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DhanaRagnarok Disturbingly mustachioed. from France. COCO-FLIPPIN'-RICO. Since: Feb, 2010 Relationship Status: Having tea with Cthulhu
Disturbingly mustachioed.
#276: Dec 7th 2010 at 1:49:17 PM

A time lord : "Dont worry. You'll be dead in a few seconds. Well, it might feels like centuries. Sorry."

"I'll leave you 10 seconds to explain me WHY THE HELL I shouldn't turn your brain into english pudding. Also, I would like to know where you bought this classy jacket. 5 seconds."

Look upon my R.O.U.S., ye mighty, and despair!
Yej (4 Score & 7 Years Ago) Relationship Status: They can't hide forever. We've got satellites.
Collen the cutest lizard from it is a mystery Since: Dec, 2010
the cutest lizard
#278: Dec 8th 2010 at 10:12:56 AM

nothing to see here.

edited 9th Jul '12 6:02:48 PM by Collen

Gave them our reactions, our explosions, all that was ours For graphs of passion and charts of stars...
balrog1911 Since: Dec, 2009
#279: Dec 8th 2010 at 10:59:02 AM

She responded with a yell, an animalistic scream that tore through her entire body.

Striding through the melee, completely unperturbed by anything around her, was perhaps the most beautiful woman he had ever seen

AtomJames I need a drink Since: Apr, 2010
I need a drink
#280: Dec 8th 2010 at 11:37:41 PM

from Control. A psychopathic, sadistic hitman and coporate sabateour.

  • points a gun at a man's face*

"See, I'm not like the rest of these guys. They all hide behind this sense of civility, try and tell themselves that everything they do is just "part of the job". There scared y'see. Scared to admit ,deep down, that they enjoy it. Me, I'm not like that, I enjoy my what I do and I don't mind getting blood on my suit."

  • quickly aims the gun at the man's left knee and pulls the trigger. Man screams in pain as undoes his suit jacket. moves towards a desk and produces a knife. The man tries to compose himself and, in tears, asks

"I thought...you we.were gonna kill m.me?"

"Oh I am. But I wanna enjoy myself first."

Theres sex and death and human grime in monochrome for one thin dime and at least the trains all run on time but they dont go anywhere.
Schitzo HIGH IMPACT SEXUAL VIOLENCE from Akumajou Dracula Since: May, 2009 Relationship Status: LA Woman, you're my woman
HIGH IMPACT SEXUAL VIOLENCE
#281: Dec 24th 2010 at 12:08:55 AM

"You know... You kinda come off as a serial killer."

"I uh, I get that a lot."

"Tell me, are you almost tempted to cut me up just by the smell of me?"

"I'll be gentle."

"... I was hoping you'd call me out on what a weird question that was. Well, now I really am afraid of you."

ALL CREATURE WILL DIE AND ALL THE THINGS WILL BE BROKEN. THAT'S THE LAW OF SAMURAI.
cityofmist turning and turning from Meanwhile City Since: Dec, 2010
turning and turning
#282: Dec 24th 2010 at 1:58:49 PM

From a very disjointed story set in the same universe as my other projects, jam-packed with references and Shout Outs to The Matrix (I didn't bother to give it a proper plot, because it beats seven kinds of crap out of copyright with a crowbar, so I just wrote it for fun), there's this:

  • Villain: You ever seen The Matrix, Daniel?
  • Daniel: ...Yes.
  • Villain: Here we have a red pill and a blue pill. If you take the blue pill then I'm not going to tell you anything, but I'm also not going to have you killed on the way out, and you will never see me again. If you take the red pill, then I'm bound to give you the information you came for and let you leave safely, but the second you get outside the city I will never stop hunting you.
  • (after some consideration, Daniel takes the blue pill, which is cyanide. The villain looks down at his body.)
  • Villain: Well, that saved a lot of hunting.

