Ooh, Cool and Unusual Punishment.
Airsoft Pancor Jackhammer- check. Unmarked white van- check. Cool Shades- check. 20 cases of Fresca- check. South Korean flag- check.
Guess the plan.
edited 4th Mar '10 3:10:00 PM by Eriksson
You're drive to North Korea to play Airsoft. The South Korean flag is just to piss off your opponents.
Wait, what the hell am I going to do with: a chicken suit, freshly ground white pepper, a sack of fertilizer, the complete works of Percy Bysshe Shelley, three steam pianos, half a ton of boiled eggs, some bongos, half an oar, a blanket made of human hair, the Necronomicon, the world's largest doughnut, Hugh Jackman, a Burger King, some flat batteries, a washing machine, Midnight Oil's Diesel and Dust, a framed photograph of a teddy bear, a month's supply of Branston Pickle, a rotating office chair, five gold-plated shoelaces and the wreck of the Mary Rose?
You and the Burger King are obviously going to serve Hugh Jackman (who is sitting on the deck of the newly repaired Mary Rose * in an office chair and wrapped in a blanket made of human hair,) a meal of eggs, pepper, the world's largest donut and pickles, while dressed in a chicken suit. After the meal, you will serenade him with passages from Shelley and the Necrominicon while the Burger king accompanies you on the bongos and steam pianos. After that, Cthulhu will show up because you read from the Necrominicon, but you'll be ready because while the Burger King distracts him by throwing fertilizer and blasting Diesel and Dust, you will built a machine out of the washing machine and gold-plated shoelaces, powered by the batteries, that will send Cthulhu back to the dimension from whence he came. Then you will give Hugh a framed picture of a teddy bear as a gift.
But what can be done with a Ruben's Tube
, a giant sock, a canister of Krypton
, a crash test dummy, a backpack full of walnuts, and a helicopter?
You have a bet with someone to jump off a cliff. To fool them, you blow up the giant sock like a balloon with enough Krypton to make it able to lift both you and the crash test dummy, then put the rest of the Krypton in the Rubens tube. Get someone else to fly the helicopter, then you toss the dummy off the cliff and jump on it. Take the flaming gas out of the Ruben's tube. It bursts the sock and the dummy falls, but you jump into the helicopter and eat the backpack full of walnuts, and you win the bet.
Seventeen pairs of stripy pyjamas, a can of Panda Cola, three walruses, a golden chariot, the world's entire supply of coffee, an eleven-foot pole, the working manuscript of A Dance With Dragons, a half-eaten Big Mac, a crappy old out of tune set of bagpipes, two leather armchairs, seven oars, a fluorescent purple anorak, fourteen strings of merguez sausage, a polyester sack full of hydrochloric acid, a grappling hook pistol, a genetically-modified pink cat, 500 square kilometres of maroon shag carpet, the moon, and my old musical and Elder Thing-fighting companion the Burger King? Now what could I do with those?
edited 12th Mar '10 11:56:44 PM by Yon Troper
You are holding a slumber party in the Arctic, but you only invited 14 people, so you also brought walruses to fill the rest of the pyjamas. The working manuscript and bagpipes are to entertain yourself, by trying A Dance With Dragons while drunk. The cat is the official mascot of your tour. The shag carpet is to be cut up and made into beds. The moon is to explode for the helluvit. The acid (well packed, in the plastic and all) is to make a hole to ice-fish. The coffee is to keep awake for five days and nights, and the Panda Cola is heavily caffeinated, as to achieve the same effect. The 11-fot Pole is because you like foreign people, and for the sake of an Incredibly Lame Pun. The oars are to row your boat (made out of the armchairs, the chariot and the anorak) to the artic, and the Big Mac, and Merguez sausages are for sustenance on your journey. The grappling hook is to moor your boat, and the Burger King is your guide.
I have 15 boxed copies of Team Fortress 2, the rings of Saturn, a recliner, six rolls of duct tape, a SPAS-12 shotgun, $400,000 of custom-tooled ammo, a fluffy jumper, my dog, Ubi, A small gymnasium, 3 yards of razor wire, the original copy of Beat It, by Michael Jackson, Jarate, and 3 industrial sized boxes of Viagra.
