They don't. They now look disturbingly appealing. You go out and try and get married to the keys. You somehow succeed and it is considered to be a momnumental stride in the obect's rights movement that didn't exist.
I wish I had a miniature elephant named Paulina.
If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan ChahYou have a miniature elephant named Paulina. Sadly, she can't be housebroken. Plus, she wrecks everything, because even a miniature elephant is still pretty big. You eventually have to give her a home at the local zoo, and can't be with her as much any more.
Eventually, you and Paulina barely see each other any more.
I wish for a massage.
Sven massages you. You do not survive.
I wish for a new computer with all of the data from my current computer already on it.
"They wanted to play 'memes' with the Old School. Now there are tears." - Fast EddieYou get the computer and it has all the data your old one had magically out of the box. But then the police came with a warrent! They search your house and confiscate your computer. They find that you've been pirating movies! Nobody listens to your plees and you must pay a fine of some sort.
I wish the army was more colorful and Magical Girl like. Like in Nanoha!
If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan ChahIt is. Unfortunately, you're drafted, and the Yuri Fanboys are watching your squad intensely. They're convinced that you're the one that sleeps in a different bed every night. Especially since you're the New Meat.
I wish I had my own yuri monocle.
edited 9th Aug '09 6:43:52 PM by Scrounge
You get one but it's not nearly as nice as mine. Also it seems to pick up odd amounts of yaoi here and there...
I wish my yaoi goggles worked better so I could be a true Yaoi Fan Girl. I'm just a fraud!
If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan ChahYou get a shotgun in a video game. This video game causes your now crazily religious mother to think you are possessed by demon 'New Age' thinking. She ties you to a chair in your room and reads you Bible verses every hour. You get to eat porridge.
I wish I wasn't seeing yaoi in my yuri. Darn yaoi goggles wish.
edited 9th Aug '09 6:48:39 PM by Aondeug
If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan ChahYou no longer see yaoi in your yuri, but you see yuri in everything that could possibly be Ho Yay, stimulating you everywhere you go. This feeling frightens you.
I wish I had an internet.
An useless name, a forsaken connection....I'll live.
As for your Yaoi Goggles
They work too well, and they never come off, ever. Any time you see two boys in the same general area, you expect them to make out, sometimes to the point of hallucinations. All your male friends abandon you since you keep trying to get them to make out with each other and don't seem likely to return the favor, and even your female friends think you're dangerously obsessed. Worst of all, though... you can never wear your yuri monocle again!
EDIT: Wow, that was an epic ninja-ing... Okay, krracknut, you have an internet. It's infested with viruses, pop-up ads, and things you're really feel happier not seeing. In disgust and frustration, you run off and spend the rest of your life with the Amish.
I wish I was sexier.
edited 9th Aug '09 6:54:42 PM by Scrounge
You get an internet but it's a bootlegged version that doesn't look as cool as the others. Worse...you wasted your life savings on eBay for it.
You are now the sexiest person alive. Sexiest person to small amphibious creatures anyway. They follow you everywhere.
I wish I had a penguin suit!
Nooooooooooo my monocle!
If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan ChahYou look so cute in it that random people just have to push you over or accuse you of your cuteness being a trap. And you can't eat while you're wearing it, and have to rely on an easily-distracted friend to feed you.
Also, you attract furry-types in insane numbers. If you hear the word "yiff" one more time, you just may snap.
I wish I had a Nice Hat.
Sorry, but you can't wear goggles and a monocle at the same time. Don't worry. Now that the goggles are gone, your monocle is fine.
edited 9th Aug '09 7:05:52 PM by Scrounge
You have a Nice Hat. It's so heavy it crushes you.
I wish I was king of the universe.
SHIKI is dead.You are king of the universe. The Emperor of the Universe and the President of the Universe would like to talk to you about this. By talk I mean hire an interstellar mafia to gun you down. They are also planning to kill each other. Soon only the Chancellor of the Internet will be left.
I wish the Ti Vo wasn't so creepy looking.
If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan ChahYou are but you are also the sole person of the universe as well. Life is no longer fun and you can't make new things because you're too sad.
I wish I had a copy of The Brothers Karamazov.
edited 9th Aug '09 7:16:29 PM by Aondeug
If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan ChahYou are now responsible for the entire universe. I'm betting you snap under the pressure within a week. Tough job, ruling the universe.
EDIT: I'll forgive you for ninjaing me, Aon, but only because you look good in a duct-tape bikini. ;)
You have a copy of the Brothers Karamazov, but it's in Russian, which you can't read. And you get a paper cut.
I wish for the love of an awesome woman.
edited 9th Aug '09 7:19:17 PM by Scrounge
You have the love of every awesome woman. And a few awesome men as well.
I wish I could Mind Rape George W. Bush.
SHIKI is dead.She is awesome in the truest sense of the word for she is GOD! Or Goddess...Huh. You are overwhelmed by this deity and her awesome and your head explodes. Still it was the best night your life.
The gods ponder what to do about you and your blasphemy. They drop in a blackhole time warp thing after your death and never speak of this event again. Your goddess wife is banished from the pantheon.
I wish I didn't think of ducks when thinking of duct tape.
If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan ChahYou forget ducks existed.
I wish I had a Reality Warper girlfriend.
edited 9th Aug '09 7:25:40 PM by WilliamWideWeb
SHIKI is dead.Haruhi Suzumiya is now your girl friend. Internet nerds everywhere rage about this. People who wanted Haruhi to be their 'waifu' and people who hate Haruhi now have a common interest. Your death. They go out and kill you in a convaluted fashion that involves an otter, a banana, and a Tiffany lamp. They then try to kill each other. Haruhi escapes and finds an alien boyfriend as the internet collapses on itself somehow.
I wish I looked better in pictures.
edited 9th Aug '09 7:29:13 PM by Aondeug
If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan ChahYou look so good in pictures that everyone is disappointed by you in real life.
And if Haruhi were my girlfriend, I would have her get rid of the show's existence, thus making Tengen Toppa Gurren Laggan and Code Geass the only shows that will trigger a flamewar.
I wish I had a million dollars.
SHIKI is dead.You have a Reality Warper girlfriend, but she's a little too casual about using her powers on you. Like that time she was in the mood for Naughty Tentacles. *Shudder*
Aon: I'm sure the situation will work itself out somehow.
Edit: Rrrgh. Fine. You have a million dollars. Good luck explaining where it came from when the authorities start asking questions.
I wish to be strong.
edited 9th Aug '09 7:33:00 PM by Scrounge
You are so strong you accidentally break your computer.
I'm not as much a Nightmare Fetishist as, say, Tzetze, but tentacles sound interesting.
I wish I had a Reality Warper girlfriend who would occasionally give me tentacles for her sexual gratification.
edited 9th Aug '09 7:34:13 PM by WilliamWideWeb
SHIKI is dead.

You have a red pen, but it writes in black ink.
I wish my keyboard's space bar didn't look so worn.
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