This is the thread we use to talk things over with people who have received a suspension notice. A lot of the time the notice goes out just so we can explain how seriously we take certain things, not because we want the person to feel bad and go away.
If you're suspended, give What to Do If You Are Suspended a read, then post here to begin your appeal. We try to respond to appeals in order via batch posts every few days. If a moderator has responded to your appeal, you will receive a notification in your private messages, even if you're suspended from PMs.
The Forum Rules
apply here.
Don'ts
- Don't be rude. Rule 1 applies here, too.
- Don't try to negotiate your suspension outside of this thread, such as by sending Private Messages to moderators or posting elsewhere. Such activity may be thumped or otherwise removed, and may warrant an additional suspension block if it keeps happening. All communications have to take place within this thread.
- Don't respond to other suspended users. This is a place for you to discuss your suspension, not others'.
- Don't post multiple times about your appeal if it hasn't been a few days since your last reply from us, since it makes it more difficult to compose responses. If you've posted, we're likely looking at it, and kindly request you to be more patient.
- Don't make another account to try and get around your suspension. This is called ban evasion and will get you bounced. (Again, read What to Do If You Are Suspended if you don't know what these words mean.)
Edited by Synchronicity on Jul 15th 2023 at 11:35:01 AM
Luigifan
The Internet Wanderer
Since: Nov, 2009
The Internet Wanderer
#19902: Sep 23rd 2019 at 5:44:33 PM
Thumped: Please see The Rules . This is a warning that this post is the sort of thing that will get you suspended.
#19903: Sep 23rd 2019 at 6:01:30 PM
NOTE: If you see another banned person post something that you want to comment on, don't. This thread is for discussion between banned people and Mods - no third parties invited.
Luigifan
The Internet Wanderer
Since: Nov, 2009
The Internet Wanderer
#19904: Sep 23rd 2019 at 6:19:10 PM
Ah. Anyways, can I get back to working on the page? I've fixed up the sinkholes.
Luigifan
The Internet Wanderer
Since: Nov, 2009
The Internet Wanderer
#19905: Sep 23rd 2019 at 8:21:12 PM
Here's my progress on the page.
open/close all folders
General
- Researcher Isaac Darby generates a new CMOF (and a new grievous injury and dead D-Class) every time he shows up. note
- Other researchers who become Running Gags include Dr. Calloway (who is relentlessly trolled), Dr. Nukea (who has a bizarre obsession with 17 Again (which SCP-914 quickly gets sick of dealing with)), Maintenance Technician Johnson (who SCP-914 tries to be nice to, but ends up doing so in a way that breaks Foundation protocol), and Professor Wren (who SCP-914 develops a fondness for, but still isn't above screwing with her from time to time).
- As the logs go on, SCP-914 takes a liking to some researchers and a disliking to others, and there starts to be a level of consistency to what each researcher gets.
- This reaches a head when Professor Wren (one of the researchers that SCP-914 likes) keeps getting outputs that are related to the number 19, causing everyone to suspect that something big (and probably bad) will happen on her 19th test. The actual result of her 19th test?
Experiment Logs 0100- 0199
- This bit is an amusing piece of Mundane Utility... well, "utility" might not be the right word:
"Yes, I've been playing chess with 914. Yes, I'm aware it's supposed to be non-sentient, but that hardly explains why it's winning." note
- Later tests indicate that SCP-914's ELO is somewhere between 500 and 800, so this guy apparently stinks at chess.
- SCP-914 does not appreciate tax forms.
Input: 1x IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Setting: Fine
Output: 1x IRS Form 1040, with all blank space including margins and backs of pages filled with imprecations against the IRS and taxation in general in the following languages [in order of quantity of text, from greatest to least]: Basque, Quenya [see below], Sumerian, Cherokee, an unidentifiable language with a writing system composed of curved symbols, Classical Chinese, English (from the curses used, apparently c. 1650-1750). After long study of the unidentifiable symbols Dr. █████ could identify no commonality with any of the other languages present on the form. The Sumerian contained three words unattested from any known text. The Quenya had its cursing of the IRS interspersed with vituperation of someone or something called "Morgoth".- Remember, that was the Fine setting. The output on Very Fine is:
An anachronistic IRS Form "MXL"note filled out by Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus. - Fun with art:
Input: One (1) print of [Les trahison des images by René Marguite]
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A blank piece of paper with the memetic property of inducing observers to believe that it is a pipe. The paper was accidentally destroyed by Dr. C███████ who placed it in his mouth and set it on fire. Dr. C███████ was treated for minor burns to his face but was otherwise not injured. - Putting a stress ball in SCP-914 turns out to be a terrible idea:
Input: One (1) of the above-mentioned "stress balls"
Setting: Fine
Output:An unaltered stress ball.A stress ball that, at random intervals between a minute and five minutes in length, hurls itself at the face of the person in closest proximity to it. If the face is covered or otherwise protected, it will alternatively aim for the stomach or crotch. Object secured and destroyed.
Note: I'm guessing it took the idea of a "stress" ball very literally. Ouch. - Dr. Hadian- For those who are wondering: the Very Fine setting produced a living teddy bear, which was quickly viewed as being similar to SCP-1048 and fitted with a tracking device. Thankfully, this teddy bear hasn't done anything naughty... yet.
- The researcher behind this one should be thankful that it didn't turn out worse:
Items Used: One (1) block of concrete, 12x one (1) foot lengths of steel rebar, One (1) can of Krylon brand spray paint, One (1) picture of SCP-173
Input: Contents stated above
Setting: Fine
Output: Thirty (30) miniature replicas of SCP-173, all animate and extremelycutehostilenote . They cannot move within direct line of sight. Objects are reported to attack by bumping into the legs of personnel and are extremely resistant to being moved. - SCP-914 is not a fast food station:
Name: Dr. ██████
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Three (3) sheets of 8.5x11 in printing paper with varying instructionsInput: A sheet of 8.5x11 in printing paper with the instructions “I would like a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. No pickles, no onions. Large order of fries, and a medium Pepsi” handwritten in #2 pencil by Dr. ██████
Setting: 1:1
Output: A single sheet of 8.5x11in paper, with the words “I would like a Whopper. No Ketchup, No Mustard. Small order of onion rings, and a medium Coke”Input: A sheet of 8.5x11 in printing paper with the instructions “I would like a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. No pickles, no onions. Large order of fries, and a medium Pepsi” handwritten in #2 pencil by Dr. ██████
Setting: Fine
Output: A stack of US counterfeit currency, composed of standard paper and printed with #2 pencil lead. The currency totals to the exact cost of the requested order, plus tax.Input: A sheet of 8.5x11 in printing paper with the instructions “I would like a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. No pickles, no onions. Large order of fries, and a medium Pepsi” handwritten in #2 pencil by Dr. ██████
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A single sheet of 8.5x11 in paper, with a series of symbols inscribed upon it which do not correspond to any known system of writing. Subjects viewing the symbols describe a sudden and intense desire for a cheeseburger. - SCP-914 once again proves itself capable of producing SCP-classifiable items:
Input: 1 (one) ██████ brand 'Super-Duper Bouncy Ball'
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One ball, that appears unchanged from the input. There is however, a difference in its [REDACTED] properties, exhibited when dropped by Dr Brown. [REDACTED] forty five casualties, twelve injuries [DATA EXPUNGED] forty-five casualties, and reached escape velocity. Currently thought to be orbiting Mars.note - Fun with alcohol.
Name: Agent Smithers
Date: 8/19/████
Total Items: Two (2) bottles of mass-produced supermarket beer and two (2) bottles of microbrewed, hand-crafted beer.
Input: One (1) bottle of high-quality beer.
Setting: Very fine.
Output: A small glass orb filled with a glowing gas. Mass is identical to the beer bottle. Later testing revealed that physical contact with the orb produces an inspirational effect on the subject. D-8742, upon contact with the object, requested a sheet of paper, which he folded into a paper [DATA EXPUNGED].
Update: It's been five months since D-8742's termination, and that thing is still in the air. Possible SCP classification? - Applying 1:1 to the Samsung Galaxy Note 7 results in... a grenade.
Note from Dr. Sutherland: I did this out of curiosity and because I wanted to prevent my phone from exploding in my pocket. Apparently SCP-914 has a sense of humor, and keeps up with current events.
- Apparently, 914 hates crosswords, despite its questionable sentience:
Input: An unsolved crossword puzzle
Setting: Fine
Output: A brief typed letter requesting the meanings of various short phrases. Examination shows that they line up with the "clues" given in the crossword.
Input: An unsolved crossword puzzle
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A crumpled-up piece of paper. The output was launched at high velocity and trailed smoke.
Note: Yeah, I never really liked those things, either. - This one is hilarious:
Input: One pound of █████ brand bacon. Fully cooked. One photograph of SCP-682.
Setting: Very fine
Output: One miniature replica of SCP-682, approximately five inches tall at the shoulder, made entirely out of cooked █████ brand bacon. Entity is fully animate and extremely hostile toward all life forms. It escaped containment, attempting to kill all staff present. It was unable to inflict any damage due to its small size and the materials used in its composition. Entity made a “sizzling” sound as it moved that several staff described as “pleasing to the ears.” Classification of entity as SCP-682-BAC denied.
Note: Very funny, Dr. Curtis. You are suspended from testing SCP-914 until further notice. Though I have to admit, it smelled delicious. -Dr. Gears- The next researcher to enter the testing room wonders why it smells like bacon.
- After a speaker turns into something that loudly (300db, more than enough to deafen people!) blasts whatever the person has in mind:
Note: I can't believe the last thing I ever heard was Barry Manilow. We couldn't have found a D-Class with better music taste? -Dr. Maguire
- A little bit of Fridge Humour: If you put a copy of ET The Extraterrestrial in 914, and set it to Fine, it returns a boxed copy. As in, it's better as a collector's item or shelf decoration than as a game.
- SCP-914 + Skateboard Wheels = Bad Idea:
Input: One (1) wheel (green)
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) bearing, suspended by an invisible outer wheel of unknown material. Although invisible, the outer wheel physically exists and appears to use higher-dimensional translations to redirect the force of gravity and propel the object forward at at about half the speed of free fall. The wheel can be easily stopped at low speeds, but gains momentum quickly while unhindered. Prospective researchers should note that under the influence of gravity the wheel will always retain a 1/4mg horizontal force, even while at rest.Note 1: And they say you can't reinvent the wheel. - Dr. Collins
Note 2: Following the collision of a Class-D personnel with Dr. ████ at ██ mph, all human testing has been suspended until Dr. ████ can come up with a procedure that isn't idiotic. - Poor, poor Dr. Mason; just when he thinks he’s made a breakthrough… well, just read for yourself.
Name: Dr. Mason
Date: 07/06/2017
Total Items: Five (5) realtime location beacons, standard Foundation issue.
Note: The area above and around SCP-914 was set with receivers before this test. In this test, all directional notation is relative to the central "Intake" and "Output" booths, i.e., a subject standing at the mainspring is facing "North".Input: One (1) tracking beacon
Setting: Rough
Output: Small amounts of various scrap metals and other composite materials of tracking beacons.
Path: Within the first 0.15 seconds, the signal was traced to move 3.41 meters "North" before turning exactly ninety one (91) degrees. Signal was lost after another 0.3 meters.Input: One (1) tracking beacon
Setting: Coarse
Output: One (1) tracking beacon, with battery and transceiver unit removed. No other visible damage.
Path: While again initially traveling "North" for 3.41 meters, the tracking device remained functional for almost twice the amount of time as the first trial. This path appeared to follow the outer edges of the rectangular main body of SCP 914 before the signal was lost.
Note: I wonder if there are set paths that each setting follows. - Dr. MasonInput: One (1) tracking beacon
Setting: 1:1
Output: One (1) unlabeled tracking beacon consistent with those used by Canadian counterterrorism groups.
