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This thread is for tropers who have trouble with English and would like some help with the crazy grammar of this crazy language.

Write down what you wish to edit on the wiki. If you have been suspended from editing, another troper might be kind enough to edit for you after your suggestions have been corrected.

The thread is for help and feedback on your own suggested edits.

If you want help correcting other people's edits (e.g., if you find a page which seems to have grammar problems but want a second opinion, or you don't feel able to fix it by yourself) then that's off-topic here, but we have a separate Grammar Police cleanup thread that can provide assistance.

Edited by Mrph1 on Nov 16th 2023 at 5:37:57 PM

Arivne Since: Jan, 2001
#24451: May 22nd 2023 at 10:27:39 AM

Page 978 @Emperor Geode

     Corrections 

Emperor Palpatine is the despotic ruler of the Galactic Empire and the person behind the destruction of the Jedi Order. He turned Anakin Skywalker to the Dark Side, turning him into Darth Vader and Palpatine’s main enforcer. Palpatine sanctions Lord Tion’s bloody invasion of Raaltiir while planning to cement his rule using the planet-killing Death Star. After the Death Star is destroyed, he has Vader hunt down rebels across the galaxy and orders him to turn Luke Skywalker to the Dark Side. Palpatine plans to build a second Death Star and leaks information to the Rebel Alliance to lure them into a trap and destroy them. Facing Luke Skywalker, Palpatine tries to force the boy to watch the destruction of Rebel alliance and manipulate him into killing his own father. Whe Luke resists his temptations, Palpatine tries to use Force Lightning to torture him to death.

Grand Moff Tarkin is the Imperial officer in charge of the first Death Star. When Princess Leia is captured by Darth Vader, Tarkin orders her tortured. He threatens to destroy Leia’s homeworld of Alderaan unless she gives up the location of the rebel base, only to have Alderaan destroyed anyway. Finding out that the rebel base is on Yavin IV, Tarkin plans to destroy it, <- comma along with any other planet that rebels against the Empire. A cruel and ambitious man, Tarkin even starts to consider using the Death Star to overthrow the Emperor.

Edited by Arivne on May 22nd 2023 at 10:27:57 AM

Arivne Since: Jan, 2001
#24452: May 22nd 2023 at 10:34:22 AM

Page 978 @miraculous

...who, <- comma decades before the series, <- comma sold...magical power-amplifying tea...

...them, <- comma but...controls the various even innocent demons of...Betraying the Fussillis, Mangrove...poor non-white areas of New York, <- comma with ...creature to destroy to try and wipe them out.

^ "various even innocent demons" is not correct English.

^ "to destroy" and "to try and wipe them out" mean the same thing. Choose one.

Arivne Since: Jan, 2001
#24453: May 22nd 2023 at 10:37:34 AM

Page 978 @Bullman

...both. There are also...actresses, <- comma Sophie Thatcher and Juliette Lewis, <- comma have...

miraculous Goku Black (Apprentice)
Goku Black
#24454: May 22nd 2023 at 10:40:09 AM

I'll just just remove the various.

All go with try and wipe them all out. Leaves a better impact.

Anyway thanks arivne.

Edited by miraculous on May 22nd 2023 at 10:40:40 AM

"That's right mortal. By channeling my divine rage into power, I have forged a new instrument in which to destroy you."
Bullman Enid Sinclair Since: Jun, 2018 Relationship Status: Longing for my OTP
EmperorGeode from A Galaxy far, far away Since: Oct, 2022 Relationship Status: On the prowl
miraculous Goku Black (Apprentice)
Goku Black
#24457: May 22nd 2023 at 11:28:50 AM

For Complete Monster

  • Mighty Morphin Power Rangers/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: General Krang is a vicious alien warlord seeking control of Earth. Before the series, Krang is responsible for wiping out the world of Dimension X turning it into a barren wasteland and later killing the power rangers of Dimension X when they rose up against him. Krang casts out his long time ally in Shredder to ally with Rita Repulsa in a Big Bad Duumvirate. Krang tortures Casey Jones to try and get him to comply to his will. Retrieving the members of both the Rangers and Turtles RoguesGalleries Krang and Rita use them to attack Crystal Cove and enslave the populace to build machines to conquer the world. Destroying and Rangers Zords, Krang transforms it into a mech suit to render the Earth extinct, admitting that ultimately the planet is off no true importance to him, he just wants to defeat them for daring to stand up to him.

