Ben, being intangible, doesn't normally have blood. But he makes himself temporarily human just to grant your wish.
Litty, being similarly intangible, doesn't have blood either. You get turned into a vampire, but try as you might, you get nothing. There goes your last wish...
Jack, who happens to be a Tier 5 demon from the 7th level of Heck, has acidic blood. It burns like nothing you've ever experienced before (except maybe the 17-alarm chili that aunt Carol used to make). Well, you asked for it.
As for the previous wish-granting, I give it... um, an 8.8? Yeah, I suck at rating stuff.
I wish I knew what to wish for.
This "faculty lot" you speak of sounds like a place of great power...Benevolent: You get an AWESOME idea for a wish, and get it too.
Literal: You do, you're also one wish short.
Jackass: You get a LOT of good ideas, far more than you can handle.
I wish the President would stop lying, young brothers to stop dying...
edited Tue, 30 Dec 2008 12:28:10 by JethroQWalrustitty
4/5. Jackass could have been more malicious, like, say, giving you ideas for the rest of your wishes that all backfire horribly.
Bennie: The president stops lying because we now live in a world where we all solve our differences peacefully.
Littie: The president stops lying; he now speaks truthfully about how much he hates faggots and traitors to the white race, and that he is going to go bomb Iran because his penis is small. The American people finally wise up and impeach him.
Jackie: The president speaks the truth, and the american people cheer him on. Congratulations, you've brought about the 4th Reich.
I wish I wish I hadn't killed that fish.
Benevolent: There's your blissfully ignorant past self about to commit the act. Go right ahead and intervene.
Literal: What kind of wish is that? You can't undo something that "never happened." *Wink, nudge*
Here's your past self and a sniper rifle. What's it gonna be, suicide or murder?
Add me on Skype: Al Cook (darnpenguin)3/5. I was expecting more... creative things to happen to the president.
Ben: Time is reversed back to the moment when you're about the kill the fish in question. The genie appears and convinces you that you'll regret killing it.
Lit: You are granted your wish of wishing that you hadn't killed the fish. Unfortunately, this uses up your one wish, leaving the fish wish ungranted.
Jack: The fish is spared, but later you learn that the fish is actually an invasive alien species that doubles its population every 24 hours and feeds on human flesh. Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!.
I wish for omnipotence.
edited Tue, 30 Dec 2008 13:26:15 by Eio
Want some reviews? Send us your stories!Literal Genie and Jackass Genie were funny, but Benevolent Genie was... I dunno, 6.5/10 or something.
- Benevolent Genie: Grants you omnipotence of every event that's ever happened, ever.
- Literal Genie: Grants you omnipotence, but only on what's within a four-mile radius.
- Jackass Genie: Grants you omnipotence - but only on what's happening with you. Oh, wait, aren't you doing that already?
I wish, I wish, I wish for a fish.
pearlina brainrot affects millions of people worldwide. if you or a loved one are suffering from pearlina brainrot, call 1-800-GAY-NERDSHmm.. Darn gets 2/4 for being a little uncrative and for not making a wish, and Eio gets about a 3/4, mainly for the literal one.
Can the ratings please be optional? I don;t think I really like the idea.
Benevolent Genie: Makes you omnipotent. You need only decide something is, and thus it shall be so.
Literal Genie: You are now capable of anything... Once you figure out how to do it. Omnipotence doesn't come with an instruction manual.
Jackass Genie: Your power is infinite... But you can't control yourself. On a bad day, you're capable of wiping nations off the map with a mere thought before realizing what you've done. Death and misery pool in your godly footprints. It is unlikely the world will survive your continued existence, and there's no resisting or reasning with the unstopable force of nature you have become. It eventually drives you mad... Causing your powers to spiral even further out of control. If you're lucky, you may be able to die in the vacuum of space once Earth is reduced to no more than countless grains of sand drifitng through the infinite void of space.
EDIT: Okay, Etna wished while I was typing, so...
Benevolent: You are given a choice between tank full of tropical fish or being treated to dinner at Red Lobster.
Literal: You wished to wish to wish for fish, so you are granted the wish of wishing to wish for fish. You kinda wasted a wish, plus now you have a desire to want fish, but don't actually want fish, you just wish you wanted fish. Possibly, you are given a fish you don't really want.
