All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

A Xenomorph

Asuna's last thoughts as the thing bursted out of her was they really shouldn't have allowed Negi's pet to sleep at their room.

Boogie-kun

"But Master!" the doll still implored. "He's the love of my life! I can feel it! We share the same tastes in fine knives! And mercilessly mocking others! And then slicing them open! He's the only one who UNDERSTANDS! You can't take him away!"

"Sorry, Chachazero," the undead mage dryly said. "They said they had no room for two murderous creepy dolls in the same storyline, and that's it. Unless YOU want to go instead of him..."

Chachazero paused, open mouthed, before slowly tilting her head towards the male doll now in Anju's arms. "Sorry, lover. I'm not quitting this paycheck."

"You bitch," Boogie told her. "That's why I love you. Goodbye. I'll see you in Hell."

Chachazero sniffed. "Don't say that! You'll just make this even harder!"

Negi, Konoka, Setsuna, Chachamaru and Nodoka waved their goodbyes as Evangeline sneered dismissively at the slowly distacing Anju. "Inferior vampires..."

Chachazero had started to bawl, drying her theorically impossible tears with the blood stained handkerchief he had left her. Meanwhile, Asuna just stood next to her, both her hands covered with bloody bandages.

"At least my fingers will be safe now."

For some ubiquitously obvious, yet also impossible to precise reason that fully befuddled Hakase, she was feeling even worse and more at unease than she had expected.

She sat in perfect silence staring at the completely happy looking and peppy Sakurako, who had taken over the small stage with her usual energy, the words musically flowing out of her in an almost supernatural way.

And Hakase didn't have the slightest idea about if she should feel impressed, embarrassed, or simply bored. Whatever the case was, she was idly regretting not taking on the offer to do something else and going to buy the spare parts now.

She didn't want to be there, no matter how beautiful and energetic Shiina's voice was.

"Ponpon futte futte furimakutte saigo mo kihon mune no mae de kurosu! L · O · V · E raburii honjitsu mo owari ne ponpon areba nani mo nozomanai wa!"

"Dakedo tama ni namida ga dechau no yo onna no ko desu mono!"

As the final chords of the music died down, the cheerleader, breathing heavier and with a wonderful smile, turned around to face the nearly expresionless scientist again. "Did you like it, Prof-chan?" she eagerly asked.

"Um, why, yes, it was... armonically well constructed, and fitting all the esthetic properties of popularly accepted musical parameters I am familiar with..." Satomi nodded with slowness, more or less sure of having chosen the right words.

Sakurako blinked cluelessly before melodically giggling once more. "Oh, Prof-chan! The good thing about your flattery is knowing how much effort you put into wording it!"

Hakase nodded firmly and held her chin high. "I've always been a big believer of the need to express your ideas precisely through a rich vocabulary."

"Good!" Sakurako nodded back like a puppy on sugar, handing her the microphone. "Then put that vocabulary to good musical use! Sing a song for me, please?"

Satomi's hands fidgeted clumsily around the mike. "I don't know..."

"Only one song!" Sakurako asked, putting her hands together. "Then we'll go back home! But I really, really want to hear you singing! It's not fair I got to sing three times and you never did it!"

"But music isn't my field of expertise at all..." she attempted to protest.

"Well, you gotta start at some point, don't you? Don't worry, I'll pick the right song for you..." the cheerleader hummed spinning back and beginning to search through the selection of available themes. "Hmm, there's gotta be something here that suits you..."

Hakase cutely groaned to herself, closing her eyes. Even looking at Sakurako was awkward now, as the bubbly girl waved her hips and backside almost as if in purpose, in a way that was proving to be disturbingly stirring for the black haired teen.

Slowly, Satomi half-opened her eyes back. Yes, Sakurako was, sure enough, still moving her perky posterior around to left and right, and if the innocent look on the cheerleader's face had not been combined with the inventor's utter ignorance on the matters of feminine seduction, the latter would have started suspecting of a deliberate ploy to entice her.

Still, as it was, it was enough to make her close her eyes again, with a pale shade of pink appearing over her upper cheeks and the bridge of her nose.

Negi stood paralyzed by uncertainty as Sakurazaki Setsuna calmly finished stepping in between Konoka and her two harassers.

Konoka had just seen him, too, staring at him with wide shocked eyes. "Negi-kun...? What are you doing here? And you too, Misa-chan?"

