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Buying drinks from SCP-294

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WartysNeryon Since: Mar, 2010
#226: Aug 4th 2010 at 4:21:41 PM

Output: A red fluid with occasional dots which upon consumption, he still appeared normal, but he is now full of the energy as the humans were.

Input: A cup of Chester A. Bum

Neo_Crimson Your army sucks. from behind your lines. Since: Jan, 2001
Your army sucks.
#227: Aug 4th 2010 at 7:29:44 PM

Result: A yellow, cloudy, foul-smelling liquid. When consumed by a Class-D personnel he reported it tasting like "concentrated hobo". He then started to randomly babble on about the last film he saw. He was terminated on the spot.

Meh, I was expecting worse.- Dr. Crimson.

Input: A cup of Durian juice.

edited 4th Aug '10 7:29:56 PM by Neo_Crimson

Sorry, I can't hear you from my FLYING METAL BOX!
JackMackerel from SOME OBSCURE MEDIA Since: Jul, 2010
#228: Aug 4th 2010 at 7:33:07 PM

Result: A cup of Durian juice. Several people committed emesis during production.

Note from Dr. Fischer: Seriously, guys? What did you expect?

Input: OH, SHIT! IT'S MR. CREOSOTE!

edited 4th Aug '10 8:58:25 PM by JackMackerel

Half-Life: Dual Nature, a crossover story of reasonably sized proportions.
WartysNeryon Since: Mar, 2010
#229: Aug 4th 2010 at 8:56:30 PM

Output: A blackish, rather robust fluid. The Class D Personnel attempted to consume it, but the bile-like substance emitted from the fluid engulfed the subject and the surrounding walls.

Here... - Dr. Neryon

Dr. Neryon inserts a wafer thin mint, which makes the liquid explode, but it ends up clearish and safe enough to drink. The Class D Personnel is then ordered to clean the mess up.

I knew it's a mistake for anyone to suggest it in the first place. - Dr. Neryon

Input: A cup of bacon

edited 5th Aug '10 6:09:25 AM by WartysNeryon

RTHSFF Kori Dómtlandsson Since: Feb, 2010
Kori Dómtlandsson
#230: Aug 4th 2010 at 11:46:20 PM

Result: A cup of various liquid elements and compounds corresponding to a quarter-kilogram of bacon.

Request: A cup of pure, concentrated what.

"Meet 18th century English gentlewoman Kimiko Achmadsdottir and her brother-in-law Wladyslaw bin Vivianus." - annebeeche
JackMackerel from SOME OBSCURE MEDIA Since: Jul, 2010
#231: Aug 5th 2010 at 12:20:27 AM

Result: Dr. Fischer took on mannerisms and speech patterns of David Lynch. Later commented it was vaguely Japanese.

Input: A can of whoop ass.

Half-Life: Dual Nature, a crossover story of reasonably sized proportions.
WartysNeryon Since: Mar, 2010
#232: Aug 5th 2010 at 6:03:32 AM

Output: A tannish fluid that when the Class D Personnel attempts to consume it, it splashes on him at such a velocity it knocks him cold.

I thought so. I wouldn't advise consumption. - Dr. Neryon

Input:A cup of Psitanium

edited 5th Aug '10 6:03:40 AM by WartysNeryon

IYellalot READY! from The Flower Kingdom Since: Jul, 2010
READY!
#233: Aug 5th 2010 at 12:34:50 PM

Output: A shimmering purple liquid that, upon consumption by a D-class with a known Split Personality, caused both personalities to become one.

Input: A cup of cups.

Discover the rest as the game progresses.
SullenFrog (Elder Troper) Relationship Status: I wanna know about these strangers like me
#234: Aug 5th 2010 at 12:38:30 PM

Result: A cup of what was eventually determined to be molten china and ceramic. Substance positively identified as the twenty-odd cups belonging to dr. Rights' antique tea set, which the doctor had reported missing last week.

Oh, dear...—Dr. Dawson.

Request: A cup of charisma.

The Danse Macabre Codex
RTHSFF Kori Dómtlandsson Since: Feb, 2010
Kori Dómtlandsson
#235: Aug 5th 2010 at 12:40:10 PM

@I Yellalot: I already did that onewink!

Result: A cup of white fluid. Consumption resulted in the subject having markedly-improved social skills and charm.

