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NapoleonDeCheese Since: Oct, 2010
#11351: Jul 23rd 2011 at 7:48:15 PM

Unequally, Continuation.

Nodoka stopped dubiously next to Ai's door, frozen in place at the last moment. She really wanted to walk in there and make the older girl feel better about herself, but at the same time, she knew it often wasn't just that easy, and frequently, attempts to cheer others up only made them feel even more miserable. Kaga-san seemed to be a difficult person to deal with, since she was so convinced of her own lack of worth. Overcoming that wasn't an easy thing; Nodoka herself had spent months and months working on it, and that was with a much lesser degree of the same problems.

She could hear Ai's faint sobs from the inside, and her heart shattered. She just couldn't ignore her, but how to begin, in a way that wouldn't scare or traumatize her even more? Asking Tsunetsuki for advice seemed hopeless, and Itoshiki-sensei probably wouldn't fare any better.

There was only one thing left to do. Sighing with embarrassment, Miyazaki invoked her Diarius Ejus. Please forgive this intrusion, Sempai, but it's for your own good...

Reluctantly, Psycho Purple began reading the troubled girl's thoughts. They came in a rapid, unending succession, making them difficult to read for anyone not trained as an expert librarian *and* adventurer used to extreme situations. Fortunately for her, Nodoka fit both niches.

Haruna would have used the rather blunt term 'mental diarrhea.'

... So sorry, so ashamed and I looked like such a fool before them... But why they had to press me like that? No, it's my fault, they only wanted to be friends, and I shooed them because I'm such a horrible person, and I deserve to die alone, but still, Haruna-san is so scary, and Eva-san too, and Chisame-san never smiles... No, but I don't have a right to criticize them, I'm the worst... I hate them, and that's bad, no, I don't hate them, but why can't they leave me alone? They scare me, and make me feel so ashamed, because they're all pretty and sexy, and good thing they don't like Sensei, but still, I can't compare. I'm sure I'm doing things my family won't approve just by being here, and I wish someone would tell me what to do, but that'd be too inconveniencing for others, and—

Nodoka slammed the book closed, her eyes spiraling. Well, that hadn't been of much help! Kaga-sempai semed to have serious issues, perhaps brought up by a difficult home life. There wasn't that much Nodoka could do, she pondered, but still, the worst efforts always were those not undertaken.

So, after pulling the tome back in, she knocked weakly on the door. "K-Kaga-sempai? It's me, Miyazaki Nodoka... May-May I talk with you for a few minutes, please? I wish to apologize on Haruna's behalf..."

Short for Unequally standards, yes, but the headache has been followed by a flu and fever, and writing for too long, especially action sequences, is being harder than usual. Sorry...

edited 23rd Jul '11 7:55:30 PM by NapoleonDeCheese

JapaneseTeeth Existence Weighed Against Nonbeing from Meinong's jungle Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Mu
Existence Weighed Against Nonbeing
#11352: Jul 23rd 2011 at 7:54:58 PM

DAMN IT.

The file for Caelum Contortum chapter 3 got corrupted. Fortunately I only lost a few paragraphs, but it's still frustrating because I spent a lot of time trying to get it right.

Here's the part I still have. The stuff that got lost was Negi's entrance and a few introductions. Nothing major, but it's still annoying.

Doesn't help that my apartment's AC went out in the middle of a freaking heat wave, so my motivation is basically nil right now.

edited 23rd Jul '11 7:55:38 PM by JapaneseTeeth

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NapoleonDeCheese Since: Oct, 2010
#11353: Jul 23rd 2011 at 8:45:46 PM

Going to sleep now. Hopefully, I'll feel better tomorrow.

Sereg Since: Jun, 2010
#11354: Jul 23rd 2011 at 9:03:13 PM

@Darkenning: Still good.

@Napoleon: That 31 clown princesses in Amber was fun! Also’ “often wasn't just that” switch to “often just wasn’t that” it’s more grammatically correct. Still, nice work. Hope that you get better soon.

@Cygnus: Very good!

@JT: Ouch! Sorry about that. Also “she enjoying drawing” should be “she enjoyed drawing” I really liked your description of Haruna’s discovery and interrogation.

“Anya-dono, I’m ready when you need me. For now, I’ll help Kagurazaka-dono and Sakurazaki-dono. Adeat!” came the voice of Kaede.

Good thought Anya. I’m not going to let him get away with all my partners helping me.

“Are we done yet?” asked Fate.

“Just a bit longer!” Chigusa replied.