Curse the ill fortune that led you to me.you're planning an invansion of a small country the ammo and weapons are to attack / defend yourself, the razor wire is to set up a perimiter,the fluffy jumper is to keep you warm, the dog is used to entertain you, or used as a unofficial "matry" in an emergancy, the boxed copies of TF 2 are incase you happen to capture an enemy computer, or the discs can work as unnofcial blades the michael jackson music is used as a torture device the small gymnasium is used to keep you fit as well as hold your "prisoners" the jarate is a back up weapon as well as a torture weapon,the 6 rolls of duct tape is used to hold your prisoners in place while the rings of saturn are for entertainment the viagra....well thats private
what am i doing with, half of africa, 22 and a 1/2 cans of beans, a small mexican/asian midget called remi, two pistols one bullet the legendary sword of bob and a jet fighter with a personality defect
I will go down in fiery hell...oblivion........history...thing!You're acting and filming the most EPIC buddy-cop movie ever made, that will take you from the deepest pits of Cthulhu's stomach to the highest peaks of Mount Olympus.
I wonder what I'm going to do with Durendal, a can of diet coke, seventy-eight C.D. drives, fifteen sovereign clan-crews of Ninja Pirate Zombie Robots, an origami box, and a stuffed chicken.
An useless name, a forsaken connection.A can of diet coke is to ruin the 78 CD drives, and the NPRZ's, origami box and the stuffed chicken enter a tournament run by you with the grand prize of the Durendal. the chicken wins.
I have £500,$500,€500, James Bond, Joanna Dark, a Sandvich, Heavy's Minigun, 40 tons of C-4, a 'Dunce' hat, 3 pickup trucks with MG's on the back, and the Golden Cock award(for biggest cockup)
Curse the ill fortune that led you to me.the money is to give to heavy to distract him so he dosent pummel you for taking the sandvich, james bond and joanna dark are to duel to death, upon one person winning they are to be given a dunce hat, as soon as they put on the hat the C-4 detonates destroying the surrounding landscape, the trucks were to make your escape but you didnt get away in time, the golden cock up award is placed on your grave in memory
a box of kittens, a cat trainer, a ninja, 14 kitten sized sword, a swastika, a dog with a dodgy moustache, a neon yellow hoodie 8 hours of twilight fan fiction and enough change to buy yourself a packet of gum
edited 19th Mar '10 5:46:12 AM by pickupapenguin
I will go down in fiery hell...oblivion........history...thing!You divide the kittens into a team of 14 with swords versus a team of 40 who are unarmed for the lulz. You eat the Hitler-dog, and the hoodie, and use the fanfic to help regurgitate it. You use the change to instead cut your losses and buy a Mars bar.
I have, on the other hand, an anvil, the cake, 5 metric tons of Sellotape, forty number fours, the early script for Monsters Inc, Super Smash Bros Melee, and £500,000 worth of shares in the property market.
Curse the ill fortune that led you to me.the selotape is used to stick the number 4 to every property under your controll in the property market, the cake is a lie so you cannot find it, you get angry and sit on the anvil read the monsters inc script and play super smash bro's
i have 5000 soldiers from various army who all hate each other, 45 spoons and 4955 sporks, an island, a button simply labeled "salad" and strict instructions to press it on every opportuinity possible, a small mammal that cannot be described an angry fat kid with a slight mental disability, he has a box that allegedly contains your soul
I will go down in fiery hell...oblivion........history...thing!The best halloween party. EVER.
What about the 5 packets of Styrofoam, an open flame, access to the year 2047 at will, a sports arena, five days free trial of the original Legend of Zelda, 3 tins of lube, five thousand cans of sediment-shaped sediment, an ape, and my 11 year old hyperactive sister.
Curse the ill fortune that led you to me.grease up the ape with lube stick it into the arena with the your sister, instruct them to fight to the death, at random times the sediment stryofoam and fire will be added into the arena, invite people from the year 2047 play zelda and enjoy the show
3 packets of crisps captain falcon the moon and a tv remote, access to the internet, a tv, plenty of beer, a shotgun, G La DOS, many many many many lemmings and the ability to instantly piss off anyone you look at
edited 19th Mar '10 6:17:53 AM by pickupapenguin
I will go down in fiery hell...oblivion........history...thing!An ultimatum to video game companies to release their games in Europe faster?