"That's right mortal. By channeling my divine rage into power, I have forged a new instrument in which to destroy you."
Melinda Since: Dec, 2019 Relationship Status: Puppy love
#24458: May 22nd 2023 at 11:33:48 AM

@ Star Wars: Ewok Adventures

  • Alternate Character Interpretation: Some fans wonder if the agora is truly malicious and planned to eventually eat the Towani parents or saw itself as helping stranded travelers.

@ Star Wars Legends

  • The hulking and menacing but primitively clever Gorax only appears in a few scenes of Caravan of Courage, but won a lot of attention, causing fans delight every time another member of his species shows up in either canon.

@ The Corellian Trilogy

  • They Wasted a Perfectly Good Character: The Saccorian Triad is responsible for some complex scheming that Thrackan could have never dreamed of, have slightly more layered motives than Thrackan, and have the potential for interesting interactions given how they come from three culturally different species. However, they remain largely off-screen presences while Thrackan The Scrappy gets to be the visible Big Bad.

@ Checkmate (Anla'Shok)

  • Instead of fighting in an arena, Mags and the other tributes in her Games are marooned to fight for survival in a war zone after two tributes sabotage the train. Said warzone is between the Capitol and The Remnant (the non-District 13 part, anyway) in the Citadel, a Rebel stronghold that has held out for almost a decade after the defeat of the Districts but falls as Mags becomes a victor. Mags uses a mixture of truth and lies about her encounters with those rebels (who did have some ruthless figures among their numbers) to convince the President Evil that she sees how the Capitol is necessary to keep the rebellion down, putting her in a position to start her Rebel Long Game while still in her teens.
  • Mags and her allies use a Script Swap to have the Hunger Games announcer read a propaganda message for them during mandatory viewing for the whole nation.
  • Wolfe and Katana dueling for hours (complete with a break for a truce) while jumping between the moving clock gears of the hi-tech 66th Hunger Games arena.
  • Mags giving Caesar Flickerman a Shut Up, Hannibal! moment as he waxes on about the murders of several victors relatives, telling him that he will soon know the loss they feel and he will feel more if he keeps treating the lives of her children and grandchildren like toys to break. Even more impressively/chillingly is how she says that in public, just barely out of earshot of dozens of reporters.
  • Whittle, the District 9 male Quell Victor-tribute, recalls how he won by faking a romance with the District 1 girl to get them both sponsor weapons. Then he pretended to be unable to swing the sword and acted like he was having a Heroic BSoD to lure his main opponent close enough for "the most beautiful kick in the nuts Panem had ever seen".
  • During the Rebellion, Keith from District 7 goes out guns blazing against 20 Peacekeepers.

@ Checkmate (Anla'Shok)

  • The Casino: The Capitol sponsors a bar for gambling on the Hunger Games. This costs the government a fortune when Johanna wins the Hunger Games after 1/4th of the Capitol bet on her at 10-1 odds, and President Snow is a very Sore Loser.

@ Johanna Mason: They Will Never See Me Cry

  • Call-Forward: Johanna frequently talks about how nice it would feel to duke it out with Cashmere and, at one point, notes that the 3rd Quarter Quell is coming up, and she doesn't envy the "poor tributes" who will go into that Games. As readers of the original trilogy know, Johanna will be a tribute for the 3rd Quarter Quell, during which she fights Cashmere.