And then there's this, with the protagonist, a teenaged mage, surrounded by US soldiers; when they eventually start shooting, she uses some illusion to make it look as if she's dodging the bullets, but actually she's just using magical shields. Anyway, she gets cocky and one of them sneaks up behind her with a gun to her head.

  • Soldier: Hey, Trinity, d-
  • (he goes flying across the room, smashes into a wall, and slumps to the ground.)
  • Protagonist: (hastily getting her shields back up, because to have another one sneak up on her would just be embarassing) If you had just shot me and then made the quip...

I enjoyed writing both of those.

edited 24th Dec '10 2:01:14 PM by cityofmist

Scepticism and doubt lead to study and investigation, and investigation is the beginning of wisdom. - Clarence Darrow
Yej (4 Score & 7 Years Ago) Relationship Status: They can't hide forever. We've got satellites.
#283: Dec 24th 2010 at 3:14:53 PM

Protagonist is inside a computer simulation/hallucination, and is faced with a literal Red Pill, Blue Pill as the latest in a series of postmodern Shout Outs.

"They're imaginary. They can't possibly have any effect, just like methanol doesn't get me drunk."

Mysterious Benefactor: "So were the originals."

edited 25th Dec '10 4:57:28 AM by Yej

Morgulion An accurate depiction from Cornholes Since: May, 2009
An accurate depiction
#284: Dec 24th 2010 at 4:23:05 PM

From an old story about an old ex-terrorist coming to live in a small town; just imagine the cordial old neighbor moving in down the street. The little town had a few problems with criminals, and the particular excerpt is from his dialogue with the well-meaning local sheriff who asks for his help.

“So what do ya want, for my help with these youngsters running around? No, you don’ want that.” Harry grinned at Nick. “Cos my help causes trouble. Missing-fingers trouble.”

“…”

“Like rigging a nail bomb on my car, son. I can do that! Saw a few metal bits in half for good shrapnel and I can blow some kid’s eyes out for twenty dollars. Hell, even less, if you buy powder in bulk. Then it’s just nails and a battery. Boom, no more theft.”

Nick raised his hand, but Harry cut him off. “Now, if you want to kill a fucker, you gotta try harder. You folk hunt, right? Well, layer buckshot with blasting powder, get a spark, and you have a cost-effective solution. Namely, blowing out the brother's brains through his eye sockets!”

This is this.
Tre could be worse from the front to the back, that's where I was at (Unlucky Thirteen) Relationship Status: Singularity
could be worse
#285: Dec 24th 2010 at 5:16:06 PM

Ah, quotes from Stuck. Gotta love 'em.

Tre: “Well, if you got it, then bring it on, you minuscule-brained imbecile.”

Q: “What? You’re gonna have to be more blunt with your insults, spaz.” Q said.

Tre: “Okay, fine, I’ll put it in stupid person. In other words: Bring. It. On. Sucka.”

This next quote is a short fantasy sequence of Tre's when he's breaking out of the mall security department in Episode One.

''The scene: a back alley in Greyson. T-Man walks in to face the door about 20 feet away from him. “I must say, your Glass Fu is no match for my Judo Chop!” he says in an abnormal manner, as if he’s speaking some other language.

The door says nothing.

“Silent type, eh? Fair enough, I can still take you on easily.” T-Man continues.

A slight shine shows on the midsection of the window. T-Man assumes a fighting stance, takes a few steps back, and soon enough he’s running, running at a speed unlike any other… he’s up to the door and then…

KRAK!'"

I crashed into the window like a madman, and fell to the ground over a few pieces of glass. “OHMYDARLINGCLEMENTINEWHATKINDOFSTUPIDIDEAWASTHAT?!” I said, rolling over in the process.

edited 24th Dec '10 5:18:06 PM by Tre

oh, that's why I need this binary mind //
66Scorpio Banned, selectively from Toronto, Canada Since: Nov, 2010
Banned, selectively
#286: Dec 24th 2010 at 5:41:14 PM

. . .the surprisingly intact platoon stood poised for the final assault, a mere hundred metres from the enemy.