Request: A cup of pragmatic cynicism

edited 5th Aug '10 12:41:40 PM by RTHSFF

"Meet 18th century English gentlewoman Kimiko Achmadsdottir and her brother-in-law Wladyslaw bin Vivianus." - annebeeche
WartysNeryon Since: Mar, 2010
#236: Aug 5th 2010 at 1:02:38 PM

Output: A clear liquid that upon consumption, the Class D personnel builds up a distrust of his fellow personnel and becomes preoccupied with dealing with practical problems with more practical approaches than what the other Class D Personnel is doing. His preoccupation, as well as willful negligence of procedures, wore out at the wrong time, and he was assigned to keter duty for the next day.

Thank GOD this didn't get any worse... - Dr. Neryon

Input: A cup of Jarate

edited 5th Aug '10 1:31:51 PM by WartysNeryon

MadeOfAxes Not Literally Me Since: Feb, 2010
Not Literally Me
#237: Aug 5th 2010 at 1:31:31 PM

Output: A glass of human urine. This test coincided with a fire near 294, as the result of a previous query. The researcher who ordered the urine threw it on a burning D-Class, extinguishing the fire. Everyone in the room simultaeneously had their vision obscured by a mass hallucination of a pop-up telling them they had 'unlocked' the following 'acheivement':

Friendship Is Golden

Extinguish a burning ally with your Jarate.

Request: A cup of lies.

edited 5th Aug '10 1:32:00 PM by MadeOfAxes

"One thing, though- apparently the eldest goat is the bastard child of Muhammad Ali and the Hulk." ~ Exelixi, on The Three Billy Goats Gruff.
SullenFrog (Elder Troper) Relationship Status: I wanna know about these strangers like me
#238: Aug 5th 2010 at 1:36:26 PM

Result: A cup of a clear, nondescript liquid that did seemed to churn under its own power. Drinking it rendered the D-Class personnel who did so unable to speak except in lies, omissions or outright contradictions, even when he clearly had no desire to do so.

''Good thing it's been destroyed...—Not Dr. Dawson.

Request: A cup of I Wanna Be The Guy.

The Danse Macabre Codex
Bisected8 A casual tief of punk from Her Hackette Cave (Primordial Chaos) Relationship Status: Arm chopping is not a love language!
A casual tief of punk
#239: Aug 5th 2010 at 1:52:45 PM

Result: A boiling hot, highly acidic liquid. The few personel who tried it said it had a delicious aftertaste.

Request: The ultimate energy drink.

TV Tropes's No. 1 bread themed lesbian. she/her, fae/faer
WartysNeryon Since: Mar, 2010
#240: Aug 5th 2010 at 2:05:26 PM

Output: A dark brown fluid in a can, which upon consumption by a Class D Personnel, he goes into an uncontrollable sugar-and-caffeine high, followed by a serious sugar-and-caffeine coma, and finally the subject's head burst into pieces. Dr. Neryon examines the can and sees that it has caffeine and sugar beyond the advisable amount in one sip alone.

Nobody suggest an "ultimate" anything EVER AGAIN! I'm having a couple of Class D Personnel clean up the mess, lest they face keter duty. - Dr. Neryon

Input: A cup of Pirelli's Miracle Elixir

edited 29th Nov '10 3:07:31 PM by WartysNeryon

MadeOfAxes Not Literally Me Since: Feb, 2010
Not Literally Me
#241: Aug 5th 2010 at 2:09:32 PM

Output: ^^ A bright orange, fizzy liquid. 40 seconds after ingestion, the subject suffered a massive heart attack and died.


Output: ^ A brown liquid. When consumed by th (bald) D-Class test subject, his hair immediately regrew. When a second D-Class, with a full head of hair, consumed it, his hair began to grow but did not stop. The D-Class suffocated on his hair.

Input: A cup of flight.

edited 5th Aug '10 2:19:16 PM by MadeOfAxes

"One thing, though- apparently the eldest goat is the bastard child of Muhammad Ali and the Hulk." ~ Exelixi, on The Three Billy Goats Gruff.
Ezekiel Since: Jan, 2001
#242: Aug 5th 2010 at 2:18:55 PM

^^Output: A mixture that was determined to be 60% water, 30% fish oil, and 10% various other substances.

Request: The answer.

