So, no Franken Fran upgrade for Chacha? Bummer.
KING RAKAN TEARS OF SADNESS SCREAM!
(Ostia crashes again)
I read part of it; it's an interesting concept, but there's way too much Gorn for my taste.
I'm gonna need a little help with this stuff, boys.
I want some entertaining Ala Alba commentary for Mao and Negi's misadventures through Konoka's heart. As I'm finding more to put in, it's going to be a long wait for what's going to apparently be three chapters worth of story.
To make up for this, I ask you, T Vtropes, to help me out with a few spots that might be some comedy gold mine I'm missing. Firstly, some setup.
Champloo's food was truly filling, but being practiced heroes, she could tell when she was being distracted. Negi was missing.
A quick and quiet summoning of her book and an attempt to read Negi's mind failed—definite teller that he was not nearby. Even focusing her mind, to expand her aura enough and get a better range failed to pick up anything. Where did he go, and so quickly?! Nodoka frowned and headed off back towards the dorms, keeping a worried hand on her book. She was already panicking, and she had only noticed this for a moment. Not good!
She paused and took a deep breath. Which by that time, Yue had followed up behind her. “What's going on, Nodoka?”
“Negi-sensei's missing,” Nodoka murmured. “I can't find him. My book's range is better, so it seems like he disappeared off the face of the campus.”
“He's gone?! Just like that?” While Yue tended not to show strong emotion very often, even her face had obvious shock.
“What do we do?!”
“Don't give up Nodoka,” Yue gripped Nodoka's shoulders, trying to calm her down. “Remember the combined spell we drafted?”
That indeed worked, partially because Yue was awesome and partially because Nodoka wasn't heavily panicking in the first place. Still though, they had formed this little spell as a countermeasure to Negi's own personality—he may not want to involve others in his investigations, but they wanted to at least know where to hitch a ride to in a hurry, if they had good reason to believe that he was in danger. Nodoka nodded. “We're only seeing where he is.”
Without even passing a glance at the others, Nodoka and Yue completed their trek to the dorm.
That didn't go unnoticed, though. Asuna happened to be looking in their direction as they disappeared, and Asagi raised an eyebrow, as if something plot relevant was passing just outside her vision.
—-
With her book down in front of her, Nodoka focused on her magic, drawing her thoughts towards Negi. It seemed so basic to her now, even with the level of concentration she needed to establish the link once Yue pulled off the spell.
Speaking of, Yue drew her own power, thinking of a basic search spell, and applying it sharply enough for a near universal scale. Maintaining this sort of thing was a huge magical drain, but it only needed to work long enough to find Negi's signature. “Telepathic Mind Link: Negi Springfield,” Yue intoned. She tapped Nodoka's noggin. With someone to hone in on the spell burst in a nigh invisible but easily felt aura.
It only took a few moments but the spell was done. Nodoka felt the connection snap into place, and judging by the lack of feedback, Negi was none the wiser. To her relief, she found the words of his mind slowly seep onto her book.
“Looks like it worked,” Yue noted. “So where is he?”
Nodoka looked down at the words forming in Negi's head. “He's with Mao-san, heading towards the bank in the demon world.” It took a moment for this information to process between the two of them, but process it did. And when two and two finally made four...
“Wait, he's IN THE DEMON WORLD?!”
Nodoka and Yue's shared cry was like a beacon of summoning for nearly every Ala Alba member who wasn't already en route to Nodoka's room.
Like Asuna and Asagi, for instance. “Did somebody say Negi's in the demon world?!” Asuna roared, bursting open the door like she owned the place. Asuna immediately stomped to Nodoka. “There better be a good explanation for this!”
“There is!” Asagi piped in. “There's something plot relevant going on down there!” But she was ignored.
“Trust me, I want one as much as you do!” Nodoka gasped at Asuna coming in so close. “Wait...! Something else is happening!” She gazed in and began to read the words aloud...
edited 22nd Mar '11 8:24:39 PM by Cygnus
You know you want to add more tropes to THIS.No wait
Mei will have a FAR more interesting romp
Through New York
On the wings of a GARGOYLE!!!!
You know you want to add loveMaybe...