. . .

Football. Did it mimic warfare or had warfare come to mimic it? Fourth and goal; just hope it isn't CFL rules or it's already over. She had played running back in high school but came to realize that it was the stupidest game on God's creation. Still, her husband dedicated every Monday night, almost religiously, to watching it. Actually, ex-husband, and with that thought she was brought back to the present with an overwhelming desire to shoot something. "Warrant, it's time."

Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you are probably right.
dRoy Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar from Most likely from my study Since: May, 2010 Relationship Status: I'm just high on the world
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
#287: Dec 25th 2010 at 12:24:06 AM

Villain: Do you wish to settle this matter with force?[...] My army completely covers the ground of this measly city. Jacob: *summons millions of blades in the sky* My blades cover the sky.

Continuously reading, studying, and (hopefully) growing.
piearty Hello world! from The clouds Since: Oct, 2009
Hello world!
#288: Dec 29th 2010 at 3:09:25 PM

This is the opening to my story and it's perhaps my favorite piece of writing ever.
———
BRRRRIIINNNG-“Hello?”

“Hey, you up for some exploring?” a familiar voice says. I glance outside my bedroom window. Lightning flashes across the August sky, briefly illuminating the soaked summer ground. Huge raindrops angrily pound the roof of the house. I turn back to the phone as a large crack of thunder rolls across the sky.

“Yeah.” I say. There’s a click on the other line.

edited 29th Dec '10 3:10:21 PM by piearty

Collen the cutest lizard from it is a mystery Since: Dec, 2010
the cutest lizard
#289: Dec 29th 2010 at 5:29:09 PM

more of my favorite lines from Firewing - Shining Feather, from the Second and Third (unfinished) chapters:

Vit lofted to the end of the branch, and spread her wings. “First off, I'm not the only administer here. If I leave, another will take charge. Second, you don't know zip about fires, so you shouldn't be talking. And third,” she said with a glare,

“Stop calling me MA'AM!”


Twisting and turning through the trees, Brash rapidly increased his speed, in a move that was normally reserved for killing prey. He might as well have been. His prey was the fire, and his purpose was to save a tree, to save a forest  *.
"Uh, hello, Mr. I'm-so-stupid-I-flew-into-a-fire, I kinda SAVED this tree from impending doom.” Phara's voice was more snotty then ever.

This time, he actually gave off a groan as he tried to recall the events of the day. Eventually, he just gave up and said, “Please, please. Mr. I'm-so-stupid-I-flew-into-a-fire was my grandfather. Just call me- blaaaaaah...


Phara's temper snapped. “It's proper signs of respect! Don't you see? We're doing it because we're not dingbats like you! You say you are owl, but all I see is a fool in feathers! Sometimes we have to show submission to our elders, weather or not they are actually older then you!”
Phara answered him. “No, you may not. You cannot just 'join' when you feel like it.” Inside, she thought, And I hope I never see you again.

Now it was Aviar who glared as the Greenwing Owls flew out of the charred hollow, leaving him covered in soot.

edited 29th Dec '10 5:33:39 PM by Collen

Gave them our reactions, our explosions, all that was ours For graphs of passion and charts of stars...
KillerClowns Since: Jan, 2001
#290: Dec 29th 2010 at 10:19:38 PM

A senator, talking privately with his mistress while slightly drunk: "of course I'm in a good mood! The Internet Identity Act just got passed, and thanks to all those sob stories of 'online harassment' my buddies in the newsroom bumped to the top for me, the president won't dare to veto it. I think I've lost all the geek cred I picked with my Firefly quotes, but paranoi... I mean, 'security conscious' parents are a better voting block anyways. Besides, geeks are simple. All I have to do is dress like the the Fourth Doctor or some such bullshit, then describe some random thing as 'Beyond the Impossible,' and they'll forget all about their 'right' to anonymity. They're like goldfish, except goldfish don't vote. That's an important distinction... if goldfish started voting, I'd propose a hundred billion dollars worth of koi ponds and outlawing the use of any form of carp as feeder fish. Because goldfish, unlike geeks, and now I think about it, most other voters, are intelligent enough to have their priorities straight."

