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Jackass Genie- The Forum Game

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MadeofMeat Since: Jan, 2001
#401: Mar 28th 2009 at 6:57:41 PM

Ben: The world somehow expands its resources to accommodate the growing population of immortals, and no one ever worries about dying or overpopulation ever again! We move into a brighter, more fun age.

Litty: There is no overpopulation or death. People are still unhappy.

Jack: There is no overpopulation or death because everyone falls into an everlasting coma with no need for food or water.

I wish I had cute tentacles on my head.

edited 28th Mar '09 7:02:08 PM by Made of Meat

GlennMagusHarvey Since: Jan, 2001
#402: Mar 28th 2009 at 7:16:19 PM

Ben grows cute tentacles on your head, and they attract members of your preferred gender for romantic association.

Litty grows tentacles on your head. They are considered cute on an octopus. It's up to you to make them look cute on you.

Jack turns your hair into tentacles. You get fangirls who think your tentacles are SOOOOO cute. This is because they are stoned.

I wish Konami would make a gigantic Castlevania game in 3D that had massive amounts of exploration (including a total of four corresponding castles to explore) and had the same atmospheric style as Symphony of the Night.

edited 28th Mar '09 7:17:16 PM by GlennMagusHarvey

Matrix Since: Jan, 2001
#403: Mar 28th 2009 at 7:36:28 PM

Ben: They do so, and it's the best freaking game you've ever played.

Litty: They do just that.

Jack: They do it, but they end up rushing it instead of just Blizzarding it. It's so bad, that Konami soon goes bankrupt, and nobody likes Castlevania anymore. On that note, upon Bankruptcy, they sell Yu Gi Oh to Wizards Ofthe Coast, who integrate it into Magic The Gathering. It is leet.

I wish I would think of how to continue on with the story I'm writing.

MadeofMeat Since: Jan, 2001
#404: Mar 28th 2009 at 7:44:17 PM

Ben: You do, and you go to write it down immediately. A year later, you're a best-selling author. Your plot is regarded as one of the freshest in years.

Litty: You do, but it's mediocre. Bad, even.

Jack: You do, and whoever reads it finds that not only is the story bad, but it's hugely offensive. You're a pariah for the rest of your life.

I wish my stop-motion figures would do what I want!

Asocialdemocrat Brutually Utilitarian Since: Dec, 2009
Brutually Utilitarian
#405: Mar 28th 2009 at 7:59:35 PM

Benevolent: They do exactly what you want and intend.

Literal: They are much like me, so becareful what you tell them.

Jackass: They do what you want....but with a twist! WHAT A TWIST! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA BAHAHAHHAHAA!

I wish that in this wish there were three different versions of the wish for each genie for benevolent: I wish for enlightenment. For Literal: I wish for atleast a fractional of understanding and atleast part of whhat I need for transcension. For Jackass: I wish you wished for something from yourself that would scre you over and only you.

"We live once, with a meaningless existence, and life is all that there is. There are no gods or devils watching over us. But we must act moral and for the greater good none the less." -A view of mine on life.
CTrombley The Good Troper Since: Jan, 2001
The Good Troper
#406: Mar 28th 2009 at 8:13:47 PM

Benevolent: Gives you enlightenment

Literal: It turns out "A penny saved is a tenpence earned" is the first step to enlightenment.

Jack: Refuses to grant three different versions of the wish. Destroys your body and puts your mind into Nirvana. Nothingness is not as exciting without enlightenment to calm you down. You have no mouth and you must scream.

I wish this CD wasn't scratched.

Mathematics Is A Language.
Hylarn (Don’t ask)
#407: Mar 28th 2009 at 8:19:17 PM

Benevolent: The CD is now unscratched and unbreakable.

Literal: It's no longer scratched.

Jackass: It's unscratched, but playing it drives whoever hears it Axe-Crazy.

I wish for the power of anagrams.

Scrounge (4 Score & 7 Years Ago)
#408: Mar 28th 2009 at 8:53:58 PM

Ben: Far atmosphere wagon. You have a space ship. Go on an adventure in a far-off galaxy and meet your turquoise-skinned dream woman!

Litty: Weatherproofs manga. You can now read Japanese comics in any environment without worrying about them getting damaged.