“I see...” said Fate as he turned to look at the approaching shadow, “...She’s coming.”

“What!?” asked Chigusa. “Not that brat!?”

“Maxima acceleratio!” yelled Anya and her broom surged forward.

“Tsch!” Chigusa sneered. “What a stubborn little punk.”

“Continue the ritual” Fate said as he held out an arm before pulling out a charm and saying, “Rark!” His zenki appeared in a puff of smoke. “Rubicante, stop that girl.”

Rubicante flew towards Anya, sword outstretched.

“Fortis la tius Lilith lilioth! Veniant spiritus aeriales ignes! Cum ignes flet tempestas ustulare deserti! Vulcani tempestas magmae!" yelled Anya and the zenki was blasted with flame. As it emerged, she held her fist forward and yelled, “Anya flame buster!” punching a flaming hole through the zenki, which quickly disintegrated.

“There you are.” said Fate as she emerged from the smoke he held out a hand and sent a blast towards her. She responded by jumping off her broom to avoid it.

“Mea virga!” she yelled just before she hit the water and she slid onto the deck of the pier. “Evocem vos, ministrae Anja, Ajase Jue, Saotome Haruna, Nagase Caede, Hasegawa Tisame!” Anya cried, throwing her hand containing her pactio cards into the air. She nearly collapsed as the girls emerged from the glow. She struggled forwards on shaking legs. With that, Chigusa and Konoka rose into the air ad the light became blinding as a hulking four-armed figure rose from the water.

“Fufufu...Seems like you’re one step late.” laughed Chigusa. “The ritual has just been completed.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” complained Chisame. “This is beyond ridiculous!” The others just gaped.

“The two-faced, four-armed, giant kishin lord ‘Ryomen Sukuna No Kami’. A giant kishin lord defeated one thousand six hundred years ago.” Chigusa laughed. “Fufufu...The summoning is a success! The legends said he was a hundred and eighty feet tall...but it seems he’s even bigger. He’s so big it’s scary!”

“You fought well...” said Fate as he walked forward, “...too bad, Anya-chan. I won’t kill you…but…but anyone who faces me better be prepared to get hurt. You pushed your physical and magical power to their limits. You did well, Anya-chan.”

“Come to me, seven spirits of air and strike mine enemy! Sagitta magica, convergentia Fulguralis!” Yue yelled, but the arrows just bounced harmlessly against his barrier. Kaede tried touching her sash, but her kunai also simply bounced off of his barrier.

“Vish tal li shutal vangte. Basilske Galeote, meta, kokto,” Fate began as he pointed at Anya.

“Wh-what!?” Chamo yelled. “That was his activation key! He’s a Western mage! And he’s…Stop his incantation!” But it was too late.

“bodon kai kakoin onmatrain force emay kairi katiarth toy kakoi delgmai tokseusato kakon onma petroseos.” A beam fired from his fingers and hit Anya. Her body froze and hturned to a grey stone statue in wide-eyed horror and a silent scream. The bodies of several youkai and Kotaro launched from Haruna’s painting and Kotaro’s face slid across the pier as the painting turned back into a card. The other artifacts also disappeared and the girls were back in their yukatas, with the exception of the half-undressed Chisame. The details of the card faded away.

“Adeat. Adeat! ADEAT!” Haruna yelled as her eyes widened.

“Shit.” said Chisame, accurately describing the situation in one word.

MarqFJA The Cosmopolitan Fictioneer from Deserts of the Middle East (Before Recorded History) Relationship Status: Anime is my true love
The Cosmopolitan Fictioneer
#11355: Jul 23rd 2011 at 10:12:39 PM

Okay, got it down. Inspired by this funny Naruhina fan-art.

Most people would balk at the thought of having to work at a heavily booby-trapped mega-library, exploring ancient ruins abundant with still-functioning death traps, battling a bona fide Reality Warper who could erase from existence with nothing but a mind-reading book and some physical-augmentation magic, and clashing against a nominally-evil organization with morally-ambiguous motives that one may or may not agree with completely. Miyazaki Nodoka, however, was seriously considering that all the aforementioned was cakewalk in comparison to what she was faced with now.

Namely, Hinata requesting advice from her on... relationship issues.

"Er... So, you finally confessed your love to Naruto-san?"

