(srahc 84) eltit
When people on earth look up, they see heaven. When people in heaven look down, they might catch a glimpse of Chuck Norris as he is in fact on Earth.
I guess it is.
Claw Man
Chuck Norris can still kick your collective asses IN REAL LIFE.
MOVE rookie! This ain't no dress rehearsal.
Faceless stranger
Chuck Norris is not related to Chuck Jones or Chuck Woolery.
I'm nobody, who are you? Are you nobody too?
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you unless you are watching him on television or something.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish. You can, too. You just have to use something thicker than normal water.
Chuck Norris once fought a bear on Walker Texas Ranger but it was a trained bear.
edited 2nd Feb '10 4:01:55 AM by Vree
I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Apparently, he doesn't like to do a lot of swimming.
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
Respect the Red Right Hand
Chuck Norris scared his alcoholic father away from his mother in his teens.
((TRUFAX from Chuck Norris' autobiography, from memory.))
Smooth as a Skunk
It is unlikely that Chuck Norris issued an ultimatum to God regarding the length of time it would take to create the world, as not having been born at the time would have put him in a rather weak bargaining position and besides he's a man of religion and wouldn't attempt something like that.
The comics equivalent of PTSD.
Planescape Hijack
Chuck Norris is probably afraid of death, though not paralyzingly, if only because you don't live to be almost 70 if you don't have a healthy fear of death.
Death is not afraid of Chuck Norris; for one thing, that would require projecting human traits onto death.
Productivity is for people without internet connections. -Count Dorku
Laugh it off, everybody
i c wut u did thar
I spread my wings and I learn how to fly....
I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
Chuck Norris does, in fact, sleep. If he didn't, he wouldn't have the energy to do anything but wait.
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
Chuck Norris is 69.
Chuck Norris is fairly strong. Which is fairly logical, as he is a martial artist.
Inquisitor
Chuck Norris is a conservative.
Not here, look elsewhere
Chuck Norris has flesh and blood.
AND A BEARD
An useless name, a forsaken connection.
Underneath Chuck Norris's beard is Chuck Norris's chin.
You can't even write racist abuse in excrement on somebody's car without the politically correct brigade jumping down your throat!
$50 a day, plus expenses
The Lord said "Let there be light." Chuck Norris, not being born yet, did not say anything.
When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor slapped him, as is customary. There was probably a nurse who commented "It's a boy!"
Chuck Norris did not die five years ago, as he is still clearly alive, though certainly getting on in years.
Chuck Norris has skeletons in his closet, just like any person. Skeletons, in this case, being metaphorical representations of our dirty secrets and bad decisions during our lives.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero. The answer is undefined.
Putting a picture of Walker, Texas Ranger on a record player will not produce any meaningful sounds, as the photo does not have the grooves required for a record player to play music.
Crop circles were an elaborate prank pulled by some really bored individuals. Chuck Norris had nothing to do with it.
Chuck Norris, being religious, would never sell his soul to the devil for any reason.
Don't take life too seriously. It's only a temporary situation.
Not here, look elsewhere
Chuck Norris is seventy. He will not outlive the universe.
An useless name, a forsaken connection.
Clutch pedal = sidestep
I can't figure out a good way to turn this into a good RCN fact: "Only one man has ever _______. Chuck Norris is a man." Feel free to use it if you can figure something out.
edited 12th Apr '10 11:40:11 AM by Barcode711
Worshipper of Ahura Mazda, as proclaimed by Zoroadster http://twitter.com/bpglobalpr
The Plum and Only
Only one man has ever dropkicked the moon out of oprbit and back into orbit, and that was NOT Chuck Norris, but my dad, when drunk.
edited 12th Apr '10 1:24:02 PM by Plumbum
Curse the ill fortune that led you to me.
Planescape Hijack
Plumbum, you trying to make me violate Don't Explain the Joke? :(
*scratches head at the ninja edit* Well, that's...technically closer to the mark, I guess?
Chuck Norris promoted the Total Gym exercise machine. The use of which may make you healthier, but not beyond the limits of human strength.
edited 12th Apr '10 1:30:17 PM by Haven
Productivity is for people without internet connections. -Count Dorku
Not Actually Indie
Chuck Norris's wife is 23 years younger than he is. Because he is quite well preserved, the age difference is not so glaring as it might normally be.
...eventually, we will reach a maximum entropy state where nobody has their own socks or underwear, or knows who to ask to get them back.
3 microphones forever
There are actually several things that can cut through diamonds, but Chuck Norris' beard is not among them. Like all beards, Chuck Norris' beard is made out of hair, which is not remotely hard enough to cut diamonds.
edited 13th Apr '10 10:56:40 AM by MikeK
Earth is the only planet inhabitable by Nicolas Cage.
The Plum and Only
I apologise to Haven for the ninja edit. I didn't quite grasp the concept.
I've heard the Chuck Norris has 5 fists hidden all over his body. Bullshit.
Curse the ill fortune that led you to me.
I'm Only Sleeping
Chuck Norris has a brain.
"Wait, it's IV. Of course they are. They'd make IV for Dreamcast." - Enlong, on yet another FFIV remake
Chuck Norris can slam into a revolving door.