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This thread is for tropers who have trouble with English and would like some help with the crazy grammar of this crazy language.

Write down what you wish to edit on the wiki. If you have been suspended from editing, another troper might be kind enough to edit for you after your suggestions have been corrected.

The thread is for help and feedback on your own suggested edits.

If you want help correcting other people's edits (e.g., if you find a page which seems to have grammar problems but want a second opinion, or you don't feel able to fix it by yourself) then that's off-topic here, but we have a separate Grammar Police cleanup thread that can provide assistance.

Edited by Mrph1 on Nov 16th 2023 at 5:37:57 PM

PPPSSC Since: Nov, 2009
#1026: Aug 2nd 2013 at 11:05:56 PM

@Mag Bas, Sorry. I was going to do this if no one else did and then promptly forgot about it. Anyway:

In Candace's dream, Phineas and Ferb's inventions are portrayed as perfectly safe in relation to the "safe" way preached by an authority figure, and Linda, being the "busting" version of the Wizard Of Oz, is portrayed as a fun-loving Reasonable Authority Figure unlikely to punish the boys for their inventions. This is especially heartwarming when compared to Perry's Dream Within a Dream in "Phineas and Ferb Are Busted."

Summary of changes:

  • Added a comma before "and Linda" since that was starting a new clause
  • Replaced the hyphens with commas around "being the 'busting' version of the Wizard Of Oz." Commas tend to separate descriptive clauses rather than dashes, which I assume you meant to use before.
  • Replaced "by" with "for." Punishing them for their inventions is getting them in trouble because of the inventions. Punishing them by their inventions would be using their inventions to punish them.
  • Replaced "specially" with "especially." "Especially" means "to a greater degree than most"; "specially" means "done in an unusual manner."
  • Uncapitalized the "and" in the title; conjunctions like "and" are typically not capitalized in English titles unless they begin them
  • Replaced italicization with double-quotes. I'm assuming this is the name of an episode; episode titles and other partial works go in double-quotes. If it's actually a movie based on the series, then the italicization would be correct.

Why does Candace dream about Linda being tolerant of the fun created by the boys if she generally acts as if she guesses that she will be really angry? Well, Candace is the member of the family that interacts most often with Linda's tolerant side.

Summary of changes:

  • Replaced "will" with "does." Entries are generally written in present-tense or past-tense. "Will" is future-tense.
  • Replaced "with" with "of." The phrase "tolerant of" is generally preferred to "tolerant with" especially when the object is not a person.
  • Removed "ways." There could be a more specific noun you want here, but "fun ways created" is awkward.
  • Replaced "guess" with "guesses." "Guess" is the wrong tense to go with "she".
  • Replaced "more" with "most." Since Candace is only being compared indirectly to the rest of her family, "most" is appropriate.

edited 2nd Aug '13 11:06:44 PM by PPPSSC

MagBas Mag Bas from In my house Since: Jun, 2009
Irrwisch Since: Feb, 2013
#1028: Aug 3rd 2013 at 10:05:58 AM

Hello! I just spend the day writing about a book that's missing here. "Suspicion" by Friedrich Dürrenmatt. I would like to have it beta read before making a work page out of it, so this topic looks like a good place.

This is my draft:

Suspicion (German: "Der Verdacht"), also known as "The Quarry", is a crime novel by Swiss author Friedrich Dürrenmatt. It is the sequel to "The Judge and His Hangman" ("Der Richter und Sein Henker"). It got published from September 1951 to February 1952 as a serial story in a Swiss newspaper.

What makes it different from other crime novels is that it is not about finding the culprit, but about bringing him to justice and whether or not the protagonist survives.

The story is set in Bern, Swiss, in December 1948/January 1949. Inspector Hans Bärlach is recovering from an operation in a hospital. He is facing retirement and has only a year left to live due to his cancer. While reading an article in a magazine about the horrors of concentration camp Stutthof near Gdansk, he witnesses how his friend and doctor Samuel Hungertobel turns pale.

That article features a picture of the German Dr. Nehle who carried out horrific experiments and vivisections on the prisoners. Turns out that Nehle looks a lot like an old acquaintance of Hungertobel - which is impossible, because Dr. Fritz Emmenberger had been in Chile during the war.

Hungertobel waives the whole situation off as a coincidence, saying that Nehle and Emmenberger simply do look a lot alike, but Bärlach is determined to get to the bottom of it.

He soon gathers evidence that Nehle and Emmenberger are doppelgangers and switched roles during the war, only to switch back after it was over. This would make Emmenberger the war criminal and Nehle the one who was in Chile. Nehle is also believed to have committed suicide in 1945, while Emmenberger now is leading a famous clinic in Zurich (and still operating on patients without narcosis).

