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MikeK Since: Jan, 2001
#2401: Aug 6th 2021 at 8:43:46 AM

If you're looking for a good career, I'd recommend learning to care for livestock - you'll always be able to find a stable job.

megarockman from The Sixth Borough (Experienced Trainee)
#2402: Aug 7th 2021 at 11:12:48 AM

What kind of deli meat goes with beer? Liverwurst.

The damned queen and the relentless knight.
Delibirda from Splatsville Since: Sep, 2020 Relationship Status: I wanna be your dog
#2403: Aug 7th 2021 at 11:26:48 AM

[up]Not a jab at me, I hope.

"Listen up, Marina, because this is SUPER important. Whatever you do, don't eat th“ “DON'T EAT WHAT?! Your text box ran out of space!”
megarockman from The Sixth Borough (Experienced Trainee)
#2404: Aug 7th 2021 at 2:30:12 PM

[up]No? None was intended — I was just browsing the deli stand at my supermarket earlier today.

The damned queen and the relentless knight.
MagmaTeaMerry My Head Is On Fire from A forest somewhere Since: Sep, 2020
My Head Is On Fire
#2405: Aug 10th 2021 at 1:07:14 PM

I'm patenting a new product. It's a sports drink that's meant for people who partake in marathons and other sprinting contests or just like to jog, containing all the stuff they need to keep going for just a while longer.

I call it Running Water.

My AO3 profile. Let sleeping cats lie and be cute and calming.
megarockman from The Sixth Borough (Experienced Trainee)
#2406: Aug 11th 2021 at 10:37:00 AM

Did you know O'Reilly of the Auto Parts store chain took up chess as a hobby? Naturally, he prefers castling queenside.

O-O-O O'Reilly!!...Auto Parts!

The damned queen and the relentless knight.
Risdio51 The Unknown Pleasure they were talking about from that exit they call Paradise Since: Jun, 2019 Relationship Status: Healthy, deeply-felt respect for this here Shotgun
The Unknown Pleasure they were talking about
#2407: Aug 12th 2021 at 2:51:11 PM

What would Kurt Cobain's ring name be if he was a tag team wrestler?

Kurt Copain

I can't say goodbye to yesterday…
megarockman from The Sixth Borough (Experienced Trainee)
#2408: Aug 30th 2021 at 11:01:36 AM

Why did the traffic officer issue a ticket to the sushi chef?

The chef made California rolls.

The damned queen and the relentless knight.
MikeK Since: Jan, 2001
#2409: Sep 3rd 2021 at 6:45:47 PM

What do ghosts listen to?

Sheet Music

Edited by MikeK on Sep 3rd 2021 at 6:46:38 AM

megarockman from The Sixth Borough (Experienced Trainee)
#2410: Sep 9th 2021 at 6:32:11 AM

You're standing in a hallway — where do you find the Kryptonite?

3 Doors Down

The damned queen and the relentless knight.
SmilyTrope112 The ViDuck from The Quack Seas Since: Aug, 2020
The ViDuck
#2411: Sep 9th 2021 at 6:40:43 AM

This will make for a peri fishy joke, but thank cod I won't say it.

Risdio51 The Unknown Pleasure they were talking about from that exit they call Paradise Since: Jun, 2019 Relationship Status: Healthy, deeply-felt respect for this here Shotgun
The Unknown Pleasure they were talking about
#2412: Sep 9th 2021 at 6:50:34 AM

What did the farmer name his chicken after he found out it was really good at guitar?

Hendrix.

I can't say goodbye to yesterday…
WillyFourEyes from [Hyperlink blocked] (Troper Sage) Relationship Status: Abstaining
#2413: Sep 9th 2021 at 12:30:32 PM

What did the surgeon say to a patient who was afraid to go to the hospital and wanted to do their own stitches?

"Eh... Suture self."

