made of virtually indestructible plastic, it escaped captivity and mauled several D class personnel to death.

It was recapture several hours later after trapping in a tank full of acetone.

Test: Give SCP-682 a roll of bubble wrap. Perhaps we can use its distractive properties to keep SCP-682 occupied and/or entertained.

Result: SCP-682 became bubble wrap. Several D-Class were entertained, but 682 wasn’t. When it reverted to its original form, the D-Class were killed.

Dr. Ing: It’s harmless in that state unless it steps on you... if we can keep it that way, this is a good idea!

Result: Throw 682 in the door with 2317-K and let our problems solve themselves.

Result: Denied. We don't need any more chains broken. Especially since we don't have any real way to deal with escape

Test: If none of the previous ACCEPTED tests work, there is only one more we can use...

Yes.

Edited by LeveNuke on Jul 20th 2018 at 11:12:07 AM

Result: Denied, along with a note from the O5 Council.

“Be more specific next time” - O5-4

Test: Drop SCP-682 into the firing dish of the Death Star, right above where the laser starts. It will (hopefully) be vaporized.

Result: Death Star Explodes. 682 still alive.

Test 1: Feed Adam Sandler and Jake and Logan Paul to 682. Because why not

Test 2: Assemble the Anti-682 Avengers:

Chuck Norris

Segeta

Jack Bauer

Superman

Captain Macmillian

Mr. T

Bruce Lee

Teddy Roosevlt

Send them all to an uninhabited planet in another galaxy. If that fails, pull an Exterminatus on the planet and the heretic 682. Live stream the battle for us to watch

"Even if this fails, we'll get some epic footage from this."

Result 1: Technically failed, but I’m counting it as a win for humanity.

Result 2: While they lasted a while, 682 eventually threw all of them into a star. The Exterminatus was not any more useful. The movie footage is now being shown at Site 19.

Test: Use bird magic on 682. Given that it explains everything, there’s no reason it shouldn’t do everything, and everything includes killing 682.

RESULT: FAILURE. Apparently, the one thing bird magic can’t do is kill SCP-682.

TEST: Encase SCP-682’s chamber in a localised dark energy accelerator that will expose it to Big Rip* like conditions, and after 3 hours of continuous big rip, vent it and the dark energy it built up to another dimension.

• The Big Rip is when the dark energy expansion of the universe becomes so extreme that even atoms and subatomic particles are literally ripped apart.

Edited by Caker123 on Jul 29th 2018 at 12:21:15 PM

Result: SCP-682 was completely annihilated...on a physical level. Its soul still existed, migrating back to our universe. But with its body completely destroyed, it was an impotent, screeching ghost. It could only wait until a new body was created. The old saying "a million monkeys on a million typewriters will eventually write Hamlet" was true, given enough time. So given enough time, the particles it was made of would eventually reform and re-appear

682 waited. It waited beyond the death of the sun, beyond star formation ceased, beyond proton decay and the death of the last black holes. Beyond the Boltzmann Brain. After eons too large to ever be truly displayed in the physical universe, particles of its ilk began to reform. And it re-emerged in the nothingness. So it waited. Waited until the universe returns to what it once were. Waited until it could wreak vengeance on the SCP Foundation. It found a copy of Earth, the history intact. And it returned to the same world, repeated endlessly. And was even madder than before. Perhaps experiencing something like this is why it hated us in the first place. And now it hates us even more

Test: Put it in a five-way battle between SCP-073, SCP-076-2, SCP-093 and SCP-173. And film the whole thing

Result: [REDACTED] Please insert ten dollars to see clip.

Test: Ask it kindly why it's so angry and resolve the issue (unlessitinvolvestheentirehumanracingdying,conqueringtheplanet,solarsystem,universe,orallofreality,galacticenslavement,orsendingitofftoitshomeplanetwheremorecouldbefound)

Result: DENIED "You really think this is gonna work? You're an idiot." -Dr. Rat

Test: I'm reassembling the Avengers. Adding to the original roster

Thanos with the Infinty Gauntlet

Every Space Marine legion ever.

The DJD.

100 clones of the original roster. (You know from the last test I did.) Each.

And our secret weapon.

Bob with a rock in his shoe.

I kid. The only way Bob could kill 682 is causing him to die of laughter. But let's send him in anyways, because he's an asshole. I hope he dies.

Put them on some uncharted planet in another dimension, film the whole thing, and let the fun begin.

Result: Bob is dead, the space marines called in Exterminatus, because of that the avengers gtfo'ed, Thanos got his glove stolen by 682, and that's when we pressed the reset button so things wouldn't get out of hand.

Test: The foundation was able to pull some strings, allowing me to learn a new technique From the God Of Destruction Berrus. I wish to use it on Scp-682, This Tanique is known as ''The Hakai''

(Included with this test suggestion is a demonstration of said technique from Berrus himself.)