Corrupt-a-wish.

You succeed, but you die.

I wish I had lots of American dollars.

You have so many American dollars that the value of the dollar drops till the currency is worthless.

I wish I was better at corrupting wishes.

I don't think "you die" is really a corruption of a wish involving a heroic sacrifice.

You save your friend's life, and live happily ever after. Then you burst into flame for being so pedantic.

Since Tzetze made no wish, he gets the default one: He catches fire.
I wish I could play with madness. Fscking ends of line are lost after editing.

edited 30th Jul '09 9:57:12 PM by CoyoticEvil

Unfortunately, you were in Soviet Russia when you made that wish.

I wish I had more interest in playing Chrono Trigger.

edited 30th Jul '09 9:57:50 PM by Wicked223

You ignored poor colin!

You do. And you do so. This one actually comes true. Like you do it. Right now.

Stop reading and go play Chrono Trigger!

colin: You're better at corrupting wishes, but incapable of granting them.

I wish I could turn invisible. What Could Possibly Go Wrong??!

edited 30th Jul '09 10:00:36 PM by Haven

You turn invisible, but are also on fire, rendering your invisiblity moot.

I wish I wasn't on fire.

Instead you drown in water.

I wish for a small feather to drop at 0.005 m/sec onto my right palm.

edited 30th Jul '09 10:04:07 PM by [AOD]

@Haven: Naw I think I'm gonna internet some more.

It lands in your hand, but blows away right after.

I wish I had an Infinite Improbability Drive.

edited 30th Jul '09 10:03:41 PM by Wicked223

colin: The fire is extinguished by being smothered in yet more fire.

AOD: Your hand is chopped off and placed in a bird's nest.

Wicked: You have one, but you aren't playing Chrono Trigger, which means anything else you can do is a waste.

I wish for the power of the king.

edited 30th Jul '09 10:04:43 PM by Haven

Your contract holder kills himself, cursing you to forever walk the earth, unable to die.

I wish I was myself.

The genie asks "But who are you?". An awkward pause of silence follows. Then you mumble something. Then you fall into Mind Screw.
I wish to know the answer to life.

You Go Mad from the Revelation.

I wish I talk to girls

You gather courage and talk to them. You get an Unwanted Harem.
I want to be less laconic.

You start talking in Purple Prose.

I wish accidently.

Something unexpectedly horrible happens to you, leaving you impotent and with a discouraged outlook on life.

I wish for a speck of dust.

Said speck of dust is highly radioactive, giving you cancer.

I wish for a girlfriend.

The speck goes in your eye, and during you flailing you back into the stove and are set on fire.

She breaks up with in 5 seconds, leaving cold, depressed and alone for the rest of your life, never to recover from your spiralling depression.

I wish the manga was bettter.

edited 30th Jul '09 10:38:59 PM by Wicked223

Manga gets better, but there's No Export for You.
I wish for a reboot.

Your life reboots. You now live in a new world, where you are the same age as you are now. In this world, languages are different, culture is different, society as a whole is alien to you. No one you knew exists. You are without resources and totally uneducated in the world.

I wish I wasn't so fat.

Don't worry. You get bulimia for the win!

I want to be a great public speaker.

You're turned into a JBL loudspeaker for concerts.
I wish I had mad ninja skillz.

You speak great in public, but then you burst into flame.

DIE YOU BASTARD NINJA *shovel*

I wish that I was nicer.

edited 30th Jul '09 11:33:48 PM by Tzetze