"It ain't about whether you win or lose, unless you got money on the game, because...damn. That's your money, son."
megarockman from The Sixth Borough (Experienced Trainee)
#2414: Sep 9th 2021 at 3:16:25 PM

What does Casper the Friendly Ghost wear when he plays basketball?

A fadeaway jumper.

The damned queen and the relentless knight.
PhysicalStamina ain't nothin' but a party y'all (4 Score & 7 Years Ago) Relationship Status: Coming soon to theaters
ain't nothin' but a party y'all
#2415: Sep 9th 2021 at 4:13:06 PM

That one had some layers to it.

Do not spare the feelings of those who would not spare yours.
ChicoTheParakeet Since: Oct, 2019 Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
#2416: Sep 13th 2021 at 7:36:20 PM

From the YouTube comments thread…

The cheapest meat is deer balls, they’re under a buck.

Edited by ChicoTheParakeet on Sep 13th 2021 at 2:37:03 PM

MikeK Since: Jan, 2001
#2417: Oct 10th 2021 at 2:37:46 PM

Supposedly there's a lost episode of The Jetsons where George suddenly gets addicted to gambling and ends up in enough trouble with the mob that they send a member of their goon squad after his whole family to send a message. The enforcer is even given specific instructions on how to bring harm to each individual Jetson - he's seen consulting a checklist that reads as follows:

Beat George Jetson

Slaughter Judy

Maim his wife

Destroy Elroy

(I totally stole this punchline from a meme I saw once, then reverse engineered a setup)

Edited by MikeK on Oct 10th 2021 at 2:44:25 AM

Delibirda from Splatsville Since: Sep, 2020 Relationship Status: I wanna be your dog
#2418: Oct 11th 2021 at 9:30:14 AM

What is the mantra of the grammar nazis?

Heil Stickler!

"Listen up, Marina, because this is SUPER important. Whatever you do, don't eat th“ “DON'T EAT WHAT?! Your text box ran out of space!”
Tabs Since: Jan, 2001
#2419: Oct 11th 2021 at 11:27:05 PM

People don't think the grass be wet in the morning, but it dew.

WillyFourEyes from [Hyperlink blocked] (Troper Sage) Relationship Status: Abstaining
#2420: Oct 20th 2021 at 7:02:51 AM

Dr. Wily knew Bass was a mischievous robot. He never taught Bass how to fuse, but Bass learned how to do it by himself. Wily then yelled at him, "You're in Treble now!"

"It ain't about whether you win or lose, unless you got money on the game, because...damn. That's your money, son."
MikeK Since: Jan, 2001
#2421: Nov 2nd 2021 at 12:53:47 PM

I've been listening to a podcast where a former Whose Line Is It Anyway? cast member discusses fashion and gives recipes to bake your own bread - Ryan Stiles' Rye And Styles. I heard another cast member has a show where guests just call him up and roast him the whole time - Colin Mochrie's Call-In Mockery

Edited by MikeK on Nov 2nd 2021 at 2:25:12 AM

MyFinalEdits Delete message from Parts Unknown (Spin-off Series) Relationship Status: Cast away
Delete message
#2422: Nov 3rd 2021 at 9:37:24 PM

Why do Canadians have trouble writing number 11?

Because they don't know which one to put first.

135 -> 180 -> 273 -> 191 -> 188 -> 230 -> 300 -> 311
ChicoTheParakeet Since: Oct, 2019 Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
#2423: Nov 7th 2021 at 3:52:54 AM

I've heard of coke addictions but this is ridiculous.

MikeK Since: Jan, 2001
#2424: Nov 16th 2021 at 7:30:49 PM

I have a friend who served jail time for stealing pasta - they put him in a Penne-tentiary

MagmaTeaMerry My Head Is On Fire from A forest somewhere Since: Sep, 2020
My Head Is On Fire
#2425: Nov 17th 2021 at 9:54:19 AM

Entomologist crooks are the worst.

They always flea the scene of the crime.

My AO3 profile. Let sleeping cats lie and be cute and calming.

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