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This thread is for tropers who have trouble with English and would like some help with the crazy grammar of this crazy language.

Write down what you wish to edit on the wiki. If you have been suspended from editing, another troper might be kind enough to edit for you after your suggestions have been corrected.

The thread is for help and feedback on your own suggested edits.

If you want help correcting other people's edits (e.g., if you find a page which seems to have grammar problems but want a second opinion, or you don't feel able to fix it by yourself) then that's off-topic here, but we have a separate Grammar Police cleanup thread that can provide assistance.

Edited by Mrph1 on Nov 16th 2023 at 5:37:57 PM

war877 Grr... <3 from Untamed Wilds Since: Dec, 2015 Relationship Status: Having tea with Cthulhu
Grr... <3
#2651: Mar 24th 2016 at 12:08:00 AM

Glad to be of help.

Strafe2409 Since: Dec, 2015 Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
#2652: Mar 24th 2016 at 4:49:01 AM

Adding a new example for Previously on… page:

  • Kamen Rider Ghost begins the episode with Takeru's narration about he was attacked and killed by a Gamma on his 18th birthday and he became the titular hero so he could gather all heroic Eyecons and come back to life, followed with a short recap of important events happening in previous episode and ended with days left until Takeru's permanent death.

war877 Grr... <3 from Untamed Wilds Since: Dec, 2015 Relationship Status: Having tea with Cthulhu
Grr... <3
#2653: Mar 24th 2016 at 9:57:20 AM

[up]Here you go.

  • narration about he —> narration about when he.

Some run on sentence.

  • birthday and he —> birthday. He.
  • life, followed with —> This was followed by

... important events happening that happened in previous episode episodes and ended with the days left until Takeru's permanent death.

Strafe2409 Since: Dec, 2015 Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
#2654: Mar 26th 2016 at 3:43:09 AM

Adding a new fanfic reccomendation for RWBY Fanfic Recs, crossovers section.

GARO: SSBR of Makai by EvaShinobiKaiserKnight

  • Recommended by: Strafe 2409
  • Crossover with: GARO
  • Status: Ongoing. A Spin-Offspring sequel, titled GARO: Remnant Knight is currently on development.
  • ''Synopsis:" "Where there is light, shadows lurk and fear reigns. Yet by the blade of Knights, mankind was given hope". When the Seal of the Horror who is the Mask of Messiah is being threatened, a team must be formed from some of the best of Makai Knights and Makai Priests. The team name is SSBR (read: Saber), and the bearer of the Golden Knight title is the leader. He, alongside with two fellow Knights and a Priestess, are assigned by the Watchdog of Vale Kingdom to help team RWBY and JNPR to become the next great Hunters, all while protecting the kingdom from Horrors and Grimms.
  • Comments: The story itself covers the first two Volumes of RWBY's story, and the writer is currently writing the recently released third volume. While retaining the core of RWBY's story, it also incorporates the fight scenes and events from the TV series, as well the anime continuity. Of course, the writer also adding some originality to make the story fresh. One of the best example is Ruby, while retains her duty as a Huntress, she become a Makai Knight, once she inherits the Scorching Knight title: YAIBA. Grammar and punctuation issues aside, overall it is a well-writen story.

edited 26th Mar '16 3:44:19 AM by Strafe2409

Arivne Since: Jan, 2001
#2655: Mar 26th 2016 at 5:23:51 AM

[up]

  • is currently on development. -> is currently in development.

  • best of Makai Knights and Makai Priests -> best of the Makai Knights and Makai Priests
  • alongside with two fellow -> alongside two fellow
  • to help team RWBY and JNPR to become -> to help team RWBY and JNPR become

  • the writer also adding some -> the writer also adds some
  • One of the best example -> examples
  • while retains her duty -> while continuing her duty
  • she become -> becomes
  • well-writen -> well-written

One of the best example is Ruby, while retains her duty as a Huntress, she become a Makai Knight, once she inherits the Scorching Knight title: YAIBA* .

I would break this up into two sentences.

One of the best examples is Ruby. While continuing her duty as a Huntress, she becomes a Makai Knight, once she inherits the Scorching Knight title: YAIBA* .

ConservativePip Since: Feb, 2015
#2656: Mar 27th 2016 at 5:31:33 AM

For Video Games under Civilization

Civilization

  • In Civ V, India is surprisingly bloodknight-ish as it is more nuke happy than even the Aztecs
  • Due to its extensive customization options, it's possible for a player in Civ 5 to pick a civilization with a Unique Ability that gives them no real benefits in a fight and were historically more peaceful than other civs; play as a bloodknight with the civ they chose; and still wipe the floor with civilizations that fought more in Real Life.

Strafe2409 Since: Dec, 2015 Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
#2657: Mar 27th 2016 at 9:20:44 PM

Adding a new page for new RWBY fanworks, titled GARO: SSBR of Makai.

GARO: SSBR of Makai is a RWBY and GARO crossover fanfiction by EvaShinobiKaiserKnight.

In this fanfic, the Makai Oder are a secret organization of warriors who hunt down the Horrors: monsters born from the darkness of human souls. Essentially, they are pretty much similar to Huntsmen, except they are in action during the night time, hiding in the shadows to protect the light. Sirius Saejima is a Makai Knight who has inherited the title of GARO from his deceased father. With the help of his trustworthy Madou Ring Zaruba, he spends his nights hunting down and slaying the Horrors that have possessed humans.

One day, he meets Ruby Rose, a student of Signal Academy in training to become a Huntress. After Sirius rescues Ruby from a Horror, it seems Sirius have an interest with Ruby, once they enrolled to the Beacon academy.

Some time ago before Sirius enrolled, he is tasked by Ozpin and the Kingdom of Vale's Watchdog to deal with Darkus, a Horror that is rumored to be the progenitor of Grimms. All Makai Priests of the past had sealed his essence right under Beacon Academy before the academy was constructed, and has remained there ever since. In the present day, two shadowy figures sneaks into the academy and use a talisman to free the creature and the Horrors. In order to prevent a worst case happening, the Watchdog also assigns a group of selected young professionals: Sliver Green, a stern and aloof wolf-based Faunus who inherits the BARON armor; Beret Vali, a noble and a strict by-the-book type Makai Knight who bears DAN armor; and Rachel Grey, a Makai Priestess who loves playing sitar and eating sweets.