Bärlach takes a false name and moves from Hungertobel's clinic to Emmenberger. He is confident to scare Emmenberger enough to make him confess. He also tells a friend of his to write an article in his newspaper to tell Emmenberger to turn himself in to the police.

Then, Bärlach wakes up weak and helpless from a coma a few days later only to find his friend dead and Emmenberger and his complete staff aware of his true identity and ready to kill him. Bärlach, having severely underestimated Emmenberger, loses complete control off the situation.

Tropes:

  • Above Good and Evil: What Emmenberger believes himself to be.
  • Affably Evil: Emmenberger
  • The Alcoholic: Fortschig
  • Argentina Is Nazi-Land: Played with. Nehle, who may or may not have been a Nazi, was as Emmenberger in Chile during the war.
  • Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Fortschig loves to complain about everything, especially the Swiss government, the city Bern and him being poor. He also loves to complain about Trolley buses, dogs, the radio, stamp collectors, ballpoints and traffic police. Bärlach calls him out on it.
  • Back-Alley Doctor: Nehle was a very good doctor, but his problems with Greek and Latin made it impossible for him to get a license
  • Bad Boss: Averted with Emmenberger who is loved by his staff.
  • Bad Liar: Hungertobel, according to Bärlach. He uses this as explanation to face Emmenberger himself.
  • Bald Of Awesome: Gulliver
  • Belief Makes You Stupid: Emmenberger’s point of view.
  • Big Damn Heroes: Gulliver saves Bärlach from his deadly surgery in the nick of time
  • The Big Guy: Gulliver. Also nurse Kläri Glauber.
  • Big "NO!": Bärlach’s reaction to Marlok’s rant about how Emmenberger is a good guy for torturing people because people want to be tortured. It later turns into a Little "No" as Bärlach grows too weak to scream.
  • Bittersweet Ending: Emmenberger is dead and Bärlach is safe. But he is sicker and weaker than ever, Fortschig is dead and the world will never know that Nehle was innocent and Emmenberger a war criminal.
  • Break Them by Talking: What both, Bärlach and Emmenberger, try and fail to do to each other.
  • But Now I Must Go: Gulliver, taking the Dwarf with him
  • Catchphrase: Marlok’s „C'est ça“.
  • Crapsack World: Marlok and Gulliver believe this to be true. While Marlok became a drug-addict, Gulliver became a Vigilante Man.
  • Complete Monster: Emmenberger
  • The Cowl: Gulliver
  • Criminal Doppelgänger: Emmenberger to Nehle.
  • Culture Equals Costume: Gulliver is always wearing a worn out kaftan. This is intentional on his part. He uses it as a sign for him to be Jewish and refuses to wear anything different.
  • Deal with the Devil: Nehle agreed to switch identities with Emmenberger so that he can get his license as a doctor. Emmenberger uses Nehle's name while torturing and murdering people and later kills Nehle.
  • Death's Hourglass: There is a clock in Bärlach’s room, counting down the time he has left until Emmenberger plans to „operate“ on him.
  • Depraved Dwarf: Subverted with the Dwarf, who is actually a nice guy.
  • Didn't Think This Through: Bärlach. It almost killed him.
  • The Dragon: Dr. Edith Marlok
  • Drowning My Sorrows: When Bärlach asks Gulliver to describe what happened to him in the concentration camps he was in and what Emmenberger did to him, he drinks vodka, saying that he cannot bear remembering without getting drunk.
  • Engineered Public Confession: Bärlach’s plan to capture Emmnberger. It doesn’t work.
  • Everybody Smokes: Justified. It’s The '40s.
  • Evil Gloating: Emmenberger. Lampshaded by Bärlach.
  • Evil Redhead: Played straight with Emmenberger, subverted with Nehle
  • Faking the Dead: Gulliver survived a mass execution by the Nazis and decided to stay „dead“.
  • Foil: Hungertobel to Emmenberger
  • Foreshadowing:
    • Bärlach asks a colleague of his to get him a book from an old Jew owning an antiquarian bookshop. It’s called „Gulliver’s Travels“. The colleague asks if it’s the book with the giants and dwarves. Later, we get both, Big Guy Gulliver and the Dwarf.
    • Bärlach having second thoughts about telling Fortschig to write an article about Emmenberger. Later, Fortschig is murdered.
    • Bärlach arriving at Emmenberger’s clinic during heavy snowfalls. However, he remarks that the snow won’t stick long.
    • Hungertobel tells Bärlach about an incident forty years ago about him, Emmenberger and three other medical students. One of them had an accident, forcing Emmenberger to operate on that guy without anesthesia.
    • Nurse Kläri Glauber – whom Bärlach initially believes to be able to pull a Mook–Face Turn – tells him to read her brochure: „Kläri Glauber: Death, Goal and Purpose of our Moral Conduct“. Later, she is revealed to sincerely believe that Emmenberger kills people out of love.
    • Kläri also says something about Bärlach getting another injection which confuses him. Then it is revealed that he was put into a coma for days using insulin
    • Even the use of insulin is foreshadowed by Hungertobel who states that Emmenberger has specialized in using the newly discovered hormones.
    • Emmenberger telling his nurses to move Bärlach from room 72 to room 15, where they would have „more control over him“
    • An article at the newspaper about Bärlach retiring is the main reason Emmenberger even recognizes Blaise Kramer as Hans Bärlach.
    • Bärlach beings suspecting Emmenberger to be a war criminal when his friend Hungertobel recognizes him von a picture in a magazine. Later, it’s a picture of Bärlach at the newspaper that trips of Emmenberger.
  • The '40s
  • Friend on the Force: Bärlach to Gulliver.
  • From Nobody to Nightmare: Subverted with Nehle who only appears to be this. Marlok also mentions a [[Does This Remind You of Anything?|postcard painter with a ridiculous mustache to be her reason to immigrate to the Soviet Union.]]
  • Functional Addict: Dr. Marlok is addicted to morphine.
  • Genius Bruiser: Gulliver
  • German Dialects: Nehle is from Berlin and due to his dialect has severe problems with German grammar. Emmenberger and Bärlach are Bernese. Bärlach uses this to tell them apart, greeting Emmenberger in Swiss German.
