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FreezairForALimitedTime Responsible adult from Planet Claire Since: Jan, 2001
Responsible adult
#201: Feb 21st 2010 at 5:50:29 PM

If it's any consolation, Newt, I'M amused.

"Proto-Indo-European makes the damnedest words related. It's great. It's the Kevin Bacon of etymology." ~Madrugada
macroscopic from Space Since: Jul, 2009
FashionistState Real horrorshow. :3 from Elsewhere Since: Jan, 2010
Real horrorshow. :3
#203: Feb 23rd 2010 at 11:01:40 AM

A hobo is on a cruise ship (don't ask me how he got there). He decides to jump from the highest diving board, so high you can barely see the pool. He dives into the pool, but to his surprise straight through every floor of the ship. Upon reaching the surface, he is asked if he's alright. He replies, "I'm a hobo. I've been through many a hardship."

>.<

Out of sight... out of mind... out of hope, and out of time...
Sionnach Eyes of the Hunter from down the rabbit-hole. Since: Feb, 2010
Eyes of the Hunter
#204: Feb 23rd 2010 at 12:08:04 PM

How did the man drown in his breakfast cereal?

The currants pulled him in.

Love... one another.
Noaqiyeum we must dissent (it/they) from across the gulf of space (Time Abyss) Relationship Status: Arm chopping is not a love language!
we must dissent (it/they)
#205: Feb 23rd 2010 at 12:35:43 PM

An eryops walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

ERROR: The current state of the world is unacceptable. Save anyway? YES/NO
JosefBugman Since: Nov, 2009
#206: Feb 23rd 2010 at 2:02:00 PM

A bishop in the 13th century buys 10,000 masses to be said for him after his death.

I stick my hand up in class and say "Does that mean he had reached *glasses pull* critical mass?"

Electivirus Since: Jan, 2001
#207: Feb 23rd 2010 at 2:04:37 PM

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAH!!!!!

FreezairForALimitedTime Responsible adult from Planet Claire Since: Jan, 2001
Responsible adult
#208: Feb 24th 2010 at 3:04:10 PM

What do you call a tiki statue that doesn't do much?

An idle idol.

"Proto-Indo-European makes the damnedest words related. It's great. It's the Kevin Bacon of etymology." ~Madrugada
GlennMagusHarvey Since: Jan, 2001
#209: Feb 24th 2010 at 7:18:37 PM

How about an overweight bazooka user?

newtonthenewt Since: Jul, 2009
#210: Feb 24th 2010 at 7:20:47 PM

What do you call a poem about a tiki statue that doesn't do much?

An idle idol idyll.

What do you call a boring poem about a tiki statue that doesn't do much?

A dull idle idol idyll.

edited 24th Feb '10 7:21:32 PM by newtonthenewt

She's playing with fire! He's not ready for Nibbly Pig!
FreezairForALimitedTime Responsible adult from Planet Claire Since: Jan, 2001
Responsible adult
#211: Feb 24th 2010 at 9:18:57 PM

^ I think your punnery is owning this thread, Newt.

"Proto-Indo-European makes the damnedest words related. It's great. It's the Kevin Bacon of etymology." ~Madrugada
newtonthenewt Since: Jul, 2009
#212: Feb 25th 2010 at 11:44:48 PM

^ Wow...thanks. There's more where that came from.

Tasteless Drug Jokes: Part 2

Yesterday I saw somebody at school who was acting strange.

I turned to my friend and asked my drug-savvy friend "What's wrong with him?"

"He's on ice."

Ice is apparently slang for a particular street drug.

Nevertheless, I asked "What are we supposed to do?"

"Well, if we were close friends, the proper thing to do would be to hold an intervention and confront him about his drug problem."

"I'll keep that in mind," I said.

The next day, my school burned down. My best friend ran up to me, yelling "Help me, I'm on fire!"

Luckily, I had learned what to do just the day before. "Don't worry, we'll hold an intervention!" I said.


I plan to put this on a poster: EDUCATE YOURSELF ABOUT DRUGS. PROPERLY. DRUG EDUCATION WEEK OCTOBER 14th.

edited 25th Feb '10 11:51:24 PM by newtonthenewt

She's playing with fire! He's not ready for Nibbly Pig!
GlennMagusHarvey Since: Jan, 2001
#213: Mar 15th 2010 at 11:43:17 AM

Fridge Logic: Wouldn't you be able to tell whether your best friend was literally on fire?