But I just want an excuse to have Xanatos team up with the LITTLE WASHU!!!!!
You know you want to add loveYeah, I have quite a LOT written, and still more to go.
An example of the type of thing I'm pulling with this commentary.
Negi sighed. The other two had a point. “Let's get going then.” The three of them together approached the bank clerk. “So can we see Konoka-san's heart?”
“I'm sorry, but the heart does not trust everyone present. Only those that this heart trusts can come through.” The clerk said with the same smile. Somehow, though, it sounded much more menacing to Satsuki. Was it the tone, or was it a dangerous aura that she felt?
“Oh come on! We're only going in for a tour!” Mao crowed. “We have no aims of making her good!”
“The rule still stands.”
“Shall I change your mind, then?” Mao crossed his arms, and he let his powerful aura flare.
Without changing expression, the clerk pulled out a bow and arrow, and took aim at Mao's heart. “Try me.”
“Hold it!” Negi shouted, stepping between them. Both parties relaxed their stances, though their auras remained. “I know that he seems untrustworthy, but if I keep watch of him, I promise he won't interfere. So please... let the three of us through.”
It took a moment, but the clerk finally stood down. She knelt down, dug in a drawer for a moment, then popped up, holding a small, silver key that seemed to shine brightly. “It seems she's permitting you to enter, however subconsciously. I can't guarantee your safety, though. The boy with red hair must lead.” She tossed the key to Negi, who caught it with a single hand.
“That's fine with me! We can do more than take care of ourselves,” Mao declared. “And as I said, we're only doing a tour.”
The clerk resumed her normal happy stance. “May your trip have meaning!”
—-
“Yep, Mao is insane,” Asuna concluded.
“I've been telling you that since he got here!” Asagi complained.
“I know, but it's so true that even Captain Obvious has to state it a few times to drive the point home.”
“Ughhh!” Asagi shook and hung her head, thoroughly defeated. “Character development is harder than I thought...”
“Hey guys!” The boisterous voice of Kazumi Asakura annouced the reporter's presence as she and the ghostly Sayo intruded. “Have you seen Negi-sensei anywhere? Or creep demon Mao?”
The only answer she got was everyone that was already there pointing at Nodoka's book. And two words: “Demon world.”
Unequally, Lesson 23, Continuation.
"H-Headmaster-sensei!" he said stiffly, trying to sound normal. "What a surprise to see you here! Hmm... Are you hurt? What are those bandages on your head?"
"Oh, these? Nothing, nothing!" the old man shook his head. "Just had a little spill, that's all. Are those the tests of Class 2-A?"
"The latecomers', yes. They have just turned them in. Why?"
"Could I rate them personally?" he extended his wrinkled hands ahead. "I promise I'll have them ready before this afternoon..."
Late that afternoon, and after the quick job of the evaluation teams, the students and some teachers had crowded into the extense main hall, chattering and muttering amongst themselves while waiting for the grades to be announced. Some heavy betting took place in relative secrecy, with even some of the teachers joining in.
"You'll lose your whole salary for the month again..." Nyamo-sensei whispered to Yukari-sensei.
Yukari shook her head with stubborness. "I know my dummies better than anyone!" she hissed. "If I say Tomo and Kagura will flunk, then they'll flunk for sure!"
The deeply tanned girl a few feet away scowled. "Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence, Teach!"
The flatter, paler girl at her side shrugged. "Hey, she knows what she's saying there. If they'd take my bets on it, I'd have bet on our flunking, too!"
Kagura shot her an annoyed glare. "Bite a raw cable, Tomo."
"Silence!" Hall Monitor Kotegawa Yui clapped her hands. "It's starting now!"
They all held their breaths as the numbers began appearing on the large plasma screen hanging over them. Class by class, in no particular order, other than that of those who were finished with the tests first.
HIGH SCHOOL CLASS 1-C.
Ishida Uryuu: 97
Ishida only took the news with a total absence of expression, although somehow, the sudden glint in his glasses seemed to convey a smug satisfaction of sorts.
"Very good job, Ishida-kun!" Orihime clapped happily.
Orihime Inoue: 93.