Jack: Fat hero rampages now. You are beaten severely by E. Honda, who has gone mad. Your battered, mangled body is left where it fell as the life slowly and painfully drains from it.

I wish for the power of dreams.

edited 28th Mar '09 8:54:42 PM by Scrounge

GlennMagusHarvey Since: Jan, 2001
#409: Mar 28th 2009 at 9:18:27 PM

Ben: If you can daydream something, it becomes real.

Litty: If you happen to dream of something, it becomes real. You can't control what you dream of, though.

Jack: Same as Litty, but you get nightmares for the next several nights. Also, you get the song "If You Can Dream" stuck in your head.

I wish all humans had magical superpowers that were all on par with each other in terms of power and usefulness.

edited 28th Mar '09 9:19:37 PM by GlennMagusHarvey

Matrix Since: Jan, 2001
#410: Mar 28th 2009 at 9:26:07 PM

Ben: Everyone has magic. The world becomes a marvelous and happy place.

Litty: Everyone has magic. Just like they do in Xanth. Have fun making spots appear on the wall.

Jack: Everyone has magic. Some assholes decide to use METEO!

I wish Arena Net would hurry up with Guild Wars 2, with that having no negative effect on the quality of the game.

Asocialdemocrat Brutually Utilitarian Since: Dec, 2009
Brutually Utilitarian
#411: Mar 29th 2009 at 9:56:01 AM

Benevolent: Granted, and you get extras.

Literal: Okay, but you know that the graphics will not be as good, because what is good graphics today, is okay graphics in the future.

Jackass: Sure. But Osama Bin Laden damages the game, and it takes a couple years longer than it should have in the first place to make the game. Angry game fans put you on a dunk tank with lampreys!!!! HAR-HAR-HAR!

I wish that the Jackass Genie could not grant wishes, and he was turned into Rick Moranis.

"We live once, with a meaningless existence, and life is all that there is. There are no gods or devils watching over us. But we must act moral and for the greater good none the less." -A view of mine on life.
Ekul from the ashes Since: Jan, 2001
#412: Mar 29th 2009 at 11:52:20 AM

Benevolent: Benevolent does not like this wish (Due to being benevolent) but he does so all the same. No Jackass ever bothers you again.

Literal: Sure, but the benevolent genie turns into Hayden Christensen for balence.

Jackass: Does not grant a wish... however, just prior to your wish being granted he would have been benevolent just this once. You jerk.

I wish that when it comes time to die, I will have a nice death.

ama.rhyme I scare myself, boo, Since: Jan, 2001
I scare myself, boo,
#413: Mar 29th 2009 at 5:14:10 PM

Ben: You have a long fufilling life and die in your sleep. Litty: when you die, you die happy. Jak: Lets you die in your sleep peacfully... but you have horriffic nightmare on your last night alive. My wish is to have the will to write my story which i already have planned out plotwise, but haven't had the motivation to write.

I keep telling myself it's a wonderful world, but why does fantasy seem so much better?
ZellariusBurvenia Since: Dec, 1969
#414: May 3rd 2009 at 9:17:25 AM

Benevolent Genie: You get the motivation, and go on to write a stunning masterpiece of epic proportions.

Literal Genie: You write a novel. It's average.

Jackass Genie: You become the world's most prolific producer of Tijuana Bibles.

I wish for the genie to disappear forever and never ever harm me, leaving a briefcase full of one million (legally acquired) American dollars on the ground next to me.

Ekul from the ashes Since: Jan, 2001
#415: May 3rd 2009 at 9:56:30 AM

Benevolent Genie: The genie leaves you the money and not only does he not harm you, you actually become healthy! He disappears.

Literal Genie: The genie leaves behind the money and disappears. However, you are charged with murder and theft because an eyewitness reports you ordered him to give you his money and commit suicide. You are not charged with murder, but it causes a lot of stress and wasted money.

Jackass Genie: The genie loses his appearance and therefore "disappears" (But he's not actually banished, he's just invisible). However after checking to see all of the money inside a thug threatens you and runs away with the money. Other street thugs notice this. Thinking you are rich guy, they raid your house.

