The Adventures of [Insert Name Here] (Redux)

> Take a look at what Mom's doing right now

> Play hide-and-seek in the store.

>Listen to the duck song

This is literally your favorite song in the world. You could listen to it for literal hours on end.

> Take a look at what Mom's doing right now

You head over to where your mom is stationed on the couch. She's wearing her reading glasses, with a book in her lap, her hair pulled back in a messy bun. She looks like a young schoolteacher or librarian, not that you'd know what either of those looks like.

> Play hide-and-seek in the store.

You're not at the store, but you ask your mom if she can play hide and seek with you.

"Sure," she says, smiling as she folds the corner of the page over and sets down the book. "Go hide, I'll start counting."

You giggle and squeal excitedly as you run away, her voice echoing behind you "One... Two... Three...."

You find your favorite hiding spot - the big toy chest beneath your bed, which is more than large enough to fit you.

"Ready or not, here I come!" she exclaims, stalking through the halls searching for you. You can't help but giggle as she approaches your room, which prompts her to stop and ponder.

"Hmmm, I wonder where that Steph could be..." she says exaggeratedly, which of course causes you to giggle even harder.

"Ugh, I just can't seem to find him.... I sure hope he comes back..."

You giggle uncontrollably as she steps right in front of you, completely oblivious to your clever hiding spot. Then, all of a sudden, the door springs open, and she shouts "Found you!"

You squeal in delight as she picks you up and carries you back to the living room, giving you soft kisses and ruffling your hair.

The rest of the night more or less goes on like this, with the two of you playing fun, lighthearted games together. However, eventually, you get a phone call, and your mom answers it in hushed tones, her demeanor suddenly very serious. As the phone call goes on, you can tell she's on the verge of tears, and this terrifies you to no end.

When the call ends, she hurriedly sends you off to bed, saying she can't play anymore.

Though you're concerned for her, you head off to bed, as you don't know what else to do. That night you sleep fitfully, plagued by weird and confusing dreams.

What do you dream about?

Talking duck ice cream

>You are Detective Snappyname, and you are on a search to find Bozo, the monster clown mob boss werewolf vampire.

>You are Detective Snappyname, and you are on a search to find Bozo, the monster clown mob boss werewolf vampire.

Perfect. You've finally located his hideout, and have to figure out how to get in unnoticed.

Fortunately, you have an informant...

>Talking duck ice cream

"Hey!" says a voice behind you. You turn to see it belongs to a rather large duck. "Got any ice cweam?"

What do you do?

threaten to nail the duck's beak to the floor?

Contact the combined weasels, elves & pigs special service and tell them you found Bozo

> Ask the duck if it knows a way to sneak in

(alright i gotta go yall. i'll be back in a few hours to continue it but so far this has been fun)

> Ask the duck if it knows a way to sneak in

The duck narrows its eyes at you, before saying in its high-pitched voice:

"Wemember the deal, Snappyname. The monstew clown mafia is a tough cwowd to deal with. Infowmation like this comes at a hefty pwice. No ice cweam, no deal."

Damn. You forgot to bring the ice cream.

>threaten to nail the duck's beak to the floor?

"Listen up, duck," you say. "I have ways of making you talk. If you don't tell me how to get into Bozo's hideout right now I swear I will nail your beak to the floor and -"

"And how would you expect me to talk, when my beak is naiwed to the fwoor?" the duck questions smugly.

Damn. He's got you there.

>Contact the combined weasels, elves & pigs special service and tell them you found Bozo

That's when it hits you. Of course. Only a mastermind like Bozo would think of such a devious disguise. You flip out your phone and hit the speed-dial for the weasel-elf-pig special service.

"Yes, hello, special service? I've found Bozo."

The duck's eyes widen as you continue to nod on the phone.

"Yup, he's right here. I'll arrest him shortly. Thank you!"

The duck narrows his eyes further as you hang up the phone.

"You'll never catch me awive, pig!!" the duck exclaims, before bolting away on his little duck legs. He starts quacking with the force and volume of a containment breach alarm, and the lights inside the hideout start to turn on...

What do you do?

Edited by Afterwards on Jun 12th 2019 at 1:35:48 AM

>Throw your trusty loaf of Garlic Bread from Eatsa Pizza at Bozo.

>Throw your trusty loaf of Garlic Bread from Eatsa Pizza at Bozo.

You take out your trusty garlic loaf and toss it at the duck. It hits him square on the head, knocking him instantly unconscious.

You run up to his limp body and secure a pair of handcuffs around his wings. "You're under arrest, Bozo."

You can still here the ringing of the containment breach alarm, as an armada of hideous monster clown mafiosos begin to crawl out of the woodworks. This isn't looking good. It might still be a while before the special service gets here.

