Sanity not included
Said by an Inquisitor in service of the Imperial Hegemony of Ordered Provinces (acronym intentional), when defending their refusal to accept the Nebula Confederacy's non-intervention stance on pre-spaceflight species.
Edited by Dragon573 on Jul 4th 2018 at 11:34:12 AM
It's kind of funny. Sufficiently advanced stupidity is like sufficiently advanced science; eventually, you find something you can't solve.
The World's Least Powerful Man
"'If you disagree with me, then you're a terrible person who deserves to die' doesn't work for the church, what makes you think it'll work for you?"
Now everyone pat me on the back and tell me how clever I am!
"We're looking to try and turn Qorisayane Empire into something a bit more... ah, what's the word? I'd want to say 'democratic', but the Coalition of Democratic Kykzavi States have done a great job of making an outdated feudal kleptocracy look appealing."
Edited by KillerClowns on Sep 2nd 2018 at 6:53:03 AM
This is my current favorite due to being my first foray into something that was not sci-fi or high-fantasy:
"The markings on their back told me," he replied evenly.
"So, Antares, you think these...markings are some kind of code, so you brought in the professor to crack it?"
"Not a code in the traditional sense. Cuneiform, specifically Akkadian. If it was Sumerian, I wouldn't have needed to call in an expert, but I was able to read enough to know we would want an expert's translation," the bespectacled man said. Then he put his hand on her shoulder, and twisted his face into what Gagnon assumed he meant to be a look of reassurance.
"I know you have a meeting with the families of the five unaccounted-for abductees in an hour. You can give them the good news: Their loved ones will be released unharmed."
"And these markings told you that? And you believe it?" Gagnon sputtered out.
"Yes," said the bespectacled man, as he turned and walked away. "They form a marriage contract, with the remaining five being listed as the dowry".
"With the killer?" Gagnon shouted as he approached the morgue's doors.
"Yes. And myself".
EDIT: I don't recall it being so long...so I've truncated it; hopefully it still makes sense
Edited by Sharur on Sep 22nd 2018 at 4:55:27 AM
Nihil assumpseris, sed omnia resolvere!
What Context?
Life had officially become stranger than fantasy.
News at 9:00; Parallaxus not only retains ownership of the WWE, but states he is going to begin 8 versus 8 matches conducted in a "giant floating energy cage in the sky". John Cena wins Hell in a Cell against Bad News Bear, who swears revenge "or my fur isn't brown".
Donald Trump spoke of suing the chancellor of the Assembled Bronze Dragons for claiming to be wealthier than him.
And now there was talk of the jackass that pulled an "imma let you finish" doing a duet with "A Scion", as if that was no biggie - he was just doing a song duet with a leader of a dystopian warband of Dark God Worshipers.
The young man looked outside. Everything from where he was standing SEEMED normal. It was everything he couldn't immediately see that was batshit fucking crazy.
Edited by NickTheSwing on Nov 12th 2018 at 10:53:53 AM
Sign on for this After The End Fantasy RP.
The World's Least Powerful Man
"'Inacessable' or Inacessable? Because I've been to Leng..."
Now everyone pat me on the back and tell me how clever I am!
Author, These Words Are True and Faithful
From Chapter 1:
Three of the The Ten Mage Generals are present at a war...and still haven't been made to go Let's Get Dangerous!.
The men on the ground marveled at the fact these three guys agreed to face the giant monster that had wrecked everything that got in its way thus far.
Waver Zealot - the red haired swordsman - looked up at the demon and half heartedly blocked a huge paw coming down to crush them, "Y'know, offloading the boring assignments on us...typical HQ."
Albedo Welch, the necromancer / conductor simply took his scissors off his back and looked away from his book, the lanky man yawning and moving out of the way of an attack via his shadow, "...I call dibs on the carcass..." And then he was back to reading his book.
Jo Sauviss - the blond haired priestly boy - looked at the others as he made a tremendous interconnected barrier to keep the demon away from his allies' ships, "I kinda wish you guys would take this more seriously. I'm scanning this guy and he's exhibiting really high energy levels..."
Waver readied his sword again and asked, "Any reason we should take this more seriously? Eh, Albedo...? You know you could kill this guy at any time right?"
Albedo yawned as his shadow deflected a rain of punches coming down at the trio, "...True. I'm just not feeling the effort right now."
Edited by NickTheSwing on Nov 3rd 2018 at 1:54:21 AM
Sign on for this After The End Fantasy RP.
Hanako
My favorite line from a C Ri TORA episode I wrote called "The V Files" is "SPOT: A-A-A-ALIEEEENS!, GROUP: ALIENS!!! GOOEY: Goo"
When given a choice between right or kind. Choose Kind. - Wonder by RJ Pallacio.
The World's Least Powerful Man
"We don't need to adjust our tactics, they're fine as they are." "You mean those same tactics that haven't won you a single footstep in over a thousand years? You have air and ranged superiority built into your fucking DNA and your 'tactics' have brought you to a standstill against a horde of cavemen. Go stand in the corner."
Now everyone pat me on the back and tell me how clever I am!
