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William lulzblogs Chick Tracts because he hates himself

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Zyxzy Embrace the mindscrew from Salem, OR Since: Jan, 2001
Embrace the mindscrew
#226: Sep 19th 2009 at 2:24:59 PM

I can't imagine them being that bothered by hell then.

What's the frequency Kenneth?|In case of war.
Katrika Since: Jul, 2009
#227: Sep 19th 2009 at 2:34:50 PM

Yeah, I mean, it's pretty much an extention of how they died. Plus they have awesome sunglasses.

"You fail to grasp the basic principles of mad science. Common sense would be cheating." - Narbonic
Tzetze DUMB from a converted church in Venice, Italy Since: Jan, 2001
DUMB
#228: Sep 19th 2009 at 2:39:38 PM

...only a minority of Buddhist monks lit themselves on fire. I mean, cremation is more often used in the East, but you don't feel that, and, yeah, just wanted to make that clear. You probably already know, I'm just weird.

[1] This facsimile operated in part by synAC.
Haven Planescape Hijack Since: Jan, 2001
Planescape Hijack
#229: Sep 19th 2009 at 2:45:50 PM

intuition: That's the opposite of the way I've heard the term used (though apparently it is applied in several different ways). For instance, in the article in question from "The Salmon of Doubt", Adams brought up the anthropic principle and then made the puddle metaphor to dismiss it, as well as a wonderful phrase along the lines of "Isn't it enough to see a beautiful garden without having to believe there are fairies underneath it too?").

Tzetze: I haven't read the article in question for a while, so I don't remember if there was more to his analogy than that, but, unless I'm missing something, as presented here that doesn't really work for me (and, frankly, the vibe I'm getting is "you should be ashamed of your critical thinking capacity for taking Stephen Hawking at his word; I will demonstrate using analogy, therefore showing it should have been obvious to begin with"). I was thinking something more fundamental than that—for instance, if there was a differing "cosmological constant", or if critical density was smaller (and the universe thus contracted instead of expanded), or etc.

I don't agree with the larger implications of the anthropic principle, which as I've seen the term means "if the conditions of the universe are in a narrow range that allows human life, than an intelligence must have determined them that way." I can believe the first clause, but not the second.

edited 19th Sep '09 2:46:37 PM by Haven

Productivity is for people without internet connections. -Count Dorku
intuition from Nueva Yol Since: Jan, 2001
#230: Sep 19th 2009 at 2:46:03 PM

o.O How does everyone know about this self-immolation thing? Is it some bit of Pop-Cultural Osmosis I just didn't pick up, or was there something big about it in the news lately? I've honestly never heard about this before.

Edit: Yeah, sorry about that: I would've clarified if I'd known people used the phrase "anthropic principle" to mean different things. I'd only read about it as explained by Richard Dawkins, of all people, so you can probably see why I thought it was only used in an anti-creationist sense.

edited 19th Sep '09 2:50:05 PM by intuition

"I like them to talk nonsense. That's man's one privilege over all creation. Through error you come to truth! You never reach any truth without making fourteen mistakes- and very likely a hundred and fourteen." - Razumikhin, Crime and Punishment
Zyxzy Embrace the mindscrew from Salem, OR Since: Jan, 2001
Embrace the mindscrew
#231: Sep 19th 2009 at 2:47:21 PM

History education isn't that dead. Especially with autodidaticism.

What's the frequency Kenneth?|In case of war.
Tzetze DUMB from a converted church in Venice, Italy Since: Jan, 2001
DUMB
#232: Sep 19th 2009 at 2:47:33 PM

Look, when somebody lights themselves on fire on film you don't soon forget.

Haven, I didn't read your post and that wasn't directed at anybody in particular, I'll go do that now.

[1] This facsimile operated in part by synAC.
Katrika Since: Jul, 2009
#233: Sep 19th 2009 at 2:51:19 PM

...I mainly remember because in middle school we had to draw a picture of something from the news, and my friend drew a picture of flaming buddist monks that crossed the line twice.

It didn't have to be recent news.

edited 19th Sep '09 2:53:55 PM by Katrika

"You fail to grasp the basic principles of mad science. Common sense would be cheating." - Narbonic
intuition from Nueva Yol Since: Jan, 2001
#234: Sep 19th 2009 at 2:53:51 PM

Huh. It just goes to show- I don't know nearly as much about things as I should. (We did 20th-century world history in school last year, but it pretty much focused on WWII and America.)

edited 19th Sep '09 2:55:29 PM by intuition

"I like them to talk nonsense. That's man's one privilege over all creation. Through error you come to truth! You never reach any truth without making fourteen mistakes- and very likely a hundred and fourteen." - Razumikhin, Crime and Punishment
Tzetze DUMB from a converted church in Venice, Italy Since: Jan, 2001
DUMB
#235: Sep 19th 2009 at 3:08:27 PM

Really? My understanding was that if things were even a little different, pretty much everything would be undifferentiated background radiation. (I'd go into more detail, but it's been, um, wow, almost ten years since I read "The Universe in a Nutshell".)