@ Johanna Mason: They Will Never See Me Cry

  • Johanna manages to kill a Career tribute with a thrown axe at the bloodbath, and does it so quickly that she is still able to pose as a helpless non-threat for the next several days without her competitors suspecting anything.
  • Johanna uses a Trust Password to get Red to fake a fight with her and then pretend for their (rather convincing) fight to "accidentally" go somewhere the cameras can't follow them so they can drop the act and talk about their next step.
  • During the 73rd Hunger Games, the Career pack has split early, everyone left desperately needs supplies, and Titan, a formidable District 1 tribute, tracks the parachutes coming down to find and kill any tribute getting supplies (including Johanna's tribute). Johanna and Seeder organize a plan for Districts 2, 3, 4, and 11 to all drop multiple parachutes at the same time so that Titan won't know who to attack.
  • Johanna, Finnick, and Chaff (who keeps fighting after being partially gutted) vs. Brutus and Enobaria in the climax of the 3rd Quarter Quell. After Chaff dies and Enobaria leaves to go after the other alliance members (with Finnick in pursuit), it is just Johanna vs the towering Brutus, but she stays standing as they inflict brutal wounds upon each other until Peeta gets a Big Damn Heroes moment and stabs Brutus.
    Brutus: Still got some fight in you, then?
    Johanna Until the moment my heart stops.
  • When Peeta tries to carry an injured Johanna back to the others, she realizes that doing so will keep both of them from making it to the rendezvous points. She pleas, taunts, and orders him to leave her behind and run until he finally does so. Johanna survives, and Peeta is captured anyway, but none of that makes it feel as futile as the usual Senseless Sacrifice.

@ Curse of the Komodo

@ The Victors Project

  • Older than You Think: This fic spawned several Follow the Leader similar stories, but a similar work, 75 Games, 75 Victors, 75 ONeshots, wrapped up a couple of months before the first chapter of The Victors Project came out, although its worldbuilding, variety of perspectives, and intense arena scenes haven't attracted the same degree of respect and admiration as TVP.

@ The End of the World

  • Near the beginning of The Hanging Tree, Haymitch watches a cheesy soap opera, runs through the plot set-up and likely twists in his head, then admits that "I’m annoyed with myself for having a theory on the subject."
  • In The Final Eight, a teacher catches a couple Passing Notes in Class and makes them read it. Delly described the poem as a bunch of haikus comparing the boy's body parts to various pre-catastrophe artworks, such as referring to a "Colossal David."
  • Haymitch learning in The Last Tribute that Capitol gossip sheets are shipping him with disparate figures like Cinna (who jokes about not getting flowers), Johanna, and some elderly sponsors.
  • In one scene of These are the Names, Effie reads an article accusing the victors of decadence, citing (among other things) how Wiress has robots do all of her chores. Effie points out that Wiress built those robots herself.
  • A fair amount of the banter between Haymitch and fellow rebel mentors Harris, Jack, and Philo when Claudius interviews them in The Golden Mean. Some of it is playing for the cameras, but some of it is genuine tension-relieving bonding.
    Jack: We all have a soft spot for Haymitch.
    Philo: I don't. I just met him.
    Harris: And I think he's a pain in the ass.
    Jack (with a teasing eye roll)': Careers.
  • As dark or serious as the stories can be, Haymitch and Effie get several hilarious First-Person Smartass quips in almost every chapter one of them narrates.
    Crane manages to look offended at the very thought that the Games could be rigged, which must qualify him for some kind of acting award.

@ The End Of The World

  • The suicide or murder of Haymitch's "loaner" mentor, District 2 victor Drake, and how even raging Jerkass Brutus (Drake's other mentee) is in deep mourning afterward, talking about how Drake was a community home kid who volunteered to get food for the younger kids there.
  • Every scene where Haymitch, Kay, or Madge (who shows signs of being a Generation Xerox to her aunt, especially in terms of the risks she takes) mourns Maysilee. The Last Tribute begins with Haymitch waking up from a dream about her and then realizing Maysilee isn't really there.
    She hasn't been here for twenty-four years. She's been dead considerably longer than she was alive.
  • Haymitch talking to Sergius, a member of Peeta's prep team in The Golden Mean, is solemn in so many ways, between how Sergius has just been tortured by the Peacekeepers (weakly saying his bruises are from an accident), is Doomed by Canon, and briefly mourns Cinna with Haymitch.
    Haymitch: Sergius, Cinna's dead."
    Sergius: I thought he might be. One of the... accidents... said something about no more pretty dresses. He laughed about it.
  • Haymitch tries to save Peeta from the arena after Katniss and Beetee destroy it, but has to watch him get captured.
  • Prim being drafted as a Combat Medic and sent to the front lines. Haymitch compares it to her being reaped all over again but not having anyone to volunteer for her this time.
  • Haymitch watches Prim go into the blast range of the bombs and, like Katniss, has a horrifying moment of realization just before they go off.

