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MajorTom Since: Dec, 2009
#14076: Mar 25th 2016 at 7:56:10 AM

MH-370 was actually hijacked by Amelia Earhart, then piloted to a safe landing by Elvis and JFK. Trufax!

With the secret control tower manned by John Denver and Tupac Shakur. cool

Greenmantle V from Greater Wessex, Britannia Since: Feb, 2010 Relationship Status: Hiding
V
#14077: Mar 25th 2016 at 1:11:19 PM

[up] And D. B. Cooper as the Airport Manager?

Air Vectors: Diamond Aircraft

Keep Rolling On
Greenmantle V from Greater Wessex, Britannia Since: Feb, 2010 Relationship Status: Hiding
TamH70 Since: Nov, 2011 Relationship Status: Faithful to 2D
#14079: Mar 27th 2016 at 1:28:02 PM

Un. Chuffing. Lucky. Still, at least the British Armed Forces aren't the only ones daft enough to buy those over-priced, warmed-over, completely unsuitable for the role unless you spend even more money on them sheds.

And we must keep Augusta/Westland/whatever they're called this week happy by conning other nations into buying our over-priced tat. Mind you, it took them over half a decade into finding someone else who didn't see them coming.

... Wait a minute. Worst Korea bought them as well? In 2013? Mwahahahahaha. I smell the sweet smell of Bribes.

Greenmantle V from Greater Wessex, Britannia Since: Feb, 2010 Relationship Status: Hiding
V
#14080: Mar 27th 2016 at 2:07:29 PM

[up]

... Wait a minute. Worst Korea bought them as well? In 2013? Mwahahahahaha. I smell the sweet smell of Bribes.

No, not the North. South Korea.

Keep Rolling On
Balmung Since: Oct, 2011
#14081: Mar 27th 2016 at 2:51:35 PM

North Korea is Best Korea, South Korea is Worst Korea.

Demetrios Lucky Seven from Des Plaines, Illinois (unfortunately) Since: Oct, 2009 Relationship Status: And they all lived happily ever after <3
TamH70 Since: Nov, 2011 Relationship Status: Faithful to 2D
#14084: Mar 27th 2016 at 8:30:11 PM

You've clearly not hung around forums full of Brits who've served or are serving in the armed forces tongue

We've been taking the piss out of that program for what seems like decades, ever since we saw the thing lumbering towards us like some terrible beast slouching towards Bethlehem to be born. We only fly it because sod getting something like a modernized Sea Hawk or owt like that. Mind you, if we did buy those, AW would be getting paid anyway to screw them up somehow.

AFAIK the only reason the British Longbow Apache ISN'T a trainwreck of a program is that someone wearing green skin held AW's bosses balls over a hibachi and threatened to light them up if it was up to the usual standard of what they'd like to get away with.

TamH70 Since: Nov, 2011 Relationship Status: Faithful to 2D
#14087: Mar 28th 2016 at 3:54:56 AM

Correction - we buy shed loads of stuff off the shelf - rifles, machine guns, pistols, boots, camouflage clothing (albeit quickly replaced by a fucked-around version with minor variations from original), 4by4 vehicles, MRAPS and so on - we mainly bend over and get dicked without Vaseline for helicopters.

Because Agusta Westland has to get the contract because they are pals with the Tory Party and have been for decades. Never mind they are always late, overcharge and overstate capabilities of their kit. Of course as you note, national pride comes into it but no one outside Westminster or the factories where they make the things really buys that as a sole reason to keep giving these shysters money.

Go look up the Army Rumour Service (www.arrse.co.uk), and the equivalent navy /pilots in general one, Pprune and their threads on what we originally called "Future Lynx".

Greenmantle V from Greater Wessex, Britannia Since: Feb, 2010 Relationship Status: Hiding
V
#14088: Mar 28th 2016 at 4:15:36 AM

[up]

Of course as you note, national pride comes into it but no one outside Westminster or the factories where they make the things really buys that as a sole reason to keep giving these shysters money.

Would it surprise you that the Nimrod AEW was an entirely (Labour-enacted) political decision and that the RAF had wanted the E-3 Sentry all along? Or that the RAF had been looking at Airbus-based tankers since the late 70s?

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Deadbeatloser22 from Disappeared by Space Magic (Great Old One) Relationship Status: Tsundere'ing
#14089: Mar 28th 2016 at 4:32:46 AM

Or that the only reason we're getting Poseidon is because the Government was being pressured by the Americans?