The purple-haired kunoichi shyly nodded, with deep blush adorning her pretty face. She and the purple-haired librarian were sitting on one of the Chao Bao Zi's more secluded tables, with the rest of Nodoka's friends and classmates (sans Satsuki, Ku Fei, Satomi and the recently returned Chao, who were working their magic in the Chao Bao Zi stand) watching the ensuing discussion while respecting the two's privacy by sitting at the farther seats.

"But ever since then, he did not give an actual reply to your confession?"

Another nod, this time meek and coupled with an obviously sad expression. Nodoka was wondering just how dense this Uzumaki Naruto was; at least Negi-sensei had the excuse of being a 10 year old, and he still was able to understand the full implications of a love confession... as long as the love confession is delivered with little to no subtlety.

"Not even after the war with Akatsuki ended?"

Another nod, with an even sadder expression. The librarian suppressed the urge to frown at this; months without addressing the issue? That's simply cruel!

"And to compound matters, Sakura and Ino are spending more and more time with him, apparently having developed similar feelings of their own?"

The expected nod came, accompanied by the kunoichi's eyes tearing up. "I... I... <sniff> I don't know what to do! Please, Miyazaki-san... You, someone who lived through similar suffering and hardships in pursuit of her love and ultimately won, are the only one that I can trust! PLEASE, TEACH ME YOUR SECRET!" Hinata punctuated the last sentence with a deep bow to Nodoka.

"Ah! Please, Hinata-san! There's no need to bow!" Nodoka pleaded as she brought her guest up from her bowing position, clearly flustered by the show of extreme submissiveness. "Um, ano... I'm not sure how to help, though." Noticing the dismayed expression on the kunoichi's face at her words, she quickly blurted out, "But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to help!"

Though she was relieved to see that she managed to soothe her guest somewhat, Nodoka was starting to feel a headache at the problem in her hands. How do you manage to catch the attention of a thick-headed boy who seemed to care more about nindou, ramen, fighting evil-doers and seeking the redemption of traitorous ex-friends than the intricacies of romance and relationships? He was practically nothing like Negi-sen— Wait a minute.

It was brilliant! If her hunch was right, this might actually work! "Hinata-san, I think I found a way to help you."

"R-Really?!"

"Yes. But first, let me introduce you some of my classmates." She took hold of Hinata's hand and tugged her towards the Chao Bao Zi stand, right where she knew Satsuki, Ku Fei, and Chao were at.


"A-Ano... NARUTOKUNHEREPLEASETAKETHIS!"

Uzumaki Naruto, hero of Konoha twice over and of the entire Shinobi world, blinked in surprise as he turned from where he was trading jokes with Sakura and Ino at Ichiraku's restaurant, and saw Hinata extending a covered bowl to him.

"Oh, Hinata. What's this?"

"R-ramen. I... made it myself, and... Well, I wanted someone's second opinion, since... it's my first time, and... Well, I know how you like ramen." The Hyuuga heiress was glad for the Ala Alba's coaching; she didn't think she'd manage to be this intelligible in Naruto's presence otherwise. "So.... Um, do you... mind if... you be the first to... try it?"

The blond son of Konoha's Yellow Flash and the Red Habanero grinned. "You kiddin'?! I love ramen! And I don't mind at all!" He took the bowl from the purple-haired girl's hands, plucked the cover to reveal the still steaming-hot meal, grabbed a pair of chopsticks that a widely-smiling Ayame threw in his direction with ease that spoke of long practice, and promptly dove in... and stopped abruptly once he had his first mouthful.

"... Naruto?" Sakura said with growing alarm, as she watched the self-proclaimed future Hokage's eyes slowly widen; she was startled when they started to overflow with tears. Just as she was about to ask Hinata just what did she put in her recipe, Naruto swallowed his mouthful and, after a couple of seconds of silence, finally spoke.

"He-Heavenly..."

<blink-blink> "What?"

"THIS RAMEN IS HEAVENLY! I NEVER TASTED ANYTHING BETTER IN MY LIFE!!!" Completely oblivious to the volcanic blush that erupted over Hinata's entire head, the last descendant of the Uzumaki clan dove back into his meal, taking time to savor each and every mouthful. A few minutes later found him disappointed that his heavenly meal had been interrupted by the depletion of its finite amount. He turned to said meal's maker with imploringly-tearful eyes.

"Ano..." The girl was having trouble fighting down her shyness-induced panic. "I-I can make more o-once I restock on th-the ingredients."

"REALLY? YATTA!" Naruto jumped. "Hey, it'll be faster if I come with you and help out, right? LET'S GO!" In a flash, the blond boy grabbed the shy kunoichi's hand and half-dragged her out of the restaurant and towards the market, leaving behind a pair of stupefied kunoichi.