Path: "North" for 3.41 meters. Signal then moves towards one of the "Southwestern" outer segments of SCP-914, where it repeatedly follows an equilateral triangle for 0.13 seconds before losing signal. Analysis of received signals shows a new signal retracing a path back to the booths.
Note: Seriously, though. What is that first bit Northward for? I've checked the recordings, it does that in every test. Every. Single. One. - Dr. MasonInput: One (1) tracking beacon
Setting: Fine
Output: One (1) apparent tracking beacon, components consistent with Foundation-specific requirements. Tracking beacon is smaller than standard, with certain unknown components. Testing revealed it to be fully operational, although signal was lost mid-test, as the output ran a different operating system.
Path: "North" for 3.63 meters. "South-southeast" for 0.7 meters. Accelerates in the opposite direction for four (4) meters before signal cutoff.
Note: So, I was talking to a colleague about my testing, and they said that the Fine output sounded familiar. Turns out the smaller beacon and the new OS are both prototypes right now. Guess we end up using them. - Dr. MasonInput: One (1) tracking beacon
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One (1) thin strip of translucent film, shown to be attachable with static cling. Discovered to be remarkably resilient for its size when D-1126 tore a fingernail pulling it off of the wall of the Output Booth. Currently unreadable.
Path: "North" for 3.41 meters. Subsequently appears to reach all parts of SCP-914, although high speeds prevented receivers from accurately tracking the path.
Note 1: Well, that was disappointing. At least I got a strip of fancy tape. Hopefully I'll be able to get something out of the prior results. - Dr. Mason
Note 2: So, turns out if you let that tape stick itself to your hand, you can draw the paths of whatever it recorded. You also draw a legend, and what appears to be a menu screen. I'm going to try to get this put onto a D-Class to preserve my wrists. - Dr. Mason
Note 3: Wow. So, not only did the new tracker record its own movements, it somehow recorded ALL of the movements. Of EVERYTHING that 914 has worked on over the last 3 months. I think I've finally gotten 914 to work with us, albeit with a lot of analysis involved. This is amazing. - Dr. Mason
Note 4: [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. I thought it would make sense for ONCE. But no, it had to be messing with us again. One of my interns - sorry, Junior Researchers - found out that, if you superimpose all the paths from the tracker, you get a 3D image of the Foundation logo. It's pretty for art drawn in GPS, but it still makes this whole project meaningless. Piece of [EXPLETIVE DELETED] doesn't follow set paths. It does whatever it wants. - Dr. Mason
Note 5: Dr. Mason has been placed on psychological leave due to apparent stress. Junior Researcher Chen has taken over. Analysis of the object paths taken will continue. - O5 Command - Dr. Hertz put in a CD of his own self-recorded guitar music set to Very Fine. The machine returned a CD with silent tracks and copies of books for beginner's singing, songwriting, and guitar playing. Hertz did not take kindly to the implication of being a Dreadful Musician and had to be dragged out when he attacked the machine.
- An attempt to analyze a computer virus known as "Creeper" doesn't go as planned.
Input: Creeper source code on USB drive.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A metallic figure, green in color and vaguely phallic. The object self-destructed upon being removed from SCP-914, in a manner comparable to a commercial firework. The remains have shown no anomalous properties.
Note: Well, that was anticlimactic. - Dr. Manheim - SCP-914 doesn't think highly of Nazis.
Name: Researcher M. Inselmann
Date: 04/12/2018
Total Items: Three copies of 'Mein Kampf,' by Adolf Hitler. Text in the original German.Input: A copy of Mein Kampf
Setting: 1:1
Output: A book titled 'How to Make Friends, Influence People, and then Murder Them,' subtitled 'How to be a Dickhead for Dummies.' Text mostly consists of hyperbolic German profanity.Input: A copy of Mein Kampf
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An animate 45-centimeter tall origami caricature of Adolf Hitler. Object does not appear to be sapient, but is able to vocalize a non-stop stream of threats and boasts. Voice confirmed to be that of the original Adolf Hitler. Object also noted to often clumsily fall over or bump into walls while goose-stepping about. Object is harmless, and mildly regenerative (the origami will refold if disrupted), and can be kicked by researchers as a form of stress management at their discretion.Note: Outside of the testing area, please. I should not need to specify that. - Dr. Veritas - SCP-914 manages to produce the one thing SCP-999 doesn't like:
Input: 500mL sample of SCP-999
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small, spherical blob of translucent, azure-colored slime roughly 12cm in diameter, with a strong garlic-like odor. Found to be mobile and sentient, and capable of making gurgling, chirping vocalizations similar to SCP-999 but at a much deeper pitch. The entity, designated "E-999-A", was immediately hostile to all staff, attempting to either leap upon researchers' faces or "headbutt" their shins via rolling across the floor at high speed, though its small size and mass prevented it from doing more than mild bruising.
E-999-A was eventually contained and presented to SCP-999, with the assumption that this was its "offspring", and that SCP-999 could teach it to become more docile. SCP-999 instead reacted with immediate hostility, attacking E-999-A with its pseudopods while E-999-A rolled around SCP-999, emitting loud "growling" and "snarling" noises while dodging. SCP-999 finally eliminated E-999-A roughly two minutes later via engulfing it with two pseudopods, rapidly dissolving E-999-A inside its body similar to how SCP-999 digests its meals.
No change in SCP-999's color or demeanor following the incident has been noted, however, it is the first and thus far only time that SCP-999 has ever reacted to anything with hostility or violence. Further research involving SCP-999's slime is temporarily suspended save for researchers with at least Level 3 clearance, and any experiments involving SCP-999 and SCP-914 are completely prohibited. Mentioning E-999-A to SCP-999 results in it immediately "ignoring" whoever speaks to it, often by wandering off to play with a nearby object or person.
Note: Prof. Snider is currently facing disciplinary action due to violation of biological safety protocol. The next one I catch is losing their clearance indefinitely. - Dr. Veritas.
Experiment Logs 0200- 0299
- Testing lightbulbs eventually leads to this:
Input: One incandescent light bulb.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One anthropomorphic humanoid light bulb. Object vocalized to staff in English with a slight German accent. Claimed to be Thomas Edison who is (erroneously) credited with inventing the first light bulb."This thing will not stop talking about its "grand scientific achievements" to everyone it meets. Request to gain as much information as possible about its existence and smash it with a sledgehammer?" - Researcher Blais
"Just incinerate it, Blais." - Dr. Veritas - Transmuting old keys eventually leads to a surprise. And by "a surprise", we mean "ready-made identity fraud".
Input: The former access key to the janitors' closet
Setting: Very fine
Output: One metal credit card, VISA #4███████████████8, belonging to JP. B████ the CEO of Amazon.
Note: I guess money can buy you access. - Kurt
Note: You're not keeping that. - Chief Security Officer Wright - Even on the lower settings, putting sunglasses through SCP-914 has weird results:
Name: Researcher Blais
Date: 05/05/2018
Total Items: Two pairs of standard UV protection sunglasses.Input: One pair of sunglasses.
Setting: Rough.
Output: One tinted pane of glass Dimensions 50x50x3 mm. When pointed at a light and looked through, the pane generates extreme hallucinations from the light source. Such hallucinations have included "dragons and smoke monsters" to "birds with blue flaming wings and horns like a goat". Hallucinations vary from subject to subject and seem to have no correlation to the viewer's mental state or personality. When the pane is turned away from the source, the hallucinations immediately cease and "reset" until turned back to the light.
Note: Multiple D-class subjects have reported seeing a "Deer with enormous antlers and crazy floating orbs" when looking through the pane of glass. Investigation into a possible connection to SCP-2845 is underway.Input: One pair of sunglasses.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One pair of aviator style sunglasses with mirrored lenses. Memetic effects occur when a person views another individual wearing the sunglasses. Subjects will exclaim and persist that the glasses are the most “extremely stylish” and “hip” they have ever seen. Further testing is in order.
Note: Definitely the most sexy pair of sunglasses I’ve ever seen in my life. I have to keep them if I’m ever going to get a date. - Researcher Blais
Note: Sure Blais, of course I'm going to let you keep an anomalous object for your personal gain. I stored it in the anomalous item wing for study. Don't ask where, I'm not telling you. - Dr. Veritas - Experimenting with tabletop games eventually takes a turn into VR disaster:
Input: 1 character sheet for the tabletop roleplaying game Dungeons & Dragons, 3.5th Edition, filled out by Researcher Thompson.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A sheet of paper promoting the non-existent tabletop roleplaying game Fear in the Foundation, 1st Edition. The paper repeatedly makes claims about the fun factor of the game but gives little information as to its actual content. Upon reading the entirety of the paper, subjects undergo an out-of-body experience in which they perceive themselves to exist in the game world. Based on subject’s reports, elements of the game are taken from several different tabletop roleplaying games. The game is also noted to contain several Foundation and SCP-related characters, items, and locations. Subjects will exit this state upon either dying in the game, or defeating the final villain.Note: "I gave this a try, and ended up seeing SCP-096's face after rolling a 1 on stealth. If you don't hear from me within 5 minutes, I've blown my brains out." -Researcher Jacobson
Note: "Researcher Jacobson was later found dead in the anomalous item storage wing. Access to 'Fear in the Foundation' now requires supervision of at least one armed member of site security in case of visual hazards." —O5-6 - More fun with Mundane Utility:
Name: Dr. Hazard
Date: 23/05/2018
Total Items: One AP Calculus textbookInput: One AP Calculus textbook
Setting: Rough
Output: Large shreds of paper and plastic in a pileNote: What? Don’t look at me like that, school’s over. - Dr. Hazard
Note: Hazard, if I catch you using 914 as your personal paper shredder again, I'm reassigning you to Site-██. Yes, the one on Antarctica. - Dr. Veritas - SCP-914 does not want to make any contact with SCP-882.
Name: Dr. Stern
Date: 08/06/2018
Total Items: Four A4 printed photographs of SCP-882Input: One A4 printed photograph of SCP-882
Setting: Coarse
Output: One 200x148mm piece of paper in the shape of a zero or letter O. One similarly sized piece of paper in the shape of a capital letter N or Z. Several hundred 5-10mm triangular scraps of paper. One small puddle of brownish ink.Input: One A4 printed photograph of SCP-882
Setting: 1:1
Output: One A4 sheet of paper, printed with the word "NO" in 83 different languages, taking up approximately one-half of the page. The rest of the page was occupied by angular pictograms arranged seemingly at random, which were reported as producing "a feeling of trepidation and discomfort". Subsequent investigation revealed these symbols to be a minor cognitohazard, and the sheet of paper was put into containment.Input: One A4 printed photograph of SCP-882
Setting: Fine
Output: One inked origami model of a human in a kneeling position, hands raised to its head. When picked up, the model abruptly unfolded, giving Dr. Stern a shallow cut across the tips of three fingers and the thumb. The unfolded model resembled a human body torn into four pieces.Input: One A4 printed photograph of SCP-882
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Although planned, this test was cancelled on request from Dr. Stern. - An ill-advised test causes Dr. Veritas' blood pressure to spike.
Name: Researcher Jed
Date: 30/06/2018
Total Items: One gear from SCP-914Input: One gear from SCP-914
Setting: Rough
Output: Failed to operate. Gear destroyed. A replica was made and is currently being installed.
Note: A vote by the O5 suspended Researcher Jed from testing for one year. SCP repaired as of 07/05/2018.Note: He did what?! - Dr. Veritas
Notice: In an effort to preserve SCP-914's structural integrity, and for the sake of Dr. Veritas' blood pressure, I strongly caution against personnel using its own parts in testing. Thank you. - Dr. Gears.- The stupidity continues immediately.
Name: Researcher Wood.