edited 30th Dec '10 9:40:30 PM by KillerClowns

monthefratellis Dr. Ján Ĩtor Since: Nov, 2010
Dr. Ján Ĩtor
#291: Dec 29th 2010 at 10:31:25 PM

One of the funnier scenes from episode one of my series, copypasta'd directly from the ill-written script. Having all met merely moments earlier, they prepare to flee from a motel, using this guy's vehicle.

The trio happen upon a sketchy, white, unmarked, windowless van in the parking lot.

ROLAND

(Enthusiastically) … And here we are!

QUINTON

The hell?

EDDY

Seriously?

ROLAND

Beg pardon?

QUINTON

We’re not getting into that van, pal.

ROLAND

Oh, come on! It’s a viable means of transportation!

QUINTON

I’m not saying it’s not! I’m just saying that I don’t want to get raped and/or murdered.

EDDY

Same.

ROLAND

We’re both Onyx, remember?!

QUINTON

STRANGER DANGER!

ROLAND

Call 'em up, then, and they’ll confirm, if you’re going just going to act like a jackass.

QUINTON

(Trailing off) I would if I could …

ROLAND

What’s that?

QUINTON

My, uh, pager got fried earlier.

EDDY

Terrific …

ROLAND

Hah! You really do suck at this job!

QUINTON

I GOT RUN OVER BY A GODDAMNED PRIUS!

(Beat)

ROLAND

A Prius?!

QUINTON

It came out of nowhere! Hybrids are silent killers, you know!

ROLAND

Yeah, whatever, ace, just get in the van.

QUINTON

Aren’t you ‘sposed to offer me candy, first?

ROLAND

Hey, buddy, if you don’t want to play along, I’m just gonna have to grab Eddy and keep the reward for myself!

Quinton grabs Eddy by the shoulders and shakes him as he talks.

QUINTON

YOU HEAR THAT, EDDY?! HE’S GOING TO FORCE YOU INTO HIS VAN!

Eddy breaks loose.

EDDY

WILL BOTH OF YOU DUMBASSES SHUT UP AND JUST GET ME TO A SAFEHOUSE ALREADY?!

(Beat)

QUINTON

Real mature, Eddy.

QUINTON

(To Roland) You know, you’ve never given us your name?

ROLAND

Well, uh … it’s, uh, Roland …

QUINTON

“Roland?” (To self) Where have I heard that before?

ROLAND

So, it’s settled, then. We’re taking my va-

QUINTON

(Echoing Roland’s words from earlier) Holy shit! You’re —

Gunshots erupt from the other side of the parking lot, lighting up Roland’s van.

ROLAND

SHIT!

EDDY

THERE’S MORE OF THEM!

QUINTON

(Returning fire) There’s no way they’re gonna let up enough for us to get this pile out of here! We’re gonna have to fall back!

EDDY

TO WHERE?!

QUINTON

Think I’ve got an idea!

More bullets slam into the van, blowing out the tires.

ROLAND

DOLORES, NOOOOO!

(Beat)

QUINTON

(Amused) You named your van?!

ROLAND

YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND!

Roland opens the back two doors of the van.

ROLAND

Gotta grab something!

Roland produces a grenade launcher from the black abyss of the van.

QUINTON

Jesus, what all do you have back there?! It’s like a rape dungeon! Did you expect us to hop in the back?!

ROLAND

(Returning fire with shotgun) WE DON’T HAVE ALL DAY HERE, GUY! Where we headed?!

QUINTON

The hybrid that hit me earlier is just behind the corner! They bailed but left it running, I think!