The World's Least Powerful Man
Double post, ignore
Edited by dvorak on Dec 19th 2018 at 11:28:16 AM
Now everyone pat me on the back and tell me how clever I am!
Context: Dolph Gradich, former conscript to the SS Relic Hunters, confronts a singularly vile human being's corpse, and sets to mind his course.
It was due to this he realized what he needed to spend the rest of his life doing.
"Mein Fuhrer, I honestly thought when I stood in front of you like this, I'd be plunging a blade into your guts. You orchestrated millions of deaths, you plunged Germany into war, and all for...what?" Gradich breathed, realizing his hands were shaking. He was half expecting this man to surge back up even with most of his head missing.
This was a thoroughly undeserving man - given so much fear and reverence... "I gave you such fear, such undue loyalty, even after I cast off my emblems and went against orders, I thought I'd come here and fight one last fight. But in the end, you're mortal. You were no Harpy, not a Demon. You were no Lord Maximillian, not a spellslinger. You were a thoroughly despicable human being, mundane in every way. The same as the rest."
Gradich nonchalantly slashed through a burning chunk of building as the bunker continued its deterioration. "Stalin's men will be here soon. I don't need to guess what they'll do, dictator. But if by some miracle your spirit yet hears me, know that I pieced together everything you and the rest of high command did. And I will spend...the rest of my life...disinfecting the people of your poison. The picture of cowardice, you prioritized infecting the young who cannot fully refute you."
The young man took out his various emblems, assorted skulls, "honors" and such, and then threw them into one of the many fires. He didn't care which. He hoped these vile symbols burned to ashes.
"It was your programs that led to me becoming what I am. I don't age. I'm sustained not by a heart, but by a little device that eternally empowers me. And I will use every iota of these "gifts" to burn your rotten and accursed legacy to the ground."
Gradich started to leave the bunker, and gave one last repudiation, "I know that there will come people who deny your crimes. Because evil persists in the hearts of men, and thrives when the people look the other way and dismiss it. I will never call myself a good man, but I will spend the rest of my life, however long that is, fighting your successors, your ideological fellows, and denying them purchase. There will NEVER be another Nazi Germany. Mark my words, you vile waste of flesh."
The man walked out of the bunker's burning walls and corpse strewn halls. He hoped people remembered this part just as well.
Racism was far from a German invention, and it would take many forms. He intended to fight all of them. It was all he could do.
The Master Of Fright & A Demon Of Light
CONTEXTS: I once wrote a Marvel mirror universe (villains as heroes and heroes as villains) story (well, two), one of which is an unfinished collection of 'flashbacks' that explain how differently things went in this world, and other one that's (very) loosely inspired by Captain America: The Winter Soldier, is set in present day, and the protagonist's Johann Schmidt. You can find both stories from Archiveof Ourown.
SAINTS & SOLDIERS:
"The gravestones stand silently, row upon row like soldiers long forgotten, the silence is shattered by a lone gunshot."
"One of the ants roars to Darren’s face, prompting him to grow in size quickly. He has a bad day, some of the ants somehow grow with him and others swarm all over him, some even getting inside his suit (!). Ants in the pants, ants in the crevices, ants in the cracks, ants in the crannies, and ants on the sack." (Context: Darren Cross, Yellowjacket, in shrunken down on a spy mission and his gear malfunctions)
"Oh, if it isn't the tall, red, and gruesome." (Context: Tony Stark refers to Johann Schmidt's appearance)
"Rumlow’s phone suddendly beebs to signal a text message. The timing – and the whole thing after all that’s happened by now – somehow feels so absurd that Darren (Who, by the way, hasn’t slept in at least five days) is on the brink of hysterical laughter. The others might think he’s gone crazy."
" "That's a very nice speech you have there, captain" Johann answers slowly, estimating their situation, "But do you know what i see when i look at you?" "Frankly, Scarlet?" Steve grins "I don't give a damn." " (Context: this is alternate universe, Johann Schmidt's codename is "Scarlet")
SAINTS & SOLDIERS: FLASHBACKS
"He was executed for treason. A gunshot." (Context: in this chapter, the Arch Words are 'a gunshot', the one being executed is Howard Stark)
" "Dell Rusk?" Logan suggested. "Fuck off." " (Context: they're trying to figure out code names for radio communication and Johann doesn't want to be codenamed 'Red Skull')
Edited by Nukeli on Nov 21st 2018 at 7:45:50 PM
~ * Bleh * ~ (Looking for a russian-speaker to consult about names and words for a thing)
The Master Of Fright & A Demon Of Light
CONTEXT: I am writing a Captain America adaption of Jekyll & Hyde musical, Cap as Jekyll and Skull as hyde. It's on my Roverlord account, by the name The Creepy Case Of Captain Rogers & Herr Schädel.
"What Steve didn't know, there now was a hint of red in the blue of his eyes."
"Steve was never a man of darkness."
"He had a thirst that couldn't be deprieved, bloodlust. He loved this feeling, the one that couldn't be denied. The feeling of being The Red Skull."