Date: 07/05/2018
Total Items: One vial of corrosive slime recovered from SCP-106's containment chamber.Input: One aforementioned vial.
Setting: Very Fine.
Output: Before the refining process could begin, the test was interrupted by security personnel and Researcher Wood was restrained. The vial of SCP-106's slime was disposed of.Note: I think I need to re-iterate. Feel free to test at your own discretion, but for Christ's sake, use common sense. I swear, when I find Wood I'm going to [REDACTED]. Dr. Smith.
Note: Due to his failure to follow basic guidelines, as well as to preserve his own safety, Researcher Wood has been transferred off-site. - SCP-914 is not a beautician. Or, at least, it shouldn't be one.note
Input: Junior Researcher Summers
Setting: Fine
Output: Junior Researcher Summers, with noticeably clearer skin, longer hair and a better figure. She was very disoriented, but otherwise unharmed. Junior Researcher Summers was apprehended upon output.Note: She told us she just wanted to try with her hair clip. By the time we realized what she was actually doing, it was too late to stop her. Needless to say, she's since been terminated, and I hope I don't need to tell you all to not do it again. - Dr. Veritasnote - Dr. Veritas tests the replacement gear by processing some thermometers. The final test is… interesting.
Input: One digital thermometer.
Setting: Very fine.
Output: An intricate instrument with several digital dials that change when exposed to different temperatures and directions. One of the dials seemingly moves without purpose. The symbols do not correspond to any known mathematical object to count or measure.Note: Found out what the last dial did. It responds to minor changes in the orbital trajectory of Mercury. Mercury, like what we used in traditional thermometers. Hilarious. After four years of working with the damned thing, it's still taunting me. Carry on, people. The next person that takes out a part of the machine gets fed to the first thing with large teeth I can find. - Veritas.
Note: After some concerns raised, we should mention that Dr. Veritas is not authorised to feed his colleagues to anomalous objects. We do, however, approve of his… request to refrain from using parts of SCP-914 in testing. - Site Director Hackett. - Dr. Anton's testing with Rubik's Cubes goes horribly wrong:
Input: One Rubik’s cube.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A “hypercube” space anomaly. When Dr. Anton tried to rotate it, the cube sucked his hand into the rift, breaking several of his hand's bones.
Note: Firstly, ow. Second, I am not surprised at this result, a hypercube. Third, does anyone know how to solve it? - Dr. Anton
Note: Anton, we try to solve spacetime anomalies after we get out of the hospital wing. - Veritas - Dr. Xerial attempted to see what 914 would do with various pictures of SCP objects. The final test:
Input: One (1) picture of SCP-173.Setting: 1:1Output: One (1) picture of SCP-096.Note: Oh shit. - Dr. XerialNote 2: Xerial's remains (what was left) have been disposed of. Someone write up the cause of death as "natural selection". - Dr. Veritas
- Using thaumatology on SCP-914 backfires immensely.
Name: Dr. Devant. Thaumatology researcher.
I hope to find answers where Dr. Mason only found SCP-914 messing with him. - Dr. Devant
Date: 03/10/2018
Total Items: 5 Thaumatologically crafted letters (acting as tracking beacons) in envelopes that will remotely write the path taken on an associated paper sheet outside of SCP-914. These letters are also sealed closed with special trigger symbols in sealing wax that, when traversing boundaries of realities or alternate universes, will trigger the associated wax candles outside of SCP-914 to light themselves.Input: 1 tracking envelope.
Setting: Rough
Output: A small pile of cinnabar, a tiny beeswax honeycomb structure, scraps of paper, and a small pile of glitter (presumed to be the thaumatological writing from the letter).
Notes: The candle did not light, an outline of a human face was drawn on the paper sheet.
Yes! We're getting somewhere. No way this drawing could form the Foundation logo. - Dr. DevantInput: 1 tracking envelope.
Setting: Coarse
Output: 1 unfolded envelope (no visible markings), one letter with SCP-3669-2 notation in glittery black ink. One unbroken wax seal with the stylized initials C.F. stamped on it.
Notes: The candle did not light, the paper showed a zig-zagging pattern being drawn across it.
The arrows on the letter do not match the chaotic movement on the paper. I'll have the letter analysed by another department. - Dr. DevantInput: 1 tracking envelope.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A punch card labeled "FORTRAN STATEMENT" wherein 688 of the 800 positions were punched. Each of the punched holes had a shape of thaumatological significance. The surface of the card feels "waxy" and has a slight glitter-like glint to it. The nature of the program on the card is being analysed by the anomalous computing dept.
Notes: The candle produced a small puff of smoke, but did not light. On the sheet of paper, a pair of human eyes were drawn.
While the results of the candle were inconclusive, SCP-914 seems to be drawing a human face.
I'm beginning to believe that my plan has already failed. - Dr. DevantInput: 1 tracking envelope.
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 origami helicopter (modeled after a Bell UH-1 Iroquois), the windows are painted on with glittery black ink, the engine compartment is made of red sealing wax. After manually winding the blades the helicopter can fly a short distance in a random direction.
Notes: The candle produced a small spark and puff of smoke. A pair of human ears, a human nose, & voluptuous lips were drawn on the paper.
I'm not quite sure what the candle is signaling here, it should just light itself when the seal traverses to another reality, this effect needs further investigation. The face drawn on the tracking papers is too crude to do any facial recognition on, let's see if the Very Fine setting helps. - Dr. DevantInput: 1 tracking envelope.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 wax sealed envelope, addressed to the high school nickname of Dr. Devant, the seal was stamped with a heart symbol. Inside the envelope was a letter of rejection to Dr. Devant, written in black glittery ink. This letter is currently being investigated for cognitohazardous effects.
Notes: The candle was lit. The paper had random scribbles all over. When all five outputs on the papers were overlaid, it produced a sketch of ████████ ████████████ (now deceased), a helicopter pilot and former high school romantic interest of Dr. Devant. Dr. Devant has been placed in the psych ward after excessive sobbing and showing of suicidal tendencies.
This one's odd to me. All my experiments so far have conformed to the belief that SCP-914 works via associations of the operator. Unless the good Doctor can tell me otherwise, that doesn't seem to be the case here. I would suggest against using thaumaturgy on 914, it's already weird enough as is. -Researcher K. Midaeus - An attempt to improve a tracking device gets taken too far.
Name: Researcher Daniel
Date: 18/11/2018
Total Items: One Standard Foundation Tracking Device, Six (6) AA Batteries
Note: Before the test, subject D-4936 was given these devices, which were receiving signals from tracking devices near SCPs. The intention for this test is to try and create an SCP tracker.Input: One Standard Foundation Tracking Device
Operator: D-4936
Setting: Fine
Output: One Improved Tracking Device. When loaded with batteries and pointed at an SCP, it will emit a beeping noise that will speed up with proximity. The batteries go flat after five minutes of operation.
It actually worked, albeit for short periods. Attempting to improve. -Researcher DanielInput: One Improved Tracking Device, Three AA Batteries
Operator: D-4936
Setting: Fine
Output: One Improved Tracking Device. Battery life increased to thirty minutes.
Still too short. Let's try one more time. I don't understand why so many people are complaining about 914. -Researcher DanielInput: One Improved Tracking Device, Three AA Batteries
Operator: D-4936
Setting: Fine
Output: One Improved Tracking Device. Upon the Output booth opening, it attached itself to the booth wall and made a loud blaring noise. The object was unable to be removed from the wall of the booth. Attempts to destroy the object without causing damage to SCP-914 resulted in failures. Despite not being able to remove it, the tracker could be slid along the walls. The object was then slid out of the Output booth, across SCP-914 and into the Intake booth.Input: One Improved Tracking Device
Operator: D-4936
Setting: Rough
Output: Burnt pile of metal and plastic
Finally shut that thing up! -Researcher Daniel
Note: Researcher Daniel was reprimanded for his carelessness and admitted to the medbay for an aspirin. -Senior Researcher Brad
Note: Why am I surrounded by complete imbeciles? - Veritas - An attempt to give 914 a tune-up ends in an unexpected fashion:
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date: 18/11/2018
Total Items: Five gallons industrial strength degreaser, One gallon industrial strength rust remover, One gallon industrial engine lubricant, One handwritten note reading “Use these supplies to give yourself a tune-up”
Note: Let’s see if I can give 914 a tune-up. Who knows how long it’s been since it last had one?Input: All of the above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A foul-smelling mixture of the aforementioned degreaser and lubricant. Analysis reveals substantial amounts of rust, ash, and soot. The note is unreadable due to being completely blackened. One small metal and a plastic statue of Maintenance Technician Johnson holding a wrench and standing in a gallant pose. Statue has memetic properties leading to viewers gaining an intense urge to give M.T. Johnson either a promotion or a pay raise, whichever would lead to him getting paid more. This effect lasts for an average of two hours after viewing. Moved to secure containment.Note: Now every pay raise or promotion I could ever possibly receive is going to be treated as a possible containment breach. Great. - Maintenance Technician Johnson
Note: The cleanup took 2 bloody hours. Remind me to take the clearance of the next technician that tries this without conferring with a senior researcher first. - Veritas - Dr. Day and his amazing technicolor pens:
Name: Dr. Day
Date: 30-11-18
Total Items: 4 broken pens.
Note: I'm getting pissed off at all my pens breaking. -DayInput: 1 broken pen
Setting: 1:1
Output: A mechanical pencil with what appeared to be a plastic cartridge. melted into ink when Dr. Day tried to retrieve it.
Note: God dammit, [Data Smudged] hands [Data Smudged] with ink -DayInput: 1 broken pen
Setting: Fine
Output: A pen that is always activated. Changes to a new color every time the button is pressed.
Welp, the pen I was using to write this report broke. Hopefully 914 made this one indestructible as well. -DayInput: 1 broken pen
Setting: Fine
Output: An ornate fountain pen. The ink is imbued in the outer case. Ink cartridge is empty.
Note: Great job, great freaking job, 914. -DayInput: 1 broken pen
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A pen that will write down everything that is said in the general vicinity, of about 3 meters.Note: This is great! Now I don't have to write! Hey, Dayman, you can't use that, we don't know what properties it has.
But all my pens are broken!
I will see if we can get you some more pens, Dayman.
Can't I use it to finish writing this report first? And don't call me Dayman. Wait, did it just record everything we said? Yes, apparent- -Pen - Dr. Einen is a nerd:
Name: Dr. Einen
Date: 01/05/2018
Total Items: One container filled with 20mg of tears. One clay doll resembling a wide-eyed child.Input: Both previously mentioned items
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Object has the appearance of the original doll, but with the capability to move around. When agitated, it appears to be able to shoot out 'tears' from its supposed eyes. Object neutralized after being exposed to a small wooden replica of a cross.I just wanted to know what would happen, the game is damn fun. - Dr. Einen
Again, please try not to create anything that might become living. I’m not saying that you were intentionally trying to create █████, but really? -Dr. Nome
Experiment Logs 0300- 0399
- Fun with personnel files.
Name: Dr. Anton
Date: 10/12/18
Total Items: Several Personnel Files, 5 200 g iron cubesInput: Personnel File for Dr. S. Pider, 200 g iron cube
Setting: Fine
Output: A bingo card, containing several marks on it, including a "bingo" configuration. Several iron balls, engraved with numbers, some of which correspond with the marks on the card.Input: Personnel File for Maintenance Technician Johnston, 200 g iron cube
Setting: Fine
Output: One small metal and paper statue of Maintenance Technician Johnson holding a wrench and standing in a gallant pose. Statue has memetic properties leading to viewers gaining an intense urge to give M.T. Johnson either a promotion or a pay raise, whichever would lead to him getting paid more. This effect lasts for an average of two hours after viewing.
