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TalesofUnder Art by Taco Badger from The Tropers’s Apartment Relationship Status: THIS CONCEPT OF 'WUV' CONFUSES AND INFURIATES US!
Art by Taco Badger
Jul 2nd 2019 at 6:32:13 PM

Remember the old quest threads of 2014-2015? This is basically that, but on a much more mundane scale. To play this game, you just type out what you want the main character to do and it happens in game, but with certain limitations:

1: Work with your surroundings. If you type “run for president” or “go see a movie”, it won’t be counted as a command because it’s too general.

2: You are an average young adult, so do not do things that are impossible. i.e. eating the sun or sprouting a third nipple, stuff like that

If you caught all that, let’s begin:

You are Jacob, a middle-class young adult that still lives in an apartment. You would have a luxurious life, if not for Carl.

Goddamn Carl.

He lazes around the couch 24/7 watching anime and spending your hard-earned money, which is one of the reasons why you’re still working at a Burger King. Speaking of Burger King, your boss has a fuse shorter than a miniature candle’s. He throws a hissy whenever you flame-broil the meat one picosecond after you’re supposed to or mistakenly put on one extra lettuce leaf.

You could rant about Carl and Burger King for hours, but right now, you only have one goal:

To get Carl evicted, via any means possible.

You are currently in your apartment’s living room. Carl is on the couch, watching Love Live! on his Crapple-brand computer. Empty bags of Doritoes and Ding Dongs lay strewn around the couch. There is a television with a PS4 hooked up to it, as well as a very limited games library. South of here is the kitchen, and west is the exit.

(Note: this game has multiple endings. Some of them end up with you evicted or even dying, while the others end up as a happy victory for you. Try and find them all.)

Edited by TalesofUnder on Jul 4th 2019 at 2:21:57 AM

My father always told me: “Always have a bazooka, son.” I was more commited to that in season 1.
hanwen1234 Tsundere Not-Girlfriend.
Tsundere Not-Girlfriend.
Jul 2nd 2019 at 8:15:23 PM

>Grab the PS4 and beat Carl over the head with it.

Inadequately feeling childhood friend.
Jul 2nd 2019 at 8:19:47 PM

> Grab a vacuum cleaner, and clean up the house.

TroperNo9001 2nd placeholder for human!6k1 from Ichi's Underground Bunker Relationship Status: Love blinded me (with science!)
2nd placeholder for human!6k1
Jul 2nd 2019 at 9:07:03 PM

> Go to the kitchen and find something to eat.

"Season 66 has begun, and Valecor's down for the count! His fragment's still lurking in the shadows, though..."
Myskywarm Sparky Sparky Boom Man from Raftel Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
Sparky Sparky Boom Man
Jul 2nd 2019 at 10:47:36 PM

> Count how much money I have.

Dragons are dragons because humans can't beat 'em. So what's a man who beats a dragon?
unfortunatezorua angery puppy from despacito spaghett ugandan chungus Relationship Status: watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
angery puppy
Jul 3rd 2019 at 2:38:57 AM

>Steal Carl's laptop and tell him he's a weeb

(cries in manga reader)
AutisticAlivia Happy 15th Anniversary! from Everywhere on TV Tropes Relationship Status: Don't hug me; I'm scared
Happy 15th Anniversary!
Jul 3rd 2019 at 5:22:18 AM

> Apologize to Carl for callig him a weeb.

Exactly 15 years ago, one of the greatest TV shows in history was released...
TalesofUnder Art by Taco Badger from The Tropers’s Apartment Relationship Status: THIS CONCEPT OF 'WUV' CONFUSES AND INFURIATES US!
Art by Taco Badger
Jul 3rd 2019 at 6:43:26 AM

>Grab the PS4 and beat Carl over the head with it.

Unfortunately, you are still in a real-world environment with real-world consequences. You'd rather not become the "best friend" of an obese inmate named Popeye, thanks.

>Grab a vacuum cleaner, and clean up the house.

You think you didn't already try that? That's how the first Hoover got killed, after it sucked up one Wendy's wrapper too many.

>Go to the kitchen and find something to eat.

Finally, something that makes sense-wait, is that fridge empty? And where did the pantry-goods go?

"CAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLL!"

Aside from that, there is a closed door to the west. A sign hanging on the doorknob says "The john is currently in use. Please wait." The only food item here is a can of tomato soup. If you didn't know better, you'd think it was the calling card of an Andy Warhol-themed food burglar.

>Count how much money I have.

Because you work at a minimum-wage job, you have a measly 50 dollars.