ROLAND

We’re not taking a hybrid! Only self-involved tools drive hybrids!

QUINTON

Only sexual predators drive unmarked, white vans! Now look, we need to cover Eddy while—

The camera reveals that Eddy had made a break for the Prius moments earlier, sprinting all the way.

QUINTON

Somebody’s got the right idea!

The two bolt for the Prius, returning fire. Roland takes the driver’s seat, with Eddy riding shotgun. Quinton takes the back seat. As they peel out of the parking lot under a hail of bullets, Quinton can be heard, helpfully shrieking “GO, GO, GO, GO!” ad nauseum.

QUINTON

Haha! We’re gonna make it! Good job, me!

ROLAND

IF IT WASN’T FOR YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT DOLORES WE WOULD’VE BEEN GONE FIVE MINUTES AGO!

QUINTON

Don’t pick out a windowless van, next time, broski!

Quinton notices the van as they are driving out. It has been consumed in an inferno.

QUINTON

Speaking of which …

Dolores ignites, causing a suspiciously large explosion that rips through the parking lot.

QUINTON

Hehe, nice.

ROLAND

DOLORES!

Flaming wreckage falls from the sky, peppering the Prius as it finally escapes.

edited 31st Dec '10 3:55:43 PM by monthefratellis

The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.
Dec Stayin' Alive from The Dance Floor Since: Aug, 2009
Stayin' Alive
#292: Dec 30th 2010 at 12:29:18 PM

"It wasn't just some group of people that went over — an entire age came to an end. It went through the veil of reality like water through a sieve, and it all coagulated around the drain as the mess people now call the ghost zone. Its the backdrop of reality, something that's bound up with it, but is not a true part of it. Its the support structure of time and reality. Despite that, the place has literally no design to it, no stability. Everything just spins around the drain until whatever is holding it together can't hold it anymore, and dissolves. That makes it really fucking hard to conceive children."

—-

Hmm, to kill a darling, or to not kill a darling...

edited 30th Dec '10 12:30:14 PM by Dec

Nemo enim fere saltat sobrius, nisi forte insanit Deviantart.
feotakahari Fuzzy Orange Doomsayer from Looking out at the city Since: Sep, 2009
Fuzzy Orange Doomsayer
#293: Dec 30th 2010 at 3:40:55 PM

It must be understood that there was nothing seriously wrong with Samantha. The waste that had leaked into the water of her hometown, waste that had harmed so many of the children born there, had not given her a twisted spine or a third arm. She would always need to be watchful for strange lumps that would not heal, but so far she had been one of the lucky ones.

Lucky not to have died even before being born, twisted and broken beyond what nature would allow. Lucky not to have been overwhelmed by cells splitting and growing far out of control. Lucky to be alive, more than twenty years past the spill—but not so lucky as to walk down the street without stares.

Samantha Richards stood six foot four in flats.

edited 30th Dec '10 3:41:26 PM by feotakahari

That's Feo . . . He's a disgusting, mysoginistic, paedophilic asshat who moonlights as a shitty writer—Something Awful
LilPaladinSuzy Chaotic New Troll from 4chan Since: Jul, 2010
Chaotic New Troll
#294: Dec 30th 2010 at 3:53:36 PM

From my My Immortal fanfic:

"She [Ebony] was sleeping inside a black coffin lined with hot pink lace, and would have certainly preferred to sleep in there for a couple more hours instead of attending class with her peers. Unfortunately for the rest of us, there wasn't anyone to nail the damn thing shut so she could starve inside like the parasitic creature she is."

[Commenting on Ebony's clothing] "Don't kids at this school normally wear robes or something? (Besides, the leather corset would invoke a 10% spell failure penalty.)"

[When Ebony walks outside into the snowy weather in the first chapter] "Somehow, it did not occur to Ebony that she should simply go back to her dorm and put more clothes on."