@ The End Of The World

  • Shortly before the 2nd Quarter Quell, Haymitch, Danny, Ruth, and the Donner twins try to save the life of a dying runaway from District 6 who they find by the train tracks, with them comforting her and letting her hold Maysilee's Mockingjay pin as she dies.
  • Ceaser Flickerman's Establishing Character Moment is having an assistant double-check all of the tribute names because a commentator got one wrong, and he doesn't want them to experience any more of that fear and indignity than necessary.
  • Haymitch and Maysilee not only avoid attacking two of their last (and youngest) opponents but also leave some of their food for the two girls to find.
  • One little boy in the crowd of people celebrating the rule change talks about how nice it would be if the rule change could be for whole alliances outside of districts and everyone could come home.
  • After one young Katniss and Peeta supporter laments not having any sponsor money, Haymitch hands her a sparkler a street vendor gave him, and tells her to be the girl on fire and run through the night with it, before buying more sparklers for other kids.
  • Thresh lets Foxface "steal" food from him throughout the 74th Hunger Games and even tries to distract Cato away from her during their final battle.
  • Haymitch recalls how videos of the tribute-mentor reunions became popular news features due to Finnick and Jack joyously hugging Annie and Johanna as soon as they left the arena. While this lost popularity due to Brutus being a dick to the two victors he brought out of the arena, Gloss also had a touching reunion with a mentee he got out of the arena alive during the 72nd Hunger Games.
  • After the rule change for Katniss and Peeta is approved, as Brutus complains about how sneaky it feels, Haymitch tells him that he wants both of his kids back, and if he can't have that, he'll support Cato and Clove and be glad it's one less dead kid either way.

@ The End Of The World

  • Peeta's stylist Portia is Defiant to the End during her execution by firing squad, repeatedly interrupting Snow's recital of her death sentence to yell out insults at him and his allies and support and esteem for her Rebel allies.
    Snow: She passed messages for the Rebellion-
    Portia: I'm passing one now. Keep fighting.

@ Matilda

  • The faces the longtime students make during the "School Song" number as they sing Welcome to Hell about the school can be unsettling.

Edited by Melinda on May 23rd 2023 at 12:51:18 PM

JujuP Since: Jul, 2013
#24459: May 22nd 2023 at 3:18:18 PM

Main.Rewarded As A Traitor Deserves

Live-Action Television

  • In Rise of Empires: Ottoman, after Constantinople is taken, Loukas Notaras asks Mehmet if he can srve him, promising him gold and bragging he shortened the siege. Mehmet angrily ask him why didn't he gave this gold to his emperor Constantine XI before ordering him to be beheaded.

NightmareFuel.Jessica Jones 2015

  • After Kilgrave's father suceed at making his power longer and carrying through electronic waves, as proven when he had an entire hospital, down to the patients, attempt to lynch Jessica, the sky is the only limit to his capacity: he's now able to control entire countries thanks to television and radio. He could take over one of the most powerful countries on Earth and brainwash its population so throughly he wouldn't need of any Secret Police.

Bubblepig Rei from Tokyo (Apprentice) Relationship Status: is commanded to— WANK!
#24460: May 22nd 2023 at 10:35:20 PM

@Missing (2023)

  • Domestic Abuse: The flashback revealed that James is a drug addict who physically and emotionally abuse Grace (whose real name is actually Sarah) as shown with an unedited first video showing James being aggressive to Grace, Grace watching the video of how to cover up bruises and James sending some threatening messages to Grace. Which lead to Grace have the polices to arrest James of drug possession while she escapes with her daughter June, changed her identity with the help of Heather and later lied to June that James died in order to protect her from the truth.
  • Wham Shot: At least two of them:
    • When June revisit Kevin's message to see the photos that Kevin have sent her, she recheck the photos of Kevin and her mother Grace having a trip in Colombia. June then notices that her mother's face is hidden and the first photo is live. When June play the live photo of her mother looking at the plane, we see in the live photo that her mother slowly turn to look at the camera revealing to be a different woman that Kevin seemingly having an affair with, meaning that June's mother Grace was never there and the actress that Kevin hired was imprisoning Grace during the trip.
    • Near the end, when Ring camera shows Kevin's church pastor Jimmy coming to June's house while a frightened June threatens to call the police, Jimmy removes his hoodie, revealing to be June's presumed dead father James.