Under the name of team SSBR (read: Saber), together they must unravel the dark secrets within the Kingdom of Vale and the whole Remnant, as well to find out those who responsible for Darkus' unsealing.

An upcoming sequel, titled GARO: Remnant Knight is announced.

Arivne Since: Jan, 2001
#2658: Mar 28th 2016 at 4:28:17 AM

[up][up] @Conservative Pip

  • In Civ V, India is surprisingly bloodknight-ish as it is more nuke happy than even the Aztecs

This isn't an English correction: you can make bloodknight-ish a Wiki Word (Blood Knight-ish).

  • nuke happy -> nuke-happy
  • This sentence needs a period at the end (Aztecs.)

  • Due to its extensive customization options, it's possible for a player in Civ 5 to pick a civilization with a Unique Ability that gives them no real benefits in a fight and were historically more peaceful than other civs; play as a bloodknight with the civ they chose; and still wipe the floor with civilizations that fought more in Real Life.

  • civilization with a Unique Ability that gives them no real benefits in a fight and were historically -> was historically
  • I believe those semi-colons should be commas.

as above: bloodknight -> Blood Knight

edited 28th Mar '16 4:46:18 AM by Arivne

Arivne Since: Jan, 2001
#2659: Mar 28th 2016 at 4:41:21 AM

[up][up] @Strafe2409

In this fanfic, the Makai Oder are a secret organization of warriors who hunt down the Horrors: monsters born from the darkness of human souls. Essentially, they are pretty much similar to Huntsmen, except they are in action during the night time, hiding in the shadows to protect the light. Sirius Saejima is a Makai Knight who has inherited the title of GARO from his deceased father. With the help of his trustworthy Madou Ring Zaruba, he spends his nights hunting down and slaying the Horrors that have possessed humans.

  • the Makai Oder are a secret organization -> is a

One day, he meets Ruby Rose, a student of Signal Academy in training to become a Huntress. After Sirius rescues Ruby from a Horror, it seems Sirius have an interest with Ruby, once they enrolled to the Beacon academy.

  • Sirius have an interest with Ruby -> has an interest in
  • once they enrolled to the Beacon academy. -> once they enroll in the Beacon Academy.

Some time ago before Sirius enrolled, he is tasked by Ozpin and the Kingdom of Vale's Watchdog to deal with Darkus, a Horror that is rumored to be the progenitor of Grimms. All Makai Priests of the past had sealed his essence right under Beacon Academy before the academy was constructed, and has remained there ever since. In the present day, two shadowy figures sneaks into the academy and use a talisman to free the creature and the Horrors. In order to prevent a worst case happening, the Watchdog also assigns a group of selected young professionals: Sliver Green, a stern and aloof wolf-based Faunus who inherits the BARON armor; Beret Vali, a noble and a strict by-the-book type Makai Knight who bears DAN armor; and Rachel Grey, a Makai Priestess who loves playing sitar and eating sweets.

  • Some time ago before Sirius enrolled -> Some time before Sirius enrolls
  • All Makai Priests -> All of the Makai Priests
  • and has remained there ever since. -> and it has remained there ever since.
  • two shadowy figures sneaks -> sneak
  • worst case happening -> catastrophe (?) disaster (?)
  • who bears DAN armor -> who wears DAN armor ("bears" means "carries")

Under the name of team SSBR (read: Saber), together they must unravel the dark secrets within the Kingdom of Vale and the whole Remnant, as well to find out those who responsible for Darkus' unsealing.

Is "team" part of their name? Then it should be Team SSBR. If it isn't, then it should "Under the name SSBR".

  • as well to find out those who responsible -> as well as find out who was responsible

An upcoming sequel, titled GARO: Remnant Knight is announced.

  • is announced -> has been announced

edited 28th Mar '16 4:45:06 AM by Arivne

Strafe2409 Since: Dec, 2015 Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
#2660: Mar 29th 2016 at 5:58:13 AM

