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WhoaBundy Since: Dec, 2013
#2426: Jul 2nd 2025 at 10:19:19 AM

[up][up] We shivered in terror as Siren Head unleashed a stream of thousands of gallons of monster pee on our house, destroying it as he wrote his name in urine on our acreage.

[up]Give me the power, of urine showers, the jungle’s covered in my pee.

——

Knife Guy, this isn’t who you really are inside, please stop.

Edited by WhoaBundy on Jul 2nd 2025 at 10:21:22 AM

Mildude A Member of the Midnight Crew from the you-know-what Since: Sep, 2021 Relationship Status: is commanded to— WANK!
A Member of the Midnight Crew
#2427: Jul 2nd 2025 at 11:30:14 AM

Then he stabbed me owwy ow ow.


"Jenny, where are my rings?"

Déjà vu, tell you what I'm gonna do, when they reminisce over you, my God
Unicorndance Logic Girl from Thames, N.Z. Since: Jul, 2015 Relationship Status: Above such petty unnecessities
Logic Girl
#2428: Jul 2nd 2025 at 3:29:05 PM

I threw them in a volcano.


What do you call a female Peeping Tom?

For every low there is a high.
iwantedtoaddsomething Since: Feb, 2015
#2429: Jul 2nd 2025 at 7:10:12 PM

Please respond quickly, my hereto unnamed post-grunge band is getting signed in 5 minutes, and the current leading suggestion is "Pube Destroyers".


I found a special place through a tree hole where exotic flowers grow.

Edited by iwantedtoaddsomething on Jul 2nd 2025 at 10:11:56 AM

BetterSlimebot from Check outside (The New Guy) Relationship Status: Desperate
#2430: Jul 2nd 2025 at 8:54:15 PM

Sadly, it turns out the tree really didn't like me going through its hole.


"Father, we beg of you, give us some scraps of food as we are all hungry."

Edited by BetterSlimebot on Jul 2nd 2025 at 3:56:31 PM

WhoaBundy Since: Dec, 2013
#2431: Jul 2nd 2025 at 10:02:32 PM

Father wept as he completed the ultimate sacrifice, chopping and serving himself as a succulent Chinese meal.


Jermaine felt a twinge of panic as the juggler with the chainsaws said "Oops."

DeadlyEspresso Louisiana Heartstopper from your local Popeyes Since: Apr, 2023
Louisiana Heartstopper
#2432: Jul 3rd 2025 at 4:10:37 AM

The chainsaws got stuck in the ground.


Kasane Teto showed up at my house today.

I sadly doubt he would like Popeyes, though...
LackingEff0rt The Hostest with the Mostest from Electric Light Orchestra (The New Guy) Relationship Status: Coming soon to theaters
The Hostest with the Mostest
#2433: Jul 3rd 2025 at 4:13:29 AM

But she looked like a pear.


"Two tickets to the movies, please."

SHE'S DEFROSTING
Marchen Too hot (Hot damn) from Somewhere Out in Space (Experienced, Not Yet Jaded) Relationship Status: It's not my fault I'm not popular!
Too hot (Hot damn)
#2434: Jul 3rd 2025 at 4:17:40 AM

But to my shock and horror, the movie they were showing was The Room (2003)!


It's just like the ocean under the moon, oh it's the same as the emotion that I get from you!

Read Otr of the Flame (She/Her)
Mildude A Member of the Midnight Crew from the you-know-what Since: Sep, 2021 Relationship Status: is commanded to— WANK!
A Member of the Midnight Crew
#2435: Jul 3rd 2025 at 9:27:20 AM

Specifically the emotion of evil.


My girlfriend spent five nights at a certain place.

Déjà vu, tell you what I'm gonna do, when they reminisce over you, my God
BBGunman CHAINSAW! from yes Since: Aug, 2024 Relationship Status: Anime is my true love
CHAINSAW!
#2436: Jul 3rd 2025 at 9:53:34 AM

WAS THAT THE BITE OF '87---


There's no way I could be killed in only two sentences, right?

Edited by BBGunman on Jul 3rd 2025 at 11:53:54 AM

Go watch the new Chainsaw Man movie. This is a threat.
Marchen Too hot (Hot damn) from Somewhere Out in Space (Experienced, Not Yet Jaded) Relationship Status: It's not my fault I'm not popular!
Too hot (Hot damn)
#2437: Jul 3rd 2025 at 9:56:49 AM

"You got lucky, punk" said the three-sentence killer.


Hear the drums echoing tonight, but she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation.