  • Glorious Mother Russia: Where Edith Marlok wanted to flee to after the Nazis took over Germany. Once there she quickly was put in prison and later sold out and put in a concentration camp anyway.
  • Good Scars, Evil Scars: Inverted. Emmenberger has a burn and a scar across his eyebrow, while Gulliver is hideously scarred.
  • Gratuitous French: Dr. Marlok’s catchphrase
  • Handicapped Badass: The Dwarf is not quite 80 centimeter (31.496 inches) tall and seems to suffer from some sort of mental retardation. He is also a strong and deadly assassin.
  • He Knows Too Much: Emmenberger’s reason to kill Bärlach and to have both Fortschig and Hungertobel assassinated. (Hungertobel and Bärlach are saved by Gulliver)
  • Herr Doktor: Nehle and probably Edith Marlok are German. Emmenberger and Hungertobel are Swiss.
  • Hero of Another Story: Gulliver
  • Hidden in Plain Sight: War criminal Dr. Emmenberger is now leading a famous clinic for rich patients in Zurich.
  • Hope Spot: Emmenberger never tortured the prisoners at Stutthof without their approval. He just promised them to bring them back from an extermination camp to a concentration camp after the „surgery“ and they where desperate enough to believe him. He even kept his word after he performed a vivisection on Gulliver, the only one to survive a treatment of Emmenberger.
  • Hospital Hottie: Subverted with Dr. Marlok who looks very attractive after taking her morphine and some make up, but is displeasing without it. Averted with Nurse Kläri Glauber who is described as big, bulky and with a red head.
  • How Do You Like Them Apples: Fortschig’s newspaper is called „Apfelschuß“, a Shout-Out to William Tell. (Justified in that the story is set in Switzerland).
  • Insistent Terminology: Bärlach is a „KommissÄr“ (Swiss German for „Inspector““), not a „Kommiss Ar“ (High German for „Inspector“)
  • Ironic Nursery Tune: Gulliver sings a German nursery tune to mock Hans Bärlach, after he shows up to save him: „Hänschen klein / ging allein / in den großen Wald hinein.“ (Little Hans / went alone/ out into the wide forest.)
  • It Amused Me: Emmenberger's whole reason to torture and murder his patients.
  • It's All About Me: Emmenberger believes the world to be a lottery and freedom to be the courage to do crimes, because freedom is a crime itself. He thinks that this gives him the right to murder and torture as he pleases.
  • Large Ham: Gulliver and Emmenberger
  • Legally Dead: Gulliver. Bärlach tells him to get new documents already.
  • Mad Doctor: Emmenberger
  • Make It Look Like an Accident: What the Dwarf did to Fortschig.
  • Misanthrope Supreme: Marlok, including herself
  • Never Suicide: Used in combination with Make It Look Like an Accident. Emmenberger killed Nehle and made it look like a suicide. Gulliver later kills Emmenberger and makes it look like a suicide, too.
  • Nazi Hunter: Gulliver
  • No Name Given: The Dwarf
  • Oh, Crap!: Bärlach, waking up after an induced coma, realizes slowly that he has lost control off his plan to bring Emmenberger to justice. He reads about the death of his friend Fortschig and realizes how he died. Then, he finds Emmenberger standing at the doorframe.
  • Only One Name: Gulliver
  • The Philosopher: Most of the characters, especially Gulliver, Emmenberger and Marlok
  • Police Are Useless: Bärlach is bitter about having to retire, thinking the police unable to bring real criminals to justice.
  • “The Reason You Suck” Speech: Emmenberger, Marlok and Gulliver to Bärlach. Bärlach tries to do this to Emmenberger and Marlok, but fails due to their sheer insanity.
  • Retirony: Played with. Bärlach is a cop facing retirement. He is also fatally ill and staying at a hospital. His dangerous last job would be capturing Emmenberger whom he first meets after he retired.
  • Rule of Symbolism: Bärlach gets compared to a knight a few times. Gulliver states that the times where a knight could set out into the world to slay dragons are over. Later, Bärlach wants Albrecht Dürer’s „Knight, Death and the Devil“ to decorate his room hat Emmenberger’s clinic.
  • Science Marches On: Hungertobel is skeptic of Emmenberger’s medical methods involving those strange „hormones“ which they know not much about.
  • Sex for Services: Marlok became Emmenberger’s lover in order to survive Stutthof. Now, she is addicted to morphine and still "in love" with him.
  • Snow Means Death: It’s snowing heavily by the time Hungertobel moves Bärlach to Emmenberger’s clinic. While driving, Bärlach is brooding about death. Later, he remarks that the snow won’t stick long.
  • The Speechless: The Dwarf doesn’t speak, he only makes gurgling noises
  • Strapped to an Operating Table: Justified with Emmenberger who had to strap his patients down to operate on them without anesthetics.
  • Straw Nihilist: Dr. Marlok and possibly Dr. Emmenberger
  • Survivor Guilt: Gulliver. He not only is the sole survivor of Emmenberger’s experiments, but also survived a mass execution by the Nazis due to pretending to be dead.
  • Sympathetic Murderer: Both, Gulliver and the Dwarf
  • Talking Your Way Out: Bärlach tries to do this with Nurse Kläri Glauber and Dr. Edith Marlok. He fails.
  • Those Wacky Nazis: Subverted. It is a story about a war criminal of World War II but there are no actual Nazis in this story and Emmenberger himself is not a Nazi but worked for them for his own evil purposes.
  • Too Dumb to Live: Fortschig was told to leave the country as soon as he had written his article denouncing Emmenberger. He not only stays way longer than necessary, but also tells everyone where he is going and even throws a farewell party. Then, he gets murdered.
  • Being Tortured Makes You Evil: What seemed to have happed with Edith Marlok, a once faithful young communist who believed in a better world after being sent to Stutthof.
  • Vigilante Execution: What happens off-screen to Emmenberger
  • Vigilante Man: Gulliver
  • Waking Up Elsewhere: Bärlach, after taking a pill from Emmenberger, wakes up days later in an unfamiliar room
  • Yodel Land: Averted, given that the author was Swiss himself. See also Useful Notes Switzerland