IYellalot READY! from The Flower Kingdom Since: Jul, 2010
READY!
#243: Aug 5th 2010 at 2:19:01 PM

Result: A shimmering liquid that seemed to change color every time it was looked at. A D-Class who drank it claimed to have gained knowledge of [DATA EXPUNGED].

Input: A cup of whatever they make the cafeteria's hamburgers out of.

edited 5th Aug '10 2:20:44 PM by IYellalot

Discover the rest as the game progresses.
l3wt from Land of Hills and Fjords Since: Oct, 2009 Relationship Status: Get out of here, STALKER
#244: Aug 5th 2010 at 2:24:02 PM

Result: A strange, blood-like fluid that upon testing seems to be liquefied human flesh. Investigation of the cafeteria overseer has been commenced.

Input: A cup of the Internet.

When in deadly danger, When beset by doubt, Run in little circles, Wave your arms and shout.
MadeOfAxes Not Literally Me Since: Feb, 2010
Not Literally Me
#245: Aug 5th 2010 at 2:25:15 PM

Output: A cup of liquified biological tissue, confirmed to be a mixture of cow, sheep, horse, dog, raccoon and [DATA EXPUNGED]

That is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard. That can't be legal. - Dr. Axes


Output: A metallic grey liquid. Upon consumption, the subject had a seizure. Upon removal from the area, he regained consciousness and had a large amount of knowledge he should not have, including knowledge of various emails and conversations. Upon being returned to an area with wifi, his seizures resumed. These effects subsided after nine hours.

Request: A cup of flight.

edited 5th Aug '10 2:32:12 PM by MadeOfAxes

"One thing, though- apparently the eldest goat is the bastard child of Muhammad Ali and the Hulk." ~ Exelixi, on The Three Billy Goats Gruff.
IYellalot READY! from The Flower Kingdom Since: Jul, 2010
READY!
#246: Aug 5th 2010 at 2:28:53 PM

Result: A cloudy white liquid that appeared to give the ability to fly upon consumption.

Request: A cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup of a cup.

edited 5th Aug '10 2:29:43 PM by IYellalot

Discover the rest as the game progresses.
SullenFrog (Elder Troper) Relationship Status: I wanna know about these strangers like me
#247: Aug 5th 2010 at 2:29:31 PM

^^Result: a cup full of scintillating liquid that was truly blinding in its radiance. Drinking it caused the D-Class personnel to glow from within, illuminating his digestive tract in various colours.

...What? We asked for flight, not light! Is the machine screwing with us? —Dr. Dawson


Result: SCP-294 displayed an "Out of Range" message, then violently ejected several ceramic cups into the nearest researcher's face; Dr. [REDACTED] is currently receiving treatment for severe cuts and collapsed sinus cavities.

Request: A cup of scent and touch.

edited 5th Aug '10 2:32:09 PM by SullenFrog

The Danse Macabre Codex
Neo_Crimson Your army sucks. from behind your lines. Since: Jan, 2001
Your army sucks.
#248: Aug 5th 2010 at 2:32:33 PM

Result: A bubbling white fluid, once consumed by a D-class personnel, the subject achieved powered flight without any visible wings or propulsion. The effects wore approximately 3 minutes later and the subject died of severe cranial trauma after falling 100 yards.

Input: A cup of Soul Purification Potion.

Ninja'd

edited 5th Aug '10 2:33:01 PM by Neo_Crimson

Sorry, I can't hear you from my FLYING METAL BOX!
Ezekiel Since: Jan, 2001
#249: Aug 5th 2010 at 2:36:03 PM

Dammit, by the time I get one thing written up, another post has already been made!

^^^Output: What appeared to be water. D-class subject ingesting drink reported feeling an electric shock and hearing the words "Try again, smartass". When asked to describe the voice, subject could not.

^^Output: Subject reported the substance dispensed had no taste at all, but it left an odd sensation in his nose.

^Output: OUT OF RANGE.

Request: One pizza with the works.

Colonial1.1 Purveyor of Obscurity from The Marvelous River City (4 Score & 7 Years Ago)
Purveyor of Obscurity
#250: Aug 5th 2010 at 2:43:42 PM

Output: A liquified Papa John's all-toppings pizza.

Dr.—- : No Wall E puns. Please.

Request: A cup of Forum Games.

"He could not know it. For it was not all a joke."

Total posts: 1,807
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