Read Otr of the Flame (She/Her)
Unicorndance Logic Girl from Thames, N.Z. Since: Jul, 2015 Relationship Status: Above such petty unnecessities
Logic Girl
#2438: Jul 3rd 2025 at 2:21:19 PM

The conversation is between two ghosts!


That seafood vendor seemed a bit strange.

For every low there is a high.
Mildude A Member of the Midnight Crew from the you-know-what Since: Sep, 2021 Relationship Status: is commanded to— WANK!
A Member of the Midnight Crew
#2439: Jul 3rd 2025 at 3:10:21 PM

I mean, what kind of vendor has eight tentacle shaped limbs?


[THIS SENTENCE HAS BEEN REMOVED]

Déjà vu, tell you what I'm gonna do, when they reminisce over you, my God
iwantedtoaddsomething Since: Feb, 2015
#2440: Jul 3rd 2025 at 4:50:43 PM

And the bachelor party only got crazier from there!


Surely nothing will go wrong if I enter a fake last name.

HunterGr33n Let's rock! from Hudson Valley (Y2: Electric Boogaloo) Relationship Status: P.S. I love you
Let's rock!
#2441: Jul 3rd 2025 at 4:58:44 PM

The next day, everyone I know started addressing me by my full name, fake name included: Jennifer Paenis.


"Don't eat that," my boyfriend said as I put the potato chip in my mouth.

I think Zetabrand is a pretty cool guy. Eh has a license to combo and doesn't afraid of anything.
CallMeVbuck That one Ace Combat / Project Wingman fan from deep in the heart of Texas Since: Oct, 2022 Relationship Status: How YOU doin'?
That one Ace Combat / Project Wingman fan
#2442: Jul 3rd 2025 at 6:04:32 PM

Because the dog took a bite out of it.


The area’s been a lot quieter since the train carrying a plane engine derailed.

I will never get tired of watching Home Alone or its sequel.
DeadlyEspresso Louisiana Heartstopper from your local Popeyes Since: Apr, 2023
Louisiana Heartstopper
#2443: Jul 3rd 2025 at 6:06:51 PM

Zzz...


I lit up a candle and saw a pair of eyes looking back at me.

I sadly doubt he would like Popeyes, though...
WhoaBundy Since: Dec, 2013
#2444: Jul 3rd 2025 at 10:12:35 PM

I sure hope it isn't Candle Jack... oh crap


As Mr. Collins locked his classroom door for the last time, he hoped the next teacher would never discover the grim secret of Room 403.

Mildude A Member of the Midnight Crew from the you-know-what Since: Sep, 2021 Relationship Status: is commanded to— WANK!
A Member of the Midnight Crew
#2445: Jul 4th 2025 at 12:26:17 PM

It's actually Room 666!


I walked into the fireworks store.

Déjà vu, tell you what I'm gonna do, when they reminisce over you, my God
BBGunman CHAINSAW! from yes Since: Aug, 2024 Relationship Status: Anime is my true love
CHAINSAW!
#2446: Jul 4th 2025 at 12:51:47 PM

Then everything exploded and everyone died a horrific and painful death.


I must've slept on my neck wrong.

Go watch the new Chainsaw Man movie. This is a threat.
Neonocto Fire Chara! from Eight's apartment. (Troper in training) Relationship Status: Chocolate!
Fire Chara!
#2447: Jul 4th 2025 at 1:11:27 PM

It's crawling away with my head.


Cheese makes me queasy.

Arson!
Unicorndance Logic Girl from Thames, N.Z. Since: Jul, 2015 Relationship Status: Above such petty unnecessities
Logic Girl
#2448: Jul 4th 2025 at 3:15:08 PM

I think the Lactose Demon bit me when I was a baby!


I was eating a cupcake.

For every low there is a high.
Marchen Too hot (Hot damn) from Somewhere Out in Space (Experienced, Not Yet Jaded) Relationship Status: It's not my fault I'm not popular!
Too hot (Hot damn)
#2449: Jul 4th 2025 at 3:25:03 PM

Little did I know, the cupcake was secretly evil!


My cactus is looking kinda... dry?

Read Otr of the Flame (She/Her)
Mildude A Member of the Midnight Crew from the you-know-what Since: Sep, 2021 Relationship Status: is commanded to— WANK!
A Member of the Midnight Crew
#2450: Jul 4th 2025 at 3:51:15 PM

That was when noticed the cactus was actually a very dry monster.


"Make me a sandwich!" he yelled.

Déjà vu, tell you what I'm gonna do, when they reminisce over you, my God

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