Before he could reply, the large bully with the bandaged hand angrily stepped until he almost was grabbing the unfazed Setsuna. "Hey, you her sister?" he asked. "I don't like the way you're looking at us. We only were being nice to her, that's all. If anything, you should be thankful..."

"She asked you to let her go her way," Sakurazaki coldly countered. "If you had truly tried to be helpful to her, you'd have honored her wishes."

"You little stuck up witch..." the large boy growled into her face. "Don't try telling us what to do..."

"Leave that girl alone!" Negi was now firmly advancing towards the older boys, holding his staff between his hands, despite Misa's panicked stare and Konoka's attempt to hold him by a sleeve.

The bigger ruffian scoffed at him. "Dammit, is everyone a white knight now? Stay outta this, brat, or I'll push that stick out your—

Then his friend nervously tugged on his shirt several times, pointing at something around Setsuna's narrow waist. "D-Dude! Look at that! The chick's carrying a s-sword!"

The lead bully looked down as well, only then noticing the long sheath the petite girl was carrying around. That stunned him for a moment, but as he saw the others' eyes fixed on him, he decided to gather his courage up. "S-So what? No scrawny chick with a training sword's going to scare me! I've been in many actual fights, and that beats that stupid staged Dojo crap!"

"Buh-buh-but!" his pal had gone ghastly pale, "Remember the maid chick the other night! She was tiny and skinny, too!"

"Lightning never hits the same spot twice!" Enraged, the huge boy grabbed a long and rusty discarded steel pipe from a neraby trash can and held a fighting stance against Setsuna. "If you wanna problems, kiddo, I'm your man! Don't think I'll go easy on you just because you're a skirt!"

"Okay, that's enough!" Negi stomped ahead. "I'm going to discipline you severely, then to denounce you to he Headmaster!"

However, Setsuna stopped him on his tracks with an austere gesture of a hand, her left arm blocking his way. "Negi-sensei. Please leave this to me."

"You don't know who are you messin' with, Imouto-chan!" the thug mocked, ignoring the screaming pain in his messed up hand as it gripped the pipe. "Just give it up now while you still have that pretty face!"

Setsuna merely looked up and down at him as if measuring him up before deadpanning, "I don't need to offend my sword by using it against you."

"WHAT?!" he shouted. "Miserable moron, you—"

Then all of a sudden he had a small but steely fist smashed up against his chin. He felt his jaw cracking, and a piercing pain to make its way very quickly up to his brain, and then his limbs fell like jelly. The pipe fell from his fingers as his eyes went blank, and right after it, his body plummeted down on his back, unconscious.

Misa and Negi stared with widely open mouths.

"One punch..." Konoka whispered with awe, "... ONE PUNCH! WAIIIII!! SETCHAN, YOU'RE SOOO COOL!!!"

With an uncomfortable red shade very briefly covering her features, the swordsgirl got over it by shooting the remaining delinquent a blunt glare. "Will you let us pass now?"

"Y-Y-You're welcome!!" the smaller thug bowed very fast, stepping aside so much his back nearly drilled through a wall.

"Thank you," Setsuna politely bowed back before grabbing the delighted Konoka by a hand and walking away with her. Misa followed them very quickly, making sure to walk a few steps over the fallen delinquent's body, then shooting the other one a mocking gaze, a hand perched on a hip.

Finally, Negi gave the K Oed guy a concerned, analytical look before deciding he should be okay. The child looked at the terrified thinner punk and asked him, "Please start being gentlemen to girls, okay?"

"O-O-Okay with me!"

"Good!" he smiled, not really noticing Chamo was peeing on the sleeping boy's shirt before skipping after him.

Once the hapless ruffian was left alone with his buddy, he looked down at him and muttered, "I really gotta stop hangin' around with you..."

"Tarinai mono wa tetsubun? Mineraru? Ikura tottemo ohada ga arechau. Koi no menseki, yuuki kakeru yume, purasu shokuyoku kakeru san ten ichi yon..."

With the lyrics displayed in front of her finished, Hakase allowed herself to breathe again at last, slumping her shoulders down and closing her eyes. She felt so simply stupid, standing there in a dress (a dress!) with a microphone in a hand, Shiina Sakurako clapping and clapping at the fruits of her public embarrassment. She only counted herself fortunate Chisame was not there to see her.

"You did very well, Prof-chan!!" Sakurako remarked, pointing at her electronic scoreboard. "Look! You got a 68%!"