"Now it's starting to feel like a game!"
Arivne Since: Jan, 2001
#24461: May 23rd 2023 at 7:34:57 AM

[up] @miraculous

     Corrections 

General Krang is a vicious alien warlord seeking control of Earth. Before the series, Krang is responsible for wiping out the world of Dimension X, <- comma turning it into a barren wasteland and later killing the Power Rangers of Dimension X when they rose up against him. Krang casts out his long time ally in Shredder to ally with Rita Repulsa in a Big Bad Duumvirate. Krang tortures Casey Jones to try and get him to comply to his will. Retrieving the members of both the Rangers and Turtles Rogues Galleries, <- comma Krang and Rita use them to attack Crystal Cove and enslave the populace to build machines to conquer the world. Destroying <missing text> and Rangers Zords, Krang transforms it into a mech suit to render the Earth extinct, admitting that ultimately the planet is of no true importance to him, he just wants to defeat them for daring to stand up to him.

^ Destroying what and Rangers Zords?

^ Krang transforms what into a mech suit?

^ He just wants to defeat who? The people of the world? The Power Rangers?

miraculous Goku Black (Apprentice)
Goku Black
#24462: May 23rd 2023 at 7:49:24 AM

He destroys the rangers zords. (Not sure why I put and.) He turns the remains into a mech suit for himself. And defeat them means the people of Earth (technically it would be more specifically the Turtles but I think he meant it in general).

Anyway would this work better:

"Destroying the Rangers Zords, Krang transforms it's remains into a mech suit for himself to render the Earth extinct, admitting that ultimately the planet is of no true importance to him, he just wants to defeat the heroes for daring to stand up to him."

Also thanks arivne.

Edited by miraculous on May 23rd 2023 at 7:58:41 AM

"That's right mortal. By channeling my divine rage into power, I have forged a new instrument in which to destroy you."
Arivne Since: Jan, 2001
#24463: May 23rd 2023 at 7:56:14 AM

[up] @Melinda

     Corrections 

...causing fans to delight every time...

...she realizes that doing so will keep both of them from making it to the rendezvous points.

...but a similar work, 75 Games, 75 Victors, 75 Oneshots, <- comma wrapped up...

...scene of <- no comma These are the Names, <- comma Effie...things) <- no comma how...

In the final chapters of The Golden Mean, some of it is playing for the cameras, <- comma but...

...The Golden Mean, <- comma is solemn in so many ways, <- comma between...

Haymitch tries to save Peeta from the arena after Katniss and Beetee destroy it, <- comma but...

Shortly before the 2nd Quarter Quell, <- comma Haymitch...

While this lost popularity due to Brutus being a dick to the two victors...

Edited by Arivne on May 23rd 2023 at 7:56:54 AM

Arivne Since: Jan, 2001
#24464: May 23rd 2023 at 8:05:41 AM

[up] @Juju P

     Corrections 

...Loukas Notaras asks Mehmet if he can serve him, promising him gold and bragging that he shortened the siege. Before ordering him to be beheaded, Mehmet angrily asks him why didn't he gave this gold to his emperor Constantine XI.

After Kilgrave's father succeeds at making his power longer and carrying through electronic waves, as proven when he has an...so thoroughly he wouldn't need of any Secret Police.

^ "making his power longer and carrying through electronic waves" is not correct English, but I can't tell what you meant to write.

Edited by Arivne on May 23rd 2023 at 8:06:09 AM

Arivne Since: Jan, 2001
#24465: May 23rd 2023 at 8:09:55 AM

[up] @Bubblepig

     Corrections 

The flashback reveals that James is a drug addict who physically and emotionally abused Grace (whose real name is actually Sarah), <- comma as shown with an unedited first video showing James being aggressive to Grace, Grace watching the video of how to cover up bruises and James sending some threatening messages to Grace. This leads to Grace having the police arrest James for drug possession while she escapes with her daughter June, changes her identity with the help of Heather and later lies to June that James died in order to protect her from the truth.

Edited by Arivne on May 23rd 2023 at 8:10:53 AM

Bubblepig Rei from Tokyo (Apprentice) Relationship Status: is commanded to— WANK!
#24466: May 23rd 2023 at 9:05:01 AM

[up] So my Wham Shot examples are good to go? Anyway, thank you Arvine.