For one thing, sorry if I insulted you, I didn't mean to.

Now... I don't know much about this stuff. I'm uneducated. You might be right, maybe a change in the cosmological constant would make the universe undifferentiated background radiation. But - and again I'm not anything like an expert - I think that perturbations in the flat existence would come from somewhere, like quantum particles or whatever did it in our universe. And as soon as you have perturbations and waves, you could have life. Incredibly alien life, sure, made up of radiation, but I can believe it.

I like to think of it as if there were a bunch of "islands of existence" in the constants. Like islands of fitness in evolutionary theory. You could change them a little in any "direction", and life would be extremely rare or impossible, but if you go far enough you can find another stable existence.

Again, I'm not an expert, no offense meant, etc.

[1] This facsimile operated in part by synAC.
BobbyG vigilantly taxonomish from England Since: Jan, 2001
vigilantly taxonomish
#236: Sep 19th 2009 at 3:09:23 PM

Man, Jack Chick's Jesus is a jerk. I don't know how anyone could bring themselves to worship somebody like that, regardless of what they believed.

(Yes, I read the Buddhist comic.)

edited 19th Sep '09 3:10:59 PM by BobbyG

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GameGuruGG Vampire Hunter from Castlevania (Before Recorded History)
Vampire Hunter
#237: Sep 19th 2009 at 4:07:59 PM

From Godchecker on how to mesh the three-in-oneness of Jehovah with man being created in his own image.

Three-in-One Humans? Now here's a question: If JEHOVAH created man in his own image, why don't humans have three-in-one personalities? Answer: They do. Godchecker can reveal that the human brain consists of three separate but complementary parts: the R-Complex (ritualistic behavior), the Limbic System (emotional response) and the Neocortex (thought and language). We all possess a 'Triune Brain'.

This 'Law, Love and Language' model can be equated with the Trinity to such precision, we're staggered the Christian Church doesn't preach about it from the rooftops. Perhaps they don't like what it implies about the Father: obsessive, aggressive, ritualistic and very keen on blood. On the other hand, it sheds much light on the Holy Spirit, who brings intellectual inspiration and also the gift of speaking in tongues.

But perhaps it's embarrassing for the Church to be proved right by cold hard Science. And equally embarrassing for Science to be pre-empted by religion.

It's very interesting... Of course, Godchecker also has articles on deities like Zeus, Thor, and Sun Wukong all with an added bit of snark, so not a source Jack Chick would use. (Of course, he doesn't seem to use The Bible as a source, either.)

Also wasn't THE GREAT MOTHERFUCKING PUMPKIN a villain in Halloween episodes of The Real Ghostbusters and was called Samhain? Apparently, Jack Chick used a Children's Cartoon as his source for Halloween's history!

edited 19th Sep '09 4:13:17 PM by GameGuruGG

Wizard Needs Food Badly
Kinkajou I'm Only Sleeping Since: Jul, 2009 Relationship Status: Hiding
I'm Only Sleeping
#238: Sep 19th 2009 at 10:05:55 PM

^ Well, he's certainly Critical Research Failure incarnate. In fact I think the guy selectively reads the Bible, to the point that he makes Gd look even more a dick than the Old Testament makes it.

INT is knowing a tomato is a fruit. WIS is knowing it doesn't belong in a fruit salad. CHA is convincing people that it does.
Karalora Since: Jan, 2001
#239: Sep 20th 2009 at 7:35:46 AM

Has Chick ever actually addressed the question of what happens to someone who dies without ever hearing about Jesus? We've seen lots of people go up before God or Jesus and be scolded for failing to believe after they were told...but what if they were never told? There must be an awful lot of such people in his world, since almost every single one says "Jesus? Who's that?" when the missionary character starts spieling.

GoggleFox rrrrrrrrr from Acadia, yo. Since: Jul, 2009
rrrrrrrrr
#240: Sep 20th 2009 at 7:44:42 AM

In some denominations, anyone who didn't know is counted as innocent and can go to heaven. Anyone who heard about it and rejected it cannot.

There's a reason I don't like that attitude :p But it would be ironic if he believed that.

Sakamoto demands an explanation for this shit.
Katrika Since: Jul, 2009
#241: Sep 20th 2009 at 10:22:39 AM

I don't know about people who haven't been told, but I believe that very young children and other people without the mental capacity to actively choose or reject god go to heaven. Does that make sense at all?