>Steal Carl's laptop and tell him he's a weeb

You steal his laptop sneakily from under his nose. You take delicate care not to peek at the nauseatingly sweet sights within.

YOU NOW HAVE: Carl's Laptop.

....And you just realized that taking Carl away from his waifus is a very bad idea. You'd better find a replacement waifu, and fast!

>Apologize to Carl for calling him a weeb.

Nah. It was rather cathartic, so why bother apologizing? That'd be like Jack the Ripper sending an apology note after killing someone.

    Your Inventory 
  • $50
  • Carl's laptop

Edited by TalesofUnder on Jul 4th 2019 at 2:21:50 AM

My father always told me: “Always have a bazooka, son.” I was more commited to that in season 1.
unfortunatezorua angery puppy from despacito spaghett ugandan chungus Relationship Status: watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
angery puppy
Jul 3rd 2019 at 6:45:57 AM

>Go outside and sell off the laptop

(cries in manga reader)
TroperNo9001 2nd placeholder for human!6k1 from Ichi's Underground Bunker Relationship Status: Love blinded me (with science!)
2nd placeholder for human!6k1
Jul 3rd 2019 at 6:47:59 AM

> Take the can of tomato soup.

"Season 66 has begun, and Valecor's down for the count! His fragment's still lurking in the shadows, though..."
Billy5545 A NS nation from Surabaya, Indonesia
A NS nation
Jul 3rd 2019 at 7:09:57 AM

>See the news on my phone

dutchguy1986 from Somewhere in the universe. Relationship Status: Seeking boyfriend-free girl
Jul 3rd 2019 at 8:18:21 AM

> Buy some cheap secondhand anime figurine online, with Carl's laptop before you sell it, as a "peace offering"

Edited by dutchguy1986 on Jul 3rd 2019 at 5:18:47 PM

AutisticAlivia Happy 15th Anniversary! from Everywhere on TV Tropes Relationship Status: Don't hug me; I'm scared
Happy 15th Anniversary!
Jul 3rd 2019 at 8:20:01 AM

> Imitate one of Carl's waifus.

Exactly 15 years ago, one of the greatest TV shows in history was released...
Jul 3rd 2019 at 11:27:40 AM

> Yell at Carl to clean up his mess.

TalesofUnder Art by Taco Badger from The Tropers’s Apartment Relationship Status: THIS CONCEPT OF 'WUV' CONFUSES AND INFURIATES US!
Art by Taco Badger
Jul 3rd 2019 at 12:17:55 PM

>Go outside and sell off the laptop.

Because certain actions have to take place indoors, and Carl is a whiny little bugger when he doesn't have his anime, you will do this action after all the other ones.

>Take the can of tomato soup.

Of course. You take the tomato soup.

..........

......You're not sure why you even picked this up. You don't even like tomatoes.

YOU NOW HAVE: Crappy Tomato Soup

>See the news on my phone

You can't afford a MePhone, so you use Carl's computer instead. Hmmmmm....... seems like the financial state of Bulungi has gone up by 50%.

>Buy some cheap secondhand anime figurine online, with Carl's laptop before you sell it, as a "peace offering"

You order Sader from some shady Indian website. It looks like it's going to ship..... right now.

An anime figurine falls from a cargo plane right above your head. Unfortunately, when it hits the ground, it explodes into a million useless pieces of plastic. They're quite sharp, too: you could put an eye out with those things.

>Imitate one of Carl's waifus.

Some sandbags (for your chest), pink hair dye, and lipstick later, you have successfully imitated a waifu. You're probably classified as a crossdresser now, but that's the point.

"Nico nico niii~", you murmur into Carl's ear. (You feel as if you'll never recover from this.)

Carl wakes up, excited to see that one of his fake girlfriends is in the flesh, standing there in his apartment. He speaks something in Otaku Japanese that you can't understand, then looks at you like he's ready to kiss you.

>Yell at Carl to clean up his mess.

"CLEAN UP YOUR MESS, BAKA!"

Carl bows like a polite gentleman. A polite gentleman whose breath reeks of cheap dollar-store soda, but a polite gentleman nonetheless. "Of course! Anything for my future wife!" Yech.

Hours of cleaning later, it looks as pristine as can be. Good thing, too: the landlord's coming in 3 days.

After this charade is done, you go outside, ditch the sandbags, then dunk your head into the gutter to clean your hair and lips. You elect to sell the laptop, but before you can do that, a paperboy yells at you in an obviously fake Cockney accent.

"Oi, guvna? Wanna buy a paper?"

You brush him off, because you already read the news.

