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Jackass Genie- The Forum Game

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JohnADreams cautiously pessimistic from Washington St. Since: Dec, 1969
cautiously pessimistic
#176: Jan 16th 2009 at 8:51:43 PM

Ben: The world's foods are infused with wonderful fruit flavors

Lit: A fruit stand explodes in colorful pyrotechnics

Jackass: All fruit in the world explode. There is no more fruit seeds left. A massive famine ensues and is the cause of WWIII as hungry nations fight over the ability to feed their people.

I wish I could listen to the greatest song in the world.

life is the sleep of no dreaming; stories allow us to dream again
KylerThatch literary masochist Since: Jan, 2001
literary masochist
#177: Jan 16th 2009 at 10:24:03 PM

Benny: Knowing how subjective this can be, he picks out a song that you in particular would find to be incredibly epic.

Litty: He plays Dueling Banjos. You raise an eyebrow at him. He claims that, well, he liked it anyway.

Jack: Is... is that Beethoven's Suicide Symphony?

I wish I had a personal TARDIS.

This "faculty lot" you speak of sounds like a place of great power...
JethroQWalrustitty Since: Jan, 2001
#178: Jan 17th 2009 at 2:49:08 AM

Ben: You get your Tardis and go on adventures around space and time, WHEEEEEEEE!

Lit: You get the police box prop.

Jaq: You get the Tardis; but it's chameleon chip has turned it into something and Jaq refuses to tell you what.

[Ed.] I wish the KLF will reunite in 2010 (23 years from when they started; Hail Eris!), I get to go on their reunion gig, and they will absolutely not suck (and no-one dies)

edited Sat, 17 Jan 2009 02:51:12 by JethroQWalrustitty

BobbyG vigilantly taxonomish from England Since: Jan, 2001
vigilantly taxonomish
#179: Jan 17th 2009 at 7:22:30 AM

Ben: The KLF reunite in 2010, you get to go to their reunion gig, and they're awesome. Furthermore, nobody suffers so much as a paper cut.

Lit: The KLF reunite in 2010, you get to go to their reunion gig, and they're OK. They've lost something over time, but you can't reasonably say they suck. At the same time, everybody becomes immortal.

Jack: The KLF reunite in 2010, you get to go to their reunion gig, and they play nothing but "Doctorin' The TARDIS" on an endless loop for eternity, while everyone present is locked in and immortal.

I wish my hand wasn't bleeding.

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Servbot Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
#180: Jan 17th 2009 at 7:34:07 AM

EDIT: I write slow

Ben: Your hand is healed. Yay

Lit: Your blood clots. Well at least you're not bleeding anymore. Just don't pick at the scab.

Jaq: You drop dead, since the genie removed all your blood. There! Now you won't bleed ever!

I wish to see the results of an Irresistable Force striking an Immovable Object

edited Sat, 17 Jan 2009 07:37:54 by Servbot

Tangent128 from Virginia Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
#181: Jan 17th 2009 at 8:43:30 AM

Ben: Shows you an Impossible Occurrence.

Litty: Gets too confused to grant the wish.

Jack: Shows you your own decent into insanity.

I wish I was capable of playing speed chess.

Do you highlight everything looking for secret messages?
Hylarn (Don’t ask)
#182: Jan 17th 2009 at 11:22:49 AM

Benevolent: You are now the best Speed chess player ever.

Literal: You now now the rules of chess and have enough working limbs to play. This doesn't mean you're any good at it.

Jackass: Same, except you can't seem to remember anything that doesn't involve chess. You die of starvation.

I wish for clouds.

edited Sat, 17 Jan 2009 11:23:15 by Hylarn

Nyktos (srahc 84) eltit Since: Jan, 2001
(srahc 84) eltit
#183: Jan 17th 2009 at 12:01:43 PM

Benevolent: The sky is now filled with clouds of interesting shapes.

Literal: There are two clouds in the sky.

Jackass: A giant army of clones of Cloud Strife, complete with giant swords, appear at your door. They are not happy.

I wish Dragon Age was out.

edited Sat, 17 Jan 2009 12:02:25 by Nyktos

I guess it is.
LullTheConqueror Love Freak from eternal loli Hell Since: Jan, 2001
#184: Jan 17th 2009 at 1:00:25 PM

Benevolent: Dragon Age is released immediately. It's awesome. And a copy appears in your hands.

Literal: Out of what? Or if you don't want semantic confusion, Dragon Age is released immediately, but it's incomplete and unplayable.