"Yup. That tasted purple."
TamH70 Since: Nov, 2011 Relationship Status: Faithful to 2D
#14090: Mar 28th 2016 at 5:05:13 AM

[up][up] and [up]Nope. I do read the Telegraph's online news coverage on defence (among others - though the best blog is Think Defence, and the best journo is Lewis Page). Virtually nothing surprises me now. Saddens me yes. Surprises me? No.

You missed out who was famously called the One Eyed Scottish Idiot by Jeremy Clarkson (and speaking as a Scotsman it wasn't racist because he is one-eyed, he is Scottish, and going on the decision I'm about to stick on him is most definitely an idiot), the former rugby player - hence the one eye bit - Gordon Brown, giving the go ahead for HMS White Elephant and HMS White Elephant Too, so one could say I'm well up on Labour defence procurement cock-ups. evil grin

edit

Here's ARSS Epedia's page on the Lynx helo.

http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Lynx

", the Lynx is the finest anti-submarine helicopter ever operated by the British Army. Ever." Snerkle.

edited 28th Mar '16 5:07:40 AM by TamH70

Greenmantle V from Greater Wessex, Britannia Since: Feb, 2010 Relationship Status: Hiding
V
#14091: Mar 28th 2016 at 5:08:57 AM

[up] That's because the Army didn't attend that meeting where those things were decided...

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entropy13 Since: Nov, 2010 Relationship Status: Drift compatible
#14092: Mar 28th 2016 at 5:12:35 AM

RE: Lynx

IIRC AW and Bell are really the only bidders. Bell actually won too, except for a different contract instead LOL.

The bulk of the new helicopters of our armed forces are either Augusta Westland or Bell.

They would go to the two former USCG ships. There's probably an option for a third (since a third USCG ship from the same class is incoming too).

Then the new frigates (whose bidding is still pending) will have a different helicopter I guess.

edited 28th Mar '16 5:16:35 AM by entropy13

TamH70 Since: Nov, 2011 Relationship Status: Faithful to 2D
#14093: Mar 28th 2016 at 5:15:46 AM

It would be remiss of me not to include the page on Future Lynx, so:

http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Future_Lynx - snippet:

"Reality

A 'cut and shut' version of the current Lynx. A future purchase from Agusta Westlands of something we already sort of own."

Even that page was optimistic in the number of F Lynx's that would eventually make it into service abroad.

MajorTom Since: Dec, 2009
#14094: Mar 28th 2016 at 5:20:36 AM

Is there anything you Brits do right when it comes to military anymore?

Deadbeatloser22 from Disappeared by Space Magic (Great Old One) Relationship Status: Tsundere'ing
#14095: Mar 28th 2016 at 5:23:04 AM

Given that the Government seems to be trying to make us as much like the USA as possible, probably not.

"Yup. That tasted purple."
TamH70 Since: Nov, 2011 Relationship Status: Faithful to 2D
#14096: Mar 28th 2016 at 5:29:25 AM

In answer to that,Tom old chap, here's the page on British Military Procurement Successes.

http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/British_Military_Procurement_Successes

Snerkles.

Deadbeatloser22 from Disappeared by Space Magic (Great Old One) Relationship Status: Tsundere'ing
#14097: Mar 28th 2016 at 5:34:47 AM

To be fair it's not like everyone else does it better.

http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/American_Military_Procurement_Mysteries

"Yup. That tasted purple."
TamH70 Since: Nov, 2011 Relationship Status: Faithful to 2D
#14098: Mar 28th 2016 at 5:40:12 AM

[up]True. But not everyone's like us or the Yanks.

http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Category:Foreign_Military_Procurement_Successes

Though the page is pretty realistic in its appraisals. "Contrary to the opinion of the pub walt or armchair experts, not everything Russian counts as a procurement success - they've had their fair share of comedy equipment too, such as the T-72's autoloader that would frequently attempt to load the gunner's arm."

Greenmantle V from Greater Wessex, Britannia Since: Feb, 2010 Relationship Status: Hiding
V
#14099: Mar 28th 2016 at 5:44:04 AM

[up] How about the Japanese? surprised

Now, they've got a messed-up procurement system...

edited 28th Mar '16 5:44:43 AM by Greenmantle

Keep Rolling On
TamH70 Since: Nov, 2011 Relationship Status: Faithful to 2D
#14100: Mar 28th 2016 at 5:57:53 AM

I haven't studied their foul-ups to be honest. The NATO/US/UK ones are easier to look up to and are already hilariously tragic enough.

Hmm. Maybe worth a swatch, I suppose.


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