Adding the new trope for GARO: SSBR of Makai

  • Adaptational Badass: Jaune Arc in canon RWBY story has very little skill during the entire initiation except during the fight against the bigger Grimms, but over the course of story he managed to show himself as a competent fighter. In this fic however, not only he become competent like in the canon story, but also grown up as a fully fledged Makai Knight by inheriting his grandfather's title as GAIA the Stronghold Knight. He demonstrates this by single handedly defeats a Horror infested Ursa.
    • Some of Beacon Academy staffs also become this, as they are working for Makai Order, despite their true capabilities are yet to be shown.
    • Qrow Branwen, while still being a teacher of Signal Academy and a Huntsman like in the original story, he is a member of Phantom Knights, the Makai Order's black ops team and the bearer of CROW the Phantom Knight title. He's also the one who teach Ruby how to wield a Soul Metal weapon.
  • Adaptation Species Change: Penny Polendina in the original RWBY story is an android. In this fic, she is a humanoid Madogu.
  • As Long as There Is Evil: Both Grimms and Horrors are deemed to exist as long as human malice is present in peoples' hearts, and therefore there must always be Makai Knights to fight them.
  • Battle Couple: Sirius and Ruby develop into this over the course of story, but the most notable is when Ruby gains the YAIBA armor for the first time.
  • Big Bad: While Torchwick, Cinder and her brother Flare is the force behind the story (though the first two still retain the role from the original series), Salem is actually the one who responsible for the whole mess. Not only that, she has a loyal apprentice who wields the title KIBA the Dark Knight.
  • Bodyguarding a Badass: Though the "badass" word is questionable, all members of Team SSBR are essentially acting as Beacon Academy's elite guard, especially for Team RWBY.
  • Brand X: With a little dash of No Celebrities Were Harmed, there's a minor team in Chapter 16 named JAMM.
  • Chick Magnet: Despite being a newcomer for Beacon Academy, Sirius' charismatic nature pretty much attracts any female students, including Ruby herself, though he's too cool to embrace this status.
  • Cool Horse: As in the original TV series, Gouten is a cool signature mechanical steed for GARO.
  • Counterpart Comparison: In-Universe example. Makai people are exactly similar with the Huntsmen, although the former prefer going into action in night.
  • Demon Slaying: Huntsmen and Huntresses are elite warriors dedicated to slay the creatures of Grimm and whose duty is to "uphold the peace" of their world. Makai Knights, on the other hand, not only to "uphold the peace" like the Huntsmen and Huntresses did by slaying Horrors, but also to protect human hearts from evil malice.
  • Drill Sergeant Nasty: Holy crap for Sliver. Even though he's still young, he gives Jaune a draconian yet effective methods to make him an extremely competent fighter, as both Huntsman and a Makai Knight.
    Sliver: I will not be holding your hand through this training. I will not spoil you and not being soft to you. If you want strength, you do as I say. If you want power, you will stand there and take it. If you want to live, then don't die! This will be two weeks of Hell arc, and by all that is I will make you into a Makai Knight. Do you understand?
  • The Heartless: Grimms and Horrors are attracted to human negativity. Sadness, envy, loneliness, hatred, every single negative emotions of humanity. However, Horrors is even more dangerous Grimms, because the latter also including any dark aspects of humanity, such as lust and temptation.
  • Luminescent Blush: Happens often for Sirius and Ruby when Rachel and Yang constantly tease them, suggesting them to be a sweet couple.
  • Sole Survivor: Sliver's family was massacred by Cinder and Flare, alongside with villagers he and his family lived.
  • Squee: As expected from her character, Ruby has a tendency to do this.
  • Shipper on Deck: Yang and Rachel take this role, as they try to persuade Sirius and Ruby to confess their feelings to each other. Luminescent Blush ensues for them.
  • Took a Level in Badass: Compared to his canon self, Jaune takes this Up To Eleven by taking his grandfather's role as GAIA the Stronghold Knight. See also Adaptational Badass above for explanation
    • Ruby also gets this one after she inherits YAIBA armor, becoming the second wielder of said Makai Armor. Not only that, her Semblance also imbued with YAIBA's fire power, and as a result her rose petals become engulfed in flames, effectively increasing her combat perfomance.
  • You Can Talk?: Weiss shocked with a Horror infested Grimm can talk to her and the rest of Team RWBY and SSBR.
  • Wise Beyond Their Years: Despite being in 15-17 years old, all members of Team SSBR are upholding a complex yet mature philosophical principles of human hearts.

edited 29th Mar '16 6:01:57 AM by Strafe2409

Arivne Since: Jan, 2001
#2661: Mar 29th 2016 at 7:33:35 AM

[up]

Adaptational Badass: Jaune Arc in canon RWBY story has very little skill during the entire initiation except during the fight against the bigger Grimms, but over the course of story he managed to show himself as a competent fighter. In this fic however, not only he become competent like in the canon story, but also grown up as a fully fledged Makai Knight by inheriting his grandfather's title as GAIA the Stronghold Knight. He demonstrates this by single handedly defeats a Horror infested Ursa.
  • Some of Beacon Academy staffs also become this, as they are working for Makai Order, despite their true capabilities are yet to be shown.
  • Qrow Branwen, while still being a teacher of Signal Academy and a Huntsman like in the original story, he is a member of Phantom Knights, the Makai Order's black ops team and the bearer of CROW the Phantom Knight title. He's also the one who teach Ruby how to wield a Soul Metal weapon.

  • but over the course of story he managed -> but over the course of the story he manages
  • not only he become -> not only does he become
  • by single handedly defeats -> by single-handedly defeating
  • Some of Beacon Academy staffs -> Some of the Beacon Academy staff
  • working for Makai Order -> working for the Makai Order
  • despite their true capabilities are yet to be shown. -> despite the fact that their true capabilities are yet to be shown.

  • Battle Couple: Sirius and Ruby develop into this over the course of story, but the most notable is when Ruby gains the YAIBA armor for the first time.

  • over the course of story -> over the course of the story
  • but the most notable is when -> but most notably when

  • Big Bad: While Torchwick, Cinder and her brother Flare is the force behind the story (though the first two still retain the role from the original series), Salem is actually the one who responsible for the whole mess. Not only that, she has a loyal apprentice who wields the title KIBA the Dark Knight.

  • While Torchwick, Cinder and her brother Flare is -> are
  • Salem is actually the one who responsible -> who is responsible

  • Chick Magnet: Despite being a newcomer for Beacon Academy, Sirius' charismatic nature pretty much attracts any female students, including Ruby herself, though he's too cool to embrace this status.

  • newcomer for Beacon Academy -> newcomer to Beacon Academy

  • Makai people are exactly similar with -> similar to

  • Demon Slaying: Huntsmen and Huntresses are elite warriors dedicated to slay the creatures of Grimm and whose duty is to "uphold the peace" of their world. Makai Knights, on the other hand, not only to "uphold the peace" like the Huntsmen and Huntresses did by slaying Horrors, but also to protect human hearts from evil malice.

  • dedicated to slay the creatures -> dedicated to slaying the creatures
  • not only to "uphold the peace" -> not only "uphold the peace"
  • Huntsmen and Huntresses did -> Huntsmen and Huntresses do
  • but also to protect -> but also protect

  • Drill Sergeant Nasty: Holy crap for Sliver. Even though he's still young, he gives Jaune a draconian yet effective methods to make him an extremely competent fighter, as both Huntsman and a Makai Knight.

  • Holy crap for Sliver -> Holy crap, Sliver!
  • he gives Jaune a draconian yet effective methods -> he uses draconian yet effective methods on Jaune
  • as both Huntsman and a Makai Knight. -> as both a Huntsman and a Makai Knight.

  • The Heartless: Grimms and Horrors are attracted to human negativity. Sadness, envy, loneliness, hatred, every single negative emotions of humanity. However, Horrors is even more dangerous Grimms, because the latter also including any dark aspects of humanity, such as lust and temptation.