Jackass: Dragons take over the world. They capture you first, but eat you last.

I wish I had a pair of Kamina sunglasses.

edited Sat, 17 Jan 2009 13:49:32 by Lull The Conqueror

the dice are loaded, the deck is stacked, the game itself will hold you back
VampireBuddha Calendar enthusiast from Ireland (Wise, aged troper) Relationship Status: Complex: I'm real, they are imaginary
Calendar enthusiast
#185: Jan 17th 2009 at 3:51:08 PM

Ben: Hands you a pair of sunglasses that look just like those worn by Kamina. They fit quite well and make you look cool.

Litty: Conjures a pair that were sold in Japan as merchandise. They may or may not fit.

Jack: Same as Litty, except you can't remove them. Also, your neighbours convert to a religion which finds that shape offensive for some reason.

I wish I could run Mac OS on a PC.

Ukrainian Red Cross
Bisected8 A casual tief of punk from Her Hackette Cave (Primordial Chaos) Relationship Status: Arm chopping is not a love language!
A casual tief of punk
#186: Jan 18th 2009 at 11:37:39 AM

Ben: Apple releases a version its OS which runs on windows, which you somehow get for free.

Litty: All mac O Ss run on standard P Cs...however there's still compatability issues and they often crash.

Jack: Turns your Mac into a PC running a version of Linux which is controlled via commands entered in machine code. He argues that it was previously running the mac OS.

I wish I had a girlfriend.

edited Sun, 18 Jan 2009 15:00:57 by Bisected8

TV Tropes's No. 1 bread themed lesbian. she/her, fae/faer
VampireBuddha Calendar enthusiast from Ireland (Wise, aged troper) Relationship Status: Complex: I'm real, they are imaginary
Calendar enthusiast
#187: Jan 18th 2009 at 3:57:09 PM

Ben: The day after you make the wish, you strike up a conversation with a friendly, intelligent, interesting, good-looking young woman. She gives you her number, you call her later on and go on a fantastic date. You end up developing a life-long loving relationship which matures like fine whiskey.

Litty: Gives you a girlfriend. She resents being forced into a relationship by a magical being, but you might be able to win her over.

Jack: Apparently does the same as Ben, but then she persuades you to change your will so she gets everything. She then kills you, masturbates in a pool of your blood, and proceeds to dance under a full moon wearing your skin.

I wish to be the funniest person in the world.

Ukrainian Red Cross
Hylarn (Don’t ask)
#188: Jan 18th 2009 at 5:03:10 PM

Benevolent: You are now incredibly witty, able to come up with brilliant jokes that can survive being translated.

Literal: You have some sort of psychic field that fools people into thinking you're hilarious.

Jackass: Everyone else on the planet finds themselves incapable of telling a joke.

I wish for power over signs.

JotunofBoredom Left Eye from Noatun Since: Dec, 2009
Left Eye
#189: Jan 18th 2009 at 5:07:55 PM

Ben: Exactly that.

Litty: You can change road signs to say something else.

Jack: You learn an awesome ninja hand sign and immediately use it.Too bad it was a hand sign for the self-destruct jutsu.

I wish I had more zippers so I could tell you to zip it.

edited Sun, 18 Jan 2009 18:36:00 by Jotun of Boredom

Umbran Climax
Tyhm Pastor of Muppets from Babord, West Classic Since: Dec, 1969
Pastor of Muppets
#190: Jan 18th 2009 at 6:29:50 PM

Ben: Gives you a wheelbarrow full of zippers and looks hurt.

Lit: Turns you into the Ghastly Comic Zipper Ninja.

Jack: Spontaneously grafts zippers over all your major joints, then gleefully unzips your limbs and leaves you to the elements.

edited Sun, 18 Jan 2009 18:30:25 by Tyhm

raekuul Since: Jan, 2001
#191: Jan 19th 2009 at 8:09:58 AM

Ben: You receive nothing.

Lit: You receive a void.

Jack: You receive a black hole.

I wish for a lawyer!

LullTheConqueror Love Freak from eternal loli Hell Since: Jan, 2001
#192: Jan 19th 2009 at 10:31:02 AM

Benevolent: A fantastic lawyer appears next to you, and helps you word all your future wishes to maximum effect (although with this genie, you probably don't need it).

Literal: Gives you a lawyer's phone number. If you want help with your wishes, you're going to have to pay for it, and wait for time to free up on their schedule.

Jackass: Meet Jack Thompson.