Jackass: You are dropped in a tank of pirhanna.
I demand glory!
edited Tue, 30 Dec 2008 14:21:20 by Scrounge
(Ehh, GlenMagHarv didn't start the topic, so I'm sure we can get the rule to be optional.)
- Benevolent Genie: Gives you glory. Glorious glory, at that.
- Literal Genie: Doesn't grant your wish, because you didn't say the magic words ("I wish"). But since he's feeling nice, it doesn't count
- Jackass Genie: Makes you think you have glory when you really don't, so you just end up acting stuck-up and egotistical and no one likes you.
I wish I had one of those cookie pizzas you see in cookie stores in malls.
pearlina brainrot affects millions of people worldwide. if you or a loved one are suffering from pearlina brainrot, call 1-800-GAY-NERDSBenevolent Genie: Gives you one. It is yummy.
Literal Genie: Cannot grant the wish until taken to the mall to see one. You get the first one he sees.
Jackass Genie: Gives you a literal cookie pizza, as in a pizza with cookies on it. It's kinda gross. You don't get your next wish until you eat the whole thing, at which your next wish will probably be for some Rolaids.
I wish I was a little bit taller.
Benevolent Genie: Makes you a little bit taller, also makes you a baller.
Literal Genie: Makes you taller in the past, but you've shrunk since then.
Jerkass Genie: Turns you into a bit, and increases the height of the bit infinitesimally.
I wish I could have a logical system that is simultaneously complete and consistent.
Mathematics Is A Language.I give that one 10/10. Awesome. The Jackass was particularly brilliant.
Ben: Here you go.
Litty: Gives you a massive library of books containing this system. Hope you like reading.
Jack: Drops the library on your head. Also, it turns out the system, while complete and consistent, is flawed.
I wish for the knowledge, ability, ingredients, and facilities to make the best pie in the world as many times as I like, and when I say pie I mean the desert, not the number.
edited Tue, 30 Dec 2008 17:34:24 by VampireBuddha
Ukrainian Red CrossBenevolent: Gives you knowledge, ability, ingredients, and facilities to make a very good pie an infinite number of times (which people regard as the best pie in the world), and hands you a guide to avoiding common spelling mistakes.
Literal: Gives you the knowledge, ability, ingredients, and facilities to make a desert, as well as a reason and motivation to do so, and once you've made it, and causes circumstances to occur such that people call said desert "The Pie".
Jackass: Same as Literal except you get the desire to do this an infinite number of times as well, such that you turn the entire world into a vast desert with an extremely ironic name and people (including yourself) starve to death as a result.
I wish for a blessed wand of light (0:6).
edited Tue, 30 Dec 2008 17:59:10 by GlennMagusHarvey
Benevolent Genie: Creates such a thing and gives it to you.
Literal Genie: Creates a Blessed Wand Of Light, but does not give it to you.
Jerkass Genie: Creates a Blessed Wand Of Light, destroys all the others, and does not give it to you.
With my arm I go swish-swish, and I say "I wish for fish!"
Mathematics Is A Language.Ben: It is in stores in mid-January, and is everything you'd hoped for.
Litty: It is in stores in late February, and is free of bugs or errors, but not very ambitious; the developers were afraid to include anything that hadn't been playtested to hell and back to make sure there was no possible way for it to glitch.
Jack: After numerous delays and at keast one apparent cancelations, the game is released in February of 2015.
Jack 2: The game is released in early January... In Europe (Or in America, if you're European). It is never released in your country.
I wish I was in Dixie, hooray! hooray!
Ben: Transports you to the outskirts of a city in "Dixie" (with your wallet and comfortable traveling clothes, of course).
Litty: Transports you to a random position in "Dixie."
Jack: Transports you to the GI tract of a girl named "Dixie."
I wish for skills and knowledge equivalent to having earned an 'A' in all courses offered by William Marsh Rice University.
Ben: Sure, and you've got some form of proof of such.
Lit: Well, you're smart but you can't prove it. Still, you ought to be able to do something entrepenureal with all those skills.
Jack: You now know everything the university has to teach. You don't, however, still know anything the university does NOT teach—bodily functions like breathing or eating still work, because without those you'd have little time to stew, but you can no longer walk, read/write in English (though ironically you know how everything's spelled in every language on earth and can probably use all the others), talk, dress yourself, or summon the navigational skills to traverse your own house without a guide. You also no longer recognize or know the name of anyone except historical figures, including your own family. And since wishes are permanent by default, you can't relearn any of those things.