I wish for the ability to know and speak every single language at will.

Hylarn (Don’t ask)
#416: May 3rd 2009 at 11:12:28 AM

Benevolent: You are the ultimate polyglot.

Literal: You know and speak every language... just not very well.

Jackass: Youknow every language, but you know it all as one language, causing your speech to be a mishmash understandable only to yourself.

I wish for a stop sign.

MintPearlVoice Will you dance with me? from Karakura High Since: Apr, 2009
Will you dance with me?
#417: May 4th 2009 at 5:54:11 AM

b: A stop sign appears next to you.

l: A stop sign appears right in the middle of your driveway.

j: A stop sign appears and hits you on the head. You die instantly.

I wish I could get someone to join my RP and play Fakir to my Ahiru.

There is glory for those who defy their fate.
Edrobot Since: Jan, 2001
#418: May 5th 2009 at 5:10:29 AM

Benevolent: Okay.

Literal: He gives you a buttered roll for you to play with.

Jerkass: He gives you a steamroller to play with. On your forehead.

I wish for the ability to read/speak every language in the world.

GlennMagusHarvey Since: Jan, 2001
#419: May 11th 2009 at 2:58:55 PM

Ben gives you conversational and reading knowledge of every existing language.

Liz gives you language learning tapes the languages.

Jack gives you mastery of all programming languages, but then removes your ability to use human languages.

I wish people would stop making fun of this character.

edited 11th May '09 2:59:14 PM by GlennMagusHarvey

Noimporta Since: Jan, 2001
#420: May 11th 2009 at 3:24:24 PM

Benny makes people appreciate the character, so nobody makes fun of it anymore.

Lily Makes the character so unknown, no one will ever know it enough to make jokes about it.

Jack makes the Character real Serious Business, in fact, there's a war in some african country regarding it.

I wish my computer was faster.

Hylarn (Don’t ask)
#421: May 11th 2009 at 5:03:16 PM

Benevolent: Your computer is faster than anything they'll build for the next year or so.

Literal: Your computer is slightly faster than it used to be.

Jackass: You now have a quantum computer. It's not compatible with anything, and you're not quite sure how to turn it on.

I wish I didn't need sleep.

Eriksson Since: Dec, 1969
#422: May 11th 2009 at 5:16:51 PM

Ben: You have unlimited energy, and can be active 24/7 assuming you have food and water.
Litty: You do not need to sleep, but you do need to relax for about 8 hours each day.
Jack: You can't sleep, and technically you don't need to sleep, but you really want to.

I wish for unlimited wealth.

CTrombley The Good Troper Since: Jan, 2001
The Good Troper
#423: May 11th 2009 at 8:22:57 PM

Ben: You are very rich. Will you be happy? You decide.
Lit:Gives you nothing. The amount of wealth you could get is still unlimited.
Jack: Drops it on your head.

I wish Dorothy Parker wrote a vampire novel that is rising in popularity because of Twilight.

edited 11th May '09 8:23:17 PM by CTrombley

Mathematics Is A Language.
Scrounge (4 Score & 7 Years Ago)
#424: Jul 3rd 2009 at 9:25:06 PM

Ben: Dorothy Parker writes a pretty good vampire novel that becomes popular as a smarter alternative to Twilight.

Litty: Dorothy Parker writes a shameless Twilight ripoff. For some reason, people eat it up.

Jack: After nearly crushed to death by a crate of Twilight books, Dorothy Parker goes insane, thinking she's a vampire. She eventually comes out of it, but not before slowly draining the blood from twenty people, keeping the victims chained up in her basement. She eventually writes a book about the experience, which becomes a best-seller. Pity you won't be around to see it, since all your blood is in Dorothy Parker's stomach now.

I wish for this thread to rise from its grave!

Tangent128 from Virginia Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
#425: Jul 3rd 2009 at 9:43:26 PM

Ben: The game lives on for hundreds of posts to come.

Lit: Is too confused trying to figure out where the forum's graveyard is to grant the wish.

Jack: The thread is revived... but every response is by Sand Josieph and involves zombies.

edited 3rd Jul '09 9:43:43 PM by Tangent128

Do you highlight everything looking for secret messages?

Total posts: 873
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