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CyganAngel Away on the wind~ from Arcadia Since: Oct, 2010
Away on the wind~
#1026: Dec 5th 2010 at 5:30:54 AM

Okay. Can you go into details about his relationship with his mother and his little sister?

Usually, people will give mme one or two paragraphs on each, but I'd love more.

There are too many toasters in my chimney!
risingdreamer Insert witty title here from Peixeroland Since: Nov, 2010
Insert witty title here
#1027: Dec 5th 2010 at 1:13:43 PM

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=q9mv9n1zh82k56b6mr0gzox8&page=36

My post is in this thread, in case you get VERY bored.

Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. ~Russel Baker
KSPAM PARTY PARTY PARTY I WANNA HAVE A PARTY from PARTY ROCK Since: Oct, 2009 Relationship Status: Giving love a bad name
PARTY PARTY PARTY I WANNA HAVE A PARTY
#1028: Dec 5th 2010 at 1:54:13 PM

@Cygan:

Relationships:

  • Al: She enjoys his goofy antics and tries to spend as much time with him as possible as opposed to anyone else in the group. There is some mild UST here, but most of it is on Al's side of the fence. The real problem is Maria's split personality, who also displays affection for him. But they all know that nothing lasts forever. At some point in time, one of the personalities will eventually begin to subsume the other and become the dominant personality. This frightens and concerns Al, who wishes to lose neither of them.

  • Violet: Nothing complicated here. She just scares the shit of Maria, much to her own bemusement.

  • Asa: Didn't I already explain this one?

I've got new mythological machinery, and very handsome supernatural scenery. Goodfae: a mafia web serial
CyganAngel Away on the wind~ from Arcadia Since: Oct, 2010
Away on the wind~
#1029: Dec 6th 2010 at 9:58:02 AM

I dunno, bt whoops

Okay

What is her living space like? This does tell you a lot... Mostly about the states of their mind, and their levels of sanity. I dont just ask random questions.

There are too many toasters in my chimney!
KSPAM PARTY PARTY PARTY I WANNA HAVE A PARTY from PARTY ROCK Since: Oct, 2009 Relationship Status: Giving love a bad name
PARTY PARTY PARTY I WANNA HAVE A PARTY
#1030: Dec 6th 2010 at 10:05:09 AM

Her living space is messy. She's rather scatter-brained and often forgets to clean, although in her defense, she at least tries to organize the mess.

I've got new mythological machinery, and very handsome supernatural scenery. Goodfae: a mafia web serial
CyganAngel Away on the wind~ from Arcadia Since: Oct, 2010
Away on the wind~
#1031: Dec 6th 2010 at 10:09:01 AM

Hmmm, okay.

How does she reaact in an argument? An argument that's she's not particularly invested in? An argument she feels strongly about? An argument someone dragged her into?

Also, what would she do if she was backmailed into doing something?

There are too many toasters in my chimney!
KSPAM PARTY PARTY PARTY I WANNA HAVE A PARTY from PARTY ROCK Since: Oct, 2009 Relationship Status: Giving love a bad name
PARTY PARTY PARTY I WANNA HAVE A PARTY
#1032: Dec 6th 2010 at 10:44:38 AM

Her reactions to arguments she's not particularly interested in tend to be out there. But when she has vested interest in the topic, she will defend her position vehemently.

As for black mail, I'd never really thought about it. She'd probably fold pretty easy in her normal personality.

edited 6th Dec '10 10:46:10 AM by KSPAM

I've got new mythological machinery, and very handsome supernatural scenery. Goodfae: a mafia web serial
redrosary We are as one. from Res Publica Philippinae Since: Sep, 2010 Relationship Status: Cigarettes and Valentines
We are as one.
#1033: Dec 6th 2010 at 3:07:46 PM

Behold! Chapter I of my story. Do you think all of my further characters should be posted there, or can I still post them here for your opinions?

The Southpaw has no brakes!
CyganAngel Away on the wind~ from Arcadia Since: Oct, 2010
Away on the wind~
#1034: Dec 9th 2010 at 12:42:17 AM

Hmmm...

What type of out-there? Relevant somewhat to the topic, or holy-shit-an-elephant type out there?

(Also, threadbump)

There are too many toasters in my chimney!
CyganAngel Away on the wind~ from Arcadia Since: Oct, 2010
Away on the wind~
#1035: Dec 9th 2010 at 5:27:06 PM

I'll also be gone for the weekend, so hopefully someone else will take over in the meantime?