Suddenly, you recognize something. That isn't a containment breach alarm - it's the ringing of an old-timey telephone.

Bozo lurches back to life, coughing out the reciever of said telephone. He brings the reciever up to you, the phone cord stretching from within his throat.

"It's for you," he chokes out.

You take the phone and pull it up to your ear. You hear a soothing voice that is neither male nor female, young nor old.

"It's time to wake up."

>Wake up.

You wake up to the news that your father isn't coming home. The funeral is a couple weeks later - the days go by in a flash, and you don't really understand all of it. You remember walking up to the casket and looking at his cold, unmoving face. A car crash, they'd said it was. You're too young to really get death yet, but you know that you miss him. You feel sad.

The months continue to go by, as you continue to grow up. You go to preschool. The first year is tough - the death of your father still fresh on your mind. However, by the time you're heading into first and second grade, you start to feel like yourself again, and you end up making lots of friends, though only a few that you would consider close.

Tell me. What are your friends' names? What are they like?

Edited by Afterwards on Jun 12th 2019 at 4:19:25 AM

> Aerith and Bob. The former's a Foreign Exchange Student while the latter's just your ordinary neighbor.

Ah, of course. You actually knew Bob before school, sort of. Your mom would sometimes spend time with his mom on the weekends, and she'd leave you to play with him. You got along well enough, though it wasn't until school started that you truly became friends. He's fairly ordinary, for the most part, a little shy and reserved, but determined all the same.

Now, Aerith is an exchange student from far, far away - another world, she claims. She always tells tall tales of floating cities and magical beasts and fearsome robots. The three of you love to play pretend, inspired by her tales of that world. Though she only arrived in the fourth grade, the two of you became instant friends.

It is important to know the types of people you'd like to surround yourself with, as these friends can become crucial to determining the course of your adventure.

Now, this is the last stop we'll make before the bulk of your adventure, though it will be a longer one. You have just graduated from the fourth grade, and now it is the morning of your ninth birthday. You're particularly excited for this day, as your mom has prepared a party for you and both your best friends. You are also a little sad, as this will be your last chance to see Aerith before she has to return home.

What do you do?

> Make the most out of the party by bonding with her.

> Drink the entirety of the punch bowl.

(Crap, this got dark...)

> Make the most out of the party by bonding with her.

You hurriedly run down to the front door to await the arrival of your friends. Bob arrives first, as he lives just down the street, but Aerith comes knocking not much later. You answer the door with a big smile on your face, wrapping her up in a tight hug.

Now that the three of you are together, it's time to get this party started!

> Drink the entirety of the punch bowl.

You run into the kitchen and grab the punch bowl, slowly tilting it forward into your mouth. You try to drink up as much as you can, but soon enough, it's more than your small child stomach can handle. Fortunately, Aerith and Bob have it covered, and they help you finish up the bowl.

The three of you sit down hard on the floor, your bellies sloshing with liquid. Yes, this was the perfect bonding experience.

What do you do next?

> Ask them about their favorite things.

>Start dancing in the middle of the floor like you're in a mosh pit

> Ask them about their favorite things.

"Hmmm," Bob thinks. "Well, you already know some of mine, but I can always list more! Like...

"Raindrops on roses
And whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things!"

Bob starts to softly sing as he lists off his favorite things. You're pretty sure you recognize the tune from somewhere.

Aerith nods along, quickly jumping in with her own addition.

"Enchanted roses and bubbling potions,
Big boiling cauldrons, the sound of the ocean,
Runemarks and diamonds and living machines,
These are a few of my favorite things."

Their singing quickly becomes more energetic, as they start to dance all over the floor, much like one would were they in a mosh pit, though of course you have no idea what that is. Bob continues from the top:

"Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things!"

For the chorus, the two of them sing together, their voices harmonizing in a way that shouldn't be possible for these tone deaf nine year olds.

"When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling saaaad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feeeeeeel so baaaaaaad!"

Sure enough, you can feel the positive energy starting to flow through you, any thoughts of grief or saying goodbye turned to dust in the wind. Aerith starts on the next verse:

"Pegasi, unicorns, forbidden fruuit,
Clocktowers, dragons, and sweet eye of newwt,
The wordless song that the night sirens sing,
These are a few of my favorite things."

You can actually feel the energies in the room vibrating as their voices rise in pitch. Something truly magical is happening here. Bob continues:

"Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things!"

This is it. There's only one verse left in the song, and there's no way you're gonna let your friends leave you out of it. This is your chance! What are some of your favorite things?

Edited by Afterwards on Jun 12th 2019 at 8:41:09 AM

>Just sing the last verse, because it doesn't include a list of favourite things

Ducks and detective shows

> Ice cream and pizza and weird bootleg games

> John Coal Train albums and cold iced lemonade.

> Promptly apologize for the Painful Rhyme.