"Sixty Eight?!?" Satomi looked at it in panic. "It can't be! I'm not used to get anything below 98% in tests!! It must be broken! I shall repair it!!" She feverishly pulled a few tools out of her dress and marched towards the scoreboard.

"No, Prof-chan, no!" Shiina had to step in between them before Hakase could rebuild the karaoke bar's pride into some sort of deadly engine. "It's not a standard test system! It just measures your singing!"

That only made her to blink. "... Is my voice THAT unpleasant?"

"No, no!" Sakurako shook her head vigorously. "It's just they have very high standards, and you still lack experience! I told you, your voice is very cute!"

"Oh..." the mad scientist paused uncomfortably. "Oh. I understand. Yes, I have never devoted too much time to my vocalization, I'm afraid, other than my attempts at improving my intonation for the University lectures. Yes. Well, leaving that aside, can we depart now?" She looked up at the wall's clock. "I, um, have important matters to attend to..."

For a moment, the cheerleader's eternally cheerful attitude dropped down as her cutesy face betrayed an ephemeral pang of disappointment. But she lifted her spirits back up just as soon. "Sure! Negi-kun and the others must be waiting for us, after all!"

As they left the place and walked down the boulevard, Sakurako, against her customs, kept her gaze low and humble. "Prof-chan...?" she asked at last.

"Yes?"

"Did you have fun today?"

"Huh?" She doubted. "Oh, yes, I suppose I did. It was interesting to analyze all the displays of special effects in the movie. I could see some seriously advanced displays of computer imagery there, although I am of the opinion more could be done by developing the fields of animatronics, currently mostly displaced by the usage of CGI. We are attempting some interesting applications of mechanics in the making of filmography at the Club at this very moment. Suzumiya-san from High School Class 1-E is interested on hiring our services for some sci-fi motion picture she intends to create..."

"Ah," Sakurako crossed her arms behind her back, kicking a random peeble. "And... what about the time we two spent... alone? At the karaoke?"

Satomi chuckled bashfully. "Like I said, I'm not a good singer. I'm sorry to have punished your sense of hearing with my voice..."

Shiina gave her a half-hearted punch in an arm. "And I told you your voice is way cute! Don't be so harsh on yourself!"

"No. Your voice is pleasing. Mine never could possibly match it," the genius declared.

Sakurako blushed a bit. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For telling me you like my voice. Also, for spending some time with me. To be honest, I was... afraid you wouldn't want to."

"Well, it's true we have very different interests..."

"I guess we do," Shiina softly said. "Still, Pro—Satomi-chan, do you think two people... with very different interests... can be, errr, really really good friends...?"

"Gee, I... I dunno," Hakase cluelessly scratched her chin. "Maybe you shouldn't be asking me. I have very few friends. The best one wa— is Chao, and we do have many common hobbies and preferences..."

"But you have Chisame-chan too," the other girl argued.

"Well, Chisame's case is... special. We are roommates, so of course we must spend a lot of time together."

"But she's still a very close friend to you, isn't she?"

Hakase paused, deeply reviewing her thoughts concerning Chisame at the best of her rather stiff emotional capacities. How did she fel about Chisame, anyway? She was not a friend in the sense Chao was. With Chao, she could sit down and chat on the things they both were passionate about. With Chisame, however, it was more of an unspoken relationship between them. They clicked to some level, true, but it always was more due to a wordless agreement of sorts; Chisame led, Satomi followed. It was the most comfortable arrangement for both of them.

"I suppose it's like it must feel to have an older sister," she guessed aloud. Still, some remote part of her asked herself if there wasn't something else to it. Some other reason why she had always followed Chisame's cues. Some other explanation for the vague but warm fondness she, all things considered, felt towards her.

"You don't have siblings of your own, Satomi-chan?" Shiina asked.

"No. Father and Mother never saw the need for it."

"Mom couldn't ever get pregnant again after I was born," Sakurako mused, then giggled, "She always tells me that's why they spoiled me. I'm their eternal baby."

Hakase actually smiled at that. "But you got two sisters of your own here."

"Yeah!" Sakurako smiled back. "Misa and Madoka are like the sisters I never had. I'd be lost without them. Lost in... everything..."

She stopped abruptly, placing a hand over her own chest.

"Shiina-san?" Satomi also stopped, looking at her. "Are you feeling okay?"

"No... I don't think so..."