Would you kindly click my dragons?
Kaxen Since: Jan, 2010
#295: Dec 31st 2010 at 10:07:30 AM

"I am installing a trapdoor under your chair. Don't come to work tomorrow."

SandJosieph Since: Dec, 2009
#296: Dec 31st 2010 at 12:52:20 PM

Enemy Interrogator: (to Subordinate) You captured a mute. What the hell are we supposed to get out of her?


Unrelated Hazing Scene

Kat: ...ow...pain...

Military Officer: [sympathetically] You suburban folk are fairly wimpy.

Kat: ...still in pain...

sz σχίζω from over there Since: Apr, 2009
σχίζω
#297: Dec 31st 2010 at 1:41:09 PM

"Lies were the most beautiful thing I have seen in my life, and so I plucked out all of my eyes except for one and only looked at lies."

It's from my definitively emo days, but still. Damn. I think I can appreciate this so because I can't identify with that person anymore and I get to look at what was going on in that person's mind.

"Good year and model, but Vladimir Putin is strangling journalists in the back seat."
Anaheyla Since: Jan, 2001
#298: Dec 31st 2010 at 5:20:30 PM

"Never let it be said that Tonneau is a forgiving god. Tonneau is violent and capricious and petty. He created the Nojin and loves them as his children, and while this love knows few limits, his trust is very narrowly defined and his mercy is all but non-existent."

It's some of my finest work. Which isn't really saying much because most of my work is junk. [lol]

edited 31st Dec '10 5:20:39 PM by Anaheyla

This is still a signature.
Parakus from not Belgium Since: Jul, 2009
#299: Dec 31st 2010 at 8:24:26 PM

Jeffrey stared at Dave with incredulity plastered across every inch of his face. “So,” he began, slowly tapping one finger on the plastic surface of the table. “Let me get this straight. You want me to assist you in hiding an unidentified yet highly illegal cargo from the colonial government. Is that about right?”

Dave nodded and bit his lip. Jeffrey stared at the space behind Dave's head, evidently lost in thought. It was a moment before he spoke again.

“And you'll only tell me what it is if I agree to help you?”

“That's about right.”

Jeffrey sighed. “Well, then how can I refuse? I'll go get the hauler.”

[DATA EXPUNGED] - I would NEVER do that to a kitten! -Dr. █████
Pinata from on your ceiling Since: Jan, 2001
#300: Jan 1st 2011 at 11:08:14 PM

Favorite lines (so far) from a new idea I'm working on, an as-yet-untitled murder mystery about internet porn that is as intentionally offensive as possible:

Opening line, spoken by Detective Andy Forehand to his partner Jim Barnes: She's dead, Jim.

Lou Bollinger, upon learning what bukkake is: Fuckin' Japs. No wonder we nuked 'em.

Katie Greene (the porn mogul, talking to her Arch-Nemesis Amanda Graham on Real Time With Bill Maher): Let's take the Constitution off the toilet paper roll and discuss this rationally for a moment. Did it ever occur to you that I am thinking of the children? That maybe censorship isn't something I would want in my kids' lives if I had any, because it's just a little too Orwellian? I mean, what's next for you after you win this one? You gonna start burning books? If you need a swastika, I can recommend a great tattoo artist.

Jim: Of course I'd like to arrest them, but I'm pretty sure that what they're doing is legal in Virginia. I mean, it is Virginia. I can't stress that enough.

Ryona: I know I'm not under arrest, but could you... um... put the handcuffs on me anyway? Just for a few minutes...

  • Andy: Has it occurred to you that we might be overlooking the most obvious suspect?
  • Jim: And who might that be?
  • Andy: Well, Katie does have a butler.
  • Jim: Don't be ridiculous. The butler never does it in real life.
  • Butler: The butler never does what, detectives? Because I can assure you, if we're talking about sex, I get plenty of action.

edited 1st Jan '11 11:11:22 PM by Pinata

No breasts/scrotum on that last post. Shit just got real. -Bobby G

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