I don't mean bad in a quality sense. I mean bad in "You'll need Brain Bleach when it's over" sense.
Still want to hear it?
Reaction Image RepositoryI found that ad... funny, dood.
"Prices lower than Kaede's sex drive!"
Kaede: *non-reaction*
Also, looking for tropes for GHQ is a lot harder than I thought.
You know you want to add more tropes to THIS.Alright then, you asked for it.
Note, I call absolute dibs on actually doing this. I don't know if I will, because it might completely and totally ruin my reputation, but whatever (also, I have reasons for not using Tsukuyomi as primary character, mainly because I find it funnier this way):
Chachazero tells The Aristocrats.
It may not seem all that bad, but I assure you that if I actually get around to writing it, it will be intensely disturbing.
Reaction Image RepositoryAs OM has mentioned, he's in the process of writing a series of stories that will combine the Decadent interpretation of the Negima cast with more obvious crossovers from the Unequally series. I found this to be an intriguing concept, and so I volunteered to contribute something to that series. Here's the rough draft.
But, until such time as someone dared to tell the Brigade's commander-in-chief that she couldn't have a junior high school student in her club, Madoka found herself stuck with it. (She was not nearly brave enough to raise the subject.) And it wasn't so bad, really. It meant she got to spend time with the charismatic and personable fellow who called himself Kyon. And Koizumi and Nagato were, well, not exactly nice, but pleasant enough to be around. (Nagato reminded her a bit of Honya, only even more anti-social.)
Really, aside from the aforementioned dictator-for-life, there was only one member of the Brigade that she found it hard to deal with.
So of course, on this particular day, as she was thinking all of this, she slid open the door of the Brigade's club room to find it solely occupied by that person.
"Good afternoon, Kugimiya-san," Asahina Mikuru said timidly, turning to look at her from where she was seated at the table, doing nothing in particular.
"Uh, good afternoon, Asahina-sempai," Madoka said, trying to cover her confusion. "Where is everyone today?"
"Ah, well, Kyon-san has to go and take his little sister to the doctor's office today, Koizumi-san and Nagato-san ... just didn't show up for some reason. Suzumiya-san is, well, um, I-I-I-I think she might be, um, well, talking people into letting us keep using this club room ... through methods that I'm sure don't involve intimidation or extortion!" Mikuru blushed cutely at her own Suspiciously Specific Denial.
Madoka briefly considered taking advantage of these circumstances and running as fast as she possibly could. But she knew perfectly well that even though she could run, she'd never be able to hide anywhere that Haruhi would not find her. Under the circumstances, the only real option was to sit down where she usually sat between Koizumi and Nagato, and say, with patently false cheerfulness, "Well, then I guess we'd better just sit and wait."
"Mm-hm," Mikuru agreed, nodding and smiling cutely.
Madoka successfully fought the temptation to punch that cute smile. She didn't really understand why she didn't like the Brigade's official maid, to put it mildly. Really, there was nothing wrong with her. Parts of her personality and person would probably be extremely attractive. Take her nervousness and insecurity, for example — in someone like Ako, those tendencies were extremely attractive, to the point where Madoka had been fighting feeling turned on by her bandmate for quite some time.
But the cumulative effect of all the cute and sweet traits that Mikuru possessed, in Mikuru, made her ... grostesque. Like some sort of weird Frankenstein creature assembled from everything that people judged to be, well, moe. It all made her very hard to take.
"Would you like some tea?" Mikuru asked plaintitively. "I could make some tea? Would you like that?"
"That would be nice. Thank you, sempai," Madoka answered, trying very hard to keep her teeth from clenching. Even Haruhi's inanity was preferable to this crap. Plus it would be divided between the two of them, and probably Mikuru would get the worst of it. She watched the high schooler make the tea, deciding that she understood why Nagato spent so much time reading. This place could be really dull some—
"Here we are," Mikuru said, turning with the tea tray held at the level of her bosom. Then she took a step towards the table.
Perhaps she was wearing a different maid outfit than usual. After all, variety was the spice of life. That would explain why her foot came down on the edge of her skirt and she fell forward, spilling the contents of the kettle of tea right onto her chest. Mikuru shrieked in shock and pain.