Thank you very much!

Stupid typos and autocorrection. Sorry.

edited 3rd Aug '13 10:44:17 AM by Irrwisch

Nocturna Since: May, 2011
#1029: Aug 3rd 2013 at 2:51:07 PM

I don't have time to do a complete grammar check, but a few things I noted when skimming the description:

  1. You started with a statement of what the work is, its genre, and its author, which is good.
  2. In English, novel titles are italicized, not put in "quotes".
  3. It looks like you have a complete or almost-complete plot summary, which we generally don't do. We provide a summary of what the work is about, but not a complete summary, and especially don't include any spoilers in the description.
  4. "Switzerland" is the country. "Swiss" is the adjective describing things belonging to said country. So the story is set in Bern, Switzerland, not Bern, Swiss.

TrollBrutal Since: Nov, 2010
#1030: Aug 4th 2013 at 1:39:03 AM

Also make sure you end every final sentence in the examples with a full stop dot.

Bad Boss: Averted with Emmenberger who is loved by his staff.

Aversions are rarely notable unless a work or genre runs on the trope, in a way that exceptions may stand out as unique. This may fit under the inverted trope Benevolent Boss. A Father to His Men or Reasonable Authority Figure may apply too.

Complete Monster: Emmenberger

YMMV trope so it belongs there, but you have to present the case to the watching thread https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=6vic3f9h1cy5qivsenw8llok&page=1

It would need a lot of context if it's valid.

Many short examples regarding Gulliver suffer from Just The Trope And A Name, add context.

Being Tortured Makes You Evil: What seemed to have happed with Edith Marlok, a once faithful young communist who believed in a better world after being sent to Stutthof.

Wrongly alphabetized, don't ignore "being" : How to Alphabetize Things

Add context and explain a bit what happened in Stutthof and how he was changed. I'd rephrase it a bit.

  • Edith Marlok was once a faithful young communist who believed in a better world. Seemingly, after being sent to Stutthof, he became <<whatever evil-related transformation happened to him>>.