Edited by Bubblepig on May 23rd 2023 at 9:05:55 AM

"Now it's starting to feel like a game!"
Melinda Since: Dec, 2019 Relationship Status: Puppy love
#24467: May 23rd 2023 at 1:59:18 PM

Thanks

@ Checkmate (Anla'Shok)

  • Disc-One Final Boss: President Alchys, the ruthless creator of the Hunger Games, is the target of Mags' scheming and plotting for about half of the story, spanning a period of about thirty-five years. Alchys' eventual assassination raises the possibility that the Capitol's evil subjugation of the district can be ended without outright war under the guidance of Alchys' successor, Zephyr. However, despite the Rebels trying to identify and eliminate the ambitious psychos who might overthrow Zephyr, they miss Coriolanus Snow, who poisons his way to the presidency and spends the next 25 years and approximately forty chapters subjecting the districts to worse mistreatment than ever before.

@ The End of the World (FernWithy)

  • Glass made such a bad impression when he was District 1's escort the previous year that the Victors unanimously petitioned to have him reassigned, with one of their youngest victors, Miracle Brea, threatening to kill and dismember him if Snow kept him in their proximity. This does have the regretable effect of getting Glass sent back to District 12, and District 1 does have more power and privileges than many districts, but outright threatening a Games worker, even a Hated by All Hate Sink one, took a lot of guts.
  • Winnow Robinson (Thresh's sister)'s Hero of Another Story actions in The Golden Mean and The Narrow Path. Smuggling herself from District 11, to 8, to 4 in rapid succession, participating or witnessing acts of sabotage and rebellion before becoming a naval commander who helps liberate District 4.

@ The End of the World (FernWithy)''

  • In The Golden Mean, when Thresh's sister sneaks into District 12 with a rebellion message and reports that District 8 (which she stopped at on the way) just "Blew its stack."
    Ed Mellark: Are you saying they're rebelling? Already?
    Winnow: No. They're having fireworks. And picnics. And hardware sales. What game did you think you were playing.
  • One Stops On the Way to the End of the World oneshot has Enobaria snarking about District 13's efforts to give itself a new name and about how Capitol Rebel Fulvia likes the name.
    Calling Thirteen “Lakeland” is the Panem equivalent of wearing a belt and suspenders at the same time, possibly with a hat three seasons out of date. In other words, it’s like being Fulvia Cardew. Who, of course, uses the name “Lakeland” at every opportunity, even when Plutarch tries to tactfully suggest that it’s not really catching.

@ The End of the World (FernWithy)''

  • When Katniss and Peeta are approached by the family of Kersey, the girl from District 8, they expect recriminations after the Capitol has tried to edit Peeta's killing of her to look worse than it was, but they tell him that they understand it was a Mercy Kill.
  • Haymitch and Peeta talking about how Haymitch sees Finnick as one of his "arena kids" after trying to keep him safe and well-adjusted after his Games.

@ The End of the World (FernWithy)

@ We Must Be Killers
  • In "Down for the Count", Misha's tribute dies when an opponent poisons her food and she dies thinking Misha or the gamemakers did that and asks why in confusion, looking at the camera.

@ We Must Be Killers

  • It is repeatedly mentioned that Phillips from Distirct 6 was an unassuming tribute whose minuscule chances of victory looked even less likely after his Addled Addict mentor sent him a rolling pin and glitter as a sponsor gift. But glitter can temporarily blind someone when you throw it in their eyes, and a rolling pin can be just as deadly as a baseball bat if you use it the right way, and so District 6 got another victor, their first to ever stay clean of drugs.
  • Nero and the other mentors trying to charge the gamemakers (who, regrettably, have a force field protecting them) for answers after the 3rd Quarter Quell arena blows up.
  • In A District Upside Down: The War (which is a Fix Fic story, but this scene takes place before the point of divergence for Lyme and Claudius's arc and it presumably still happened to them), a bullying District 13 cafeteria worker won't serve Claudius lunch unless he says "I am a murderer," first. He goes along with it for a few days, but one day, he says that statement with a Death Glare and follows up with a detailed description of some of the people he has killed, and tells the server to remember that, hate him or not, they should remember that "Good people don't win a war." The next day, the man serves him without a word of mockery.
@ We Must Be Killers ''All of these entries are short stories and not novel link so I think they have quotes and not italics."
  • Lyme buying Brutus the eponymous scented candles meant to make people think of him in "Better than a Boyfriend" as a prank.
    Brutus Fuck me.
    Lyme: They don’t need to. They have this instead! They burn it beside their beds and close their eyes and have sexy dreams about you chopping firewood and carrying them over the threshold of your mountain sex cabin!
  • Brutus griping about a romantic melodrama flick being loosely based on his life in "Bring Us Together", as the other victors revel in it. He is particularly annoyed by the film's May–December Romance.
    Brutus: She looks half my age!
    Wiress: Half your age plus seven.
  • Devon and Misha start a tradition of everyone fighting under mistletoe in "Fighting for the Holidays" and the resulting shenanigans.
    Ronan: Oh dear child. Surely you wouldn’t attack an old man out for a walk with his cane and his dogs.
    • At the end of a conversation they had about them being too dignified for the mistletoe games, Callista pranks Adessa into thinking she's in on it , and as she laughs, Adessa is mad enough at being fooled to get out some mistletoe for real to challenge Callista to a brawl.