Madoka was on her feet at once and quickly went around the table to help. She might dislike Asahina, but that wasn't the same thing as enjoying her in pain. She quickly got the tray and the kettle off of her and set them down on the table. "Napkins, where are napkins?" she asked.
"O-o-over there," Mikuru pointed, gesturing to where they were set on one of the shelves. "Oh, I'm going to have to take this off," she added, gesturing to her maid outfit's top.
"Yeah, that's probably a good idea," Madoka said absently, as she picked up the napkins. "Actually, you might want to run cold water over your, um, the part where the tea went, or you're probably going to have a burn."
"Hweh," Mikuru said, unbuttoning the top and pulling it off. "Is it —"
"Actually, I think it's okay, all the cloth probably absorbed most of it, let me just —" She started to wipe up the remaining tea on Mikuru's bosom with the napkin.
"Thank you, Kugimiya-san, you're very nice," Mikuru said winsomely.
At that precise moment, the door slid open and Haruhi strolled in. "Well, that takes care of —" she started to say, then stopped dead in her tracks.
Madoka abruptly realized how this looked, and abruptly remembered Haruhi explicitly telling her that Mikuru was 'hers', and all the times she'd seen Haruhi groping and otherwise being inappropriate towards Mikuru, and the words, the awful, incriminating words, bubbled out of her mouth.
"It's not what it looks like!"
"I know that," Haruhi said calmly, closing the door behind her.
"You do?" Madoka said, now really frightened. Haruhi angry was familiar, Haruhi calm was utterly unprecedented.
"Yep," Haruhi confirmed. "You see, what it looks like is that Mikuru, being clumsy, spilled tea all over herself, and Kugimin, being a good person, tried to help her clean up."
"Uh, wait, no, in that case, it is what it —" Madoka said, not even complaining about the hateful nickname.
"No, no, I'm not fooled. What it is, rather than that, is a fairly blatant attempt by Mikuru to seduce Kugimin. Mikuru, we've discussed this, and you should know better by now." Haruhi shook her head in somber dismay.
"What," Madoka asked.
"Oh, yes. Mikuru really gets around. Aside from me, where, well, let's say it was pretty much mutual, she's seduced Itsuki-kun, and Nagato-chan, and her friend Tsuruya, and those two guys who hang around with Kyon, and that butler and maid on that island we visited, and ... how many of the guys in the computer club have you been with, anyway? I mean at any one time."
Hesitantly, blushing, looking down at the floor, Mikuru held up three fingers.
"In fact, you could say that Mikuru is pretty much the club bicycle," Haruhi said, as she walked right up to the maid, and, with a quick pair of tugs, pulled the straps of Mikuru's bra off her shoulders so that it collapsed to her waist, leaving her topless. She turned to leer at Madoka. "Wanna ride?"
"Uh," Madoka temporized.
"I'll take that as a yes," Haruhi said, once more demonstrating her keen interest in other people's opinions.
LEMON ENSUES!
"Not bad for a junior high kid," Haruhi said wantonly, as she lay back on the table, head in Mikuru's lap, holding Madoka's head down in her own. "I wish I'd had classmates like you when I was in junior high. Probably still would've cut class every chance I got, but it would have been more fun doing it."
How did this happen? Madoka thought wearily. All I wanted was to get close to a cool guy, not start having lesbian orgies! Oh, I hope Misa never finds out about this ... On these notes, she slowly faded into unconscousness.
Haruhi passed out silently from her own exertions a few moments later, leaving only Mikuru awake in the room. She reached down to gently caress Haruhi's hair.
"It's really only you," she said, in a voice utterly removed from her usual whiny tone. "The others, they're part of the mission. I do it with them because of classified information. But when I'm with you, it's because I want to be.
"I love you, mama. I can't wait until you and papa get together. We'll have so much fun when that happens." She bent down to kiss Haruhi's lips one more time, and then snuggled up to sleep herself.
Happy Mother's Day, everybody!
If you won't I'll slit your throat/Won't you please be nice?
If I actually follow through on my idea, that stuff will seem like child's play.
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If I actually do that, I feel like this is going to end horribly. We'll see.

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You know, I've a had a really terrible stand-up related fanfic idea bouncing around in my head for a while, but I hesitate to even mention it based on how much potential for disaster it entails.
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