Note: This again!? - MT. JohnsonInput: Personnel File for Dr. Veritas, 200 g iron cube
Setting: Fine
Output: Documentation for SCP-914, level 3 clearance. Test logs not included.
Note: …No comment. - Dr. Anton
Note: To whoever gave Anton my personnel file: Pray that I don't find out who you are. - Veritas.Input: Personnel File for Dr. Day, 200 g iron cube
Setting: Fine
Output:no changeThe document has significant changes, and a memetic effect where talking about them changes the color of text. Main changes include [DATA EXPUNGED]. Cube has a purple tinge.Input: Personnel File for Dr. Anton, 200 g iron cube
Setting: Fine
Output: An iron gear, and an apology note. Upon reading, Dr. Anton burst into tears and had to be removed by security personnel. - A test with various measuring devices leads to a Brick Joke.
Input: One wristwatch, one thermometer
Setting: Fine
Output: One wristwatch without markings. The hour hand appears immobile at first. Further testing indicates that it moves albeit extremely slowly; it completes one full round every 1407.5 hours.
That's the sidereal rotational period of Mercury. Son of a… - The restrictions on biological testing are in place for a reason.
Name: Junior Researcher Murray
Date: 22/09/19
Total Items: Five 8GB SanDisk 8GB Cruzer Blade USB 3.0 memory sticks, each containing a single FAT32 partition with the file monika.chr from the 2017 parody horror visual novel "Doki Doki Literature Club!", developed by Team Salvato.Input: One memory stick
Setting: Rough
Output: Melted heap of silicone, metal and plastic, equal to mass, volume and weight of input product. Data likely lost.Input: One memory stick
Setting: Coarse
Output: Memory stick disassembled into its separate components. FAT32 partition has been corrupted.Input: One memory stick
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Kingston DataTraveler G4 USB 3.0 8GB flash drive containing a single ExFAT partition with one file on it; analysis reveals to be all of the dialogue, in-game sprites, and a compilation of fan art of the character "Sans" from "Undertale", a game created by Toby Fox in 2015.Input: One memory stick
Note 2: Upon closer inspection of security camera footage, it appears that Junior Researcher Murray had also placed a large bucket's worth of stolen human tissue (from the medical department) into the input chamber.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED], promptly terminated after breaching the walls of SCP-914's containment. Junior Researcher Murray, showing an almost memetic attraction to the entity, was also terminated after trying to shield said entity from the bullets of the guards' assault rifles.
Note 3: Alright, who else wants to create a fucking sentient reality bender waifu with SCP-914? For those that fail, your prize will be Class E amnestics. - Senior Researcher ██████Name: Junior Researcher Altdamm
Date: 04/01/19
Total Items: Two 4GB SanDisk 4GB Cruzer Blade USB 3.0 memory sticks, each containing a single NTFS partition of the .apk file of the 2.0223_274 version of Girls' Frontline; one X-Sponge; one 1:10 model of the Girls Frontline character Grizzly MkVInput: One USB and one X-Sponge
Setting: Fine
Output: One X-Sponge which automatically redacts all information not related to the game Girls Frontline in any form. ███████ ███████ ████ ██ ████████ ███████████ ██████████ ██ ███ ████ ██ ███████ ███████ ██.
Note: ██████ ██, ████ ███ ████ ██ ████ ████████ ██ ████? -AltdammInput: One USB and one model of Grizzly MkV
Reviewing security footage has shown that Junior Researcher Altdamm inserted a box full of human tissue stolen from a deceased D-class personnel in the Medical Department, including said personnel's clothing.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An entity resembling the Girls Frontline character Grizzly MkV, as well as a fully loaded Kel-Tec PMR-30 automatic pistol. Initially disoriented, the entity grabbed the pistol and shot Junior Researcher Altdamm six times in his abdomen and chest, before surrendering itself to Foundation authorities. Junior Researcher Altdamm himself died of blood loss.
Note: Again? Seriously? The next person caught attempting to create a reality bender waifu with 914 will be rewarded with a bullet in the head. -Senior Researcher ██████
Addendum: When cleaning up 914, a clock was found at the output booth. The hour hand always points at Dr. Veritas, the minute hand always points at Dr. Cleveland, and the second hand always points at Maintenance Technician Johnson. The clock would also constantly rotate such that the "V" marking always points towards the entity resembling Grizzly MkV. Security footage has shown that the entity used 914 at the "Very Fine" setting in an attempt to alter the automatic pistol. - SCP-914 seems to carry a torch for Johnson:
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date: 30/01/2019
Total Items: 3 abridged copies of MT Johnson's personnel file, which have been scrubbed of all sensitive information
Note: Since 914 partially operates by intent of the operator, let's see what happens when I create some feedback by putting in information about myself.Input: 1 abridged copy of MT Johnson's personnel file
Setting: 1:1
Output: A copy of the mission statement of the Department of Maintenance, an obscure department which is responsible for the upkeep of SCP containment enclosures.
Note: If no one's heard of us, then that means we're doing our jobs correctly. - MT JohnsonInput: 1 abridged copy of MT Johnson's personnel file
Setting: Fine
Output: One large origami wrench embossed with the words "Secure, Maintain, Protect"
Note: About what I expected, but that's not the Foundation's actual slogan. Perhaps it's my perception of it? - MT JohnsonInput: 1 abridged copy of MT Johnson's personnel file
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The file now contains several pages of the word "maintain" handwritten over and over in printer ink. Writing confirmed as identical to that of MT Johnson. Writing starts out normally but gets rougher and rougher as it progresses, as well as containing an increasing number of capital letters. By the end, it is barely legible as well as being entirely capitalized. The folder has what appears to be an emblem made up of a pair of crossed wrenches pressed into its front and back as well.
Note: This feels like it's from the typewriter scene from The Shining. I'm just going to leave this in secure storage and try to forget that this ever happened. - MT Johnson - A test with a shovel has a very strange ending:
Input: One standard-issue military entrenching tool, as produced by SCP-914.
Setting: Fine
Output: An anomalous military entrenching tool that, when held, prompts the subject to attempt to exchange it for cheap goods and services, regardless of whether the recipient is willing to accept it.
Note: The remainder of the test postponed while I go see if anyone wants a duplicated shovel. - Dr. Hadian
Note: Dr. Hadian has been sent to the antimemetics department for treatment by Dr. Veritas, or to use his words: "No, I don't want a [REDACTED] spade." - Security Officer Schwartz - A test with amnestics goes bad quickly.
Name: Dr. Range — Medical Department
Date: 05/02/2019
Total Items: 1 Class-B amnestic, small tablet.
Note: Attempting to see if 914 can create more powerful amnestics. A low level one was used for obvious reasons.Input: Class-B amnestic tablet
Setting: Fine
Output: Visually unchanged tablet. Anyone within a five meter radius of this tablet appears to suffer from short-term memory loss, which is removed once outside the range.
Note: Took a while, but eventually tablet was incinerated. Every time someone tried to move it, they'd take two steps, forget why they had it, and set it down. -Dr. Range
Experiment Logs 0400- 0499
- Archivist Morgan's request for 914 to stop making weird s*** is not appreciated.
Input: One handwritten note reading "Please stop producing anomalous items."
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One paper with a big "NO" written in the center that was floating in the air, spinning, and playing "Yakety Sax" from no apparent source
Note: …No. Nope. I've had it. I'm done. No more. I quit! Where's the medical bay, I'll take whatever amnestics I need to to get out of here! - Archivist Morgan
Note: To site security: I would like to report that there is a mental breakdown in progress in the general area of the 914 testing area. His name is Archivist Morgan and he's heading for the medical bay in order to amnesticize himself. Please stop him, I don't trust his ability to regulate himself in his current state. He is identifiable by being the guy running through the hallways screaming "I quit" at the top of his lungs. Thank you. - Archivist Hansen
Note: I've seen 914 archivists melt down before, but this is the most entertaining one I've seen yet. Usually they just start crying on their desks, which is kinda underwhelming. - Archivist Hansen - Researcher Calloway hasn't gotten the memo that testing with amnestics is a bad idea.
Input: 1 vial of aerosol amnestic solution.
Setting: Fine
Output: A colorless, odorless gas. Detection methods proved unable to detect the gas, so the chamber was declared empty, and several researchers, including Calloway, were affected. The gas proved to be anomalous, with the effect of making all subjects who inhale it speak and write backwards for an unknown length of time.
Note: .sruoh flah a dna eerht rof siht ekil kcuts neeb ev'I ,em pleh enoemoS Translation -Researcher Calloway
Note: We're going to let him sit this one out for the duration of the effect to allow him to ponder the question: Is testing of mind-affecting substances through unpredictable anomalous objects a good idea? No one tell him the answer; he'll have to come up with it on his own. - Dr. Veritas.- The very next test makes the same mistake:
Name: Dr. Tsubasa
Date: 21/02/2019
Total Items: One vial of Y-909.Input: See above.
Setting: Fine
Output: [REDACTED]. Object seems to emit a pulse of an unknown energy that renders all who view it to immediately revert to a vegetable-like state. Object was terminated by several members of the amnestics division.Note: Oh thank god I wasn't there to see it, I needed to take a [REDACTED]. -Dr. Tsubasa
Note: .sekatsim ym morf denrael evah dluohS Translation -Sr. Researcher Calloway - An attempt to defictionalize Bonk! Atomic Punch goes exactly how you'd expect.
Name: Dr. Artium
Date: 20/02/2019
Total Items: One copy of the game "Team Fortress 2", One "Scout Picture", One aluminum can filled with drink mix
With multiple video game-related tests conducted with 914, I thought that I would test results with this game due to the high number of random objects that appear in the game, this may help determine what 914 would determine as worthy of "fine" and "very fine". -ArtiumInput: All of the above items
Setting: very fine
Output: One full can of "Bonk Atomic Punch". D-Class personnel performed a test to review if it had the same effect as in-game Atomic Punch. After a single sip, D-41241-WA immediately grabbed their chest in pain and collapsed. On conduction of an autopsy, medical staff confirmed the cause of death to be a heart attack, along with toxic amounts of plastic and wood pulp forming in the stomach and liver, presumably the remains of the game and the picture.
Note: It appears that the drink's total amount of sugar conformed to reality, so instead of making a person able to move impossible speeds, their heart rate elevated impossible speeds. -Artium.
Why are you letting UNRESTRAINED D-Class test this in the first place? They could escape if the effect had been to speed them up rather than blow their hearts with sugar! - Researcher Al Catraz - This may be 914's Greatest Take That! yet:
Name: Dr. Viridine
Date: 03/09/2019
Total Items: One Blu-ray copy of the full series of Twilight, one printed copy of the "My Immortal" fanfictionInput: Blu-ray disk containing all Twilight movies.
Setting: Fine
Output: A blu-ray disk containing the entire Underworld series. Upon further examination, a note within the case of said disk reading "NO" was found in the place of a printed digital download code.
Note: Me too, 914. Me too. -Dr. ViridineInput: Printed copy of "My Immortal" fanfiction.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A hardcover copy of a book titled simply "HOW TO WRITE". Pages completely blank. Experimentation revealed that if a reader viewed each page within the book, they were suddenly compelled to write. Several D-Class subjects were instructed to read the book, and each produced within several hours a full draft of a fictional story with an incredibly detailed plot. Permission of further research on book and possible classification as an anomaly of its own requested.
Note: I think even 914 is disgusted by that fic. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a completed manuscript to email to my publisher. -Dr. Viridine - Test 472 is gut-busting, but sadly cannot be transcribed here because of the unbelievably chaotic formatting. Long story short, computer viruses and incompetence were involved.
Thanks for the extra work, buddy. -Rosen
- 914 has unique taste in knock-knock jokes. note In summary: "Knock knock. Who's there? Peak hatch. Peak hatch who?" note
The note card is now folded into the shape of a rodent-like creature, confirmed to be the mascot of the Pokémon franchise. Upon the creature's name being uttered, the sound of 2 snare drums and a cymbal were heard from an unknown location.