"THAT'S MY HIME!!" Honsho Chizuru sobbed, diving for another body squeezing hug on the busty redhead. "As wise as Athena, but as beautiful as Aphrodite!!"
Ichigo rolled his eyes, then looked at the next name in the electronic list.
Yasutora Sado: 85.
"Well done, Chad!" Rukia patted him friendly in a huge thick arm.
"It was... nothing," the dark skinned gentle giant lowered his head humbly. "I could have studied a lot more. I was lucky..."
Kurosaki Ichigo: 83.
"You too, Ichigo!" Rukia spoke again. "Impressive, for someone with so little time... here!"
He humphed, sinking his hands into his pockets. "I don't see the big deal about it. I had nothing better to do, so I spent my time studying..."
"And he says it just like that!" Chizuru cringed. "We were outdone by three... men, Ruki-chan! What went wrong? We don't have intelligence stunning male hormones, so what happened to us?-!"
"... You always fell asleep at our study sessions, Chizuru-chan," Orihime gently reminded her.
The other redhead grimaced. "We should have studied with Baseball Janken, just like 2-A. That way we'd be geniuses like Chao Lingshen."
Rukia huffed. "Orihime's smart. You'd never catch her naked with that stupid trick."
"Oh, I wasn't talking about her..." Chizuru purred, resting her chin on Rukia's right shoulder. "You, on the other hand, I'm sure we'd have you stripped in less than—"
The rest of the students stepped aside, letting her to fly by freely as Rukia punched her across the room.
"Wow, Rukia..." Orihime was in awe. "Have you been exercising lately?"
HIGH SCHOOL CLASS 2-F.
Kitsu Chiri: 90.
"Wow, the first of the class again, Chiri-chan!" Kafuka said. "I'm very proud of your wonderful ability to leave us in the dust like fools!" she added, somehow sounding completely innocent and sincere.
But Chiri looked angry, a perfectly symmetrical veing popping at the middle of her forehead. "I have failed!"
"Huh? Were you aiming even higher?" Nami asked.
"No!" she replied. "I wanted a 88!"
"Ehhhhhh?" Nami blinked.
Chiri ran her hands over her head. "The perfect number! Eight times eleven! So gorgeous on its symmetry! Not too high, not too low! But what do I get? A nine and a zero! How ugly and uneven!" She looked around. "And where's Itoshiki-sensei? He should be here with us at this key moment of our lives!"
Fujiyoshi Harumi: 88
The shapely mangaka whistled. "Whoooo, not bad! Mom and Dad will be proud!"
But Chiri simply shot her a killer glare. "You... You stole my 88! And I thought you were my friend!"
A few steps away, Haruna shook her head. "Those girls are just plain crazy. Even Fujiyoshi-sempai..."
"It takes one to know another," Chisame observed bitterly. "What's taking our grades so long, anyway?"
"Well, we were the last ones to arrive," Satomi reminded her. "Give them time..."
They waited and waited as all the classes received their grades, until they were the last ones left. Most of the other students and their teachers had still stuck around, however, curious about seeing how would the Academy's second weirdest classroom perform that year.
Negi sweated and gasped, his heart thumping furiously, as the long dreaded words appeared on the screen.
MIDDLE SCHOOL CLASS 2-A.
edited 22nd Mar '11 9:08:12 PM by NapoleonDeCheese
And now? A note of Bill and Ted Mao and Negi's Excellent Adventures: IN KONOKA'S MIND!
As decreed by the rules, Negi had to lead—he was the most familiar with Konoka of the three there, and he also bore enough curiosity to match Mao's. Despite not seeing much, he felt his feet hit solid ground, as did Mao and Satsuki behind him. A glance down, however, showed that the ground was in fact, stain glass steps leading to a tower, one emerging from a blank, black abyss. “This must be... Konoka-san's heart.” He concluded softly.
“No duh!” Mao retorted, noting that the darkness here wasn't even obscuring his eyesight, but felt more like what he did see was a blank slate. “Though this looks wildly different than the inside of my heart. I wonder if the insides reflect the personality or something of the person on the outside, then.”
“What do you mean?” Satsuki asked.