  • Retirony —> unformatted single word, it needs curly brackets : Retirony
Likewise in Foil and Foreshadowing

edited 4th Aug '13 1:46:59 AM by TrollBrutal

Irrwisch Since: Feb, 2013
#1031: Aug 4th 2013 at 4:54:38 AM

Hi! Thank you for your replies. My problem is that in most cases I don't know how to phrase those missing details, but I'm working on it. Also, Marlok doesn't say what happened to her but simlpy states how she was and how she is now. What about the rest? Anything reading weird or awkward? Wrong words or grammar?

Can I edit my first post to switch my draft with a new one?

Thanks!

Craver357 Since: May, 2012
#1032: Aug 4th 2013 at 8:10:24 AM

Suggestions for the examples in A Tragedy of Impulsiveness:

  • Death Sentence: In the beginning of the film, Nick Hume was outraged when he learns that Joe Darley, the murderer of his son, Brendan, would only be sentenced to 3 to 5 years of jail time. He proceeds plans to take matters into his own hands by forcing the District Attorney to drop the case, and ultimately pull off his revenge killing by himself. This action thus, results in a Cycle of Revenge, with Billy (Joe's brother) and his gang of killers going after him.
  • The Godfather: In the first film, Michael Corleone had arranged plans to murder Virgil Sollozzo and Captain Mark McCluskey in retaliation for trying to assassinate his father, Vito. He proceeds to arrange a meeting with the men at the Louis Restaurant, and ultimately kills the both of them by himself. More drama ensues, including Sonny's assassination at the hands of Emilio Barzini's men at the toll booth, and Apollonia Vitelli, Michael's wife, being killed by a car bomb meant for him.
  • House: In the Season 7 finale, "Moving On", Gregory House himself loses his temper after seeing Lisa Cuddy talking plans with Julia and her husband, who suggests Jerry Barrett as her suitor. He proceeds to crash his Dodge Dynasty car into his ex-girlfriend's house in retaliation for her breakup with him. His moment of irrationality lands him in prison in Season 8.
  • The reason why Katie (Jimmy Markum's daughter) dies in Mystic River. Silent Ray (Brendan Harris' brother) and John O'Shea were the ones responsible for her murder because of a Deadly Prank via a loaded gun. John was the one who hold the gun to scare Katie, only for the gun to went off by accident. Fearing that the victim would tell anyone, Silent Ray beats Katie up with a hockey stick. Afterward, John kills her on the spot.
  • The Shield: In Season 5, Jon Kavanaugh had arranged plans to arrest the Strike Team for harboring a fugitive, the man being none other than Curtis Lemansky. He proceeds the aforementioned plan by persuading David Aceveda to feed circumstantial (and completely false) evidence to Vic Mackey that Lem was planning to sell out to the IAD by revealing the information about the Money Train Heist. Shane Vendrell, upon learning this, tries to persuade his friend and fellow team member to agree with his relocation to Mexico. And when Lem refuses, Shane acts on the misconception about his friend's betrayal and throws a grenade in the latter's car, killing him.

edited 10th Aug '13 5:43:36 PM by Craver357

Theokal3 Since: Jan, 2012
#1033: Aug 4th 2013 at 3:13:47 PM

Suggestion for Ben 10 Omniverse in the YMMV page:

MagBas Mag Bas from In my house Since: Jun, 2009
#1034: Aug 7th 2013 at 1:08:39 PM

Phineas and Ferb started with their Big Ideas in the summer with Candace's 14* birthday
Well, the gorilla in the cake is clearly a Big Idea, she looks a teenager in the Christmas special and, following her, the year of the Christmas special was the first year with Big Ideas.

Can verify my English in this WMG, please?

thatonedude Anti Alien robot from The moon Since: Nov, 2010
Anti Alien robot
#1035: Aug 10th 2013 at 5:20:49 PM

[up]admittedly, I'm not the best person to be helping you otherwise I wouldn't be here.

But then, it's generally a lot easier to critique others than yourself.

Here's your quote: "Well, the gorilla in the cake is clearly a Big Idea, she looks a teenager in the Christmas special and, following her, the year of the Christmas special was the first year with Big Ideas"

First off the first word "Well" in conversation is most commonly used before a counterargument. and wouldn't be necessary in your case Next up "the gorilla in the cake is clearly a Big Idea"

This is a whole sentence, so putting a period at the end would be good.

Next bit " She looks a teenager in the Christmas special,"

Three things: this is a whole sentence. Second: "She looks a teenager" is missing a word between "looks" and "a". My guess is that word is "like". Third: the "She" in this sentence could indicate either "Candace" or "gorilla". Obviously context indicates that this is Candace, but grammar's doesn't play nice.

next bit " and, following her" Who exactly is following who? Also a possibility is that you meant "following this" (with this being the event involving the gorilla, or Candace's apparent age)

Last bit "The year of the Christmas special was the first year with Big Ideas" Is also a full sentence. Taking into account this and the above point It could possibly be that you meant something along the lines of "Following this, the year of the Christmas special was the first year with Big Ideas."