Experiment Logs 0500- 0599
- SCP-914 appears to have a lot of respect for Bob Ross:
Name: Researcher Lombardi
Date: 06/04/2019
Total Items: One canvas, easel, and a selection of oil based paints. One VHS containing a selection of 'The Joy of Painting' Episodes.
Note: 914 has been encouraged to do creative acts before - let's see if adding instruction helps. - LombardiInput: One canvas, easel, and a selection of oil based paints. One VHS containing a selection of 'The Joy of Painting' Episodes.
Setting: 1:1
Output: As above. The paints have been mixed to more closely match the colors commonly used by Bob Ross. The contents of the VHS has been altered to contain different episodes of 'The Joy of Painting' - all of which have been verified identical to existing broadcast episodes.
Note: 914 has locked onto the theme at least. Now we will test if upping the setting results in a painting of the given style. - LombardiInput: Output of previous test
Setting: Fine
Output: A VHS case formed out of the canvas, easel, and plastics of the paint containers. Case has a grayish brown color, created by mixing all of the paints together. VHS now contains episodes of 'The Joy of Multidimensional Manipulation'. Each episode depicts Bob Ross operating 914 to produce fantastical and anomalous creations.
Ross demonstrates a great deal of skill and familiarity with the device, explaining why he places a given item into 914, along with other factors that influence its output. These include specific thoughts or visualizations in his mind, temperature and humidity levels of his studio, and amount of light shining upon 914. These explanations do not provide insight into 914's operation, as they are offered as a means to an end. Example: "I've turned it up to the 'fine' setting now. I want super-cooled fiber optic sheets, so while I turn this key I of course need to think about my grandparents driving along a busy highway discussing their taxes."
Each episode follows a similar format:* Bob Ross declares what sort of creation he will be making during the show.* He wheels out a series of bins containing common household objects.* He begins refining them on various settings - frequently switching between 'very fine' and 'coarse' to create some advanced piece of work and then break it down safely into component parts.* Frequently he will manually combine or alter items outside of the device, usually to cause some sort of expected chemical change.* In cases where an output is hazardous, he has appropriate safety gear on site both for himself and for viewers. This can take the form of censoring of video or muting of audio if output contains a memetic hazard.* Has a similar arc to most 'Joy of Painting' episodes in that the creations seem to progress steadily towards the desired output, regress considerably halfway through the process, only to come together perfectly at the end.The tape contains the following episodes:* 'A crystalline trumpet that emits music notes of pure energy'* 'Anti-gravity rollerskates'* 'Edible stars'* 'A rainbow that can be molded like clay.'Note: Of course Bob Ross makes it look easy. - Lombardi - SCP-914 doesn't seem to know what to make of SCP-682... or maybe it knows exactly what to make of it:
Name: Doctor Sheath
Date: 09/04/2019
Total items: Five incomplete test logs, with the input as "SCP-682."
Note: Don't lie, we’re all curious what would happen. Hopefully 914 can fill in the gaps for us. -Dr. SheathInput: One incomplete test log, with input "SCP-682" and setting "Rough."
Setting: 1:1
Output: One incomplete test log, with input "Rough" and setting "SCP-682."
Note: No, not quite, 914. Try again.Input: One incomplete test log, with input "SCP-682" and setting "Coarse."
Setting: 1:1
Output: One incomplete test log, with input "SCP-682" and setting "course." Included at the bottom is a childlike doodle of SCP-682 in a racecar driving along a race course.
Note: I'm not sure it understands what I'm going for.Input: One incomplete test log, with input "SCP-682" and setting "1:1."
Setting: 1:1
Output: One incomplete test log, with input "SCP-1" and setting "682:682."Input: One incomplete test log, with input "SCP-682" and setting "Fine."
Setting: 1:1
Output: One incomplete test log for Experiment Log T-98816-OC108/682, detailing an attempt to kill SCP-682 by throwing SCP-914 at it.Input: One incomplete test log, with input "SCP-682” and setting “Very Fine."
Setting: 1:1
Output: One piece of paper, with a cognitohazardous symbol on it. Those who look at it fall into a dreamlike state where they imagine a titanic SCP-682 ruling over something. No two dreams have been the same thus far.
Note: The paper has been incinerated at the request of many. All I saw was 682 burning down the entire planet. Apparently I got lucky. Some researchers witnessed it eating a galaxy, others saw it killing individual family members, and at least two saw it try to seduce them. - An attempt at making a request is interpreted as Reverse Psychology:
Name: Dr. Matism
Date: 10/04/2019
Total Items: 1 note reading "Don't expose me to a cognitohazard please."Input: Above
Setting: 1:1
Output: Cognitohazardous symbols that when viewed, cause extreme cravings of Mexican food.
Note: God [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] 914, you had one job! - Dr. Matism
Note: Who the hell put that thing in the cafeteria during pizza Wednesday? Everyone starved themselves! - Researcher Danok
Note: I just folded the pizza into a taco and put toppings on it. -Intern Lunar
Note: Can we hire Lunar? His ingenuity is baffling. - Dr. Matism
Note: Let him send his resume to my office. I have a feeling a position is going to open up if you keep up the level of professionalism that you currently have. -Veritas - Should have seen this one coming.
Name: Dr. V█████
Date: 11/04/2019
Total items: One toolbox containing one each of the following: A flathead screwdriver, a Phillips screwdriver, a claw hammer, a ballpeen hammer, a 16' measuring tape, a hacksaw, needle-nose pliers, vice grips, a crescent wrench adjustable to up to 2-1/2", a set of metric Allen wrenches, and a set of standard Allen wrenches.
Note: If all goes well with this test, this will create the perfect multi-tool, suitable for any task. Then I…er, the Foundation, rather, can reverse-engineer it and market it for millions! -Dr. V█████Input: The toolbox.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A large, multi-limbed arthropodal creature made of plastic and metal. Its abdomen and head resembled the toolbox. At the end of each limb was the end of one of the tools. Immediately upon the "Output" booth opening, the creature attacked Dr. V█████ and smashed his head in with its hammer-appendages, killing him instantly. Security personnel moved in and destroyed the creature.
Note: "If all goes well with this test?" He seriously said that? Since when has that ever happened with anything involving 914, especially on the Very Fine setting? I've only been here a few weeks and even I know better than that. -Prof. Wren
Note: If he was trying to do this for profit, you could say he was being a tool. Also, yeah, don't think Very Fine is going to do what you want. -Intern Lunar
Note: Why is the body count in my testing area on par with bloody 682's termination record? Am I not strict enough in security measures or are half of my research staff just drooling imbeciles?! - Veritas - Mixing soda and hot sauce in SCP-914 proves to be a bad idea:
Name: Prof. Wren
Date: 11/04/2019
Items: Three 12-oz. bottles of homemade soda, 1 8-oz. container of fruit salad, 1 bag of Earl Grey tea, 1 packet of hot sauce.
Notes: As disgusting as I'm sure that Passion Fruit-Ranch stuff 914 made a can for the other night, it did give me a couple of ideas. If these pan out, we might be able to market them on a front company for increased revenue. Or at least serve them in the break room. -Prof. WrenInput: 1 bottle of soda, 1 container of fruit salad.
Setting: Fine
Output: One 20-oz bottle of carbonated beverage. The label shows a variety of fruit made entirely out of bubbles.
Note: Tried a bit after it was cleared of hazards. As expected, it's soda with a mixed variety of fruit flavors, most prominently apple, grape, and strawberry. Marketability level: 8.5/10. -Prof. WrenInput: 1 bottle of soda, 1 tea bag.
Setting: Fine
Output: One 12-oz bottle of brown liquid, warm to the touch, and 2 small cubes later identified as pure cane sugar. The label shows the Union Jack made entirely of bubbles.
Note: Tried a bit after it was cleared of hazards. Basically, it made carbonated tea and stripped the sugar I used to make the stuff out entirely. Yuck. Marketability level: 1.0/10. -Prof WrenInput: 1 bottle of soda, 1 packet of hot sauce.
Setting: Fine
Output: One 12-oz bottle of fizzy red liquid, shaking violently. Security footage showed the label to have nuclear hazard symbols around the edges with the word "CAUTION!!" repeated over and over in between. Bottle exploded shortly after the "output" booth opened, spraying the booth with liquid and glass shards while lodging the cap in the ceiling. No indication of NBR hazards were found; explosion thought to be caused by the liquid being superheated. Cleanup crews cleaned the "output" booth of soda spray and shattered glass without incident.
Note: I thought this one might be a bad idea going in, but I didn't think it'd be THAT bad. Marketability level: -∞/10. -Prof. Wren - Fun with music:
Name: Prof. Wren, accompanied by D-4884
Date: 13/04/2019
Total Items: One CD ("Queen: Greatest Hits")
Note: Sacrilegious, I know, but CDs are on their way out anyway, and this copy's scratched badly enough that "Bicycle Race" and "Fat Bottomed Girls" don't even play, so what good is it really? As for the D-Class… I plan on using Very Fine today, so I'm taking precautions. -Prof. WrenInput: The "Queen: Greatest Hits" CD
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A new CD, "Muhammad Ali's Greatest Hits," showing a green silhouette of the legendary boxer against a yellow background on the cover art. No tracklist supplied.
Note: D-4884 was supplied with headphones and a CD player, and instructed to listen to the album. D-4884 described it as an announcer detailing a match between Ali and George Foreman, shortly after which his body jerked violently as if struck by a hard punch. This continued for nearly █ minutes before D-4884 was terminated by a violent twist of the head focused at the jaw, breaking his neck. Analysis of the placement and timing of the perceived blows coincided with footage of the "Rumble in the Jungle" match between the two aforementioned boxers in 1974. The album is being transferred to anomalous object storage.
Note: "Greatest Hits" indeed. Ouch. Stuff like this is why we should tread cautiously with the Very Fine setting, guys. -Prof. Wren - Using rope in 914 leads to having a bad time:
Name: Dr. Matism
Date: 15/04/2019
Items: One 8 meter strand of hempen rope.
Note: I'm going for an unbreakable ropeInput: The 8 meters of rope
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A hempen ambush noose. When approached by a human, it lunges at them in an attempt to wrap itself around its neck and strangle them.
Note: Dr. Matism has been hospitalized due to a ruptured airpipe. Object incinerated by orders of Facility Manager ███████.
Note: It's official, this skip doesn't like me - Dr. Matism
Note: Your power of deduction is shocking. - Veritas- It continues on the very next test:
Name: Prof. Wren
Date: 15/04/2019
Total Items: One 8-meter strand of hempen rope, one katana.
Note: I'm testing Dr. Matism's hypothesis on his relationship with 914 while simultaneously seeing if using the same inputs with the same settings can yield different results. Textbook definition of insanity, I know, but what isn't with this thing? -Prof. WrenInput: The rope.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A hempen chihuahua. The dog lunged at, and bit down on, Prof. Wren's ankle upon approach; it fell to the floor and went inert upon being slashed to pieces. Further testing revealed the rope no longer contained any anomalous properties. Rope incinerated as a precautionary measure.