@ Killing Time

  • Mouth of Sauron: The crusading Paul Masetti and later his "politician's politician" replacement Archer Danile talk to Tim on behalf of a reform movement that wants him to testify against the political machine, with the leaders of their group being mentioned but never seen.

Edited by Melinda on May 24th 2023 at 8:05:30 AM

Erebus42 Life is like a box of chocolates... the paramedi from Lodi Since: Jan, 2018 Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
Life is like a box of chocolates... the paramedi
#24468: May 23rd 2023 at 10:08:27 PM

I want you to add to Dartz's character page on Yugioh under Laser Guided Karma. I wrote a fanfic called Cleansing Fire where he is sent to Hell as punishment. Fanfic link is www.fanfiction.net/superman42. Bottom of the page.

When will I get my edit privileges back?

your soul here {dotted line}
Bubblepig Rei from Tokyo (Apprentice) Relationship Status: is commanded to— WANK!
#24469: May 23rd 2023 at 10:09:26 PM

@Missing (2023) (Since I wasn't sure if my Wham Shot examples are check or not)

  • Wham Shot: At least two of them:
    • When June revisit Kevin's message to see the photos that Kevin have sent her, she recheck the photos of Kevin and her mother Grace having a trip in Colombia. June then notices that her mother's face is hidden and the first photo is live. When June play the live photo of her mother looking at the plane, we see in the live photo that her mother slowly turn to look at the camera revealing to be a different woman that Kevin seemingly having an affair with, meaning that June's mother Grace was never there and the actress that Kevin hired was imprisoning Grace during the trip.
    • Near the end, when Ring camera shows Kevin's church pastor Jimmy coming to June's house while a frightened June threatens to call the police, Jimmy removes his hoodie, revealing to be June's presumed dead father James.

@Clonus

  • Single Tear: The finale scene showed the frozen corpse of Richard shedding one already frozen tear on his right cheek.
  • Unexplained Recovery: Jeffrey Knight was shown getting stab in the chest when he's in a struggle with his brother but in the end, he was shown to be alive and well in a press conference. However given the fact that in the final scene where Richard's frozen corpse have an open scar on his chest, it implied that Jeffery have a heart transfer from Richard.

"Now it's starting to feel like a game!"
miraculous Goku Black (Apprentice)
Goku Black
#24470: May 24th 2023 at 6:06:17 AM

[up][up]We don't list fan fic stuff on main work pages.

Anyway.

For

UsefulNotes.Ted Bundy

The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires

  • Child Eater: James Harris feeds off children by using a tentacle appendage to drain their blood. Harris requires this to rejuvenate himself and cares nothing about what it does to his victims who are driven to kill themselves due to the effects it has on their minds. It's implied near then end of the book that Harris doesn't need to feed off children exclusively to survive he just likes doing it because he's a sadist.
  • Driven to Suicide: James Harris feeds off children but the effect is devastating to their young minds over time eventually causing them to kill themselves in violent ways.
  • Face of an Angel, Mind of a Demon: James Harris is a handsome, charming seemingly young all American man whose good looks and charisma hide the fact he's a sadistic vampire who savours killing.
  • Faux Affably Evil: James Harris is a seemingly polite vampire who charms anyone to come into contact with him. Harris uses this as a front though as he's really a savage, monstrous killer who enjoys hurting others.