  • However, Horrors is -> are
  • even more dangerous Grimms -> even more dangerous than Grimms
  • including any dark aspects of humanity -> include dark aspects of humanity

  • Luminescent Blush: Happens often for Sirius and Ruby when Rachel and Yang constantly tease them, suggesting them to be a sweet couple.

  • when Rachel and Yang constantly tease them -> during Rachel and Yang's constant teasing
  • suggesting them to be a sweet couple. -> suggesting that they are a sweet couple.

  • Sole Survivor: Sliver's family was massacred by Cinder and Flare, alongside with villagers he and his family lived.

  • alongside with villagers he and his family lived. -> along with the villagers he and his family lived with.

  • Shipper on Deck: Yang and Rachel take this role, as they try to persuade Sirius and Ruby to confess their feelings to each other. Luminescent Blush ensues for them.

You can probably delete "Luminescent Blush ensues for them." because (a) it has nothing to do with Shipper on Deck and (b) you've already mentioned it above.

  • Took a Level in Badass: Compared to his canon self, Jaune takes this Up To Eleven by taking his grandfather's role as GAIA the Stronghold Knight. See also Adaptational Badass above for explanation
    • Ruby also gets this one after she inherits YAIBA armor, becoming the second wielder of said Makai Armor. Not only that, her Semblance also imbued with YAIBA's fire power, and as a result her rose petals become engulfed in flames, effectively increasing her combat perfomance.

  • See also Adaptational Badass above for explanation

This violates How to Write an Example - Remember That This Is A Wiki. I would replace it with a brief statement taken from the above example.

  • she inherits YAIBA armor -> she inherits the YAIBA armor
  • her Semblance also imbued -> her Semblance is also imbued
  • perfomance -> performance

The whole example above violates Example Indentation and needs to be re-written. Putting it all together:

  • Took a Level in Badass
    • Compared to his canon self, Jaune takes this Up To Eleven by taking his grandfather's role as GAIA the Stronghold Knight.
    • Ruby also gets this one after she inherits the YAIBA armor, becoming the second wielder of said Makai Armor. Not only that, her Semblance is also imbued with YAIBA's fire power, and as a result her rose petals become engulfed in flames, effectively increasing her combat performance.

  • You Can Talk?: Weiss shocked with a Horror infested Grimm can talk to her and the rest of Team RWBY and SSBR.

  • Weiss shocked with a Horror infested Grimm -> Weiss is shocked that a Horror infested Grimm

  • Wise Beyond Their Years: Despite being in 15-17 years old, all members of Team SSBR are upholding a complex yet mature philosophical principles of human hearts.

  • Despite being in 15-17 years old -> Despite being 15-17 years old
  • all members of Team SSBR are upholding -> all members of Team SSBR uphold
  • a complex yet mature philosophical principles of human hearts. -> complex yet mature philosophical principles based on the human heart. (?)

edited 30th Mar '16 6:09:37 AM by Arivne

Strafe2409 Since: Dec, 2015 Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
#2662: Mar 30th 2016 at 1:07:30 AM

Adding a new character page for GAROSSB Rof Makai.

In General:

  • Badass: Being people of Makai community, this can be expected.
  • Badass Longcoat: Save for Rachel, all Knights in the team wear their cool Makai duster.
  • Bodyguarding a Badass: They are assigned by Watchdog of Vale Kingdom and Beacon Academy staff to investigate the whereabouts of Darkus, all while protecting students from Grimms and Horrors, especially Team RWBY.
  • Fun with Acronyms: The team name SSBR is made up of the member's first names and can be pronounced as "Saber".
  • Named Weapons: All of the young Knights' Makai weapons have cool names: Sirius' Garoken, Sliver's Raimeiken and Beret's Byakuyaso.

Sirius Saejima

Known as the "GARO the Golden Knight", Sirius is a renowned Makai Knight who inherited the title from his deceased father. His weapon of choice is a straight sword, which become a longsword when he equips his Makai Armor. Despite his serious demeanor, he is very friendly to anyone else. He's the leader of team SSBR and he's partnered with Sliver.

  • Adorkable: He's a Makai Knight who never stops protecting people from Grimms and Horrors. But in terms of romantic relationship, he's very awkward, thanks to Rachel and Yang's constant teasing.
  • Anti-Magic: In Chapter 10, it is revealed that his Semblance has a capability to negate his enemy's Semblance.
  • Badass: He's not a Golden Knight for nothing.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: He always being compassionate and helpful most of the time. But if you're proudly commiting a heinous act and rubs it in front of his face, he's become scary. The third Horror in Chapter 17 learns this in extremely hard and painful way.
  • BFS: His Garoken is already powerful, but when he rides Gouten, he can transform it into a insanely huge version of it to take down the bigger Horrors or Grimms.
  • Expy: In terms of physical appearance, he resembles Raikou from Guren no Tsuki, while his upbringing pretty much mirrors Kouga Saejima. Personality wise, he adopts Raiga Saejima, as both are Nice Guys from their respective medias.
  • First Kiss: To Ruby, when he and Ruby fell with one top to the other.
  • Foil: Ruby is a honest, kind and idealist young girl; but she brash, immature and very impulsive. Sirius on the other hand, while he shares similar characteristics with Ruby, he is calm, collected, mature and being assertive as a team leader.
  • Hidden Depths: For his very affable and personable demeanor, like Raiga, he seems to be dealing with living up to "the responsibility he was entrusted with" as the holder of the title of GARO. In the Chapter 8, he questions himself if he worthy enough to be a GARO wielder.
  • Knight in Shining Armor: He is an idealistic, brave and humble person who gladly fights Horrors and Grimms because it's the right thing to do. Yang and Rachel even lampshades this. However...
    • Knight in Sour Armor: In Chapter 17, Cole reveals to Ruby despite his friendly demeanor, deep down, he was sad and angry because he was weak. Nonetheless, he always doing what he thinks it's right.
  • The Leader: Of Team SSBR. In contrast with Ruby's Headstrong and Charismatic type, he is a Levelheaded and Charismatic.
  • Nice Guy: Despite he's a very serious person, he is very caring people with a great deal.
  • Official Couple: With Ruby.
  • Parental Abandonment: He is alone at home because his father passed away before he trains him as a Makai Knight, while his mother is died from illness.
  • Real Men Wear Pink: While not fighting Horrors and Grimms, he spends his time to make a traditional paper fan.