From here, you can go back into the apartment, to Burger King, to Samurai Chang's Scary-Yaki, or to Dallas's pawn shop.

    Your Inventory 
  • $50
  • Carl's laptop
  • Crappy tomato soup

Edited by TalesofUnder on Jul 4th 2019 at 2:20:35 AM

My father always told me: “Always have a bazooka, son.” I was more commited to that in season 1.
Zanreo powerful drum
powerful drum
Jul 3rd 2019 at 1:59:38 PM

> Go to the Scary-Yaki

"Everything about this being is a mystery. All we know for sure is that they're always in battle with something."
Jul 3rd 2019 at 2:03:39 PM

> Give the broken pieces of Sader to Carl.

Edited by Playing_with_boy on Jul 3rd 2019 at 2:03:48 AM

TroperNo9001 2nd placeholder for human!6k1 from Ichi's Underground Bunker Relationship Status: Love blinded me (with science!)
2nd placeholder for human!6k1
Jul 3rd 2019 at 7:45:28 PM

> Order something at Scary-Yaki and hope it doesn't kill you.

"Season 66 has begun, and Valecor's down for the count! His fragment's still lurking in the shadows, though..."
unfortunatezorua angery puppy from despacito spaghett ugandan chungus Relationship Status: watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
angery puppy
Jul 4th 2019 at 12:55:04 AM

>Sell Carl's laptop at the Dallas pawn shop

(cries in manga reader)
hanwen1234 Tsundere Not-Girlfriend.
Tsundere Not-Girlfriend.
Jul 4th 2019 at 4:35:16 AM

> Head to Da-

> Actually, who's Dallas?

> After remembering who is Dallas, head to Dallas' pawn shop.

Edited by hanwen1234 on Jul 4th 2019 at 7:35:27 PM

Inadequately feeling childhood friend.
AutisticAlivia Happy 15th Anniversary! from Everywhere on TV Tropes Relationship Status: Don't hug me; I'm scared
Happy 15th Anniversary!
Jul 4th 2019 at 4:50:40 AM

> Buy a karaoke machine at the store and bring it home.

Exactly 15 years ago, one of the greatest TV shows in history was released...
TalesofUnder Art by Taco Badger from The Tropers’s Apartment Relationship Status: THIS CONCEPT OF 'WUV' CONFUSES AND INFURIATES US!
Art by Taco Badger
Jul 4th 2019 at 8:19:42 AM

>Go to the Scary-Yaki

You enter the Scary-Yaki. Despite the fact that samurai are Japanese, the restaurant sells Chinese-Korean cuisine, if you could even call it that, and has pictures of the Buddha everywhere. It's like the theme park version of Eastern Asia.

>Give the broken pieces of Sader to Carl.

Believe it or not, this isn't the first time that one of the action figures you ordered from that site has plummeted to the ground and esploded. So Carl's more bored of the pieces than anything.

>Order something at Scary-Yaki and hope it doesn't kill you.

You order a Monster Sumo Kimchi with a side of rice. But when you get your meal, it turns out to be nothing more than asparagus dipped in sriracha and slapped on some wheat.

As usual, Americans don't know what Asian food is.

>Head to Da-

>Actually, who's Dallas?

Well, that's easy. Dallas is a friendly old fireworks smug-I mean, pawn shop owner who owns the pawn shop. Yeah.

>Sell Carl's laptop at the Dallas pawn shop

Dallas trembles in his seat. "YOU'LL NEVER GET ME ALI- oh, you're just here to sell some stuff. Well, I can give you about....... $50 for this laptop."

YOUR AMOUNT OF MONEY HAS GONE UP

>Buy a karaoke machine at the store and bring it home.

You're not much of a karaoke singer, except when you're drunk. Besides, where do you expect to plug it in?

MONEY: $100

    Your Inventory 
  • Crappy tomato soup
  • "Monster Sumo Kimchi"

My father always told me: “Always have a bazooka, son.” I was more commited to that in season 1.
TroperNo9001 2nd placeholder for human!6k1 from Ichi's Underground Bunker Relationship Status: Love blinded me (with science!)
2nd placeholder for human!6k1
Jul 4th 2019 at 8:30:58 AM

> Go to BK and order a burger, duh.

"Season 66 has begun, and Valecor's down for the count! His fragment's still lurking in the shadows, though..."
hanwen1234 Tsundere Not-Girlfriend.
Tsundere Not-Girlfriend.
Jul 4th 2019 at 10:46:53 PM

> Check Dallas' inventory. Must be something around here.

Inadequately feeling childhood friend.

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