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Tyra Banks is writing a fantasy novel.

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EddieValiant,Jr. Not Quite Batman from under your bed. Since: Jan, 2010
Not Quite Batman
#76: Nov 23rd 2010 at 9:34:28 AM

There used to be a bitter post here. Now there isn't. Move along, people.

edited 23rd Nov '10 9:34:42 AM by EddieValiant,Jr.

"Religion isn't the cause of wars, it's the excuse." —Mycroft Next
the1ultimate Protector of the Realm from Plato's Cave Since: Jan, 2010
Protector of the Realm
#77: Nov 24th 2010 at 12:27:59 AM

Anyone want to suggest a potential plot?

I don't really know anything about Tyra Banks, but how about this:

The is an unappreciated unhappy (And either modest or angsty) teenaged girl who wished to be a model, but she lives under the stairs because of her step-family. one night she meets a cat wizard vampire model called Harry Vampire. He takes her to a magical world beyond her staircase where everyone is a model and a grey bearded man lion tells her that she is destined to become queen once she has attended modelling school and learned to be a model. The results are predictable... Sadly not.

I'm assuming model will be something akin to either a twilight vampire, a wizard or a magical warrior.

I call forth Unlimited Stories!
EddieValiant,Jr. Not Quite Batman from under your bed. Since: Jan, 2010
Not Quite Batman
#78: Nov 24th 2010 at 9:45:29 AM

I think the protagonist will be fat. If I'm on the money, that's in really poor taste, Tyra. Jeez.

tongue

"Religion isn't the cause of wars, it's the excuse." —Mycroft Next
DoktorvonEurotrash Lex et Veritas from Not a place of honour (4 Score & 7 Years Ago)
#79: Nov 24th 2010 at 11:15:44 AM

I think it would be awesome if the protagonist is fat.

And remains fat throughout the book, while being sympathetic, smart and proactive.

DoctorSerenitySquid from Canada Since: Nov, 2010
#80: Nov 24th 2010 at 3:14:22 PM

[up] That would be pretty cool, but what are the odds of it actually happening?

Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb!
Ronka87 Since: Jun, 2009
#81: Nov 24th 2010 at 3:45:34 PM

About as slim as a Tyra Banks' waist.

FurikoMaru Reverse the Curse from The Arrogant Wasteland Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: He makes me feel like I have a heart
Reverse the Curse
#82: Nov 24th 2010 at 6:06:22 PM

Well... I never would have thought the plot 'one girl's quest to become the greatest actress in the world, no matter the cost' could be interesting and well-written... but then I saw All About Eve and Glass Mask.

I'm just gonna wait and see, is all.

edited 24th Nov '10 6:06:57 PM by FurikoMaru

A True Lady's Quest - A Jojo is You!
SPACETRAVEL from ☉ Since: Oct, 2010
#84: Nov 26th 2010 at 6:27:13 AM

Suggest a plot, you say? grin Going from the information provided in the article...

...Modelland (remember, it's pronounced "Model Land") is a make-believe place where, according to Tyra, "every girl in the world wants to go." The mystical power-wielding Intoxibellas are trained there...a teenage girl and her teenage friends that get transported to Modelland ("Model Land") even though they're not supposed to be there.
...and only that information:

"Modelland: Where Every Girl in the World Wants to Go!" So says the advertisement Bella discovers on a torn piece of paper that catches her eye on the mall floor with its hot pink lettering. A talent agency for models? In this very mall? Awesome! She and her friends head right over to the place, a strangely empty Little Shop That Wasn't There Yesterday, and, once inside, are escorted by a woman whose description suspiciously matches Tyra's own to...

...well, where Bella regains consciousness, some kind of dark arena fills her vision. Upon a flimsy platform in the midst of a sea of confusedly shouting spectators, she is strapped to an operating table with wires sprouting from her forehead, extending upward and feeding into an otherworldly sound system that looks like it might be alive. Speaking of otherworldly, a being with four eyes, six legs and bones on the outside of its body bends over her. The creature wears a mask that depicts the Tyra self-insert; on the other side of the rubber, Bella does not know if her captor shares the displeasure of the crowd. In any case, the show must go on. The creature shouts something to the audience in an alien language and injects Bella with tar-colored liquid, and again, she awakens in another world.

See, Bella and her friends just got abducted onto a pirate-spaceship, into an illegal blood sport of a telepathic race of extraterrestrials. When the captive is injected with the guided nano-psychoactive, they are plunged into a vivid hallucination of being a miniature person inside their own body, where they must fight off humanoid manifestations of the drug in order to recover from it and escape the visions. As this goes on, the spectators watch via their inborn telepathy. Why are human models targeted for the abductees? Well, easy.

"Modelland" refers to the captive's own body as the site of their battle. Model-land. Land inside of said model. Get it? And the Intoxibellas are named so because toxin + Bella = intoxibella, a unit of the drug that Bella must fight, which looks exactly like her but with red and glowing eyes. LOL!