Sliver Green

A wolf-based Faunus and a Makai Knight who is one of the last surviving members of Sakuya Village. Donning the BARON armor, his title is Thunder Knight. His weapon of choice is a straight sword, similar to Garoken's Makai Blade form; but when he equips his armor, it become a scimitar.

  • Aloof Ally: Downplayed. He spends most of his time being a lone wolf, but he doesn't hesitate to follow Sirius' orders.
  • Badass: He's capable of slaying Horrors and Grimms with his Makai Blade, but he also expert in martial arts. He demonstrates his skills in the Chapter 6, when Velvet being bullied by Team CRDL, he effortlessly taking down all of them without any single bruise on his face.
  • Dark and Troubled Past: When he was a child, he lived in a small village outside the Four Kingdoms before it was ravaged by crazed Flare and Cinder, slaughtering his family and friends. After a Makai Knight sacrificed himself to ensure his escape while giving him instructions to Sakuya Village, he developed a deep hatred to Huntsmen and Huntresses.
  • Deadpan Snarker: He has a tendency to give a sarcastic yet excessively dry humor.
  • Death Glare:
    • Like in the canon story, when Blake complains about Sun needlessly stealing foods, Sun retorts by claiming she used to be in a cult. Sliver then throws a peeble to Sun when he finished meditating and gives this, then he warns Sun to not insult about people's past.
    • Another one is when Sirius is about to explain the Horrors' origins, when Weiss yelling, he proceeds to gives Weiss this, complete with his Aura burning out, much to Blake's surprise. Needless to say, everyone calm down immediately.
  • Drill Sergeant Nasty: Indulges this in Chapter 6 by being relentless but demanding mentor of Jaune.
  • Expy: He is pretty much a Makai Knight version of Gald from Gold Storm Sho, with a little dash of Wataru Shijima from Makai Senki.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Despite his gruff demeanor, deep down, he's actually a very caring person and always loyal to his friend. When his fellow Faunus like Velvet and Blake in trouble, he doesn't hesitate to help them to resolve their problems: the former is he suggesting Velvet to stand up and rely on her teammates; while the latter is he gives a compliment to Blake, all while inspiring her to look forward and never look back.
  • The Nicknamer: He constantly calls Beret as "a boyscout".
  • Precision F-Strike: Deliver this to Weiss when she wants to know about Horrors.
    Sliver: Shut up, all of you! If we're going to tell this damn story, then sit down and shut the fuck up!
  • Shock and Awe: True for his title name, his Semblance has an ability to generate lightning.
  • Sinister Scimitar: As BARON, he wields Raimeiken, a scimitar made of Soul Metal in combat.
  • Spear Counterpart: To Blake. Blake is a former member of White Fang who wants to run away from her terrorist past. Sliver on the other hand, is a young man who Used to Be a Sweet Kid, only being ruined instantly because the village he lived was destroyed, and his family as well the whole villagers is massacred by a mysterious Huntsmen. As a result, he's become an angry, aloof and bitter person, but nonetheless he always look forward.
  • You Are Better Than You Think You Are: When Blake is crying at her identity, after he saves her from a Horror's Gate, he gives this by telling her she's cute without the bow, while giving her a pep talk to not letting her dark past destroys her future.
    Sliver: You do look cute without the bow, you know? But you don't have to hide whatever you are. Sure, we may have bloody past. But that doesn't mean we can let it destroy our future.

Beret Vali

A by-the-book Makai Knight from noble Vali family. Known as DAN the Midnight Sun Knight, he is a very strict person about things how should be done and always adhering rules. He's partnered with Rachel.

  • Abusive Parents: Not exactly abusive, but his father always want him to be perfect at everything.
  • Affectionate Nickname: Sliver always call him "a boyscout" because most of his time he always be demanding.
  • Badass: It comes with the job.
  • Blade On A Stick: He wields a Makai staff/spear combo weapon in combat. Donning his Makai armor, it become a double-headed spear.
  • By-the-Book Cop: As described above, he is a strict person who always thinks about how things should be done.
  • Expy: Of Tsubasa Yamagatana, the original DAN.
  • First Kiss: To Yang, in Chapter 11. He and Yang even "making out" together when the rest of Team RWBY and SSBR still sleeping.
  • Not So Above It All: Exploited by Yang in Chapter 11 after he kissed her romantically.
    Beret: We're not doing that again.
    Yang: Oh, please. You're a natural rule breaker and a great kisser. Are you sure I'm the first girl you ever kiss?
    Beret: blushes
    Goruba: Yes, you are. Beret has always being a stick in the mud.
    Beret: [silently shouting] Goruba!
  • Official Couple: With Yang, starting in Chapter 15.
  • Power Copying: His Semblance is to copy another Semblance using his eyes and do the same as the person he copies, but only a short time before the power fades.
  • Spear Counterpart: To Weiss, as both fathers in their respective families always being authoritarian when it comes to inheritance.
  • The Stoic: The most level headed of all Team SSBR members, moreso than Sirius. That being said...
    • Not So Stoic: He also capable to show his emotions or sympathy. In Chapter 19, after watching Yang become a suspect for injuring Mercury despite she doesn't do ruthless thing, he becomes furious and he swears to make sure Cinder and Flare are sealed in the deepest Hell he can find.

Rachel Gray

A Makai Priestess who loves playing shamisen. Energetic but smart, she supports the Makai Knights both behind the scenes and in battle using a pistol and shield, as well a tomahawk in close quarters combat.