Note: And that's what the katana was for. Not sure how this bodes with Dr. Matism's hypothesis, though. I mean, this wouldn't be the first time 914's attacked me (see footage of IKEA experiment for details… and laughs), but it could just be that 914 saw the same stuff as before and responded as if it were the same tester? Maybe 914 just doesn't like hemp? Either way, don't think I'm gonna be doing a three-peat of that experiment. -Prof. Wren
I [EXPLETIVE] hate chihuahuas. Soulless bastards - Dr. Matism
Note: If he can bring a Katana to work, can I bring weapons to defend myself? - Researcher Darby
Note: You're a walking disaster as it is, Darby. Wren didn't get his PhD slashing everything resembling danger up. You should be glad that Hackett took pity on you and you're not in Antarctica right now. - Veritas
Note: Perks of being on good terms with security, Darby, even if I did have to file some paperwork to get clearance for it…and agree to let them keep the [[BFG H 2 O-9000]]. They'll probably get better use out of it anyway, especially for fire control situations. EDIT: By the way… "He?" "His?" I would have thought the C-cups were a giveaway. Ah well. -Prof. Wren
Note: Umm, Now that explains a lot - Researcher Darby - Well, it is an apt comparison…
Name: Researcher Z. Larua
Date: 16/04/2019
Total Items: Ice skates
I honestly really want to see if I can get another one of those perpetual motion rods. -LaruaInput: One pair of ice skates
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A single rod of metal, about 1 meter in length and 0.5 meters in diameter. When a D-Class was sent in to retrieve the rod, a blast of steam shot out from all openings on their uniform the moment they touched the rod. Once the steam dissipated, all was that was left was a completely dehydrated corpse. It is assumed that D-Class expired instantly upon touching the rod. Hazard personnel were called to retrieve the rod. Upon examination, the metal was revealed to be pure potassium with anomalous properties. Any water that touches the metal, the water will instantly vaporize instead of the potassium reacting. Should any biological entity touch the rod, all water within them will instantly vaporize without causing any physical damage to the body.
Note: That went horribly…for that D-Class. This rod, however, will give me yet more interesting research to perform. I'm just happy that 914 didn't output some kind of other anomalous alkali metal that would've literally exploded in my face. I wonder how well this potassium rod would work against 682? -Larua
Note: DON'T. From what I can tell, we don't want a contact-killing 682 from that. -Intern Lunar
Note: Well, it already kills everything in its path - Dr. Matism
Note: I just realized that 682 is the SCP version of Kirby - Junior Researcher Kenwol
Note: A VERY ANGRY Kirby no less. -Intern Lunar
Experiment Logs 0600- 0699
- Fun with viruses (if your definition of "fun" is synonymous with "mayhem", anyways):
Name: Dr. Engelhart
Date: 17/04/2019
Total Items: A virus used by the Foundation to hack anomalous websites, stored in a USB.
Note: I want to see what it could do to improve an already high quality virus, and what it thinks actually could be improved. - EngelhartInput: Above mentioned USB
Setting: Fine
Output: Once plugged into a computer, there are no changes of note until 5 minutes in, when every website last visited in the last 24 hours abruptly shuts down. This effect has lasted from 5 minutes, up to 10 months.
Note: What did I really expect from SCP-914 honestly. Whelp, goodbye Reddit. - Dr. Engelhart
Note: DAMN YOU VIRUS, it killed my favorite game site. - Researcher Darby
Note: Excuse me? Every page from Wikipedia and Wikileaks, to Deviantart and Pixiv, to CNN and KMBC 9 News, all the way to Steam, Twitter, Apple Inc., and even two of our internal network servers got shut down within ten minutes of that experiment. I was told that Site Director Hackett threw an entire experiment log folder across the room after he heard the news. Consider yourself lucky that there were no severe containment breaches during the two hours when our network servers went down (and Site-17 was still cleaning up the mess caused by an SCP-953 containment breach attempt). Engelhart, you better fix this mess, fast. And don't expect Veritas to not revoke your testing permits. - Cleveland
Note: Damn it Engelhart, I have Hackett yelling at me from one line and Rosen from another. I don't know what the hell you did, but you're washing dishes and cleaning testing areas until either your hair turns grey or some skip puts you out of your misery! -Veritas
Note: This just came in. Thanks to Engelhart's computer virus, two more containment breaches occurred within the first three hours. One of SCP-4560 in Site-64; and another of SCP-1591 in Site-79. While the former only affected one individual (a D-class, no less); a systems failure in the latter caused the fallen star to brighten by 67.1 million lux, in addition to causing the disintegration of 23 personnel, five of which were research doctors. To quote Director Edgar Holman of Site-64, "We're buried under a ████load of troubles." - Cleveland- The aftermath doesn't improve things.
Note: After hours of pleading with Veritas, I got permission to run this test to try to get the servers back online - Dr. EngelhartName: Dr. Engelhart
Date: 17/04/19
Total items: One USB containing a virus that is used to bring websites online, in the case that we would need to bring an anomalous website online, one 100mg vial of luck, and a post it note saying, “please have mercy and don’t let me be fed to SCP-682”.Input: Above mentioned items.
Setting: Fine
Output: A USB with a plastic casing, discovered to be the same mass as the vial, and a post it note with a cognitohazardous symbol that causes the viewer to be convinced that they’re being eaten by SCP-682. When the USB is plugged in, it recovers all afflicted websites, except it only works for 5-300 minutes, and then the websites all shut down again.
Note: Since this is your fault, you’re on recovery duty. - Veritas
Note: Still better than being eaten by 682. - Engelhart
Note: Don't give me any ideas, I can think of worse. - Veritas - SCP-914 does not appreciate being used as a proofreader:
Name: Junior Technical Writer Natascha Wright
Date: 23/04/2019
Total Items: One halfway-corrected copy of the 914 test logs, two copies of a 6-page document detailing various grammatical rules, two dictionaries, one pair of reading glasses.
Note: I've just been assigned to ensure that these documents conform to Foundation writing standards and guidelines. I've read enough of the logs to know that this is probably a bad idea, but it's gotta be worth a shot, right?Input: The copy of the 914 test logs, one grammar document, one dictionary.
Setting: Fine
Output: A stack of paper the combined size of the three inputs. The first page is stylized to look like the cover of a standard composition notebook, with the title "Do your own work: A comprehensive list of people who answer to you." written in JTW Wright's handwriting in the designated space. All other pages are blank.
Note: Laughed my ass off. Touché, 914. Okay, one more try. Perhaps I can get something that will at least highlight needed fixes for me? -JTW WrightInput: One pair of reading glasses, one grammar document, one dictionary.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A pair of reading glasses, as well as the two input documents. When the reading glasses are worn, a cognitohazardous effect causes the wearer to become incapable of recognizing any errors in written word. This effect persists for five hours after taking off the glasses.
ntoe: screw you 914, im gonna lose a while days work thnks to you. -JTW Wright - 914's feelings about Professor Wren may not be entirely wholesome:
Name: Prof. Wren
Date: 26/04/2019
Total Items: 5 ███████ brand chocolate bunnies, 1 pocket watch.
Note: Seemed like a neat experiment, thought I'd see what my results were. -Prof. WrenInput: All of the above.
Setting: Fine
Output: A small clockwork octopus.
Note: Upon the booth opening, a number of long, thin chocolate "tentacles" erupted from the device and attempted to ensnare Prof. Wren. She responded by smashing the device under her heel, stating that she'd "seen enough hentai to know where that was going" before doing so. Upon its destruction, the device erupted a sizable quantity of chocolate all over her.
Note: Dr. Veritas, I am formally requesting deletion of the security footage of this test and amnestics for anyone who saw it. Also, a towel. -Prof. Wren
Note: Way ahead of you, Wren. - Veritas - Your guess on how this happened is as good as ours:
Name: Jr. Researcher Ija Rasclon (thrice), D-3127
Date: 26/04/2019
Items: Two iron cubes, measuring 3cm on each side. JR. Rasclon (twice).
Note: This is an experiment I've been itching to try. I want to test the projection of ideas into 914's input, and how that differs from placing objects in it. I'll start with generic, meaningless objects for now. -JR. RasclonInput: One iron cube, mental image of iron cube projected by D-3127
Setting: 1:1
Output: One iron sphere, of the same mass and volume as the cube. D-3127 reported their mental image changed into a sphere as well, without being told of the physical result prior. They also reported a feeling of mild nausea due to this.
Note: So far, it seems that the image will change in the same way as the object, at least on 1:1. Let's test on higher settings. -JR. RasclonInput: See previous input.
Setting: Fine
Output: One iron sphere, of the same mass and volume as the cube. D-3127 reported a feeling of distress and an inability to discern between cubes and spheres, with all cubic objects in their sight and mind appearing as spheres. This effect was neutralised by amnestics.
Note: Fine seems to have made additional "improvements" to the mental image of the cube, rather than the cube itself. Interesting. Tentatively going for Very Fine next. -JR. RasclonNote: The next test happened spontaneously after the dial on 914 was set to Very Fine. Both the input and output emerged simultaneously from their respective booths. JR. Rasclon from up to this point in the test will now be referred to as Rasclon 1.
Input: Jr. Researcher Ija Rasclon, hereafter referred to as Rasclon 2. Rasclon 2 was unable to keep their balance and began to crawl away from 914, seemingly repelled from the object by some kind of force.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Jr. Researcher Ija Rasclon, hereafter referred to as Rasclon 3.
Note: What? -Rasclon 1
Note: .niaga siht ton ,sdog hO Translation -Rasclon 2
Note: To reiterate, what? -Rasclon 1
Note: Rasclon 3 proceeded to grab Rasclons 1 and 2, and shove them both into 914, stating "Not explaining, you'll figure it out when you're me in about 30 seconds."
Note: ?!tahW ?tahw -ni tahW Translation -Rasclon 2Input: Rasclon 1.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Rasclon 2.
Note: Once 914 was activated, both Rasclons 1 and 2 disappeared. Rasclon 3 later admitted herself to the infirmary, giving the reason "Cause and effect is fucked and I have a migraine." Due to the absence of an acting researcher, the remaining test was suspended indefinitely. Rasclon 3 will now return to being referred to as Jr. Researcher Ija Rasclon.
Note: 914 reversed my direction of travel through time. Twice. Is putting living organisms through 914 still an issue if I'm doing it to stop the timeline from screwing itself? You know what, I don't care. The consequences of my - do they count as actions? The possible consequences of my maybe-actions can find me in the infirmary, but I maintain that everything I did was temporally necessitated by 914. Time travel is bullshit. -Rasclon
Experiment Logs 0700- 0799
Experiment Logs 0800- 0899
Experiment Logs 0900- 0999
Researcher Darby
As previously stated, Researcher Isaac Darby has a lot of crazy mishaps with SCP-914; so many, in fact, that they need their own folder.
- The best candidate for Darby's "Moron Event Horizon" is probably his "dihydrogen monoxide" test:
Test 914-0433
Name: Researcher Darby
Date: 20/02/2019
Total Items: One 2-Liter Tub of water (Labeled Di-Hydrogen Monoxide), One pamphlet describing the dangers of Di-hydrogen Monoxide;
This test is to see if SCP-914 can fall for the same "Tricks" as we canInput: One Di-Hydrogen Monoxide Pamphlet
Setting: Fine
Output: One Pamphlet describing the dangers of Pollution
The Framework has been set, now to see what it does to "Di-Hydrogen Monoxide"The bucket of water was carried in a sealed container by four men in haz-mat suits as if it was an incredibly dangerous liquid.
Input: One 2-Liter Tub of "Di-Hydrogen Monoxide"
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One 2-Liter Tub of Di-Hydrogen Monoxide
It did nothing? I was expecting it to super heat it or destroy it in some way, well, better deal with this water and dispose of it properly. - Researcher DarbySite-19 has been put into Quarantine until the "Di-Hydrogen Monoxide" can be flushed out of the drainage system and affected areas. SCP-914 apparently turned the bucket of water into a bucket of Di-Hydrogen Monoxide, this change was only detected when Researcher Darby was put into the medical bay approximately two hours after drinking from the bucket. All reported claims of Di-Hydrogen monoxide as stated by the pamphlet are revealed to be the case as reported by medical staff's examination of the researcher.