But if people who haven't been told could go to heaven just like that, why would missionaries try to spread the word? Would seem counterproductive.

edited 20th Sep '09 10:23:59 AM by Katrika

"You fail to grasp the basic principles of mad science. Common sense would be cheating." - Narbonic
Karalora Since: Jan, 2001
#242: Sep 20th 2009 at 11:41:39 AM

I'm not asking what you guys think. I know most Christians believe the uninformed, young children and the mentally incompetent are off the hook. I'm wondering what Chick thinks about it.

Wicked223 from Death Star in the forest Since: Apr, 2009
#243: Sep 20th 2009 at 11:42:18 AM

Knowing Chick, he probably thinks they should all BURN.

You can't even write racist abuse in excrement on somebody's car without the politically correct brigade jumping down your throat!
Katrika Since: Jul, 2009
#244: Sep 20th 2009 at 11:47:08 AM

And will show it graphically in a tract someday.

edited 20th Sep '09 11:49:34 AM by Katrika

"You fail to grasp the basic principles of mad science. Common sense would be cheating." - Narbonic
Kinkajou I'm Only Sleeping Since: Jul, 2009 Relationship Status: Hiding
I'm Only Sleeping
#245: Sep 20th 2009 at 7:50:48 PM

With cackling demons in the foreground, no less.

INT is knowing a tomato is a fruit. WIS is knowing it doesn't belong in a fruit salad. CHA is convincing people that it does.
Karalora Since: Jan, 2001
#246: Sep 20th 2009 at 9:03:12 PM

The cackling has to go "HAW, HAW, HAW!" or it doesn't count.

GameGuruGG Vampire Hunter from Castlevania (Before Recorded History)
Vampire Hunter
#247: Sep 20th 2009 at 9:13:25 PM

Oh and with THE GREAT MOTHERFUCKING PUMPKIN!

Wizard Needs Food Badly
Katrika Since: Jul, 2009
#248: Sep 21st 2009 at 2:18:14 PM

And a token homosexual catholic.

"You fail to grasp the basic principles of mad science. Common sense would be cheating." - Narbonic
WilliamWideWeb (weaving) Since: Jan, 2001
(weaving)
#249: Oct 12th 2009 at 9:15:35 AM

Because of University Day, I only have one class today(normally I would have four). In honor of this, I bring you... William lulzblogs Jack Chick!

This time around, I'm reading Angels?, which is about a Christian Rock band. This should be fun.

Okay, first panel, we see a band that was just ripped off by the pastor for a church. They can't pay their rent. In any other work, they'd probably be the good guys, but they're insufficiently fanatical for Jack Chick, because, as you can see, there's a guitar.

Second panel, they ask why the preacher stopped them from playing rock music. A bit more whining on that front, and while they're getting burgers, a guy in a mysterious hat and what looks like a Badass Longcoat says there is a way for them to make it big...his way.

The camera keeps avoiding this guy's face because Gainax is running out of money in order to keep a sense of suspense, as if there's any doubt that this guy isn't THE GREAT MOTHERFUCKING PUMPKIN. Also, the dialogue order in these two panels makes no sense. It makes marginally more sense if the two generic guys in these two panels are actually different people, but I can't tell.

...his name is Lou Siffer. HIS NAME IS LOU SIFFER. He's going to give them 500 bucks each, which, by the way, is four times as much as the priest was supposed to give them and ten times as much as the priest actually gave them. Because in Jack Chick's world, Satan rips people off less than the good guys. BUT HIS NAME IS LOU SIFFER.

But now Siffer is offering to be their agent, and is making sure they aren't truly Christian. And Jack Chick still can't draw, so he's still avoiding showing Satan's face. He appears inexplicably as a black silhouette because apparently we wouldn't be able to figure out that he's Satan FROM THE FACT THAT HIS NAME IS LOU SIFFER but we would if we saw his face. Also, HIS NAME IS LOU SIFFER.

Silhouette Man explains that he will make them rich and famous and they can get anything they want as long as they do things his way. He hands out the contracts, which he wants them to sign in their own blood. The confluence of Genre Blind in this tract is sickening. HIS NAME IS LOU SIFFER! Bobby (who dies in a tract I've already lulzblogged) protests on the grounds that it's gross, but his bandmate forces him to sign.

Okay. I lied a little bit. Up until this point, he had only revealed his name as "Siffer". Not Lou Siffer. But now that they've signed, he reveals his first name as Lewis. And he reveals the big surprise of this tract, which is that he now owns their souls, which is obvious to anyone with a grade 1 education. A GUY NAMED LEW SIFFER FORCED YOU TO SIGN A CONTRACT IN BLOOD! HOW IS THAT NOT FUCKING OBVIOUS! But anyways, they now show his face(with a mysterious light behind him), and despite the fact that it was shrouded in silhouette the past few panels, there's nothing particularly Satanic about it, really. BUT HIS NAME IS LEW SIFFER!