  • An Axe To Grind: She brandishes this one when she fights against Neo , whom recently turned into Madou Horror by Flare and Cinder.
  • Badass: She maybe the only female member in the team, but don't underestimate her combat skills.
  • Birds of a Feather: She and Yang gets along very well, because they are sharing same cheerful and playful personality.
  • Expy: Her character is pretty much based of Rian from Yami o Terasu Mono, but in terms of personality, she pretty much similar to Seimei from Guren no Tsuki, sans the fear with butterflies.
    • Her relationship with Neopolitan pretty much resembles with Fudou twins in Makai Senki.
  • The Gadfly: Like Yang, she likes screwing with her friends every now and then for kicks.
  • Genki Girl: She is the most lively and cheerful member of Team SSBR.
  • The Gunslinger: She uses a gun with shield when in combat with Horrors and Grimms.
  • The Nicknamer: She and Yang always teasing Sirius and Ruby by calling them "The Knight with Shining Gold Armor" and "The Rose Princess" respectively.
  • Nice Girl: Despite her constant teasing to teammates, she is very kind and friendly to anyone else. It's no surprise why she and Yang gets along very quickly.
  • Shipper on Deck: She and Yang constantly teasing Sirius and Ruby to be a couple, in some occassion.
  • The Smurfette Principle: She is the only female member in the team.
  • Sweet Tooth: She really loves eating cookies when she is not in duty.
  • We Used to Be Friends: She doesn't happy when Neopolitan is now working with enemy. Worse, she is turned into Madou Horror by Cinder and Flare.

edited 30th Mar '16 1:18:31 AM by Strafe2409

war877 Grr... <3 from Untamed Wilds Since: Dec, 2015 Relationship Status: Having tea with Cthulhu
Grr... <3
#2663: Mar 30th 2016 at 11:24:43 AM

[up]hello Strafe.

I'm back. Let us see what's up.

In General:

  • Badass: Being people of As someone from the Makai community, this can is to be expected.
  • Bodyguarding a Badass: They are assigned by the Watchdog*1 of Vale Kingdom and Beacon Academy staff to investigate the whereabouts of Darkus, all while protecting students from Grimms and Horrors, especially*2 Team RWBY.

Sirius Saejima

...His weapon of choice is a straight sword, which become becomes a longsword when he equips his Makai Armor. Despite his serious demeanor, he is very friendly to anyone else*3. ...

  • Anti-Magic: In chapter 10, it is revealed that his Semblance has a capability the ability to negate his enemy's Semblance.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: He's always being compassionate and helpful most of the time. [...] The third Horror in chapter 17 learns this in an extremely hard and painful way.
  • BFS: His Garoken is already powerful, but when he rides Gouten, he can transform it into a an insanely huge version of it to take down the bigger Horrors or Grimms.
  • Expy: In terms of physical appearance, he resembles Raikou from Guren no Tsuki, while his upbringing pretty much mirrors Kouga Saejima. Personality wise, he adopts Raiga Saejima, as both are Nice Guys from their respective medias media*4*5.
  • First Kiss: To Ruby, when he and Ruby fell with*6 one on top to of the other.
  • Foil: Ruby is a an*7 honest, kind and idealist idealistic young girl; but she is also brash, immature and very impulsive. Sirius on the other hand, while he shares similar characteristics with Ruby, he is calm, collected, mature and being assertive as a team leader.
  • Hidden Depths: For his very affable and personable demeanor, like Raiga, . He seems to be dealing with living up to "the responsibility he was entrusted with" as the holder of the title of GARO. In the chapter 8, he questions himself if whether or not he is worthy enough to be a GARO wielder.
  • Knight in Sour Armor: In chapter 17, Cole reveals to Ruby that despite his friendly demeanor, deep down, he was is sad and angry because he was is weak. Nonetheless, he's always doing what he thinks it's is right.
  • The Leader: Of Team SSBR. In contrast with to Ruby's Headstrong and Charismatic type, he is a Levelheaded and Charismatic person*8.
  • Nice Guy: Despite he's being a very serious person, he is a very caring people person with a great deal of ???*9.
  • Parental Abandonment: He is alone at home because his father passed away before he trains could train him as a Makai Knight, while his mother is died from illness.
  • Real Men Wear Pink: While not fighting Horrors and Grimms, he spends his time to make making a traditional paper fan.

Sliver Green

  • Badass: He's capable of slaying Horrors and Grimms with his Makai Blade, but he is also an expert in martial arts. He demonstrates his skills in the c]hapter 6, : When Velvet is being bullied by Team CRDL, he effortlessly taking takes down all of them without any getting a single bruise on his face.
  • Dark and Troubled Past: When he was a child, he lived in a small village outside the Four Kingdoms before it was ravaged by crazed Flare and Cinder, slaughtering his family and friends his family and friends were all slaughtered by a crazed Flare and Cinder as his village was ravaged. After a Makai Knight sacrificed himself to ensure his escape while giving him instructions to go to Sakuya Village, he developed a deep hatred to of Huntsmen and Huntresses.
  • Deadpan Snarker: He has a tendency to give a sarcastic yet excessively dry humor comments.
  • Death Glare:
    • Like in the canon story, when Blake complains about Sun needlessly stealing foods food, Sun retorts by claiming she used to be in a cult. Sliver then throws a peeble pebble to at Sun when he finished meditating and gives this a glare, then he warns Sun to not insult about people's past pasts.
    • Another one is when Sirius is about to explain the Horrors' origins, : While when Weiss yelling yells, he proceeds to gives Weiss this a glare, complete with his Aura burning out, much to Blake's surprise. Needless to say, everyone calm calms down immediately.
  • Drill Sergeant Nasty: Indulges this in chapter 6 by being a relentless but demanding mentor of Jaune.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Despite his gruff demeanor, deep down, he's actually a very caring person and always loyal to his friend friends. When his fellow Faunus like such as Velvet and Blake are in trouble, he doesn't hesitate to help them to resolve their problems: With the former is he suggesting Velvet he suggests she to stand up and rely on her teammates; while with the latter is he gives a compliment to Blake, all while inspiring her to look forward and never look back.
  • The Nicknamer: He constantly calls Beret as " a  boyscout".
  • Precision F-Strike: Deliver Delivers this to Weiss when she wants to know about Horrors.
  • Shock and Awe: True for to his title name, his Semblance has an the ability to generate lightning.
  • Spear Counterpart: ...Sliver on the other hand, is a young man who Used to Be a Sweet Kid, only being ruined instantly hardened because the village he lived in was destroyed, and his family as well the whole villagers village is massacred by a mysterious Huntsmen huntsman*10. As a result, he's become an angry, aloof and bitter person, but nonetheless he always look looks forward.
  • You Are Better Than You Think You Are: When Blake is crying distraught at her identity due to feeling helpless*11, after he saves her from a Horror's Gate, he gives this by telling her she's cute without the bow, while giving her a pep talk to not letting let her dark past destroys destroy her future.