I wish I could receive a new computer on the cutting edge of technology, through legal means, along with a blisteringly fast internet connection and all of the next three years' biggest games (before they've even been released).
edited Tue, 30 Dec 2008 21:49:52 by Brickman
Benevolent- obvious.
Literal- Well, you get the computer, but it has too many sharp edges to use. Touching the network cable burns you. And the disk is full due to being loading with three years worth of the most bloated games released.
Jerkass- The computer also has supersonic mobility and a [VirtualDalek(tm)] AI.
I wish I had the ability to generate forcefields within a half-mile radius at will, and only at will.
edited Tue, 30 Dec 2008 22:19:38 by Tangent128
Do you highlight everything looking for secret messages?- Benevolent: Grants the wish, and electrifies the force field so you can harm others who try to get inside. And, as an added bonus, it's invisible!
- Literal Genie: Grants the wish, with no extra bells or whistles (so a non-electrified force field that's plainly visible.
- Jackass Genie: Grants the wish, but makes walking through the force field just tingle you a little. And, as an added non-bonus, it comes with a giant neon sign pointing to you reading "THIS GUY WANTS TO BE BEATEN UP, COME GRANT HIS WISH"!
I wish I could change my size at will.
pearlina brainrot affects millions of people worldwide. if you or a loved one are suffering from pearlina brainrot, call 1-800-GAY-NERDSBenevolent: Grants you the ability to grow or shrink whenever you want, along with all the possessions you have on your person at the time, suffering no ill effects in the process.
Literal: Grants you the ability to grow whenever you want but not to shrink. This power does not extend to clothing.
Jackass: Grants you the ability to grow or shrink whenever anyone else wills it, a process which puts massive strain on your internal organs and muscles, then wills you to grow to the size of a whale in a fit of mean spiritedness, rendering you immobile and slowly suffocating.
I wish I had a warmer sweater.
Welcome To TV Tropes | How To Write An Example | Text Formatting Rules | List Of Shows That Need Summary | TV Tropes Forum | Know The StaffBenevolent: Gives you a sweater which is better for keeping you warm. It looks quite nice.
Literal: Gives you a sweater which is at a higher temperature than the one you're currently wearing.
Jackass: Sets your sweater on fire.
I wish for a volcano.
Ukrainian Red CrossBen produces a miniature working volcano, complete with internal heating oven and insulation to actually make it work.
Litty makes you the (un?)lucky winner of a piece of real estate in Hawaii. The only thing that's on it is an active volcano.
Jack makes you the (un!)lucky winner of a piece of real estate in Indonesia. The only thing that's on it is an active volcano which explodes in extreme, massive, and spectacular fashion (tsunami and earthquake included) two years later, when tourists are visiting your private island and you're just starting to make a lucrative business out of tourism.
Alternatively, Jack gives you George Volcano (who incessantly pesters you to drink Volvic Revive and brags about its VOLCANICITY).
I wish for a Can of Wup Ass.
edited Wed, 31 Dec 2008 14:02:57 by GlennMagusHarvey
Ben gives you knowledge of technology that can make electricity run backwards.
Litty turns you around, so that you are now facing the south pole at the same angle as you were facing the north pole a moment ago.
Jack color-reverses your image and all your clothing. Every time you see someone, you now freak them out and have to put a ton of effort into explaining why you have white pupils, black eye-whites, black teeth, green lips, and such.
edited Wed, 31 Dec 2008 17:21:07 by GlennMagusHarvey

Ben: Exactly what you meant. Litty: Takes what you said to mean "programming languages". You might not know French or Latin, but you damn sure as hell know all of C++ better than an encyclopedia. Jack: Completely changes your linguistic understanding so that you ONLY think in terms of mathematics and programming languages, which you become infinitely fluent in, but cannot think in any other terms.
NEW RULE! RATE the person's Ben/Litty/Jack description above you!
As for the one before mine—I'd give it 4/5. Clever take on it, but I think Jack could have been more malicious.
I vant to sahck yoor blaahd.
edited Tue, 30 Dec 2008 11:28:12 by GlennMagusHarvey