Also, my current title is "Leech seed?", corresponding to my bulbasaur avatar. This is to indicate that, if bulbasaur ever ran torrents, he'd be uploading more than he'd download even if he were still downloading. Must be some unpopular and neglected torrents he works with.

Also, John Boehner gets a hard-on from naysaying whatever the Democrats produce in policy ideas.

SpainSun Laugh it off, everybody from Somewhere Beyond Here Since: Jan, 2010
Laugh it off, everybody
#214: Mar 15th 2010 at 12:32:52 PM

A man was barred from a local pub, so he took those bars and beat the owner over the head with them.

Oh, wait. that's not a pun at all.... that's just tragic.... gruesome.... that the man was rapping the owner on the head? Terrible, fiendish.

I somehow doubt anyone is gonna get it.

I spread my wings and I learn how to fly....
FreezairForALimitedTime Responsible adult from Planet Claire Since: Jan, 2001
Responsible adult
#215: Mar 15th 2010 at 12:35:53 PM

What happened when the Grass-type started Pokemon pulled a muscle?

He was Bulba-sore.

"Proto-Indo-European makes the damnedest words related. It's great. It's the Kevin Bacon of etymology." ~Madrugada
GlennMagusHarvey Since: Jan, 2001
#216: Mar 15th 2010 at 12:36:49 PM

But he still kicked your grass.

SirPsychoSexy The Sensui Fan from Texas Panhandle Since: Jan, 2010
The Sensui Fan
#217: Mar 15th 2010 at 1:50:12 PM

Which Gundam character is most likely to appear in a porn film?

Full Frontal

The physics professor's pig was a wild Bohr.

The decapitated man headed home.

Kamina is God, isn't he?

Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over.
GlennMagusHarvey Since: Jan, 2001
#218: Mar 15th 2010 at 8:34:33 PM

Oops, I thought there would be moldy hamburger bread in this thread.

edited 15th Mar '10 10:07:54 PM by GlennMagusHarvey

macroscopic from Space Since: Jul, 2009
#219: Mar 15th 2010 at 10:07:08 PM

Spain Sun, is there something I'm missing in the second line of your post? Explain it and make me feel dumb, kthx.

Can't think of any so making one up: So this guy's cat wins a race against all the neighborhood pets. He had looked forward to it all month long, confidantly he had even set a place on his mantle for the award, a trophy with a feline figurine standing proudly on top. Tragically however, it fell off the stand and the figurine broke in half. He exclaimed, "No! It's a cat-ass-trophy!"

Support stupid freshness, yo.
GlennMagusHarvey Since: Jan, 2001
#220: Mar 15th 2010 at 10:09:00 PM

A girl was following a guy around obsessively, claiming to be his sibling.

He later filed her a cease-and-desister letter against her.

newtonthenewt Since: Jul, 2009
#221: Mar 18th 2010 at 11:19:31 PM

^^ LOL

A chicken commits suicide by stepping out into traffic. They call in detectives, forensicists, pretty much everyone, to try to figure out why he killed himself. No one has an answer.

They eventually call in a psychic and ask "Why did he kill himself?"

The psychic says, "To get to the Other Side."

She's playing with fire! He's not ready for Nibbly Pig!
FreezairForALimitedTime Responsible adult from Planet Claire Since: Jan, 2001
Responsible adult
#222: Mar 19th 2010 at 12:04:24 AM

^ That's so awful it loops right back around to WIN.

"Proto-Indo-European makes the damnedest words related. It's great. It's the Kevin Bacon of etymology." ~Madrugada
GlennMagusHarvey Since: Jan, 2001
#223: Mar 20th 2010 at 1:52:14 PM

WMG: Dick Cheney compensated for being from the smallest state by being a big...public figure.

DonZabu Since: May, 2009
#225: Mar 20th 2010 at 4:56:39 PM

Dick Grabrod

"Wax on, wax off..." "But Mr. Miyagi, I don't see how this is helping me do Karate..." "Pubic hair is weakness, Daniel-san!"

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