Edited by miraculous on May 24th 2023 at 6:06:47 AM

"That's right mortal. By channeling my divine rage into power, I have forged a new instrument in which to destroy you."
Arivne Since: Jan, 2001
#24471: May 24th 2023 at 6:54:02 AM

[up] @Bubblepig

     Corrections 

When June revisits Kevin's message to see the photos that he have sent her, she rechecks the photos of he and her mother Grace having a trip in Colombia. June then notices that her mother's face is hidden and the first photo is live. When June plays the live photo of her mother looking at the plane, we see in the live photo that her mother slowly turns to look at the camera, <- comma revealing her to be a different woman who Kevin is seemingly having an affair with, meaning that June's mother Grace was never there and the actress that Kevin hired was imprisoning Grace during the trip.

Near the end, when the Ring camera shows Kevin's church pastor Jimmy coming to June's house while a frightened June threatens to call the police, Jimmy removes his hoodie, revealing himself to be June's presumed dead father James.

The finale scene shows the frozen corpse of Richard shedding one already frozen tear on his right cheek.

Jeffrey Knight is shown getting stabbed in the chest when he's in a struggle with his brother, <- comma but in the end, he is shown to be alive and well at a press conference. However, <- comma given the fact that in the final scene where Richard's frozen corpse has an open wound on his chest, it is implied that Jeffery received a heart transfer from Richard.

Arivne Since: Jan, 2001
#24472: May 24th 2023 at 7:16:47 AM

[up] @Melinda

     Corrections 

President Alchys, the ruthless creator of the Hunger Games, is the target of Mags' scheming and plotting for about half of the story, spanning a period of about thirty-five years. Her eventual assassination...

^ Whose eventual assassination? Alchys' or Mags'?

^ You're talking about two female characters, so using the pronoun "her" instead of the person's name is confusing.

...that way took a lot of guts.

Haymitch isn't particularly moved, <- comma since...help from the districts which are...also reveals that...Glass (who enjoyed torturing and killing animals since what is implied to be a long time before the bombing) <- close parenthesis <missing text>.

^ What is it revealed that Glass did?

...just as deadly as a baseball bat if you use it the right way...

...(who, regrettably, have a force field protecting them)...

^ It really is "force field", not "forcefield".

...and it presumably still happened to them)...

At the end of a conversation they have about them being too dignified for the games, Callista pranks Adessa...

Edited by Arivne on May 24th 2023 at 7:18:03 AM

Arivne Since: Jan, 2001
#24473: May 24th 2023 at 7:24:04 AM

[up] @Erebus 42

If you'd like something to be proofread, please post it here.

"When will I get my edit privileges back?"

You'll need to ask the moderators that question here, because they decide when it will occur.

Edited by Arivne on May 25th 2023 at 7:16:48 AM

Arivne Since: Jan, 2001
#24474: May 24th 2023 at 7:31:41 AM

[up] @miraculous

     Corrections 

James Harris, the main antagonist and a savage vampire who's both a serial molester and a serial killer, <- comma is modeled after Ted Bundy. Harris is a Face of an Angel, Mind of a Demon monster who charms his victims and has an all-American handsome face that hides an an all-American monster. The main four heroines also mention The Stranger Beside Me, <- comma which is a novel about Bundy and his murders in relation to Harris, <- comma and he gets comparisons with Bundy in the book.

...and cares nothing about what it does to his victims, <- comma who are driven to kill themselves due to the effects it has on their minds. It's implied near the end of the book that Harris doesn't need to feed off children exclusively to survive, <- comma he just likes doing it because he's a sadist.

James Harris feeds off children and the effect is devastating to their young minds over time, <- comma eventually causing them to kill themselves in violent ways.

James Harris is a handsome, charming seemingly young all-American man...

James Harris is a seemingly polite vampire who charms anyone who comes into contact with him. Harris uses this as a front, <- comma though, <- comma as he's really a savage, monstrous killer who enjoys hurting others.

miraculous Goku Black (Apprentice)
Goku Black
#24475: May 24th 2023 at 7:34:26 AM

Thank you arivne.

"That's right mortal. By channeling my divine rage into power, I have forged a new instrument in which to destroy you."

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