And now he's explaining the game plan. He secretly controls everything using music. His servants run an organization called "Killer Rock", which he shows on an organizational chart/family tree. Basically, Elvis, the Beatles, the Flower Children, the protests against the Vietnam War, et cetera, were all part of his plan. And it's still going on today! And the musicians now have this horrified look on their face, because they finally realize they're in a Jack Chick tract.

The next panel, everything is from behind the window because Gainax is running out of money because Jack Chick can't draw. The man WHOSE NAME IS LEW SIFFER is talking about how rock music was designed to make everyone evil blah blah blah and next he began invading other kinds of music, and created Christian Rock. And now, our protagonists are the latest pawns in his plan! They protest, but are shouted down.

And now he's talking about how heavy metal(which is pretty much an entirely different genre from Christian Rock, not that Jack Chick would know that) has made it such that young people would die for their rock and roll gods.

...Seriously, Jack Chick? I don't think I've met a single person who would actually die for a rock musician. On the other hand, there are plenty of people who have died and even killed innocents for your Bible. And now he's talking about how he controls everything from the Satanist church to the Catholic Church to voodoo, and all this ranting is becoming all generic and mumbled together.

And now, they skip to two months later. This is the biggest crowd our band has ever played to. As many people as possible are being shown from the back because Jack Chick can't draw(even Gainax didn't run out of money this much), and Lew Siffer, who looks like he's grown an afro, is thinking about how they don't know what he has planned for him.

And here's the famous line: "We're gonna Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock with the ROCK!" There's bats and dragons on the stage or something(it's hard to tell with Jack Chick's shitty drawing), and we have a crowd member saying "I love um!"(sic). Is worldwide fame what he has planned?

And the next panel has the band members talking about their fame. Two years later, two of the members want to marry, which makes Lew Siffer mad for some reason. I thought that people like Jack Chick thought Satan created the gay in order to corrupt pure Christians like Jack Chick and Ted Haggard. Either way, Satan plans on giving them AIDS. Also, those two guys look really weird. And apparently one of those two guys was Bobby, since in the next panel they're talking about how they'll replace him, because he has AIDS. Also note that this guy is wearing a pentagram symbol necklace.

And now, we're after a concert. The police are protecting them from a mob, but there's an obnoxious Jack Chick hero who wants the Lord to help her reach one of them. She manages to whisper to one of them "Jesus loves you", which seems to cause one of them to have a heart attack or something. Is this girl a living Death Note? No, wait, the girl said "Jesus loves you, Tom", and the next panel says "Jim", but Jack Chick's drawing style is so shitty that I wouldn't be able to tell if he hadn't said that. Also, the song is titled "Embrace Me, Love of Death", apparently.

One week later, one of the members of the band is explaining how Bobby died of AIDS, Jim overdosed, and Don is a vampire. He notices a little book in his pocket. Of course, it's a Chick tract. THIS MAN IS PUTTING HIS OWN TRACTS INTO HIS TRACTS AS A PLOT DEVICE. Not even the Bible but his own tracts. I wrote a crappy webcomic and had Terror Island as a plot device, but I didn't write my own works into my own works like that. This might piss me off more than the ridiculous name did. HE HAS CHARACTERS CONVERT TO CHRISTIANITY BY READING HIS OWN TRACTS.

In the next panel, Lew Siffer suddenly appears and asks "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!?!" And now, through the time-tested method of randomly yelling things about Jesus, Lew Siffer enters his natural form as THE GREAT MOTHERFUCKING PUMPKIN.

And in the last panel, "Tom" talks about how rock music, even "Christian" rock, is actually controlled by Satan, and you need to, and I quote: "Burn anything you have associated with rock music." The final quote of this tract(aside from the precious blood box on every single tract) is "Thank God Tom read that little tract I gave him."

This was painful. I forgot how painful it was to read a Jack Chick tract. I think the next liveblog I do will have to be of something enjoyable for once.

SHIKI is dead.
Kinkajou I'm Only Sleeping Since: Jul, 2009 Relationship Status: Hiding
I'm Only Sleeping
#250: Oct 12th 2009 at 9:23:29 AM

Face Palm.

Seriously, he puts Chick Tract s as more authoritative than The Bible? What a sick egotistic fuck.

INT is knowing a tomato is a fruit. WIS is knowing it doesn't belong in a fruit salad. CHA is convincing people that it does.

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