I believe the following would convey what you mean to say: "The gorilla in the cake is clearly a Big Idea. Candace looks like a teenager in the Christmas special and, following this, the year of the Christmas special was the first year with Big Ideas."

In the process Of making this post I've forgotten What I meant to post here in the first place. So I'll edit this post once remember.

Also, sorry for sounding like my english teacher there.

edited 10th Aug '13 5:30:20 PM by thatonedude

Craver357 Since: May, 2012
#1036: Aug 10th 2013 at 5:42:08 PM

Hello? Is there anyone who could help me with my post regarding the examples in post #1032?

edited 10th Aug '13 5:42:45 PM by Craver357

MagBas Mag Bas from In my house Since: Jun, 2009
SheWhoMustNotBeNamed from 221B Baker Street Since: Jul, 2013
#1038: Aug 12th 2013 at 12:07:21 PM

[up][up] Okay, post 1032.

In the beginning of the film, Nick Hume was outraged when he learns that Joe Darley, the murderer of his son, Brendan, would only be sentenced to 3 to 5 years of jail time.

'Was' is past tense, while 'learns' is present tense. You need to change the entire sentence to either past tense or present tense.

In this case, I would go with present tense because that's how the rest of the example is written. It would look like this:

In the beginning of the film, Nick Hume is outraged when he learns that Joe Darley, the murderer of his son, Brendan, would be sentenced to only 3 to 5 years of jail time.

The next sentence:

He proceeds plans to take matters into his own hands by forcing the District Attorney to drop the case, and ultimately pull off his revenge killing by himself

In the first part ("He proceeds plans"), you can't have both 'proceeds' and 'plans'. Either "He plans..." or "He proceeds...". If you want to include both, you can say "He proceeds to plan...".

The last part of the sentence ("and ultimately pull off his revenge killing by himself") is kind of unclear. I suggest changing it to "and ultimately get revenge by killing Joe himself".

Also, you don't need a comma before 'and' because "and ultimately get revenge by killing Joe himself" is not an independent clause.

The last sentence ("This action thus, results in a Cycle of Revenge, with Billy (Joe's brother) and his gang of killers going after him."), I would change to:

Thus, this action results in a Cycle of Revenge, with Billy (Joe's brother) and his gang of killers going after Nick.

(I'm assuming it's Nick they go after, change it if I'm wrong.)

Next example:

Michael Corleone had arranged plans to murder

Here, you don't need both 'arranged' and 'plans'. Additionally, change it to present tense, because that's how the rest of the example is written. You can say either "Michael Corleone arranges to murder..." or "... Michael Corleone plans to murder...".

He proceeds to arrange a meeting with the men at the Louis Restaurant, and ultimately kills the both of them by himself.

In this sentence, it's kind of hard to tell who he kills. I'm assuming it's Mark and Virgil, in which case a better sentence would be:

He proceeds to arrange a meeting with the men at the Louis Restaurant, but he ultimately kills both Mark and Virgil by himself.

and Apollonia Vitelli, Michael's wife, being killed by a car bomb meant for him.

The wording here is kind of awkward. Try:

and Apollonia Vitelli (Michael's wife), who was killed by a car bomb meant for Michael.

The next example:

seeing Lisa Cuddy talking plans with Julia and her husband, who suggests Jerry Barrett as her suitor

...Okay, I'm not really sure what you mean here. Did Julia's husband suggest Jerry Barrett as Lisa's suitor?

If so, change it to "hearing Julia's husband suggest Jerry Barrett as Lisa Cuddy's suitor." If I'm wrong, just change it to be more specific.

Other than that, that example looks fine to me. :)

The next example:

The reason why Katie (Jimmy Markum's daughter) dies in Mystic River.

That is not a complete sentence. One thing you can do is delete that line, and incorporate the information into the next sentence. So something like:

In Mystic River, Silent Ray (Brendan Harris' brother) and John O'Shea were the ones responsible for Katie's (Jimmy Markum's daughter) murder, which occured because of a Deadly Prank via a loaded gun.

[On a side note: Besides Deadly Prank, another trope that would apply there would be I Just Shot Marvin in the Face. I know that has nothing to do with grammar; I just thought it might be helpful.]

John was the one who hold the gun to scare Katie, only for the gun to went off by accident

This I would change to:

John was holding the gun to scare Katie when it went off by accident.

Fearing that the victim would tell anyone, Silent Ray beats Katie up with a hockey stick. Afterward, John kills her on the spot

should be changed to:

Fearing that the victim would tell someone, Silent Ray beat Katie up with a hockey stick. Afterward, John killed her on the spot.