Note: Please, please, test everything that comes out of 914 if it looks unchanged. This was quite annoying to deal with… - Dr. Range - Site 19 Medical Department
Note: He actually drank from the ██████ bucket? I'm signing a disclaimer right now, not to be the one responsible for cleaning up his corpse when the idiot inevitably gets himself killed. - Dr. Veritas - Testing with data storage devices ends terribly for Darby:
Test 914-0450
Name: Researcher Darby
Date: 28/02/2019
Total Items: One Calendar for the year 2019, Map of the world circa 2019,One Set of Handcuffs,One copy of the Voyager II disk, One 2 Terabyte Hard-driveInput: One Calendar circa 2019
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Calendar circa 9102
Well, now we know the day WW3 started, there's a memorial for it on [REDACTED]Input: Map of the world circa 2019
Setting: Fine
Output: Paper mache Nuclear mushroom
That's worrying.Input: Voyager II disk copy
Setting: Very Fine
Output:UnchangedUnknown
Staff have no memory of taking disk out of output booth, but it cannot be found and several researchers are reporting symptoms similar to amnesiac victims.Input: One 2 Terabyte hard drive
Setting: Very Fine
Output:UnchangedHard Drive now acts as a matter containment device, device specifications (Storage: 500 Meters2) has been inscribed on packaging along with the Apple logo.
Note: Researcher Darby was absorbed through contact upon picking up device with bare hands. At this time, Researcher Darby still has not been recovered, though several attempts have been made and tests are ongoing.
Note: If he doesn't survive this time, let it be known that I called it. - Dr. Veritas - Researcher Darby plays Russian Roulette with 914:
Test 914-0481
Name: Researcher I. Darby
Date: 22/03/2019
Total Items: Can of Onion Powder
Note: Researcher I. Darby is out of ICU on probation and feels well enough for a small testInput: Can of Onion Powder
Setting: 1:1
Output: Tear Gas Grenade
Note: Uhh, No one touch anything until I grab a gas maskInput: Output From Previous
Setting: 1:1
Output: Mustard Gas Grenade
Note: That's not good, but I'm going to see how far this will goInput: Output From Previous
Setting: 1:1
Output: CS Gas Grenade
Note: That's better than the last output, but still dangerousInput: Output From Previous
Setting: 1:1
Output: Agent Orange Grenade
Note: I'm going to go and grab a NBRC Haz-Mat suitInput: Output From Previous
Setting: 1:1
Output: Incendiary Grenade
Note: At least it's not a Gas Grenade, going to run it one last timeInput: Output From Previous
Setting: 1:1
Output: White Phosphorus Grenade (Ring Pulled)
Note: EVERYBODY OUT NOW!!Incident Report: Researcher I. Darby was severely wounded by White Phosphorous in his attempt to force his Assistant Personnel and Security Escort out of the SCP-914 Containment Area. SCP-914 was not damaged, but its Containment Area requires cleaning and minor repair. Researcher I. Darby has been returned to the ICU and has been banned from using SCP-914 until he is fully healed. - Site Manager
Note: Maybe SCP-914 is still on the Fritz after that panel got taken off - Jr. Researcher Norton
Note: Every test this guy does is a spit in Darwin's face. It's a miracle that he survived this long, I have half a mind to have him classified as an anomalous object. Someone get me a bloody aspirin. - Veritas - Fun with quantum mechanics:
Test 914-0540
Name: Researcher Darby
Date: 10/04/2019
Total Items: 5 Papers on Quantum Theory, 5 small balls of steel, 4 beef Ramen bowls;
Note: Who took that last bowl of beef ramen? Also, don't ask what the point of this is because I have no answer. - Researcher DarbyInput: Paper on Quantum Theory, Ball of Steel;
Setting: Rough
Output: Shreds of Paper and Steel fragments;
Note: Not surprised - Researcher DarbyInput: Paper on Quantum Theory, Ball of Steel, Beef Ramen bowl;
Setting: Coarse
Output: Paper, Steel, Plastic, and Ramen neatly separated along with a puddle of ink;
Note: Again, standard coarse reaction to input. - Researcher DarbyInput: Paper on Quantum Theory, Ball of Steel, Beef Ramen bowl;
Setting: 1:1
Output: Paper on Planetary Physics, Steel Cube, Chicken Ramen bowl;
Note: In my opinion 914, turning a perfectly good bowl of Beef Ramen to a bowl of Chicken Ramen is regression, not equivalent exchange. - Researcher DarbyInput: Paper on Quantum Theory, Ball of Steel, Beef Ramen bowl;
Setting: Fine
Output: Paper describing 7th Dimension travel, Steel bull, Cooked beef Ramen, Researcher Darby;
Note: I'm looking at myself watching me write this note…. - Researcher DarbyInput: Paper on Quantum Theory, Ball of Steel, Beef Ramen bowl;
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Animate Steel Beetle with Ramen and Plastic Legs and Paper Wings. Upon exiting output booth, it charged at Researcher Darby's control booth and forced him to enter the Input booth. Researcher Darby's Intern attempted to rescue Researcher Darby, but was stopped by a burst of ink from the Beetle and the Quantum Darby holding him back. Once Researcher Darby was fully inside the Input booth, the Beetle initiated SCP-914 (on Very Fine) and managed to slip inside the input booth before it closed. When 914 finished refining, security personnel attempted to rescue Researcher Darby, but instant examination of the Output booth showed that both Researcher Darby and the Beetle were gone.
Note: It had to happen. Otherwise, we would be stuck in a paradox, and nothing gets done. I would also like my Researcher status restored, as I am Researcher Darby and not a Quantum Anomaly. - Quantum Darby
Note: Darby, are you stealing my beef Ramen bowls through some sort of quantum shenanigans? Cause if you are, then I would appreciate if you would stop, as the Ramen is the food for my mug cat. Also, try asking Rosen if he can help you with the status problem. Also, where are you? -Intern Lunar.
Note: Apparently I don't exist anymore, I'd tell you my location but I'm not even sure where that is - Researcher Darby - Darby and Calloway collaborate on a test. Disaster ensues.
Test 914-0559
Name: Researchers Calloway and Darby
Date: 12/04/2019
Total Items: 15 kilograms of steel, 15 capacitors, 2 hard drives, 2 notes with smiley faces
Note {Darby}: I am missing a hard drive due to someone forgetting which way goes up in transit and breaking it. Also I have had my Researcher status restored on probation, they still don't believe I'm the same Darby that went into 914 and came out [REDACTED] years prior to that test.Note: These next two tests were performed by Researcher Darby.Input: 6 kilograms steel, 6 capacitors, hard drive
Setting: Fine
Output: 6 1-kilogram Steel cockroaches run by AA batteries (presumably what the capacitors transformed into), 1 control module with mini USB female port.
Note {Darby}: I can plug this into my laptop, let's see what it does. Oooh, it controls the cockroaches. Apparently they locate nearby electronics and do something. Maybe R&D can use this or… maybe not, the cockroach just ate Calloway's laptop and is making a duplicate of itself from the mass it gained.
Note {Calloway}: Just… keep those things away from me.Input: Note with smiley face
Setting: Fine
Output: Note; however, the smiley face has been replaced by a Soviet Hammer and Sickle. Viewing of note affects the viewer, causing them to believe they are Russian spies infiltrating the SCP Foundation. Researcher Darby was apprehended and administered anti-memetics after attempting to send Top Secret documentation about SCP-914, Site 19, Dr. Veritas, SCP-682, and others to the current Russian Spy Agency.
Note {Darby}: Я НЕ КОММУНИСТ 914 ПОЧЕМУ ВЫ ЭТО ДЕЛАЕТЕ ДЛЯ МЕНЯ! Теперь я не могу перестать говорить по-русски, и все это параноид от меня.
Note: Someone keep him on amnestics for a while before he hurts himself, or more importantly, my equipment. -Veritas
Note: These next two tests were performed by Researcher Calloway.Input: 6 kilograms steel, 6 capacitors, hard drive.
Setting: Fine
Output: A steel device, which acts as a sort of "human hard drive", allowing the downloading and uploading of memories and thoughts via a cerebral device. Upon use on D-Class Personnel, all memories were erased, excepting those relating to SCP-914.
Note: Nice try, 914. -Researcher CallowayInput: 1 note, with a smiley face drawn on it.
Setting: Fine
Output: 1 note, with an anomalous symbol drawn on it. When viewed by a subject, all personnel viewing the subject will become convinced that it is SCP-096 for fifteen minutes.
Note {Calloway}: The only reason I didn't get stuffed into a containment chamber faster than you can think is that we got a Class-D to get the test item. There were containment breach alarms going off everywhere, and we panicked, of course. Until it wore off, and we let the poor Class-D out of the containment chamber.Note: These tests were performed by both ResearchersInput: 3 kilograms of steel, 3 capacitors, Note {Calloway's}
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Twisted mass of steel, copper, and paper in the shape of an Archaic rune. Study reveals that had the rune been on paper, it would have imparted a blind rage upon viewers, causing them to attempt to terminate any living being nearby.
Note {Darby}: I did not expect 914 to fail that bad at killing us, Calloway, want to do another test with my note instead?Input: 3 kilograms of steel, 3 capacitors, note {Darby's}
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Metal cube with paper symbols on the sides, the symbols compel the viewer to press a large glowing button on the cube. Upon both Researchers pressing the button, it sent out a wave of energy throughout the entirety of Site [REDACTED], disabling most security and containment systems and causing a Major Containment Breach. Thankfully, the SCPs that escaped containment were drawn to Researcher Darby and Calloway and attempted to eliminate them, causing massive casualties to personnel in their way. The effect of the cube lasted for 3 hours, upon which the SCPs were contained and repairs began.
Note {Darby}: I couldn't resist it, looks like my researcher status is again in question. I'm going to my roomCell until Veritas figures out what to do with me.
Note: This was a major disaster, we had 34% of D-Class, 18% of Research Staff, 30% of my Security Forces, and my secretary killed by the Containment Breach and we still have not re-contained all of them. Thank God for fail-safes or it could have been worse. - Security Chief Brandt
Note: Dr. Veritas' request to reassign Researcher Darby and Calloway to the mobile Site orbiting Mars has been denied. His request to reassign Darby and Calloway to the Research base in Antarctica is currently under review. - Site Director Hackett - Darby isn't even directly involved in this one, and it still ends up being surreal:
Test 914-0565
Name: Researcher Z. Larua
Date: 13/04/2019
Total Items: 1 note, 1 pencil
I'm hoping I can get some insight into more direct and efficient testing if I can somehow determine what this machine has an affinity for. -LaruaInput: 1 note that reads "What do you desire, 914?", 1 pencil
Setting: 1:1
Output: A cognitohazardous note with "DARBY-CALLOWAY" burned into it. Upon viewing the paper, Researcher Larua began muttering "I must deliver them" continuously.
Incident Report: Researcher was then detained by faculty staff and escorted to the med-bay for amnestic administration. Prior to reaching the med-bay, Researcher Larua had escaped and was later found in Dr. Veritas' office. He was attempting to coerce the doctor, in a monotone voice, to redact his ruling to send Darby and Calloway to Antarctica.
Note: We've ascertained in the past that 914 isn't sentient in the past, at least not as we understand it. Starting to wonder, then, if those two aren't anomalies themselves… given how many of Darby's experiments end in stuff going KABLOOEY, I'd suggest Keter classification. -Prof. Wren
Note: I'm not giving either of them the satisfaction, Wren. The only two anomalous things are their stupid luck and my patience. -Veritas
Note: Fair enough, boss, but if they do another collab like this, I'm evacuating the premises and would suggest everyone else do their best to keep up! -Prof. Wren
Luigifan
The Internet Wanderer
Since: Nov, 2009
The Internet Wanderer
#19906: Sep 24th 2019 at 3:57:47 AM
Erm... okay, that was a wall of text. Point being, I'm done with the sinkholes. Can I please go back to editing now?