“Hmph,” Mao crossed his arms. “My heart's generic background was clean shades of glass, like an icy wasteland in space. This one feels... entirely different. It has to be ripping off something!” They stepped to the first tower, and the three took a glance at the rather ornate glass pattern of Konoka in the center. “Oooh, well look at this! She even curls up like a sleeping princess!”
“Where did you even come up with a comparison like that?” Negi asked. He looked back on it. “I don't remember her having horns, or a tail... or Setsuna-san's wings. Is this her... demon form?”
“That's how she looks like now,” Satsuki explained, gazing at the familiar form immortalized in the stain glass floor. “From what I've seen of her, Konoka doesn't seem all too disturbed about all of her additions... even if she's worried about what they mean.” She gave a soft smile. “That tail of hers is dangerous, though.”
“Dangerous?!” Negi gasped.
“Oooh, sounds interesting!” Mao crowed, rubbing his hands together. “You must tell me more~!”
“Only if you stop drooling,” Satsuki calmly countered. But Mao didn't, and Negi only looked confused, so she left it at that. Negi shrugged and moved on, the other two following him to another trail of stain glass steps and deeper into Konoka's heart.
Onwards they marched, up to another tower—this one lined with a shelf of a few things. Gathering closer, Negi, Mao, and Satsuki could see it was a shelf mostly comprised of old things. Small toys, relics of her old home. And sure enough, when Negi checked the design under their feet, he saw what looked to be a much younger Konoka. “Toys?” He blinked.
“Touch one! I dare you,” Mao challenged, grin on his face.
Satsuki blinked, something about his challenge feeling wrong. “Wait... Negi-sensei...!”
But Negi's hand reached out and touched a small blue ball, decorated with stars, before her words registered in her mind. By the time he thought that maybe listening to Mao was a bad idea, the world around them changed.
Gone was the stain glass tower, instead replaced by smooth earth, and walls of a great Kyoto estate. “Konoka-san's home...” Negi breathed.
“What?” Mao asked, voice raising as if demanding explanation.
“This is obviously Konoka-san's home,” Negi elaborated, much louder for the other two to hear this time. And true to his word, he saw the younger Konoka playing alone. She was soon joined with the appearance of the Shinmeiryuu—and the child Setsuna. Indeed, he remembered that Konoka described this first meeting to him back in Kyoto three years ago.
“Mwahaha~, just as I thought,” Mao said, rubbing his chin. “These are in fact her memories. They seem fairly intact. Touching those objects activates those memories.”
“Very strange...” Satsuki said. But as she looked at Konoka and Setsuna playing, she noticed something off. “Wait... what's with Sakurazaki-san?”
“Huh?” Negi blinked. He looked at the child representation of Konoka's childhood protector. “She seems... slightly opaque.”
“Oh?” Mao leaned in closer, looking at the memory of Konoka and Setsuna playing together. He lurked in closer, much to the surprise and dismay of Satsuki and Negi. The latter even tensed—enough that Mao felt it, but he ignored that. Much to their relief, however, Mao's nosing around did not disturb the memory at all. “Well, she does seem a little too sepia compared to the memory around her. Maybe it's been tampered with...”
“Tampered?!” Satsuki gasped. “Why?”
Negi, fist shaking and on the offensive, immediately barked, “Who would mess with Konoka-san's mind?!”
“Oh, there's all sorts of reasons demons could mess with each other's minds!” Mao crowed. “Maybe they wanted to play a joke on her memories? Or remove something embarrassing she knows about them?” His voice grew a tad darker following that, though. “Or how about trying to make her evil enough to be the ultimate demon... to slay? It's happened before.”
“Mao...” Negi hissed. “I'm going to find out more. I'm going to hope that whoever's been messing with Konoka-san's mind, if there is such a person, has a good explanation.”
“Me too,” Satsuki said, not even bothered by Negi's attitude, as she felt way too similarly to care.
“Well then,” Mao said as the memory began to fade. “Let's move on!”
They turned away, moving towards another glass staircase. Satsuki stopped for a moment as she swore she felt eyes on her, but turned away, dismissing it. Of course, as it dictates, her suspicion wasn't wrong—the child Setsuna in memory stared right at them for a moment before fading away.
So what do you think Ala Alba's got to say about this part?