The last example:

Jon Kavanaugh had arranged plans to arrest

Same as the earlier example, this should be either "John Kavanaugh had arranged to arrest..." or "Jon Kavanaugh had plans to arrest..."

a fugitive, the man being none other than Curtis Lemansky

Do you mean that the fugitive was Curtis Lemansky?

If so, say "a fugitive (none other than Curtis Lemansky)."

He proceeds the aforementioned plan

should be:

He proceeds to put the aforementioned plan into action

Also, to make it clear that "Lem was planning to sell out to the IAD by revealing the information about the Money Train Heist." is the evidence (I assume it is?), change it to something like:

persuading David Aceveda to feed circumstantial (and completely false) evidence to Vic Mackey, telling him that Lem was planning to sell out to the IAD by revealing the information about the Money Train.

Shane Vendrell, upon learning this, tries to persuade his friend and fellow team member to agree with his relocation to Mexico. And when Lem refuses, Shane acts on the misconception about his friend's betrayal and throws a grenade in the latter's car, killing him.

To make this easier to understand, include Lem's name along with "friend and fellow team member". Also, you can't start a sentence with 'and'.

So:

Shane Vendrell, upon learning this, tries to persuade, Lem, his friend and fellow team member to agree with his relocation to Mexico. When Lem refuses, Shane acts on the misconception about his friend's betrayal and throws a grenade into Lem's car, killing him.

Okay, that is all. smile

[I haven't read or watched any of the works mentioned, so I apologize if I have misunderstood something. Please correct me if that is the case.]

edited 12th Aug '13 12:07:55 PM by SheWhoMustNotBeNamed

i just want to sell out my funeral
Yinyang107 from the True North (Decatroper) Relationship Status: Tongue-tied
#1039: Aug 13th 2013 at 12:21:51 AM

In English, novel titles are italicized, not put in "quotes".

I just want to expand a little on this for the benefit of anyone who needs to know this: novels, movies, and basically any work that can't be called "short" (relative to other examples of its media, that is) get italics. I think series names are italicized as well, but I'm not sure about that. Short stories, chapters, episode titles and the like get quotes. Authors and other creators are not highlighted. So, for example:

edited 13th Aug '13 12:22:30 AM by Yinyang107

Craver357 Since: May, 2012
#1040: Aug 13th 2013 at 1:13:47 AM

[up][up] @#1038 Thanks for helping me. All of the corrections of the grammar looks fine to me, and you made no mistake on which person I'm talking about in my examples. Although I would rewrite the House example of A Tragedy of Impulsiveness.

  • House: In the Season 7 finale, "Moving On", Gregory House himself loses his temper after seeing Lisa Cuddy talking with Julia and her husband in her house, because he overheard the couple suggest to Cuddy about having Jerry Barrett as her suitor. He proceeds to crash his Dodge Dynasty car into his ex-girlfriend's house in retaliation for her breakup with him. His moment of irrationality lands him in prison in Season 8.

edited 13th Aug '13 1:15:42 AM by Craver357

Theokal3 Since: Jan, 2012
#1041: Aug 13th 2013 at 5:47:13 AM

Suggestion for Character Exaggeration:

  • Ben Tennyson as portrayed in the Original show was mischevious, immature and impulsive and a generally justified case of Idiot Hero- he was 10 years old, after all. Alien Force had him grow 15 years old, becoming much smarter and more serious. After the fans complained about him not having any personnality anymore, writers did all they could to bring back his original personnality, gradually flanderizing him. By Ben 10 Omniverse, he pretty much Took a Level in Dumbass, generally being turned into an overly clumsy Destructive Savior and Leeroy Jenkins with a major ego problem and severe immaturity, despite being at this point 17 years old and having several years of experienc with being a hero.

edited 13th Aug '13 5:47:45 AM by Theokal3

SheWhoMustNotBeNamed from 221B Baker Street Since: Jul, 2013
#1042: Aug 13th 2013 at 11:04:22 AM

[up][up] That looks fine to me. smile

[up]

Ben Tennyson as portrayed in the Original show was mischevious, immature and impulsive and a generally justified case of Idiot Hero- he was 10 years old, after all.

should be:

Ben Tennyson, as portrayed on the original show, was mischevious, immature, impulsive, and a generally justified case of Idiot Hero- he was 10 years old, after all.

Reasons for the changes;

  • 'as portrayed on the original show' is an appositive that describes Ben, so you need commas before and after. 
  • You don't need to capitalize the o in original show.
  • Instead of using 'and' twice, you need a comma between 'immature' and impulsive'.

Alien Force had him grow 15 years old, becoming much smarter and more serious.

Here, 'grow 15 years' is kind of unclear: it can be misunderstood as saying that he aged 15 years, and is now 35. I would say something like:

In Alien Force, Ben (who is now fifteen) becomes smarter and more serious.