The Hyuuga heiress was blushing from head to toe, and yet was smiling wide with utter emotional ecstasy. ("Yes, yes, YES! I DID IT! Now I'm getting somewhere! Oh, thank you, Miyazaki-sama! Thank you, Miyazaki-sama's friends!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!")

As always, any constructive critique is appreciated.

Fiat iustitia, et pereat mundus.
Sereg Since: Jun, 2010
#11356: Jul 24th 2011 at 4:19:33 AM

As we were not making progress on Out of Control, i wrote the next chapter. It's up and ready for checking. Also, we have a pm asking about membership.

SCMof2814 Since: Nov, 2010 Relationship Status: I don't mind being locked in this eternal maze!
#11357: Jul 24th 2011 at 5:16:12 AM

Would that be riku1585 or something? I vaguely know of the guy...

Also, I'm on facebook finally. Anyone know how to add a facebook 'like' flag to tropes pages?

edited 24th Jul '11 5:22:52 AM by SCMof2814

Sereg Since: Jun, 2010
#11358: Jul 24th 2011 at 5:53:14 AM

[up]Dragonkey258. I have facebook, but i don't know how to do that.

EDIT: By the way SCM, I think that you may like the direction that I've sent the fic in.

edited 24th Jul '11 6:01:24 AM by Sereg

SCMof2814 Since: Nov, 2010 Relationship Status: I don't mind being locked in this eternal maze!
#11359: Jul 24th 2011 at 6:06:02 AM

Ah, him. Don't recall much Negima from him. I'm looking forward to reading it.

Sereg Since: Jun, 2010
#11360: Jul 24th 2011 at 7:01:34 AM

@Marq: I like it. I take it that this is a future Nodoka from a Negi/Nodoka end? I got that impression, but it might be nice to make it a tad more explicit (unless I’m wrong, in which case, it might be better to confirm that). As it is now, it looks like I’m probably right, but that probability isn’t much higher than fifty percent.

Setsuna and Asuna’s armour faded away reverting them to their yukatas. “Something’s gone wrong!” Setsuna cried. “I’ll have to save Ojou-sama myself!”

“Go!” Mana ordered. “We’ll look after Kagurazaka-san and take care of the rest.”

“How will you get there?” asked Asuna.

“I have kept a secret from you and Ojou-sama…” Setsuna said as she stepped back leaving Tsukuyomi to Ku Fei. “Once you have seen me in my true form…I’ll have to say goodbye. But now…” She stretched and a pair of wings opened from her back. She lifted off into the air and Tsukuyomi began to drool before being punched by Ku Fei forced her to pay attention to the fight again. “…This is my true form. I’m a monster…Just like them…Please don’t misunderstand! My desire to protect Ojou-sama is real! ...But I’ve kept it a secret all this time…” She flapped her wings and rose into the air. “…Because I was afraid Ojou-sama would hate me if she saw this ugly form!”

Asuna looked up at Setsuna, smiled and called out, “What are you talking about, Setsuna-san? I think they’re cool!”

“Eh…” said Setsuna.

“Konoka’s your childhood friend and you’ve been watching over her from the shadows for the past two years now. What have you seen during that time?” Asuna asked. “Do you think Konoka is the kind of person to hate you just for this? You’re such an idiot!”

“A-Asuna-san.” Setsuna said as tears filled her eyes.

“Go, Setsuna-san!” Asuna yelled.

“Yes, go!” Mana called out, never stopping her hail of bullets.

“Hurry up and go, Setsuna-san!” encouraged Asuna.

“O-okay!” Setsuna yelled and she flew towards the hulking figure in the distance.

MarqFJA The Cosmopolitan Fictioneer from Deserts of the Middle East (Before Recorded History) Relationship Status: Anime is my true love
The Cosmopolitan Fictioneer
#11361: Jul 24th 2011 at 7:37:15 AM

If it's not stated in no uncertain terms, assume a Type 2 Tenchi Solution. And technically, that piece takes place with the characters "outside" their respective "verses" — i.e. they know they're fictional characters, don't care one bit, don't think about it unless it's relevant, know of the existence of other fictional works and its characters, and are free to visit anytime they want. It's been done before here, BTW; the times when the Negima characters meet with Akamatsu-sensei, the time when a few Harem Genre male protagonists and and Tenchi Solution-fanfic-magnets (including Negi and Naruto) met up at a bar, etc..

