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Real Chuck Norris Facts

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Haven Planescape Hijack
Planescape Hijack
Nov 2nd 2009 at 9:03:12 PM

(Inspired and/or ripped off from Gail Simone.)

Chuck Norris sneezes with his eyes closed.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. If he has coffee late at night.

Chuck Norris once punched a guy so hard he said, "Ow."

The Great Wall of China was built to keep out Mongolian invaders. Chuck Norris visited it once.

When Chuck Norris does pushups, he's pushing himself up. That's how you do a pushup. That's why they call it that.

Chuck Norris once ate TWO slices of pie.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in unicorns.

Chuck Norris never met a glass of potable drinking water he couldn't drink.

Productivity is for people without internet connections. -Count Dorku
Tzetze DUMB from a converted church in Venice, Italy
DUMB
Nov 2nd 2009 at 9:06:28 PM

Chuck Norris once called Mike Huckabee a "principled, authentic conservative".

[1] This facsimile operated in part by synAC.
DragonQuestZ The Other Troper from Somewhere in California
The Other Troper
Nov 2nd 2009 at 9:16:38 PM

Chuck Norris has actually heard of Chuck Norris Facts.

I'm on the internet. My arguments are invalid.
WilliamWideWeb (weaving)
(weaving)
Nov 2nd 2009 at 9:59:06 PM

Chuck Norris's tears contain various proteins. Depending on the cancer you have, your chance of recovering from said cancer after being treated with Chuck Norris's tears may range from as low as 3% to as high as 94%.

SHIKI is dead.
Pacific Oh Yeah? from da beach house
Oh Yeah?
Nov 2nd 2009 at 10:15:00 PM

Chuck Norris also knows about "Real Chuck Norris Facts", and became mildly disgusted by it. He shrugged it off, because he can still beat up Jackie Chan. He might be able to, I don't know. Even if he could, he wouldn't do it, though, because obviously they'd team up.

Haven Planescape Hijack
Planescape Hijack
Nov 4th 2009 at 12:46:05 PM

I feel confident that Jackie Chan could take Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris starred alongside Bruce Lee in "Way of the Dragon".

Chuck Norris' first name is Charles.

Productivity is for people without internet connections. -Count Dorku
Kimura Relationship Status: THIS CONCEPT OF 'WUV' CONFUSES AND INFURIATES US!
Nov 4th 2009 at 2:14:38 PM

Chuck Norris' name is often Pot Holed into Memetic Badass.

krrackknut Not here, look elsewhere from The empty Aether.
Not here, look elsewhere
Nov 4th 2009 at 7:48:04 PM

Chuck Norris has...A BEARD.

An useless name, a forsaken connection.
Desertopa Not Actually Indie
Not Actually Indie
Nov 4th 2009 at 9:35:51 PM

Chuck Norris' first name is Charles.

It's Carlos, actually.

Chuck Norris is a Born Again Evangelical Christian and a Creationist.

He is the founder of a hybrid martial arts style called Chun Kuk Do. It contains ten guiding principles relating to proper conduct, including development of one's potential and loyalty to one's god, family, friends and country, but conspicuously lacks any admonition against using one's skills to beat up random strangers for no reason.

...eventually, we will reach a maximum entropy state where nobody has their own socks or underwear, or knows who to ask to get them back.
WilliamWideWeb (weaving)
(weaving)
Nov 4th 2009 at 9:37:04 PM

Chuck Norris held the Professional Middleweight Karate champion (non-contact) title for six consecutive years. His record, based on tournament matches, is estimated to be 183-10-2, though some sources list it as 65-5.

edited 4th Nov '09 9:38:18 PM by WilliamWideWeb

SHIKI is dead.
Haven Planescape Hijack
Planescape Hijack
Nov 4th 2009 at 9:37:09 PM

It's Carlos, actually.

*embarrassed*

Productivity is for people without internet connections. -Count Dorku
Tzetze DUMB from a converted church in Venice, Italy
DUMB
Nov 4th 2009 at 9:38:59 PM

Once, Chuck Norris indirectly embarrassed Haven without even trying.

[1] This facsimile operated in part by synAC.
DragonQuestZ The Other Troper from Somewhere in California
The Other Troper
Nov 5th 2009 at 2:19:50 AM

Behind Chuck Norris's beard, there are his chin and cheeks.

I'm on the internet. My arguments are invalid.
Lemurian from Touhou fanboy attic Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Nov 5th 2009 at 2:30:59 AM

Chuck Norris is popular in popular culture.

Join us in our quest to play all RPG video games! Moving on to disc 2 of Grandia!
Kinkajou One Man Army from you're not your
One Man Army
Nov 5th 2009 at 2:35:35 AM

Chuck Norris is an old man.

"Wait, it's IV. Of course they are. They'd make IV for Dreamcast." - Enlong, on yet another FFIV remake
WilliamWideWeb (weaving)
(weaving)
Nov 5th 2009 at 9:28:43 AM

Chuck Norris has starred in a large number of movies.

SHIKI is dead.
charred_gp Lurker from The Madhouse
Lurker
Nov 5th 2009 at 9:51:48 AM

Chuck Norris starred in Walker, Texas Ranger

JethroQWalrustitty Uncle George from Finland
Uncle George
Nov 5th 2009 at 10:04:22 AM

Chuck Norris said that he's organising "right wing militia cells" across the US to fight "a second revolutionary war".

He also said that the blood of Jesus heals all wounds.

edited 5th Nov '09 10:04:33 AM by JethroQWalrustitty

This love so bold goes undeclared/a joy unseen, a world unknown/a love that dare not speak its name/hidden treasure, precious stone
Haven Planescape Hijack
Planescape Hijack
Nov 5th 2009 at 2:40:04 PM

Kinkajou: Chuck Norris is an old man.

Chuck Norris is almost 70.

Jokes about him being a memetic badass aren't that old, but it sure feels that way sometimes.

Productivity is for people without internet connections. -Count Dorku
Kinkajou One Man Army from you're not your
One Man Army
Nov 5th 2009 at 2:47:57 PM

Chuck Norris is a strong man. Only as strong as a very fit human, though.

"Wait, it's IV. Of course they are. They'd make IV for Dreamcast." - Enlong, on yet another FFIV remake
BobbyG vigilantly taxonomish from England
vigilantly taxonomish
Nov 5th 2009 at 3:02:13 PM

Chuck Norris can divide by 2.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in evolution, because of his religion.

Chuck Norris can enter a building via a revolving door.

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WilliamWideWeb (weaving)
(weaving)
Nov 5th 2009 at 3:06:23 PM

When Chuck Norris does a push-up, using Einstein's law of relativity, it can be claimed that the Earth, not him, has moved.

SHIKI is dead.
Kinkajou One Man Army from you're not your
One Man Army
Nov 5th 2009 at 3:06:44 PM

Chuck Norris was a TV star before the Internet took care of him.

"Wait, it's IV. Of course they are. They'd make IV for Dreamcast." - Enlong, on yet another FFIV remake
Wretchkin A New Kind Of Madness from Bald Mountain
A New Kind Of Madness
Nov 5th 2009 at 3:11:10 PM

Chuck Norris bleeds, breathes and cries like any other man.

When you dance with me, it's always to my tune.
Lemurian from Touhou fanboy attic Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Nov 5th 2009 at 3:12:32 PM

If you kicked Chuck Norris between the legs, he would be in pain. After some time, there is a chance you would be too.

Join us in our quest to play all RPG video games! Moving on to disc 2 of Grandia!

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