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The_Dag from House Varley Relationship Status: Love blinded me (with science!)
Nov 4th 2019 at 3:29:41 AM

Granted, you get stuck in the Cthulhu Mythos.

I wish for a delicious curry.

Mankind is unlovable. No more kindness!
unfortunatezorua Unbreakable Spirit from despacito spaghett ugandan chungus Relationship Status: watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
Unbreakable Spirit
Nov 4th 2019 at 5:38:19 AM

Granted, it's surrounded by an impenetrable forcefield, making it physically impossible to eat.

I wish I had better memory.

You can surf on a French poodle, raccoon, and seahorse that fits in your hand, but not on a sail-themed dinosaur.
AcidManeki The Claw of Fortune from Nimbassa City, Unova Relationship Status: Crazy Cat Lady
The Claw of Fortune
Nov 4th 2019 at 5:53:13 PM

Granted, you now get perfectly detailed flashbacks of every bad thing that's ever happened to you

I wish I didn't have to sleep

Edited by AcidManeki on Nov 4th 2019 at 8:55:17 AM

My current avatar is the symbol of Blake Belladonna
aNinjaWithAIDS Twinkle Stars from The Starry Sky Galaxy Relationship Status: Armed with the Power of Love
Nov 4th 2019 at 6:04:57 PM

Granted! You would have to stay motionless, silent, and conscious for at least 8 hours a day.

I wish that billionaires pay their dues back into society to the point that they are no longer excessively wealthy.

Edited by aNinjaWithAIDS on Nov 4th 2019 at 8:05:09 AM

With our feelings as one! Pretty Cure! Star Twinkle Imagination!
TairaMai rollin' on dubs from El Paso Tx Relationship Status: What is this thing you call love?
rollin' on dubs
Nov 4th 2019 at 8:53:23 PM

[up] Granted - the world descends into a 1984-esque dystopianote 

I wish that people would stop revving their cars in the parking lot outside my apartment....

abloogy woogy woo
IchigoMontoya Relationship Status: Not caught up in your love affair
Nov 4th 2019 at 9:54:49 PM

Granted. Now they're revving their cars everywhere else you go.

I wish for everyone to have perfect spelling and grammar skills.

Edited by IchigoMontoya on Nov 4th 2019 at 9:57:25 AM

NineTailedCat Like a treasure from a sunken pirate wreck from bad to worse Relationship Status: She's holding a very large knife
Like a treasure from a sunken pirate wreck
Nov 4th 2019 at 10:00:13 PM

Granted. They don't use them.

I wish I had a full set of Eeveelutions.

I like cute things. You gotta deal with it.
The_Dag from House Varley Relationship Status: Love blinded me (with science!)
Nov 5th 2019 at 7:52:06 AM

Granted, they eat your testicles.

I wish I was Prime Minister.

Mankind is unlovable. No more kindness!
LordQuetzal88 Hallelujah from the 5:30PM handbasket to Hell Relationship Status: Coming soon to theaters
Hallelujah
Nov 5th 2019 at 8:53:26 AM

You are loathed, overthrown, and killed.

I wish I was (a loved) President.

Edited by LordQuetzal88 on Nov 5th 2019 at 11:55:12 AM

"The flag is risen! The anthem is blaring! Oh joy, happy day!"
Awesomekid42 Relationship Status: Owner of a lonely heart
Nov 5th 2019 at 2:10:17 PM

Granted. You're loved by serial killers, terrorists, and all around dangerous criminals. Everybody else? Yeah, they hate your guts.

I wish I could manipulate reality to my whim.

sifsand Madman Relationship Status: Browsing the selection
Madman
Nov 5th 2019 at 3:35:31 PM

Granted, now reality crashes like a computer going into the blue screen of death whenever you do.

I wish for a wallet that gives me any amount of money I want

Nov 8th 2019 at 9:52:17 PM

Granted. It's all counterfeit. Have fun being arrested!

I wish that I could start a successful protest.

Seaners Just some guy from Manila
Just some guy
Nov 8th 2019 at 11:42:46 PM

Granted, protest on trees, my fellow Anti-Enviromentalist!

I wish i was not overwhelmed by things

Edited by Seaners on Nov 9th 2019 at 3:43:11 AM

#HEEL
edchump4 Relationship Status: Owner of a lonely heart
Nov 9th 2019 at 1:08:05 AM

All the things around you are removed until you're basically just in an inescapable void in space.


