Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted you feed yourself to Cthulhu because you are so nice.

I wish for a book of Eldritch Abominations, since it won't effect me (I will just shrug and say "So what").

Okay, I'll call you out on that. You ripped me off.

Sorry, I did not know.

Eh, whatever.

You get your book. It contains exactly what you expect, and you keep it in your bookshelf to impress visitors. Then one of them reads it. No one survives.

I wish that I knew what to say to my friends when they get depressed.

They learn to love what you say, since you always seem to have the solution. They hang around you obsessively whenever their problems crop up. You eventually get tired of the constant, creepy attention and block them out of your life. You've now left them worse than they ever were before.

I want a weapon that's a flamethrower and a fire extinguisher... simultaneously.

You get your wish! Unfortunately severe budget cuts were made, without your knowledge. Your first few uses are successful, but foam gets stuck in the nozzle, and...Hm. It wouldn't be much of a twist if a flamethrower set you on fire, so let's just say you get shot while trying to employ this.

I wish Theodore Roosevelt was still around

Theodore Roosevelt is still around. He corpse was raised by a passing necromancer, and he(the necromancer) now uses his legions of undead,Roosevelt included, to control the world.

I wish I was ambidexterous.

You can use both of your feet with equal profiency, and you burst into flame

I wish that the dog the boy the girl the man beat kissed kicked could parse extreme cases of center embedding easily.

The dog, who was kicked by the boy, who was kissed by the girl, who was beaten by the man, figures this out easily.

Also? You're on fire, Tzetze.

I wish all the Cleyrans/Burmecians hadn't died right after I worked so hard to save them.

Granted! Unfortunately, they've decided that your services are no longer needed, and have ruled you need to be executed for the public good, or else you may turn on them.

I wish for a better wish.

You wish to burst into flame. You drown.

I wish that I would sleep.

Granted. Shame you never specified when to wake up. Ah well, we'll just leave you here... forever... and ever... and ever...

EDIT: Also, you now snore.

I wish for Hungarian salami.

edited 31st Jul '09 2:11:09 AM by Guest Of Dishonour

You get salami, made of Hungarians. Voila! Hungarian Salami.

I like my red laser, and I like my green laser. I just wish I had a blue laser.

It's blue because it's powered by radioactive fuel.

I wish I had the touch.

Midas'd!

I wish that I didn't feel tired.

You go mad from insomnia... and a ninja lurks behind you now.
I wish I could reduce my caffeine intake.

You ween yourself off caffeine by getting hooked on crack :D

I wish my voice was an octave lower.

Your voice is an octave lower. It's also a horribly grating monotone. You make Ben Stein seem like Mel Blanc. Eventually, you have your vocal chords surgically removed at great personal expense just so that people will be able to stand being in the room with you. You may want to carry a notepad so you can still communicate with people.

I wish I'd never been born.

You become unbearable. Then an angry mob sets you on fire.
I wish I had not forgotten the freaking lamp.

The freaking lamp suddenly appears in your hand, but you crush it in surprise at its appearance.

I wish i knew how to make a katana.

Coyotic, I'm choosing to believe that the pun wasn't intentional and you're just not making sense. :P

Solstace: You can make a katana. However, there's no real market for your katanas in this day and age, and you've spent a ton of money to have somewhere to do your blacksmithing.

I wish to destroy the world.

In an ironic twist, it turns out that you're the one responsible for Pluto's deplanetization. This causes people to set you on fire.

I wish I was better at chess.

You become so exponentially skilled that your chess skill takes up all of your higher brain functions, leaving you a brain-dead vegetable.

I still wish I had more interest in playing Chrono Trigger.

edited 31st Jul '09 3:55:09 PM by Wicked223

Your interest in playing Chrono Trigger is rekindled, however you cannot find your copy, and ones on the internet are sold for ungodly sums.

I wish that my pinky could move mountains.

edited 31st Jul '09 4:03:09 PM by Solstace

You are obssessed with playing Chrono Trigger. Sadly, your attempts to do so are thwarted at every turn. Slow descent into madness of your choice.

EDIT: Solstace, your pinky can move mountains, but only to put them on top of your head. It's your own damn fault for making such a stupid wish and ninjaing me with it. >:(

I wish I had the cojones to kill myself.

edited 31st Jul '09 4:06:44 PM by Scrounge