How sweet it is
#19907: Sep 24th 2019 at 3:52:55 PM
Not yet. You haven't brought up the edit war regarding those sinkholes.
she/her | TRS needs your help! | Contributor of Trope Report
How sweet it is
#19908: Sep 24th 2019 at 3:58:03 PM
We'll make sure the admins know regarding that.
she/her | TRS needs your help! | Contributor of Trope Report
Luigifan
The Internet Wanderer
Since: Nov, 2009
The Internet Wanderer
#19909: Sep 24th 2019 at 4:52:01 PM
Oh. Sorry about the edit war, it won't be continuing. Like I said, I've systematically eliminated the sinkholes throughout my draft.
Edited by Luigifan on Sep 24th 2019 at 7:54:00 AM
EarsplittingLepidopteran
Since: Mar, 2016
#19910: Sep 24th 2019 at 7:17:38 PM
Good question nombretomado If another troper deletes my example, then I would message them to discuss it, if the second opinion disagrees with my example. Then I would leave it alone and not try and add it again. There’s no point risking suspension over edit war, just politely discuss and accept it when examples don’t fit the trope. I know now that you can’t add whatever you want to the wiki, it’s both selfish and wrong.
Edited by EarsplittingLepidopteran on Sep 24th 2019 at 7:26:03 AM
Perris of
#19911: Sep 24th 2019 at 8:16:07 PM
It's been a while since I've made posts on this, asking for restoration of editing permission, to assist with a collaboration with another author who currently cannot recover their account and would like assistance with their article.
#19912: Sep 24th 2019 at 8:17:52 PM
~Cardinal1989, you have yet to respond to our post here. I'm a little curious about this other troper. Who is this?
Luigifan
The Internet Wanderer
Since: Nov, 2009
The Internet Wanderer
#19913: Sep 24th 2019 at 8:24:33 PM
Hey, can I start editing again, please? I have a draft ready to go, and we'll just see where the article develops from there. As I've said, I'll cut out the edit warring, and I've eliminated all of the sinkholes.
Edited by Luigifan on Sep 24th 2019 at 11:26:16 AM
#19914: Sep 24th 2019 at 8:58:49 PM
Please do not repeatedly pester for a response. We will respond in due time, and no edit you want to make is time-sensitive.
Perris of
#19915: Sep 24th 2019 at 9:40:00 PM
Very well, to sum up a message that was evidently not delivered for reasons I can't quite recall. The sum of it is that I was mentally unhinged at the time, and ultimately decided to leave TV Tropes to avoid any unnecessary hostility. As for this other troper, he no longer remembers or has access, so now I'm returning as a favor to him. If I have to edit other articles I'll not leave anymore reasons for why the edit was made, and have no desire to explain to others out of concern that doing so will spark conflict.
Well, I'll be...
#19916: Sep 24th 2019 at 9:56:10 PM
Well...... here goes. I am a bit conflicted over what happened. I, under influence of no one and no thing made the last post in this forum thread. I knew full well I would get in trouble, yet I posted it anyway. I think I was more upset by the poster not understanding the people he criticized. I posted something that I knew would not be welcomed by anyone (even though it is a simple statement.... which is mostly true). His post will stay up, of course. Well, guess he was more polite? My post had no place on the forum, sure. But I really wanted to say it. Guess sometimes you canNOT control yourself, for worse or better (let's admit, it happens to everyone, and more often than not).
I think what I want is negotiate. What is to be done? A limited suspension seems fair.
My angry rant blog!
CriminalChaos666
Since: Sep, 2019
#19917: Sep 25th 2019 at 4:11:54 AM
I am going to be blunt not polite with you because I find a lot of contradicting things about the tropes motives of the mods I mean you allow delusional retelling of the source material know as "fanfiction" Ho-Yay/Foe-Yay Ambiguously Gay/Bi hell Agent Peacock seems more like a heterosexual trope as peacocks only flair their tail feathers for the peahen. Sociopathic Soldier trope The Terrorist or Thug seems more apt as the 2nd not The Psychopath as their is no citation to a where the term "Sociopathic Soldier" came from so I see people are using excuses to arrogantly bloviate as well as go with the stereotype of "The Psychopath". Because as stated in Lack Of Empathy "Useful Notes" "Please note that there seems to be very little consensus on what the difference between a sociopath and a psychopath actually IS. Don't be suprised if you run into a definition that contradicts what has been said here. (And then something else that contradicts THAT definition, etc.)" So to me it seems people are being speculative in that regard I mean come on People keep using Psychotic behavior when describing a Sociopath or Psychopaths behavior when a Psychotic has no connection to those diagnosis at all so I am having a hard time believing that you people are really understanding that you need to fix your shit on this site!
HighCrate
Since: Mar, 2015
#19918: Sep 25th 2019 at 6:39:05 AM
Is there any further response from the mods to what I've said so far? I know that you're busy people with lives outside the site etc., it's just hard to tell the difference between "we haven't found time to respond to you yet" and "we've said all we're going to say on the matter."
There are other points that I'd like to address, but I don't want to to just blast all my thoughts out there at once and confuse the conversation.
Luigifan
The Internet Wanderer
Since: Nov, 2009
The Internet Wanderer
#19919: Sep 25th 2019 at 8:51:50 AM
Hey... I happen to have a very similar concern to High Crate, but I just didn't think to say it until I saw his post. Don't thump me, please; this message is directed to the mods. (I was considering PM'ing nombretomado instead, but he specifically told me not to do that, so I'm between a rock and a hard place here.)
I've already said that I won't be continuing with the edit war on the 914 page, and I've planned out a draft that doesn't have sinkholes, but I've heard nothing about getting my suspension lifted. Are the mods just busy, or are they ignoring me on purpose? And if it's the latter, then could you please tell me why?
Edited by Luigifan on Sep 25th 2019 at 5:32:41 AM
#19920: Sep 25th 2019 at 5:58:36 PM
~Luigifan, I don't know how else to really communicate this to you. A lot of mods work conventional schedules offline, and many are in the US. Our individual schedules often take precedent over online lives, even though we do our best to stay on top of things. A day wait is not uncommon for a suspension response, and the persistence in demanding a response is aggravating. Oftentimes it only serves to make us less forgiving, because it shows a lack of understanding and patience. Alright?
Now, back to the particulars of your case.
Firstly, the proper way to resolve an edit war is to actually talk to the other people. You didn't talk to anyone when they were trying to stop you from editing poorly, and instead just continued on trucking. What else were people supposed to think, except that you were ignoring their attempts? You have to talk to people. You are not operating in a vacuum where you can simply keep editing and editing and just assume that everyone will get on board with your efforts.
Secondly, we don't need to see your entire page of proposed edits. If we want proof that you understand and will avoid the editing issue in the future, we will ask for a small sample. You've given us walls and walls of text that are not practical to read in a forum thread.
Thirdly, and finally, the initial reason you were called in: the Administrivia.Chained Sinkholes. For all of your posts here professing your desire to get back to editing, and that you have fixed the issues, you are still doing them in the text you've pasted here. For example:
I swear, when I find Wood I'm going to [REDACTED].
Your suspension will not be released until we have reason to believe you understand the issue and how to avoid this in the future.
~HighCrate, I will ask if another mod can get back to you soon. As said before, I will be passing on your case.
~CriminalChaos666, are you interested in working cooperatively and constructively on this site? Your initial post is telling me no, but I'll give you a chance to walk it back.
~KlarkKentThe3rd, in the words of another mod, usually if someone says "I'm going to get suspended for this...", they know perfectly well what they're about to say isn't something they should say. Making such a statement as you did invited no conversation at all, nor did appear to welcome any nuance.
We're by and large a progressive, left-leaning community. It doesn't seem like you're comfortable with that, and if you are not willing to play ball, then there is really no conversation to be had.
~Cardinal1989, I'm not sure what you're proposing really, but we're not going to be releasing your editing privileges so you can edit for someone else. The fact that we don't know who this person is makes me suspect it's a suspended party as well, so there are two things going against you here. Not to mention your own behavior that brought you here in the first place.
~EarsplittingLepidopteran, to be clear here, you can discuss your desired edit via PM's, ATT, or the discussion page, but you have to abide with the consensus reached. No putting your edits back arbitrarily. I'll release your suspension. Thanks for coming in.
Also, you may want to stop by the Get Help with English thread. Your posts here are a little rambly, and I hope do not reflect your wiki editing habits.
Luigifan
The Internet Wanderer
Since: Nov, 2009
The Internet Wanderer
#19921: Sep 25th 2019 at 6:09:32 PM
The text I posted isn't my most recent draft, and I have cleaned up more of the sinkholes since then. I believe the issue is about large numbers of adjacent links, so I've made sure to have all links in separate spaces and/or with non-link text in between.
As for the large number of edits, I am in the process of building the page up from nothing, and changing the formatting from that used to the SCP Wiki to TV Tropes is time-consuming, so I've been doing it in pieces to avoid losing progress. (I've actually dramatically reorganized my draft to account for the number each test is given in the text log, which is why I haven't shared the most recent edition — it's just too stupidly massive. I think the page is going to have to be split up...)
For the chained sinkhole you've shown, its current form is as follows:
"I think I need to re-iterate. Feel free to test at your own discretion, but for Christ's sake, use common sense. I swear, when I find Wood I'm going to [REDACTED]."
(I did consider cutting the "Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon" link entirely, but the context of the [REDACTED] strongly implies precisely the sort of ridiculous-and-impractical-yet-highly-unpleasant-if-actually-implemented threat that the Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon trope describes.)
Edited by Luigifan on Sep 25th 2019 at 9:17:46 AM
#19922: Sep 25th 2019 at 6:12:29 PM
Why in the world did you copy and paste something that wasn't even intended to demonstrate you understood and fixed the issue....
Fix the example I gave you, then, to remove the chained sinkholes.
Luigifan
The Internet Wanderer
Since: Nov, 2009
The Internet Wanderer
#19923: Sep 25th 2019 at 6:18:35 PM
Oh, uh, I just did exactly that.
I think I need to re-iterate. Feel free to test at your own discretion, but for Christ's sake, use common sense. I swear, when I find Wood I'm going to [REDACTED].
As you can see, I made a point of leaving black text between the links, preventing a reader from getting confused and clicking on the wrong one because their cursor slipped five pixels in either direction.
Edited by Luigifan on Sep 25th 2019 at 9:22:05 AM
#19924: Sep 25th 2019 at 6:25:28 PM
OK, that's better.
Let me make one last note. You've already had two wiki-side suspensions. You're a very, very prolific editor, so it's surprising to me that you are still running into these issues.
Pay attention to notifiers. We tried to reach out to you about this before it came to a suspension. A fourth suspension is probably not going to get released.
CriminalChaos666
Since: Sep, 2019
#19925: Sep 25th 2019 at 6:44:01 PM
"Sociopathic Soldier" The Thug: definition thug noun 1. a violent person, especially a criminal. | | "Sociopathic Soldier" The Terrorist: definition ter·ror·ist noun a person who uses unlawful violence and intimidation, especially against civilians, in the pursuit of political aims. | | "Sociopathic Soldier" The Desperado: definition des·per·a·do noun a desperate or reckless person, especially a criminal. | | I came up with other terms to describe a brand of "Sociopathic Soldier" rather than the generic "The Psychopath" as those have a clearer definition while "The Psychopath" has different motive because it depends on the particular person so using "The Psychopath" as a umbrella term for someone to whom wants meaningless chaos is pointless at least to me!
Total posts: 33,070
Hey, I know it's been a while, but that bug with not being able to post to Discussions or Ask The Tropers due to being forum-banned hasn't been fixed.
Long live Cinematech. FC:0259-0435-4987