Beret Vali

...Known as DAN the Midnight Sun Knight, he is a very strict person about things how how things should be done and about always adhering to the rules. ...

  • Abusive Parents: Not exactly abusive, but his father always want wanted him to be perfect at everything.
  • Affectionate Nickname: Sliver always call calls him " a  boyscout" because most of his time he is always be demanding.
  • First Kiss: To Yang, in Chapter 11. He and Yang even "making make out"*12 together when while the rest of Team RWBY and SSBR are still sleeping.
  • Power Copying: His Semblance is to copy another Semblance using his eyes by looking at it and do the same thing as the person he copies, but it is only a short time before the power fades.
  • Spear Counterpart: To Weiss, as both fathers in their respective families were always being authoritarian when it comes to inheritance.*13
  • Not So Stoic: He is also capable to show of showing his emotions or sympathy. In Chapter 19, after watching Yang become a suspect for injuring Mercury despite she doesn't do ruthless thing her not being ruthless, he becomes furious and he swears to make sure Cinder and Flare are sealed in the deepest Hell he can find.

Rachel Gray

A Makai Priestess who loves playing a shamisen. ...

  • An Axe to Grind: She brandishes this one when she fights against Neo , whom who was recently turned into Madou Horror by Flare and Cinder.
  • Badass: She maybe may be the only female member in the team, but don't underestimate her combat skills.
  • Birds of a Feather: She and Yang gets along very well, because they are sharing have the same cheerful and playful personality.
  • Expy: Her character is pretty much based of Rian from Yami o Terasu Mono, but in terms of personality, she pretty much is very similar to Seimei from Guren no Tsuki, sans the fear with butterflies.
    • Her relationship with Neopolitan pretty much resembles with that of the*14 Fudou twins in Makai Senki.
  • The Nicknamer: She and Yang are always teasing Sirius and Ruby by calling them "The Knight with Shining Gold Armor" and "The Rose Princess" respectively.
  • Nice Girl: Despite her constant teasing to of teammates, she is very kind and friendly to anyone else. It's no surprise why she and Yang gets get along very quickly well.
  • Shipper on Deck: She and Yang constantly teasing occasionally encourage Sirius and Ruby to be a couple, in some occassion.*15
  • The Smurfette Principle: She is the only female member in of the team.
  • Sweet Tooth: She really loves eating cookies when she is not in on duty.
  • We Used to Be Friends: She doesn't isn't happy when Neopolitan is now working with enemy. Worse, she is turned into Madou Horror by Cinder and Flare.

  1. Is 'Watchdog of Vale Kingdom' a title, or just a role?
  2. Which part of the sentence does this especially belong to? They are assigned to investigate the whereabouts of Darkus, especially Team RWBY. They are protecting students from Grimms and Horrors, especially Team RWBY. Or maybe: They, especially Team RWBY, do stuff. Ambiguous sentence.
  3. Who is the person(s) he is not friendly to?
  4. Media is already plural.
  5. Is he an expy of all these people? An expy is a dead ringer, usually.
  6. Remove 'with' if you wish to imply they rolled around.
  7. The 'h' is silent.
  8. Alternate fix: he is a Levelheaded and Charismatic —> he is Levelheaded and Charismatic.
  9. Please finish this sentence?
  10. Are there one or two huntsmen?
  11. I am not sure how to fix this one. What, specifically is she crying over?
  12. Is there a reason this phrase is in scare quotes?
  13. Is this enough reason to call Weiss a spear counterpart?
  14. I do not know your meaning with this sentence.
  15. I am not sure how to fix this one either. What do you want to say specifically?

Criticism and comments are always welcome.

edited 30th Mar '16 2:12:33 PM by war877

Strafe2409 Since: Dec, 2015 Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
#2664: Mar 30th 2016 at 2:15:42 PM

[up]

1. "Is 'Watchdog of Vale Kingdom' a title, or just a role?" - That's the role for a person behind the works of the war between Makai and Horror. Do you ever watch GARO series before? That's a Japanese superhero, but for adults.

2. "Which part of the sentence does this especially belong to? They are assigned to investigate the whereabouts of Darkus, especially Team RWBY. They are protecting students from Grimms and Horrors, especially Team RWBY. Or maybe: They, especially Team RWBY, do stuff. Ambiguous sentence." - The fanfic itself depicting Team SSBR always get along with Team RWBY.

war877 Grr... <3 from Untamed Wilds Since: Dec, 2015 Relationship Status: Having tea with Cthulhu
Grr... <3
#2665: Mar 30th 2016 at 4:02:18 PM

[up]

(1): I would need more information to say if it should be capitalized or not. I have not seen that show.

(2): That sentence needs a rewrite. Your explanation does not help me figure out how.

Aurevoir Since: Aug, 2015
#2666: Apr 1st 2016 at 7:45:15 PM

For YMMV/BattleRealms.

