Our suits are now wearable? Just try not to cry, sweat, move, blink, breathe, speak, cry, think, move your eyes, wiggle your toes, move your hands, move your head, giggle, laugh, or yell for help!
For a tasty snack, visit the cotton candy stand! We have the best cotton candy flavors ever, including...
- Carolina Reaper
- Squid Meat
- Kale
- Scrap Metal
- Yard Waste
- the void
- ...and pink! :D
Edited by DrNoPuma on Jun 21st 2020 at 12:39:55 PM
Will somebody PLEASE cue that boid?
janet likes her new icon.
Every single night we are having performances from Puddle of Mudd, where they will recreate their show from Toledo, Ohio, just for you! Put in a request, and Wes Scantlin will maybe say the title as a non sequitur between songs!
Edited by TheWhistleTropes on Jun 21st 2020 at 1:39:58 PM
she/her/they | wall | sandbox
Title
...But, on a very special July 4th, we are recreating a very much wanted revival, Woodstock 99!
Sadly most of the artists couldn’t make it. But we got the following!
- Creed
- Insane Clown Posse
- Limp Bizkit
- Tragically Hip
- Alanis Morresette
- Metallica
And to make things more interesting, we added games to the last two! This time, when The Tragically Hip come on, boo them because they’re Canadian and you want Metallica! (We told none of them this, so it’ll all be a prank!)
And for Alanis, just scream at her, “show your tits”, until she walks off stage!
Sadly. Metallica’s set will be a little, different. No Black Album, Master of Puppets, or And Justice For All. Instead, they will be doing the entire album of St. Anger and Lulu! We couldn’t get Lou Reed though, so we got Travis Scott instead!
Now, those were just the ones coming back. We also have...
- Jacob Satorious
- Justin Bieber
- Aqua
- Lil Pump
- Lil Tay
- and a rendition of The Red Hot Chili Pepper’s, “Fire”
done by Miley Cyrus! Also by her, will be the national anthem! She doesn’t know how to play guitar, but who the fuck cares!
So, this Memorial Day, get ready for overpriced beverages and food, a sun so hot it can fry an egg, and a lineup so bad, it’s horrible!
I’m a space pirate, give me your moon rocks.
Due to the overwhelming amounts of complains about our old Carolina Reaper ride giving people the thrilling experience of being set on fire, we've decided to replace it with a friendlier counterpart we've named The Antarcticer. It's just like the Reaper, but instead of fire, the riders get ice dumped on them! In fact, due to our test riders not being very thrilled about a ride that just gets you wet and cold, we've decided to use dry ice which has elicited considerably more screams! No refunds.
Edited by VidExGuy on Jul 1st 2020 at 9:25:32 AM
Forum signature.We've also got one of the most exciting things ever - restrooms! To get to them, you'll have to climb a 10-story staircase... made of ice.
Will somebody PLEASE cue that boid?
Retro fans might want to check out our first ever attraction, Blunt Force Trauma! Jump off a 40 story abandoned smoke-stack with no safety measures in place and land on a 2x2 inch blanket! We are not responsible for your body exploding like a watermelon.
Edited by GoosefromWikipedia on Jul 15th 2020 at 7:07:54 AM
On the topic of watermelons, check out Break a Watermelon by Slamming Your Head Into It! If you manage to break it, you’ll get a trip to the hospitalnote . If you fail, don’t worry, because you also get a trip to the hospitalnote !
Sorry for the sandwich, but that's the theme of our next attraction, the Sandwich Experience! Watch as you are piled on tasty ingredients on two fluffy pieces of bread, and then you get eaten by a giant! Isn't that fun?
Sign up today for our fun pie fights! The pies were made in a factory. A BOMB factory. They're bombs.
Will somebody PLEASE cue that boid?
Speaking of bombs, we have a ballistic ride for you, the Death Cannon! Strap in and blast all the way to North Korea! Hope you're not in a nuclear testing spot!
Take a look at our giant neon sign. It says, "Get destroyed here!," because we are not fans of subtlety!
