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Granted, you get stuck in the Cthulhu Mythos.
I wish for a delicious curry.
Granted, it's surrounded by an impenetrable forcefield, making it physically impossible to eat.
I wish I had better memory.
Granted, you now get perfectly detailed flashbacks of every bad thing that's ever happened to you
I wish I didn't have to sleep
Edited by AcidManeki on Nov 4th 2019 at 8:55:17 AM
Granted! You would have to stay motionless, silent, and conscious for at least 8 hours a day.
I wish that billionaires pay their dues back into society to the point that they are no longer excessively wealthy.
Edited by aNinjaWithAIDS on Nov 4th 2019 at 8:05:09 AM
Granted - the world descends into a 1984-esque dystopianote We have always been at war with Eurasia!
I wish that people would stop revving their cars in the parking lot outside my apartment....
Granted. Now they're revving their cars everywhere else you go.
I wish for everyone to have perfect spelling and grammar skills.
Edited by IchigoMontoya on Nov 4th 2019 at 9:57:25 AM
Granted. They don't use them.
I wish I had a full set of Eeveelutions.
Granted, they eat your testicles.
I wish I was Prime Minister.
You are loathed, overthrown, and killed.
I wish I was (a loved) President.
Edited by LordQuetzal88 on Nov 5th 2019 at 11:55:12 AM
Granted. You're loved by serial killers, terrorists, and all around dangerous criminals. Everybody else? Yeah, they hate your guts.
I wish I could manipulate reality to my whim.
Granted, now reality crashes like a computer going into the blue screen of death whenever you do.
I wish for a wallet that gives me any amount of money I want
Granted. It's all counterfeit. Have fun being arrested!
I wish that I could start a successful protest.
Granted, protest on trees, my fellow Anti-Enviromentalist!
I wish i was not overwhelmed by things
Edited by Seaners on Nov 9th 2019 at 3:43:11 AM
All the things around you are removed until you're basically just in an inescapable void in space.
Granted, everyone gets a minuscule shot of dopamine that lasts less than 0.00001 milliseconds and all of humanity dies immediately afterwards. Hey, at least nobody went away unsatisfied.
I wish for a spork.
The spork is cursed and possessed and it gouges your eyes out.
Edited by XFllo on Nov 9th 2019 at 6:08:54 PM
Granted. The coffee has "69" made using human feces, and the cheesecake is a model of a cake made out of Limburger cheese.
I wish that every time "69" was written, seen, or heard, everyone within a 1 km raids said "Nice" simultaneously.
Granted, but everybody in that radius goes temporarily mute during the brief period of time they say 'Nice', so it's as if nothing happened.
I wish I could cause psychic pain to people through the internet.
Edited by Awesomekid42 on Nov 9th 2019 at 5:57:54 AM
Granted, the FBI, MI-5 and the Committee For Skeptical Inquiry form teams to look for you as more and more people experience "pain from the internet" and you are the common factor.
I wish that cookies could cure cancer and that cute kittens could treat depression....
Granted. Cookies now emit intense X-ray beams (ala radiation therapy) and proximity to kittens fills your bloodstreams with crack cocaine.
What if I wished for something negative to begin with? Like, say, "I wish everyone was dead"?
Well that makes YOURSELF dead... great move, so to speak!
how about this? give me 2 wishes.
Edited by Seaners on Nov 9th 2019 at 8:48:57 PM
You are granted three wishes, but the Jerkass Genie who grants them corrupts them in ways you wouldn't even believe. The last wish screws you bad. Then the genie is like: "Shouldn't have been greedy! See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!" as he gets the eff out of there.
I Need a Freaking Drink, so I wish for a shot of hard liquor.
Edited by XFllo on Nov 15th 2019 at 6:27:44 PM
Granted. The hard liquor is in a needle, which is pumped into your brain. You get one final shot before your quick death.
I wish every cop sounded like Kermit the Frog.
Granted, but the Police Brutality isn't any easier when the cops are flailing their arms about like those inflatable tube men outside car dealerships.
YAAAAAY~ *smack* OW!
...and so on.
I wish every line, no matter how innocuous, can be finished with some variation of That's What She Said!
Granted, it quickly becomes an Overused Running Gag.
I wish I had some tortilla chips.
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