Hakase grabbed her cheeks, checking her temperature. "Your body heat seems to be somewhat above the average, and your skin presents a sudden spike in pigmentation. Perhaps you have suffered sunstroke? Weird, since the sun's almost gone down now. Wait a second, I'm nearly sure I brought a thermometer just in case. I must have it somewhere in this stupid dress..."

Sakurako stopped her, grabbing her hands urgently. "No. It isn't that. It's... Please, listen to me. Please. I don't know why do I... why do I feel this, but I have to tell you. Yes, we have nothing in common. Yes, maybe this is stupid... and maybe I'm destroying any chance we have to build a true friendship, but I can't take it anymore! Misa and Madoka told me I had to be honest with my feelings, and now I see they're right!"

Hakase arched her eyebrows. "Shiina-san, are you sure you aren't experiencing signs of mental distress? Slight hallucinations, perhaps? Intense aches in your skull and distancing with reality?"

"I beg you, listen to me!" Sakurako grabbed her by the shoulders. "Saying this is already too hard... the hardest thing I've ever done... Don't make it any harder, please..."

Hakase cringed, somewhat unnerved at that point. "What is it?"

"I— I—"

"What is it?"

"I— I—!!"

"What?!?"

"I can't say it, I just—!"

"What do you mean with 'I can't say it'? What could possibly be complicated enough between us for you to be unable to convey it with words? What?!" Hakase had grown frankly impatient now, only wanting to return to Negi and Chisame's side.

For a moment, Sakurako shrunk under her stare with watery eyes, a far image from her habitual happy go lucky self. She shivered fearfully, but when Satomi grew annoyed and began to turn around to leave, a newfound resolve seemed to suddenly grip the cheerleader. She breathed very deeply and sprang forward,with the expression of someone who has nothing to lose left.

And catching Satomi's lips with her own in a mouth to mouth kiss.

Stage Two began the next day, after school. Hakase was asking some pointed questions of Chao as she left the class; Chao's semi-smile over Hakase's shoulder at Makie hinted at a worrying amount of insight. Makie begged off her gymnastics club and hurried back to her room.

Brain huffily said, "Finally. What took you so long?" as she entered and locked the door behind her. Having to wait in his cage never improved his temper. Neither did the fact that she'd locked the shrink ray in the closet to prevent any... accidents; she'd learned her lesson after the third smoking crater.

"I'm sorry, Brain-sama, I came as quickly as I could. What's the next phase?"

"It is so laughably simple that a child could do it. First we shall buy a train ticket. Then board the bullet train to the city of Tokyo-"

"But Brain", cried Makie, "that'll take most of my allowance!"

"If we pull this off you shall no longer have to worry about 'allowances'. May I continue?"

Makie nodded.

"We shall shrink the tower, stealing it in the ensuing panic. Finally we shall contact the authorities and if they do not meet our demands for five hundred million American dollars in unmarked bills, we shall... we shall..."

Evidently it was so simple that he hadn't thought that far ahead; Makie threw him a bone. "Shrink some more stuff?"

"Precisely! And raise, no, double the ransom. If they continue to refuse I shall miniaturize the whole of Tokyo!" A flash of inspiration struck the Brain like a thunderbolt. "Wait a second! Makie! Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"Umm, I think so Brain-sama, but I still don't know why a ten-year-old boy was allowed to become a teacher of a classful of fourteen-year-old girls."

"...a sage observation, Makie. However, that is not germane to our current situation. Instead of the tedious vagaries of the property market, we shall simply ransom every single landmark in downtown Tokyo! Once we have their money, their owners will be forced to drop their prices to cover their debts. Then it will be a simple matter to buy the entire country! The sheer audacity is breathtaking, don't you agree?"

Makie barely stopped herself from facepalming. "Brain, promise me you'll test this theory on the Tokyo Tower first. Please? For me?"

The Brain pouted, but met her eyes and acquiesced. "Very well. Though genius is oft held back by caution, you are somewhat new to this. I shall stick to the original plan... for now."

Pulling out her cell phone, Chisame dialed. “Hello, Kaede? We have something of a problem…”

“…”

“… yes, Negi-sensei’s children from the future have been showing up and attacking people and each other. How’d you know?”

........................................

Kaede looked up at the pink haired boy who’d attacked her with a scream of “Narutaki-Springfield Nagi Dynamic Entry KICK!” tied up near the ceiling, the other boy who’d attacked her with a scream of “Narutaki-Springfield Nagi Dynamic Entry KICK!” tied up next to him, and said into her phone, “It is a part of a shinobi’s skills to know these things.”