I wish for the power to bring the world revolution!

the dice are loaded, the deck is stacked, the game itself will hold you back
CTrombley The Good Troper Since: Jan, 2001
The Good Troper
#193: Jan 19th 2009 at 10:39:47 AM

B: Does something boring and nice.

L: Does nothing. The world has been revolving since before you were born.

J: You are the Trorsky of the World Revolution. Ice Pick'd!!!

I wish that I could rock as hard as diamond.

Mathematics Is A Language.
GlennMagusHarvey Since: Jan, 2001
#194: Jan 19th 2009 at 12:07:39 PM

Ben turns you into a famous rock star (guitar skills included) who's the lead guitarist of a band known as The Diamonds. You play sold-out concerts to adoring crowds.

Litty gives you rock that's not a diamond but is as hard as it. When you sit into a rocking chair while holding this rock, the chair turns as hard as diamond (but not into diamond). You are also unable to headbang and rock out to music while holding this, as your head turns as hard as diamond until you stop trying to rock out. Your Nintendo DS turns as hard as diamond when you play Mega Man ZX while holding this and you transform from human form to biometal form ("rock on!"), but only during transformation sequences.

Jack turns you into a rocking chair made of diamond. People proceed to sit on you, and auction you around. Children tip you over.

I wish I could divide by zero.

edited Mon, 19 Jan 2009 12:08:07 by GlennMagusHarvey

Tangent128 from Virginia Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
#195: Jan 19th 2009 at 1:35:53 PM

Ben: Grants you an intellect capable of grasping transfinite numbers.

Litty: Gives you paper and pencil, notes that you did not ask to be able to get a meaningful result.

Jack: Takes no responsibility for ensuing singularities.

I wish for a Sea Kitten.

Do you highlight everything looking for secret messages?
LullTheConqueror Love Freak from eternal loli Hell Since: Jan, 2001
#196: Jan 19th 2009 at 1:58:53 PM

Benevolent: Gives you a fish. It is a delicious fish. Or makes you an adorable little merkitten.

Literal: Scratches his head for a moment, then gives you a grotesque fish-kitten hybrid.

Jackass: Accelerates a kitten to the speed of light, pointed at you. "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was what you meant by c."

As long as I'm making anime/manga-based wishes... I wish for a blank notebook that will kill any person whose name I write in it.

I could have just wished for a Death Note, but I'm cutting out the "genie isn't familiar with the series" loophole. wink

edited Mon, 19 Jan 2009 13:59:05 by Lull The Conqueror

the dice are loaded, the deck is stacked, the game itself will hold you back
BobbyG vigilantly taxonomish from England Since: Jan, 2001
vigilantly taxonomish
#197: Jan 19th 2009 at 2:07:58 PM

Bene: Gives you a Death Note, exactly as it appears in the series, and a disapproving look.

Lite: Gives you a notebook that will instantly kill anyone who has the name that you write in it, so that writing "Bobby" in this notebook will kill off everybody in the world with that name. Only you have this power, so use it wisely.

Jack: Gives you a notebook that will kill anyone who has the name that is written in it, but you don't get to choose how. The genie does. And the genie's method of choice is that you bludgeon the person to death and get arrested for murder.

I wish I had the willpower to stop procrastinating and get on with my exam revision.

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washington213 Since: Jan, 2013
#198: Jan 19th 2009 at 10:11:56 PM

Ben.- You get right down to studying, and go through studying with surprising efficiency.

Lit.-Materializes some guy named Will, and he is powerful. He beats you unless you study.

Jack.- You have increased willpower, but you intelligence goes down. You no longer procrastinate, but you can understand what you read anymore.

I wish I owned a luxurious mansion, that's not condemned or haunted.

JethroQWalrustitty Since: Jan, 2001
#199: Jan 20th 2009 at 1:08:26 AM

Ben: The keys are in your pocket. no really, check for yorself.

Lit: Kicks someone else out and gices you the mansion.

Jaq: It's not condemned, or haunted It's On FIRE!

I wish I had a revelation.

VampireBuddha Calendar enthusiast from Ireland (Wise, aged troper) Relationship Status: Complex: I'm real, they are imaginary
Calendar enthusiast
#200: Jan 20th 2009 at 7:38:02 AM

Ben: You suddenly realise the meaning of life.

Litty: You suddenly realise where you left your keys.

Jack: you suddenly realise the world would be better off without you.

I wish the hole in the ozone layer would be fixed.

Ukrainian Red Cross

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