Gallant and Goofus

Goofus leaves his TV and computer on all the time, permanently displaying live sexcams or streaming porn of the filthiest variety.

Gallant apologizes when he sneezes.

Goofus has contracted an airborne strain of AIDS that hhe spreads with delighted abandon.

Gallant likes to relax with a nice lemonade.

Goofus masturbates in Gallant's lemonade.

Gallant tries new foods.

Goofus deliberatly mixes rat poison, dumpster refuse, and human feces into the foods, for no other reason than the fact that he likes to see people suffer.

Gallant is always careful around strangers.

edited 21st Jul '10 3:40:46 PM by CrowT.Robot

Goofus follows men three times his age to windowless vans with the promise of candy.

Gallant brushes his teeth after every meal.

Goofus never brushes his teeth. Ever.

Gallant drives according to the law.

edited 21st Jul '10 3:46:37 PM by Zyxzy

Goofus drives on the sidewalk.

Gallant always does his homework on Fridays so he can enjoy the rest of the weekend in peace.

Goofus doesn't do his homework at all, and the teacher finds it crumpled in his desk a month later covered with crude drawings of human copulation.

Gallant always says "please" and "thank you".

edited 21st Jul '10 3:50:44 PM by CrowT.Robot

Goofus and Gallant was the first thing that came to mind when I read #3 on Cracked.com's list of "6 Acts of Propaganda That Backfired Hilariously".

http://www.cracked.com/article_18623_6-acts-propaganda-that-backfired-hilariously_p2.html

Goofus punches people to show appreciation

Gallant always wears a condom.

Goofus is the father to three dozen kids out of wedlock.

Gallant looks both ways before crossing the street.

Goofus deliberately manipulates cars into crashing.

Gallant works hard on his projects.

Goofus makes his father do his.

Gallant studies diligently the night before an exam.

Goofus is to busy studying his penis for that.

Gallant only eats Free-Range meat.

Goofus pumps free-range cows with Mad Cow disease in order to kill people.

Gallant is kind to his pets and feeds them daily.

(I like Goofus as a Complete Monster...)

edited 21st Jul '10 3:59:54 PM by CrowT.Robot

Goofus buys expensive food, sets it outside his pet's cage, and taunts him with it.

Gallant always wears sunscreen while he swims.

Goofus puts on negative fifty sunscreen just to get an instant red skin.

Gallant doesn't make fun of Goofus's punny name.

Gallant mocks foreigner's names incessently.

Gallant is always kind to his friends.

Not only does Goofus mock his so-called friends at every opportunity, he always plays multiplayer games with friendly fire turned on.

Gallant always rewinds his tapes before returning them to the video store.

Goofus videotapes hardcore porn over them and then returns them to the store, after making sure that they are deliberately fast-forwarded to the end.

Gallant always tells the truth.

edited 21st Jul '10 5:36:57 PM by CrowT.Robot

Goofus only tells the truth From a Certain Point of View, even when it doesn't make any sense at all.

Gallant always puff-puffs before passing.

edited 21st Jul '10 5:37:58 PM by WillyFourEyes

EDIT: damn ninjas... And "puff puffs?"

edited 21st Jul '10 5:38:28 PM by KuroFox

^^^Goofus lets his mother take the fall for his crack dealing.

^^Goofus bogarts the fuck out of that spliff like an asshole.

Gallant aims to read one novel each month.

edited 21st Jul '10 5:40:14 PM by SeanMurrayI

Goofus buys all the copies of the latest books from his local bookstores, only to light them up in a huge bonfire so that nobody can read them.

Gallant treats the disabled with respect.

edited 21st Jul '10 5:40:44 PM by CrowT.Robot

Goofus beats up Stephen Hawking.

Gallant treats his girlfriend to a dinner and a movie every Friday.