After the fans complained about him not having any personnality anymore, writers did all they could to bring back his original personnality, gradually flanderizing him.

This is mostly fine, you just misspelled 'personality', and you don't really need the 'anymore'. Also, I would pothole 'flanderizing' to the Flanderization page.

So:

After the fans complained about him not having any personality, writers did all they could to bring back his original personality, gradually flanderizing him.

By Ben 10 Omniverse, he pretty much Took a Level in Dumbass, generally being turned into an overly clumsy Destructive Savior and Leeroy Jenkins with a major ego problem and severe immaturity, despite being at this point 17 years old and having several years of experienc with being a hero.

That seems like a run-on sentence; I suggest breaking it up.

Something like this:

By Ben 10 Omniverse, he pretty much Took a Level in Dumbass, even though he was 17 years old at this point and had several years of experience with being a hero. He became an overly clumsy Destructive Savior and an immature Leeroy Jenkins with a major ego problem.

That's all. smile

i just want to sell out my funeral
Theokal3 Since: Jan, 2012
#1043: Aug 14th 2013 at 5:46:44 PM

Thanks^^ Here is another suggestion, this time for the YMMV page of Ben 10 Omniverse:

  • Narm: Malware destroying Feedback is presented as a nightmarish scene and apparently intended to be a Moral Event Horizon. This can work on first look, but, if you start to think about it, you might realize that Feedback is just a data inside of the Omnitrix and has no sentience whatsoever; In other words, all Malware technically did was something in the vein of destroying Ben's favourite toy, which makes the drama around it seem really excessive when the character did things such as murder that were played more lightly, and Ben himself went through much worse trauma in his life (like almost getting his hand cut-off by an Evil Overlord).

SheWhoMustNotBeNamed from 221B Baker Street Since: Jul, 2013
#1044: Aug 16th 2013 at 11:43:47 AM

[up]

This can work on first look, but, if you start to think about it, you might realize that Feedback is just a data inside of the Omnitrix and has no sentience whatsoever;

should be:

This seems like it can work at first, but if you start to think about it, you might realize that Feedback is just data inside of the Omnitrix and has no sentience whatsoever.

Reasons for changes:

  • Added 'seems like', because it only seems to work until you think about it more. Also, 'at' should be used there instead of 'on'
  • You don't need a comma after 'but'
  • You don't need to use 'a' with 'data'
  • Use a period instead of a semicolon, because otherwise your sentence is really long. (and for future reference, if you did keep the semicolon, you would not have to capitalize the 'i' in 'in'

In other words, all Malware technically did was something in the vein of destroying Ben's favourite toy. [[/quoteblok]]

I would make this a sentence, and the next bit a seperate sentence.

[[quoteblock]] which makes the drama around it seem really excessive when the character did things such as murder that were played more lightly, and Ben himself went through much worse trauma in his life (like almost getting his hand cut-off by an Evil Overlord).

This is kind of confusing.

I suggest rephrasing to:

This makes the drama around it seem excessive, especially when you realize that Malware has done worse things (like murder, which was played lightly), and Ben has gone through worse trauma (like almost getting his hand cut off by an Evil Overlord).

(I assumed that the character you were referring to was Malware, correct me if I'm wrong or if I've misunderstood another part of the sentence)

That's all. smile

i just want to sell out my funeral
thatonedude Anti Alien robot from The moon Since: Nov, 2010
Anti Alien robot
#1045: Aug 18th 2013 at 1:30:27 PM

Could someone willing to read spoilers check my grammar in the below example.

This would go on Magitek

edited 18th Aug '13 1:34:13 PM by thatonedude

Mikurufan from Away Since: Nov, 2012
#1046: Aug 18th 2013 at 1:39:13 PM

I would add more context. Make sure the example contributes to understanding of the trope even without the spoiler text being highlighted.

Telcontar In uffish thought from England Since: Feb, 2012
In uffish thought
#1047: Aug 18th 2013 at 1:40:42 PM

The grammar is good, but the punctuation needs work. To make a link which displays with spaces between words, write it as a WikiWord without {{braces}}.

That was the amazing part. Things just keep going.
Craver357 Since: May, 2012
#1048: Aug 19th 2013 at 6:45:43 AM

I just saw that some of the articles have some of their examples written out like this: [Work's Name] should've been called "[Trope's name]: The Movie/Series/Book/Play/Game" etc. or something like that. I think someone written out those examples like that just for the fun of it. Isn't all of this Word Cruft?

edited 19th Aug '13 6:46:06 AM by Craver357

SeptimusHeap from Switzerland (Edited uphill both ways) Relationship Status: Mu
#1049: Aug 19th 2013 at 6:47:53 AM

That is useless hyperbole. Just remove it.

"For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled." - Richard Feynman

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