Edited by DrNoPuma on Sep 22nd 2021 at 5:03:02 AM
Will somebody PLEASE cue that boid?
Semain Calm
Introducing our new ride, the DEAD STAR! Why is it called the Dead Star? Why, it's totally not because we want to evade licensing issues with using the names of Star Wars properties under the Disney company. No. Totally not! It's because it's a literal black hole.
Edited by MadameButterflyKnife on Jul 18th 2020 at 7:01:08 AM
and the public won't dwell on my transmission cause it wasn't televised.
And we have a ride that will make the kiddies happy: The Last Airshaper:The Ride! Based on the hit TV series by Totally-Not-Nickelodeon, get on your sky cow and follow Aviator Anna on her journey to save the world from Fire King Otto! We are not responsible for if the sky cows decide to go off course.
Edited by GoosefromWikipedia on Jul 18th 2020 at 3:20:40 AM
In for a competitive thrill? Try Mario Kart: The Ride! We've got bananas to spin out your friends' karts beyond repair, Bloopers that cover them in smelly oil, and the main attraction: Blue Shells that are bound to knock the leader out EVERY TEN SECONDS! The winner gets a free attorney!
I really can't wait to see how the Universal Studios ride will work out.
Rock'n'roll never dies!We also have a lollipop stand! There's nothing wrong or dangerous with the lollipops. Seriously. Okay, so they are kind of cheap, but we thought it would be something nice for a change. If you're gonna keep going through this park, you're gonna need it.
Edited by DrNoPuma on Jul 19th 2020 at 1:23:49 AM
Will somebody PLEASE cue that boid?
There’s nothing wrong with the lollipops. In fact, they’re so awesome that you’ll keep eating them! Forever! Unless you decide to visit our dentist, in which case you’ll be strapped to a chair and subjected to Meat Grinder Surgery!
Semain Calm
Check out our local safari! Okay, so we don't have any pesky fencing or trainers for the animals or even a steady source of food for them. But we have a safari! Check out our lions! Our tigers! And the giraffe that is totally not a horse we put in a lengthening neck brace!
and the public won't dwell on my transmission cause it wasn't televised.
sick down from the bones to the other side
bring your swimming suits, everyone, because we've got a water park! everything that contains water is coated in vantablack, so the water gets extra boiling hot during the day and never cools off even at night! come on down for the hottest attraction yet!
Edited by KungFuCutBug on Jul 19th 2020 at 5:22:44 AM
A plague has consumed the town, summoning Pestilence, Horseman of the Apocalypse!
Title
...Also at the water park, we have the cannonball loop (made famous by action park)! Butt wait, there’s more! At the top, we have a saw!
Hope you fucking die.
Ok bitch it's Weezer and it's Weezy
Say hello to our well-loved mascot: Slaughterpsychoking! He's 50% dragon, 40% Monster Clown and 10% pure evil! And he's not an actor wearing a costume, he's an actual, vicious monster
Edited by KingofNightmares on Jul 19th 2020 at 4:45:15 AM
—signature not found—
And stay for our amazing fireworks show where YOU are part of the fireworks. Bring your blood umbrella!
Title
Get ready for the best ride of your life, an actually good ride that is about to be opened and have technological advancement for all...oh wait it’s canceled.
Edited by DookieIdiotNimrod on Jul 19th 2020 at 5:34:53 AM
Ok bitch it's Weezer and it's Weezy
The World's Least Powerful Man
No place of business is complete without merchandising! Visit our gift shop. T-shirts, shot glasses, keychains, stuffed toys, the works! Yes, we charge 3X what they're worth, gotta make a profit somehow. Yes, it is just like every other gift shop in existance, why do you ask?
Now everyone pat me on the back and tell me how clever I am!
Be sure to check out the Clown House! Expecting some axe or chainsaw-wielding Monster Clowns? Nope! Instead, the room has "Send in the Clowns" playing on loop, and contains nothing but a sign reading "YOU ARE THE CLOWN."
Will somebody PLEASE cue that boid?