"Just a moment ago, Steve had felt both he and the something had a hand at the steering wheel, but now the german accent had the keys to the car and he was locked up in the trunk. He saw his eyes crimson in the mirror, but couldn't do anything but watch and feel his face burning (?) into a horrifying visage of a red skull. A red skull..."
" "Steve!!" She screamed, and the Skull answered to her, speaking with Steve's voice and accent; "I am right there, Peggy dear~" "
"Skull sat on the bed next to Peggy's corpse, seeming bored. He then skinned Peggy's face, licking the blood from his his knife and holding the skin like Hamlet held Yorick's skull in Hamlet. "Alas, poor Frau Carter!" Skull pronounced, "I knew her, Steve. (Well, i didn't, but you did and that's the point)." The situation was so macabre and horrifying Steve was speechless."
~ * Bleh * ~ (Looking for a russian-speaker to consult about names and words for a thing)
The World's Least Powerful Man
"Each mage could be said to be a preist of their Gods. Occultists, Demolitionists, even Shamans, Necromancers, and Bloodsworn, in their own way, are all channeling the glory of their respective Higher Powers. The sole exception to this is the Arcanists, who study the fundamental stuff of magic. Do not confuse this with blasphemy, however. With each new experiment I complete, I learn to appreciate the majesty that goes into each Spell. We are given the will and intellect to question and learn about the world around us; and it is a sin to squander your talents."
An excerpt from a Grim Dawn fanfiction I'm considering.
Edited by dvorak on Dec 19th 2018 at 1:26:36 AM
Now everyone pat me on the back and tell me how clever I am!
The Ice Queen
From a Harry Potter crack-fic I wrote:
“Wormtail, how stupid are you?” someone chimed in.
A confused look appeared on his face. “Uh...could you give me a hint?”
The full fic if you're interested
Edited by Spottedleaf on Dec 19th 2018 at 1:42:34 PM
The Atoner for the resident Abusive Precursors has learned what Too Much Information is.
3. “Charlotte, sometimes the best way to avoid attention is to draw all the attention on yourself.” Branden says, as he put on a giant mouse suit.
2. With his leg shot off, the soldier falls to the ground screaming in agony, suppressing his wound.
“That was a warning shot.” Says Charlotte as she pump her shotgun.
1. “Do you realize what you’ve done?” Charlotte massages her temple in worry and frustration. “Branden is arguably mentally disturbed and undoubtedly lethally skilled, providing him with high end weaponry is like cooking a propane tank with microwave.”
Edited by Andermann on Dec 27th 2018 at 3:30:05 AM
I'm afraid to write, but I like to imagine.
The World's Least Powerful Man
Yes, being Blown Across the Room by a "bomb" with no explosives really does happen to low-level mobs when the skill is at high enough levels.
Edited by dvorak on Dec 30th 2018 at 12:08:36 PM
Now everyone pat me on the back and tell me how clever I am!
lol posted wrong place
Edited by KillerClowns on Feb 23rd 2019 at 9:19:17 AM
Sanity not included
"Why do you fight us? We are one and the same, both fallen from the path of righteousness! We are brothers."
"No, see, you fell from that 'path of righteousness,' and when you figured out you couldn't get everything just the way you wanted it, you threw a hissy fit and slaughtered the very people you were meant to protect, because if you couldn't do it your way, then the obvious response is to say 'fuck it' and murder everyone. I decided that the ten people I knew here— the only people who ever gave a shit about me— were worth more than the thousand people I didn't know there, and who were honestly kinda pricks, anyway. And when the gods disagreed, I told 'em to get bent. You fell. I chose."
Edited by Dragon573 on Jan 26th 2019 at 9:28:12 AM
It's kind of funny. Sufficiently advanced stupidity is like sufficiently advanced science; eventually, you find something you can't solve.
'You know what my master used to say? "What doesn't kill you is a lousy failure of a opponent who can't finish the job and you should be ashamed of yourself for losing to them."' - Francis Anderson
Edited by Andermann on Jan 31st 2019 at 10:42:47 PM
I'm afraid to write, but I like to imagine.
The World's Least Powerful Man
"Go sit in the corner, headache lady."
Edited by dvorak on Feb 22nd 2019 at 12:22:39 PM
Now everyone pat me on the back and tell me how clever I am!
Strepsirrhine of DOOM!
The main character has been forced into a Duel to the Death with a nuckelavee.
Context: Vandes (a vampire) plays the Diabolik Lovers Drinking Game.
"Heh...ha...just—-just cuz you think something sounds...sex—-sehxy in your head doesn't mean you...doesn't mean it...should be said outloud."
He gesticulated rudely at the screen as one of the fictitious vampires called the girl that name again.
That was of course when his roommate, Catherine, entered and saw the severely boozed out vampire. "What is going on here?"
Van looked at her with a half-conscious smile, whispering to the side, "Lemme show you why, Light-oh..." He propped himself up and stated, "Hey yo bitch-chan lemme sip from that throat cup."
She promptly retrieved a frying pan and chucked it right into the inebriated man's face. This produced a series of moans of pain. "...sorta figured you'd find your way to trash like that..."