You know you want to add more tropes to THIS.
First of all, let me note that I was listening to this
while reading the snipet.
For the commentary, if Haruna is there, point out the fact that she's seen this somewhere before but she doesn't remember. If Negi and his group get attack by dark cretures, let Haruna lampshade it. That's all I can think of at the moment.
A lot of good stuff has gone up. Well done.
Once again my Latin's probably off, but I think that I'm slowly getting better. The new spell should say something to the effect of: “May all portals be opened to me! Let no ward obstruct me! No lock shall stop me! Knock and let this door be opened!”
edited 23rd Mar '11 1:14:13 AM by Sereg
People dedicated to Chachamaru's purity are not going to like it when she interfaces with Legion
in Mahora Effect.
Since Legion is geth, and the geth share all experiences, that means she's been intimate with an entire AI species, thousands of billions of individuals strong. And thanks to Legion's custom mobile platform, she's been intimate with them at the rate of 1,183 individuals at a time, making her biggest ho in fiction by a long shot. Of course, they're only sharing data packets, but that's still closer than any two organics can get.
Share it so that people can get into this conversation, 'cause we're not the only ones who think like this.@SCM: Hmmm…Yes, I suppose it would be. I’m so used to seeing the beginner’s activation key with those simple spells, that I just associate it with them. Oh well, I suppose that I can change that.
Another Preview Draft of Unequally Lesson 24.
"Oh, hey, Kugimiya-chan!" the brown haired girl smiled at her, holding a hand up. "What a happy coincidence, to find you here!"
Madoka took a pause, more than slightly concerned. Something told her, very strongly, that meeting had not been a coincidence at all. The face of that girl was one that didn't display any surprise at all. It had "ALL AS PLANNED" written all over it.
"Oh... Good morning, Suzumiya-sempai!" she said, nodding her head in a vague bowing. "Fancy meeting you here, yeah... Wait. I wasn't aware you knew my name..." Or even that she existed, for that matter.
Suzumiya Haruhi shrugged casually, a smug smile dancing on her lips. "What can I say? I make my business to know the names of those who regularly walk into my club..."
Madoka paled visibly. "I... I have only visited it once or twice. I didn't mean to intrude..."
The older girl craned her neck ahead, almost sticking her face to Madoka's, much to the latter's discomfort. "Intruding? Oh, are you thinking I'm offended or something? Well, I *do* like to be informed when someone wants to walk into *my* club to partake with my subordinates, taking their attention away from their duties... But no, I'm not offended or angry!!" she laughed out loud, and that laugh chilled Kugimiya to the bones. Then Suzumiya made that sly wide grin, showing her perfect white teeth off. It was a terrifying grin as well. The Joker would have taken notes. "Then, have you liked what you saw?"
"Oh... Yeah, sure, you have a pretty nice club room..."
"Yeah. I'm sure Kyon had a good time showing it to you, too."
Madoka squirmed in place. She remembered the rumors Misa had helped to spread, on Suzumiya-sempai liking her clubmate Kyon. And her clubmate Mikuru. And her clubmate Itsuki. And farm animals. And actors from old B-movies. And former convicts. And costumed supervillains.
Okay, so most of those rumors PROBABLY were baseless, but still...
"Look, I didn't want to—" she began, but then Haruhi began fanning herself.
"Whooo, it's a hot day! Wanna go for something cold to drink?"
"Huh? Well, I don't have too much time, but—"
"It's a free day! The term's over already! Don't be a stick in the mud!" She took her by a hand and began dragging her down the street. Just like the rumors had said, she had no concepts of things like private space. "And besides, it won't take long! I just want to drink something while I tell you everything about our offer!"
Madoka was really freaked out now. "What offer?-!"
"Relax! You won't be obliged to wear the Playboy bunny suit yet!" Suzumiya-sempai said, as if that was the most reassuring thing in the world.
Madoka wanted to run, but that hand's grip was just damn strong.
SCM, I'm working on the Chachamaru-Midori fight for the crossover. I might have it ready tomorrow.
edited 23rd Mar '11 11:32:08 AM by NapoleonDeCheese

Alright, fair enough. So I call dibs on Mei
You know you want to add love