My turn...a toenail clipper, The Burger King's crown, a "chicken sangwich", Uwe Boll's boxing gloves, the Azure Grimoire, a pair of clean socks, a set of dirty underwear, the complete unabridged FATAL rulebook, and Menchi.
"It ain't about whether you win or lose, unless you got money on the game, because...damn. That's your money, son."Jesus Christ! That is the most downright illegal adult movie ever!
What about Styrofoam, and lots of it, the manuscript for a film based entirely on the song '500 Miles' by The proclaimers, and 3 really angry dogs.
Curse the ill fortune that led you to me.You're shooting an extremely surreal art film?
Now, what am I doing with: Six forged German passports, a bucket of snails, a rope, a team of surveyors, a malfunctioning grenade, a welding mask, 35 bottles of sparkling mineral water, and a bankrupt Austrian accountancy firm?
edited 23rd Mar '10 11:19:40 AM by MadeOfAxes
"One thing, though- apparently the eldest goat is the bastard child of Muhammad Ali and the Hulk." ~ Exelixi, on The Three Billy Goats Gruff.The answer was an extremely complicated piece of investment fraud.
Now, to resurrect the thread, what am I doing with: My tvtropes account, a hammer, an iPhone, a beached whale, and three metric tonnes of various metals?
"One thing, though- apparently the eldest goat is the bastard child of Muhammad Ali and the Hulk." ~ Exelixi, on The Three Billy Goats Gruff.I hope the robo-whale project goes well.
What am I gonna do with all of these DV Ds, this pile of moe posters, a jackhammer and alllll those crupmets?
WHO WANTS STAKE? *CACKLE*CACKLE*Have a nice night in. You don't need to smash the posters with a hammer to demonstrate your hatred for them though. We'll take your word for it.
Now, what am I doing with: a fluorescent light-bulb, a ransom letter for yourself, a bottle of medicine, a pneumatic drill, a key, and a South African pianist named Albert.
"One thing, though- apparently the eldest goat is the bastard child of Muhammad Ali and the Hulk." ~ Exelixi, on The Three Billy Goats Gruff.Battery-power the broom. Then throw it out of the window.
€300, an episcapailian (HONK!) with a parking ticket, the cake, The entire cast of Perfect Dark Zero including the dead ones: Mai Hem, Zhang Li, Jack Dark, Killian and Chandra and Bob from down the road.
Curse the ill fortune that led you to me.Are you remaking Perfect Dark?
Now what am I doing with: Your best male friend, your best female friend, a camera, a glass of milk, fishing equipment, a script written in heavily broken english, a map of Niger, and a 4x4 with no licence plates?
"One thing, though- apparently the eldest goat is the bastard child of Muhammad Ali and the Hulk." ~ Exelixi, on The Three Billy Goats Gruff.I see you plan to make a porno at that email Nigerian Prince's palace, and then blackmail him for a cut of all his scammings. Excellent.
Now, what could I be doing with an iPod Touch running the iBeer app, 500 kilograms of grape jelly, a van registered in Alberta, Canada, a number three mechanical pencil, all your right shoes, a model rocket, and Leigh Sabio?
Fresh-eyed movie blogWell, that's a very strange way to elope, but hey, it's not my place to judge...
I was doing something with a surprisingly roomy designer handbag, Michael Phelps, a pack of Trident Passionberry Twist gum, a book of Non Sequitur comic strips, half a dozen live mice, and a brand-new pair of basketball shoes, but I've forgotten what it was.
Stupid doomed timeline...

You're remixing/remaking the music video "I'm On A Boat," changing it to the more artistically relevant "I'm On A Boat with a Scarab Beetle."
I have the soundtrack of Repo The Genetic Opera, a lamp, two English teachers, and a folding chair. Ready, set... noodle!
There is glory for those who defy their fate.