There are too many toasters in my chimney!
KSPAM PARTY PARTY PARTY I WANNA HAVE A PARTY from PARTY ROCK Since: Oct, 2009 Relationship Status: Giving love a bad name
PARTY PARTY PARTY I WANNA HAVE A PARTY
#1036: Dec 12th 2010 at 8:45:22 PM

Relevant somewhat, emphasis on the somewhat.

I've got new mythological machinery, and very handsome supernatural scenery. Goodfae: a mafia web serial
ch00beh ??? from Who Knows Where Since: Jul, 2010
???
#1037: Dec 13th 2010 at 3:21:28 AM

idgi

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story." Twitter
Chukwa The Screwup Since: Jun, 2011
The Screwup
#1038: Dec 14th 2010 at 5:04:27 PM

Can I jump in on this? Or is this thread just... not?

With 2 dead alter egos
ch00beh ??? from Who Knows Where Since: Jul, 2010
???
#1039: Dec 14th 2010 at 5:29:26 PM

Feel free to jump in with the critiques or the characters. I am just in the middle of finishing my last exam paper, then sleep, then get my drank on, then pack up and fly home, so I will not be (and it was my reason for) not reviewing anything for the next couple days.

edited 14th Dec '10 5:30:03 PM by ch00beh

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story." Twitter
Chukwa The Screwup Since: Jun, 2011
The Screwup
#1040: Dec 14th 2010 at 6:21:53 PM

Alright, here goes nothing. Note: This is Western Animation

All Characters

There are five characters, here is the first.

Sid

Friendly kid who has his ups and downs. Wears a green hoodie, which seems to suppress this. Lives in an apartment building, alone.

I need a more in depth personality- can anyone help with this?

edited 14th Dec '10 6:23:40 PM by Chukwa

With 2 dead alter egos
LoniJay from Australia Since: Dec, 2009 Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords
#1041: Dec 15th 2010 at 1:42:38 AM

Because Cygan isn't here to say it - try and work out what his relationships with others are. Friends, parents, siblings, whatever.

Also, maybe write in paragraphs rather than lists of tropes.

Be not afraid...
ch00beh ??? from Who Knows Where Since: Jul, 2010
???
#1042: Dec 15th 2010 at 4:45:21 AM

Well, as it is, he's just a list of tropes. While tropes are cool, you can't really construct a character solely out of piecing them together. So lists are bad. Paragraph descriptions are good.

What I'm getting out of the character is that he's a loner and he's bipolar and he's got a hoodie to reflect his mood swings. Despite being a loner, nothing about his manic phases are ever covered, and really the manic phase is what I found most fascinating about the disorder. A manic phase isn't just optimism and being happy; someone I know who is bipolar experienced one recently and was extremely horny, barely sleeping, and getting everything done nearly instantly for about two weeks then started getting more and more anxious over a few days then crashed hard.

Good stories aren't about the bad things that happened to a character; it's about the contrasts created between light and dark, or something like that.

The best thing I think to do if you're having trouble figuring out a character is to drop them in a new situation and see how they react. This world seems pretty "normal" to me, so i'll give you a setting:

Sid's been invited to a party with someone. You pick that someone. It turns out it's a pretty intense rave. At one point, his friend or acquaintance goes to the bathroom, and he follows to the bathroom door to wait outside. Now what.

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story." Twitter
JewelyJ from A state in the USA Since: Jul, 2009
#1043: Dec 15th 2010 at 4:19:41 PM

Gem Tekton

She’s one of Skye’s best friends. She is artistic and enjoys adding beads and decorations to her clothes , dancing and making jewelry. She often gets Skye’s help in math and history because she doesn’t get it or can’t remember things. Her biggest flaw is insecurity and worrying what people think of her. She can sometimes be selfish and shortsighted often starting projects and not being able to finish them. When the story starts out she is the kind of girl who cries when The Libby squad spreads rumors about her, she doesn’t wear anything revealing because she thinks she’ll look fat or ugly and after the main character’s first dangerous adventure she feels useless. She usally keeps her worries and complaints to herself and acts happy. She likes Skye a lot but she's still able to call him out on something every now and then.

Throughout the course of the stories she tries to improve herself so she can be useful in a dangerous situation. She has a thing for Skye but keeps it quiet because she knows how distant Skye is and his trouble with trusting and she fears she will freak him out and push him away if she shows her feelings. When she accidentally slips up she finds that he’s starting to feel something for him too. Soon afterwards he disappears (believed dead) and she grieves and tries to remain true to him. Around that time Skye’s rival Blade has done a Heel–Face Turn and joined their side. She starts talking to him, trying to sort out her feelings and starts to fall for him and feels very guilty for it.