  • Game-Breaker: several battle gears and passives are this, but let's have a list for each faction.
    • Dragon Clan
      • Kabuki Warrior's Flash Powder can be considered annoying for any enemies or players. What making annoying is blinds them and weaken their resistance with AOE effect, it can boost your yang points and obliterate your enemies quickly. It's not surprised why Kabuki Warriors is considered top priority to kill them first. They only real drawback is you must command Kabuki Warrior to near them to use its Battle Gear.
      • Samurai's passive ability, Seppuku, is pretty devastating. The catch? You will paranoid them quickly when they coming in en masses and will soon find out that they use their passive ability to weaken your armie's HP so pretty much. The only way to prevent any damage from their passive ability is Staff Adept's Dark Canopy.
      • Otomo's passive ability, Battle Leader. As long as he is attacking enemies, your units will be fiiled with stamina, allow your units to use Battle Gear. It can be synergized with Issyl's Battle Gear, Haste, to making him become a nigh-endless stamina filler! Also works with the three brother from Lotus Clan.

PS. This edit is not finished yet, I will coming back soon to edit this again.

edited 1st Apr '16 8:09:25 PM by Aurevoir

war877 Grr... <3 from Untamed Wilds Since: Dec, 2015 Relationship Status: Having tea with Cthulhu
Grr... <3
#2667: Apr 3rd 2016 at 2:43:18 AM

[up]Hi! If you are wondering why we are not editing your example, it is because you have said you are not done editing it yourself. Do you mean you will add to the example later?

  • Game Breaker: Several of the battle gears and passives are this, but let's have a list for each faction.
    • Dragon Clan
      • The Kabuki Warrior's Flash Powder can be considered annoying for will annoy any enemies or players enemy. What making makes it annoying is it blinds them and weaken weakens their resistance with AOE effect within an area of effect ,  . It can boost your yang points and obliterate your enemies quickly. It's not surprised why surprising that Kabuki Warriors is are considered top priority to kill them first targets. They only real drawback is that you must command the Kabuki Warrior to near them approach the enemy to use its Battle Gear.
      • The Samurai's passive ability, Seppuku, is pretty devastating. The catch? You will become paranoid wary of them quickly when they coming in come en masses masse and will soon find out that they use their passive ability to weaken your armie's HP so pretty much devastate your army with their passive ability. The only way to prevent any damage from their passive ability is to use the Staff Adept's Dark Canopy.
      • Otomo's passive ability ,  is Battle Leader. As long as he is attacking enemies, your allied units will be fiiled filled with stamina, allow allowing your units them to use Battle Gear. It can be synergized with Issyl's Battle Gear, Haste, to making him become a nigh-endless stamina filler! Also works with the three brother from Lotus Clan.

Due to the large number of edits, there is a good chance I misguessed once or twice and corrected to the wrong sentence.

Feedback is welcome. smile

edited 3rd Apr '16 2:47:22 AM by war877

Lemyngue Since: Feb, 2016
#2668: Apr 3rd 2016 at 7:33:48 PM

I want to add this trope in OnS, but I need to check the grammar first:

  • Failed a Spot Check: In chapter 44, Yuu says that he didn't notice Ferid in Shinjuku battle(who was right besides Mika) because his mind was entirely focused on Mika after meeting him again. He believed Mika died with the other Hyakuya kids on Ferid hands until Shinjuku battle.

Arivne Since: Jan, 2001
#2669: Apr 4th 2016 at 3:03:08 AM

[up]

  • Failed a Spot Check: In chapter 44, Yuu says that he didn't notice Ferid in Shinjuku battle(who was right besides Mika) because his mind was entirely focused on Mika after meeting him again. He believed Mika died with the other Hyakuya kids on Ferid hands until Shinjuku battle.

  • in Shinjuku battle -> in the Shinjuku battle
  • battle(who -> battle (who
  • who was right besides Mika -> who was right beside Mika
  • He believed Mika died -> He believed that Mika died
  • on Ferid hands -> at Ferid's hands (?)
  • until Shinjuku battle. -> until the Shinjuku battle.

The word order in both sentences needs to be changed to make them clearer:

didn't notice Ferid (who was right beside Mika) in the Shinjuku battle

Until the Shinjuku battle, he believed that Mika died with the other Hyakuya kids at Ferid's hands.

With all the above changes:

  • Failed a Spot Check: In chapter 44, Yuu says that he didn't notice Ferid (who was right beside Mika) in the Shinjuku battle because his mind was entirely focused on Mika after meeting him again. Until the Shinjuku battle, he believed that Mika died with the other Hyakuya kids at Ferid's hands.

edited 4th Apr '16 3:09:15 AM by Arivne

Lemyngue Since: Feb, 2016
starkitty93 from Texas Since: Dec, 2014 Relationship Status: Lovey-Dovey
#2671: Apr 5th 2016 at 6:58:38 PM

I'd like to put out a fanfic recommendation for Danny Phantom

Title:Cross Collision by Feniiku

Recommended by Starkitty 93

Crossover with Sonic the Hedgehog

Status: Ongoing

Synopsis: Danny Fenton and his friends find themselves trapped in the world of Sonic the Hedgehog after an experiment with a Ghost Portal goes wrong. Meanwhile, things are tense in both worlds, as threats they have never known appear.

edited 6th Apr '16 8:44:08 AM by starkitty93

Just another animation junkie
war877 Grr... <3 from Untamed Wilds Since: Dec, 2015 Relationship Status: Having tea with Cthulhu
Grr... <3
#2672: Apr 5th 2016 at 7:22:46 PM

[up]Hello starkitty.

  • after experiment —> after an experiment.
  • wrong...Meanwhile —> wrong. Meanwhile, .
  • at an unrest —> tense.
  • they never knew appear —> they have never known appear. .

edited 5th Apr '16 7:23:16 PM by war877

starkitty93 from Texas Since: Dec, 2014 Relationship Status: Lovey-Dovey
#2673: Apr 6th 2016 at 12:38:22 AM

My post has been fixed

Just another animation junkie
war877 Grr... <3 from Untamed Wilds Since: Dec, 2015 Relationship Status: Having tea with Cthulhu
Grr... <3
#2674: Apr 6th 2016 at 12:44:24 AM

Don't forget the last period, but there are no other problems. Can you post it yourself?

starkitty93 from Texas Since: Dec, 2014 Relationship Status: Lovey-Dovey
#2675: Apr 6th 2016 at 8:46:01 AM

I put in the last period. To answer your question, no I can't post this myself because I'm suspended.

Just another animation junkie

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