Fiat iustitia, et pereat mundus.
Darkenning She's Back Since: Apr, 2011
She's Back
#11363: Jul 24th 2011 at 8:19:29 AM

@Sereg: Checked your chapter, fixed a couple of little mistakes. It looks ready to go to me, although you could probably trim the repetitions of the pyjamas lines and little would be lost.

If you won't I'll slit your throat/Won't you please be nice?
NapoleonDeCheese Since: Oct, 2010
#11364: Jul 24th 2011 at 8:24:15 AM

Unequally, Continuation.

After a span of initial shock and terror, Chisame managed to muster enough courage to talk again.

"You... You aren't Asakura Kazumi, aren't you?"

Asakura tilted her head aside. "Don't I look like Asakura Kazumi?"

"Your motions are subtly yet distinctively mechanic, and you present no signs of breathing," Hakase intervened, adjusting her glasses. "That rules out the possibility of your being a mind controlled slave."

"And besides, no way Eva would bring the real you here, hypnotized or not. Too risky for the terms of her agreement with the Dean," Chisame added, daring to give another step ahead.

Kazumi smirked. "What does make you feel you know Evangeline-sama that well?"

Chisame breathed deeply. "I know she's smart. That's enough for me to know she wouldn't risk bringing a snoop like you here."

Kazumi toyed with the knife. "She would trust her awesome powers of control over weak minds, don't you think?"

Hakase shrugged. "Well, if Kaga-sempai broke free from it..."

Kazumi's face suddenly twitched in an angry gesture.

"I knew it!" Chisame said. "That's you talking through that doll, right, Eva?"

"You haven't earned the right to address Evangeline A.K. Mc Dowell under those terms, Hasegawa Chisame," the redhead warned tensely. "Think about it; in any moment now, I could cut this bridge down before you could reach me."

"You don't kill women or children, Evangeline," Chisame gulped. Another small step ahead.

Kazumi's smirk returned. "Who is saying Evangeline would kill you? It's just me, your dear classmate Kazumi-chan... Now go back immediately, if you value your life."

Hasegawa sweated bucketfuls of ice. "This is all part of the test too, isn't it? You can to scare us back, but if we do that, we'll never complete this test in time. You don't want to present us with a fully impossible challenge so soon. No, you'll want to keep on torturing us with this kind of choices until the very end..." She kept on walking.

Kazumi laughed heartlessly, her laughter mechanical but clearly evil. "So! You would bet your life on that, just for the Boya's sake! But tell me, Hasegawa Chisame..." she hissed. "Would you be willing to risk your friends' lives as well...?"

The hacker blinked and took a pause, only broken when she said, reluctantly. "Hakase... go back and wait there. I'm reasonably sure it's okay if only one of us completes this trial. You too, Tsunetsuki, since you aren't even—"

Then she noticed someone's absence and gawked. "Wh-Where's Tsunetsuki?-!"

There was no one between herself and Satomi now.

Hakase pointed sheepishly at the other end of the abyss. "She clung down to the inferior part of the bridge and... made her own way there, I assume..."

"WHAT?-!" Chisame yelled, her eyes bulging out as she saw Tsunetsuki standing behind Asakura now, pressing a knife of her own against her throat. "TSUNETSUKI! SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL!-!-!"

Matoi smiled sweetly. "It's okay, Chisame-sama! I dated a ninja for a while. I'm no Nagase-san, but I still can get the job done..."

Chisame sputtered a few times. "And-And why were you carrying that huge knife around?-!"

Matoi's eyes went fully Yandere for a moment. "Oh, a knife is always useful when pursuing True Love... Plus, it pays to be armed if you run into dangerous perverts while following your loved ones through the cold, dark nights..."

"You're the most dangerous pervert I know!" Chisame screamed. "At least Haruna doesn't carry butcher knives on her!"

"All is fair in love and war," Tsunetsuki giggled madly, pressing the knife against Kazumi's synthetic flesh. "Now, you witch, drop that inferior knife and step aside..."

"Heh," Without missing a beat, Kazumi back punched Matoi off herself and into the mud. "Impressive, madwoman. Crude, stupid and arrogant, but at the very least, you do have guts..."

Chisame all but stomped ahead now. "Get your hands off the wacko, you... you doll!"

"Ah-ah!" Kazumi gestured with the knife again. "Are you as gone off the deep end as her? Aren't you afraid?"