I’m considering having her actually start dating him before Skye comes back (trapped in limbo, long story) . Skye is kind of a jerk to Blade and Gem feels guilty and tries to stand up for him leading to them having a fight. Blade leaves to ‘deal with something’ (to get his sister safe from the villains without betraying everyone) and the base is attacked and held captive making it look like Blade betrayed them. Gem is reluctant to believe it. Skye has a fight with the big bad to free them and it’s later revealed that Blade ‘’didn’t’’ betray them. Skye and Gem officially get together. Gem also gets trouble from various other friends and quite a few of them give her trouble and eventually leave her because she’s so involved with the Psi. She has a few friends stick by her and even join their Psi-Non Psi peace group. A big part of her character development is learning to realize and accept that there will be people who don’t like her and there’s nothing she can do about that but accept it and move on. At the beginning of the story she meets Skye’s distant relative Leandra who hates everything about Gem because she thinks Skye’s too good for her.

Gem considers trying to change a bunch of things about herself so that Leandra will like her. Near the end when Leandra joins their group Gem has become confident enough to stand up for herself. Gem and Skye end up getting eloped at 18 (they were visiting distant Psi relatives who knew some important information about the bad guys The relatives were extremely wary and wouldn’t show the information to anyone who wasn’t family so the info wouldn’t get into the wrong hands. So Skye showed up saying Gem was his wife. Plus they really do like each other) and near the end Gem has twins. When Skye’s last mission is involves skipping forward twenty years to stop the villains from winning (something that the mysterious relatives’ magic artifact showed them) Gem goes with him. They promise to come back one day and leave the children with Gem’s brothers for the time being.

Tropes

Ambiguously Jewish-I’m waffling on outright stating her religion or just tiptoeing around it.

Girl Next Door-Almost literally. Her mother was a college friend of the Stryke brothers’ aunt, which explains why the Tektons were close to the Strykes when everyone else viewed the family as ‘trouble’

Love Triangle- Between her and rivals Blade and Skye

Team Mom-She’s one of the few people that Skye shows emotion to After the Stryke’s death when Timmy retreats into an emotional shell she’s the first person besides Skye he really opens up to.

edited 15th Dec '10 4:20:36 PM by JewelyJ

Chukwa The Screwup Since: Jun, 2011
The Screwup
#1044: Dec 15th 2010 at 6:11:10 PM

Okay... I'll do a rewrite. I'm trying to learn how to take criticism, and I think your suggestions are great. Thank you.

With 2 dead alter egos
JewelyJ from A state in the USA Since: Jul, 2009
#1045: Dec 15th 2010 at 6:13:49 PM

^Sorry for interrupting your critique

Chukwa The Screwup Since: Jun, 2011
The Screwup
#1046: Dec 15th 2010 at 6:17:01 PM

^Perfectly fine, Sir/Madam. Continue with yours.

With 2 dead alter egos
JewelyJ from A state in the USA Since: Jul, 2009
#1047: Dec 15th 2010 at 6:25:19 PM

Thank You.

and did I do something wrong?

Chukwa The Screwup Since: Jun, 2011
The Screwup
#1048: Dec 15th 2010 at 6:28:16 PM

Wrong? No...

With 2 dead alter egos
CyganAngel Away on the wind~ from Arcadia Since: Oct, 2010
Away on the wind~
#1049: Dec 17th 2010 at 2:55:41 AM

Jewely Jay- I believe I've actually read something like this before. The man is presumed dead, she falls for the enemy, the man comes back, oh shit, love triangle.

It was actually the only love triangle I've ever seen pulled off well.

I like it.

Out of curiosity, how are you planning to pull this off?

There are too many toasters in my chimney!
heartlessmushroom Space hobo Since: Jan, 2010
Space hobo
#1050: Dec 17th 2010 at 11:31:30 AM

Hi all, havent visited in a long while, I have been rather, unisnpired lately, how are you all doing?

Cygan, I wonder if you remember I mentioned an Aztec character once, a girl with Psychic powers who became a Human Popsicle.

At first I wanted to give her a humble origin, you know, from a merchant or something, but then I htought what would happen if I made her the son of a head priest instead. This would give her an interesting twist when it comes to her relation with others and how she percieves her powers. Aside that, I also want her to be incredibly curious of the new world she finds herself in, maybe to the point of twisting her perceptions of cosmology as she once knew it.

Any advice on this one?


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