Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted, you get stuck in the Cthulhu Mythos.

I wish for a delicious curry.

Mankind is unloveable. No more kindness!

Granted, it's surrounded by an impenetrable forcefield, making it physically impossible to eat.

I wish I had better memory.

Well, that’d be jus’ a waste. Why would ya want to deprive the world of such anomaly as yourself?

Granted, you now get perfectly detailed flashbacks of every bad thing that's ever happened to you

I wish I didn't have to sleep

Edited by AcidManeki on Nov 4th 2019 at 8:55:17 AM

The one called "Acid" is dead, but I don't know how to change my username.

Granted! You would have to stay motionless, silent, and conscious for at least 8 hours a day.

I wish that billionaires pay their dues back into society to the point that they are no longer excessively wealthy.

Edited by aNinjaWithAIDS on Nov 4th 2019 at 8:05:09 AM

These two may literally be more bark than bite, but they are no less tenacious than everyone else.

Granted - the world descends into a 1984-esque dystopia^note We have always been at war with Eurasia!

I wish that people would stop revving their cars in the parking lot outside my apartment....

All night at the computer, cuz people ain't that great. I keep to myself so I won't be a case on The First 48

Granted. Now they're revving their cars everywhere else you go.

I wish for everyone to have perfect spelling and grammar skills.

Edited by IchigoMontoya on Nov 4th 2019 at 9:57:25 AM

Granted. They don't use them.

I wish I had a full set of Eeveelutions.

I like cute things. You gotta deal with it.

Granted, they eat your testicles.

I wish I was Prime Minister.

Mankind is unloveable. No more kindness!

You are loathed, overthrown, and killed.

I wish I was (a loved) President.

Edited by LordQuetzal88 on Nov 5th 2019 at 11:55:12 AM

Merry Chriztmaz ya filthy animals!

Granted. You're loved by serial killers, terrorists, and all around dangerous criminals. Everybody else? Yeah, they hate your guts.

I wish I could manipulate reality to my whim.

Granted, now reality crashes like a computer going into the blue screen of death whenever you do.

I wish for a wallet that gives me any amount of money I want

Granted. It's all counterfeit. Have fun being arrested!

I wish that I could start a successful protest.

Granted, protest on trees, my fellow Anti-Enviromentalist!

I wish i was not overwhelmed by things

Edited by Seaners on Nov 9th 2019 at 3:43:11 AM

PIZZA HUT FAMILY... TRANSCENDS SPIRITUAL REALITY

All the things around you are removed until you're basically just in an inescapable void in space.

---

"I wish for happiness for everybody, free, and no one will go away unsatisfied!"

I survived a suicidal trip through apocalyptic America and all I got was this lousy forum signature

Granted, everyone gets a minuscule shot of dopamine that lasts less than 0.00001 milliseconds and all of humanity dies immediately afterwards. Hey, at least nobody went away unsatisfied.

I wish for a spork.

Well, that’d be jus’ a waste. Why would ya want to deprive the world of such anomaly as yourself?

The spork is cursed and possessed and it gouges your eyes out.

---

I wish for a nice cup of coffee and a piece of cheesecake.

Edited by XFllo on Nov 9th 2019 at 6:08:54 PM

Granted. The coffee has "69" made using human feces, and the cheesecake is a model of a cake made out of Limburger cheese.

I wish that every time "69" was written, seen, or heard, everyone within a 1 km raids said "Nice" simultaneously.

Granted, but everybody in that radius goes temporarily mute during the brief period of time they say 'Nice', so it's as if nothing happened.

I wish I could cause psychic pain to people through the internet.

Edited by Awesomekid42 on Nov 9th 2019 at 5:57:54 AM

Granted, the FBI, MI 5 and the Committee For Skeptical Inquiry form teams to look for you as more and more people experience "pain from the internet" and you are the common factor.

I wish that cookies could cure cancer and that cute kittens could treat depression....

All night at the computer, cuz people ain't that great. I keep to myself so I won't be a case on The First 48

Granted. Cookies now emit intense X-ray beams (ala radiation therapy) and proximity to kittens fills your bloodstreams with crack cocaine.

What if I wished for something negative to begin with? Like, say, "I wish everyone was dead"?

I survived a suicidal trip through apocalyptic America and all I got was this lousy forum signature

Well that makes YOURSELF dead... great move, so to speak!

how about this? give me 2 wishes.

Edited by Seaners on Nov 9th 2019 at 8:48:57 PM

PIZZA HUT FAMILY... TRANSCENDS SPIRITUAL REALITY

You are granted three wishes, but the Jerkass Genie who grants them corrupts them in ways you wouldn't even believe. The last wish screws you bad. Then the genie is like: "Shouldn't have been greedy! See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!" as he gets the eff out of there.

I Need a Freaking Drink, so I wish for a shot of hard liquor.

Edited by XFllo on Nov 15th 2019 at 6:27:44 PM

Granted. The hard liquor is in a needle, which is pumped into your brain. You get one final shot before your quick death.

I wish every cop sounded like Kermit the Frog.

Granted, but the Police Brutality isn't any easier when the cops are flailing their arms about like those inflatable tube men outside car dealerships.

YAAAAAY~ *smack* OW!

YAAAAAY~ *smack* OW!

YAAAAAY~ *smack* OW!

...and so on.

I wish every line, no matter how innocuous, can be finished with some variation of That's What She Said!

I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!

Granted, it quickly becomes an Overused Running Gag.

I wish I had some tortilla chips.

Mankind is unloveable. No more kindness!