Chisame gulped, making a momentary stop. "Of course I'm scared out of my wits, you abusive doll! But if I get back now, I'll lose Tsunetsuki here forever, and... and no one will ever forgive me that! And like I said, I still don't think you're going to kill me!" She forced herself to continue.

"Chisame-sama..." Matoi whispered from the ground, her mouth bleeding a single thin line of red.

Asakura laughed again, played with the knife, made a gesture of striking with it, and sank it down... in the dirt at her feet. Crossing her arms, she waited until Chisame had crossed the bridge, with Satomi following seconds after.

"Oh, Chisame-sama, you really love me!" Matoi threw herself into the meganekko's arms.

Chisame grunted. "You're asking for another punch, aren't you?"

Asakura huffed and turned around, walking away while gesturing for the others to follow. "This way. Your training is far from over, cretins."

edited 24th Jul '11 8:24:58 AM by NapoleonDeCheese

SCMof2814 Since: Nov, 2010 Relationship Status: I don't mind being locked in this eternal maze!
#11365: Jul 24th 2011 at 8:42:37 AM

@OM: great segment. Hey, I can't recall, is Averuncus going to be in Kyoto? Because having Haruna greet her as "Sexy-chan" is an image that won't leave my head.

Sextum: I am Fate Aver-

Haruna: hey, it's Sexy-chan! HEY SEXY-CHAN!

Yue: Haruna! Don't be improper!

Haruna: hey, it would be even MORE improper to call her 'Sex-chan'.

Sextum: this is why I changed my name...

edited 24th Jul '11 8:58:39 AM by SCMof2814

NapoleonDeCheese Since: Oct, 2010
#11366: Jul 24th 2011 at 8:47:42 AM

[up] Yes, Sextum Averruncus will be in Kyoto.

And so is Quartum right now, so you can bet they'll have a brief, not-too-pleasant 'family reunion'...

Sereg Since: Jun, 2010
#11367: Jul 24th 2011 at 8:48:17 AM

@Darkenning: Thanks. Removed one of those refferences and now it is up!

@Napoleon: Still going well.

@SCM: You called Sextum, "Septum" one time. They are not the same person.

SCMof2814 Since: Nov, 2010 Relationship Status: I don't mind being locked in this eternal maze!
#11368: Jul 24th 2011 at 9:00:12 AM

Ah, my iPod and its sometimes stupid autocorrect. Thanks for the catch.

[up]edit: just read the chapter. Ah, my ego feels so good.

edited 24th Jul '11 9:05:47 AM by SCMof2814

Sereg Since: Jun, 2010
#11369: Jul 24th 2011 at 9:21:13 AM

Glad that you liked it. So who gets the next chapter? Hopefully I've been able to stir some creative juices.

JapaneseTeeth Existence Weighed Against Nonbeing from Meinong's jungle Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Mu
Existence Weighed Against Nonbeing
#11370: Jul 24th 2011 at 9:35:18 AM

I suppose I could take it; I haven't done a chapter for a while. Hopefully it won't get in the way of my other stuff too much.

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MarqFJA The Cosmopolitan Fictioneer from Deserts of the Middle East (Before Recorded History) Relationship Status: Anime is my true love
The Cosmopolitan Fictioneer
#11371: Jul 24th 2011 at 10:25:14 AM

@JT & SCM: So.... Any significant weaknesses/deficiencies that you guys see in my writing style in these two ficlets?

Fiat iustitia, et pereat mundus.
NoLimit Since: Oct, 2009
#11372: Jul 24th 2011 at 10:30:47 AM

Not asked at me, but it's painfully obvious that they're written by an otaku. [lol]

JapaneseTeeth Existence Weighed Against Nonbeing from Meinong's jungle Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Mu
Existence Weighed Against Nonbeing
#11373: Jul 24th 2011 at 10:36:41 AM

[up][up]I don't see any noticable stylistic issues. Both stories made me lol, although I'm not entirely familiar with comics or Naruto. From what I know, I think you did a good job of integrating them into the Negima setting.

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MarqFJA The Cosmopolitan Fictioneer from Deserts of the Middle East (Before Recorded History) Relationship Status: Anime is my true love
The Cosmopolitan Fictioneer
#11374: Jul 24th 2011 at 11:25:16 AM

@No Limit: Really... How can you tell?

@JT: Thanks, man. I'm flattered.

Fiat iustitia, et pereat mundus.
NoLimit Since: Oct, 2009
#11375: Jul 24th 2011 at 11:34:10 AM

...I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not. ^^;


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