The spectators are displeased because they had been expecting a more conventionally sexy human, but little do they know, they're just in for a different kind of show: Bella knows Mortal Kombat! She sharpens a few vestigial bones into knives and runs roaring into the Intoxibella army in the fleshy hills of the digestive system. The rest of the book is the massacre of the Intoxibellas by Bella, who is injected with increasingly perilous dosages as the masked announcer grows afraid that something will come to pass that has never before, that he wasn't prepared for: a captive successfully fights through the hold of the drug. Only a warrior of such finesse that could subjugate the entire ship would be that good!

And Bella does awaken after defeating the Intoxibellas and then the telepathic projection of the announcer himself, and the crowd bows to their new Warlord-Captain. She leads them with an iron fist throughout the galaxy for the rest of her days, kicking copious amounts of ass. The end.

Meanwhile, in the real world, the book is decried as "demonic", over-reliant on gorn and bad puns, sexist to both men and women, and boring; spawns a film that remains a favorite for riffers for decades; and is adapted into a poorly-selling hentai in Japan.

So.

Probability may be heavily against the unexpected here, but regardless, we barely know anything about this project. I'm going to wait until the book and some spoilers actually come out to laugh.

edited 26th Nov '10 6:35:50 AM by SPACETRAVEL

whoever wrote this shit needs to step on a rake in a comedic fashion
Kraken Since: Jun, 2012
#85: Nov 26th 2010 at 6:44:43 AM

Spacey.

You must write this now.

I insist.

Tzetze DUMB from a converted church in Venice, Italy Since: Jan, 2001
Charlatan Since: Mar, 2011
#87: Nov 26th 2010 at 6:10:18 PM

I'd watch/read/experience it.

Twice.

Idler20 Rabbit Season Since: Oct, 2010
Rabbit Season
#88: Nov 30th 2010 at 4:30:47 PM

"Modelland" sounds like a world from The Faraway Tree, except you know that if it had been in that show all the models would've eventually been shown as horrible people, which probably won't be the case here.

You're an ad hominem attack!
TheBigL The Foolish one from Guess.... Since: Nov, 2010
The Foolish one
#89: Jun 16th 2011 at 4:04:15 PM

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Seriously, WTF?

Time to become Crazy Awesome!
thegojira848 from somewhere Since: Sep, 2009
#90: Jun 17th 2011 at 10:00:29 PM

Judging from the description it will probably have some many clothing descriptions that it would have made Robert Jordan say "that's enough!"

0
MarkVonLewis Since: Jun, 2010
#91: Jun 17th 2011 at 10:08:29 PM

Sounds like this book can spawn a reading drinking game.

Nayrani Sight of Eternity from Überwald Since: Apr, 2010 Relationship Status: Crazy Cat Lady
thespacephantom Jamais vu from the smallest church in Saint-Saëns Since: Oct, 2009
Jamais vu
#93: Jun 18th 2011 at 1:37:40 AM

.........

UN JOUR JE SERAI DE RETOUR PRÈS DE TOI
LizardBite Shameless Self-Promoter from Two Galaxies Over Since: Jan, 2001
#94: Jun 18th 2011 at 4:36:32 AM

Judging from the description it will probably have some many clothing descriptions that it would have made Robert Jordan say "that's enough!"

Possibly even enough to make Enoby annoyed.

UltimatelySubjective Since: Jun, 2011
#95: Jun 18th 2011 at 6:22:05 AM

Sorry, new accounts cannot post external links.

the1ultimate Protector of the Realm from Plato's Cave Since: Jan, 2010
Protector of the Realm
#96: Jun 18th 2011 at 6:25:43 AM

What's up with that?

Anyway, according to Amazon this book is still coming out.

Since we first heard about this last year, I'm surprised it hasn't been cancelled, but I guess something will end up coming out in September - although conceivably this could still amount to nothing.

I call forth Unlimited Stories!
Pyroninja42 Forum Villain from the War Room Since: Jan, 2011
Forum Villain
#97: Jun 19th 2011 at 4:28:24 PM

Waldorf: Tyra Banks is writing a book. A fantasy novel!

Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

I think it's a punchline in itself.

edited 19th Jun '11 4:28:49 PM by Pyroninja42

"Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person that doesn't get it."
blamspam Since: Oct, 2010
#98: Jul 3rd 2011 at 7:24:07 PM

Maybe if her ghostwriter she is busy enough with the book, it means Top Model is winding down. Shame, it's my favorite trashy thing ever.

So is this a misguided attempt to empower girls or something? I can see that, I can't see her thinking "I am going to write something well." Come now, don't be too hard on the crazy lady.

Sharysa Since: Jan, 2001
#99: Sep 22nd 2011 at 4:51:31 PM

I have read parts of the first chapter on Barnes and Noble.com.

WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN

Sprinkles16 Since: Aug, 2011
#100: Sep 22nd 2011 at 5:07:22 PM

This sums up my feelings quite nicely. :)

In all seriousness, I think I might read this. I bet it's hilarious!

edited 22nd Sep '11 5:11:03 PM by Sprinkles16


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