"I wish for happiness for everybody, free, and no one will go away unsatisfied!"

unfortunatezorua Unbreakable Spirit from despacito spaghett ugandan chungus Relationship Status: watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
Unbreakable Spirit
Nov 9th 2019 at 1:31:14 AM

Granted, everyone gets a minuscule shot of dopamine that lasts less than 0.00001 milliseconds and all of humanity dies immediately afterwards. Hey, at least nobody went away unsatisfied.

I wish for a spork.

You can surf on a French poodle, raccoon, and seahorse that fits in your hand, but not on a sail-themed dinosaur.
XFllo from Europe? Europe!
Nov 9th 2019 at 9:07:27 AM

The spork is cursed and possessed and it gouges your eyes out.


I wish for a nice cup of coffee and a piece of cheesecake.

Edited by XFllo on Nov 9th 2019 at 6:08:54 PM

Chariot Pulled by Cats (TLP draft)
Nov 9th 2019 at 9:21:27 AM

Granted. The coffee has "69" made using human feces, and the cheesecake is a model of a cake made out of Limburger cheese.

I wish that every time "69" was written, seen, or heard, everyone within a 1 km raids said "Nice" simultaneously.

Awesomekid42 Relationship Status: Owner of a lonely heart
Nov 9th 2019 at 2:36:45 PM

Granted, but everybody in that radius goes temporarily mute during the brief period of time they say 'Nice', so it's as if nothing happened.

I wish I could cause psychic pain to people through the internet.

Edited by Awesomekid42 on Nov 9th 2019 at 5:57:54 AM

TairaMai rollin' on dubs from El Paso Tx Relationship Status: What is this thing you call love?
rollin' on dubs
Nov 9th 2019 at 3:10:24 PM

[up] Granted, the FBI, MI-5 and the Committee For Skeptical Inquiry form teams to look for you as more and more people experience "pain from the internet" and you are the common factor.

I wish that cookies could cure cancer and that cute kittens could treat depression....

abloogy woogy woo
edchump4 Relationship Status: Owner of a lonely heart
Nov 9th 2019 at 4:40:44 PM

Granted. Cookies now emit intense X-ray beams (ala radiation therapy) and proximity to kittens fills your bloodstreams with crack cocaine.

What if I wished for something negative to begin with? Like, say, "I wish everyone was dead"?

Seaners Just some guy from Manila
Just some guy
Nov 9th 2019 at 4:47:51 PM

Well that makes YOURSELF dead... great move, so to speak!

how about this? give me 2 wishes.

Edited by Seaners on Nov 9th 2019 at 8:48:57 PM

#HEEL
XFllo from Europe? Europe!
Nov 9th 2019 at 5:36:00 PM

You are granted three wishes, but the Jerkass Genie who grants them corrupts them in ways you wouldn't even believe. The last wish screws you bad. Then the genie is like: "Shouldn't have been greedy! See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!" as he gets the eff out of there.

I Need a Freaking Drink, so I wish for a shot of hard liquor.

Edited by XFllo on Nov 15th 2019 at 6:27:44 PM

Chariot Pulled by Cats (TLP draft)
Nov 9th 2019 at 6:37:33 PM

Granted. The hard liquor is in a needle, which is pumped into your brain. You get one final shot before your quick death.

I wish every cop sounded like Kermit the Frog.

WillyFourEyes Slayer of...you know. from [INSERT CITY HERE] Relationship Status: Non-Canon
Slayer of...you know.
Nov 9th 2019 at 7:12:58 PM

Granted, but the Police Brutality isn't any easier when the cops are flailing their arms about like those inflatable tube men outside car dealerships.

YAAAAAY~ *smack* OW!

YAAAAAY~ *smack* OW!

YAAAAAY~ *smack* OW!

...and so on.

I wish every line, no matter how innocuous, can be finished with some variation of That's What She Said!

"You know...we could all be reading a book right now."
The_Dag from House Varley Relationship Status: Love blinded me (with science!)
Nov 10th 2019 at 8:24:26 AM

Granted, it quickly becomes an Overused Running Gag.

I wish I had some tortilla chips.

Mankind is unlovable. No more kindness!

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