The Adventures of [Insert Name Here] (Redux)

>Yank the spoon out of her hands and deepthroat it

>Continue existing.

> Grab the spoon and fling the food back at her.

You do that, because you are a baby and have zero control over your impulsive thoughts. Your mother reacts with shock, before sighing and putting on a tired smile as she wipes her face. You laugh. This is funny to you.

>Yank the spoon out of her hands and deepthroat it

Well that particular language isn't exactly age appropriate but sure, you stick the spoon in your mouth, as babies are wont to do. Your mother gasps for a short second before wrenching the spoon out of your mouth and tiny baby hands.

She sighs. She knows better than to reprimand you, but damn, are you getting annoying.

>Continue existing.

You do that. You exist for the next eight months, doing regular ass baby things, growing up and developing as humans do. You sure are growing into a very healthy, if rambunctious, baby.

At long last, you have reached the one year anniversary of the day you were born. It feels like just two hours ago you were lamenting over having been pushed out of the womb, and now look at you! A whole year! You can crawl on your knees now, and understand words! Even say a few!

Your parents definitely feel in a celebratory mood, as they present you with the greatest offering you have ever recieved: A cake. You've never seen a cake before in your life until now, and it looks amazing. You can't wait to get your grubby little hands all up in it.

What do you do?

> Grab the cake and smoosh it all over your face.

>Question why your thoughts have swear words in them

> Stop listening to voices in your head.

> Eat the cake, because you are a Big Eater and smile

Edited by sabrina_diamond on Jun 13th 2019 at 12:41:41 AM

>Consume the flaming birthday candles along with the cake

> Grab the cake and smoosh it all over your face.

With much gusto, you grab the cake in your tiny little baby fists and bring it up to your tiny baby face. Some of it gets in your mouth, but most of it just ends up getting smooshed everywhere. But that's fine, you don't mind. There's more where that came from.

> Eat the cake, because you are a Big Eater

You stuff more and more of the cake into your face, until you've made a big mess of yourself. It's true, up until now, most of your life has revolved around food, and this is no exception. Your parents are laughing and taking pictures as you eat.

>Consume the flaming birthday candles along with the cake

Fortunately for you, your parents aren't stupid enough to put flaming candles on a one year old's birthday cake.

>Question why your thoughts have swear words in them

What are you talking about. You're a baby, you don't know the difference between good and bad words.

> Stop listening to voices in your head.

Okay.

You continue to live your life unperturbed by the voices for another year, but once again they show up like clockwork. You are waking up on the morn of your second birthday when you can sense the prompts coming in again.

Prompts such as...

Edited by Afterwards on Jun 12th 2019 at 7:46:56 AM

>Powerslide down the stairs and screech like a bogeyman.

Poop your pants and squawk

>Open the front door and run out into the street to finally end it all

> Throw a tantrum because you're in your terrible twos!

> Stay indoors and play with the cat.

>Powerslide down the stairs and screech like a bogeyman.

Somehow you manage do slide down without hurting yourself (too badly), whilst shrieking the entire time.

>Poop your pants and squawk

You feel your diaper filling up as you run across the living room, paying it no mind as you continue making a complete and utter ruckus throughout the house.

>Open the front door and run out into the street to finally end it all

You run up to the front door, still screeching, and scramble for the doorknob. Unfortunately, your tiny baby stature is much too small to reach the handle.

You hear footsteps coming down the stairs as you try with all your might to open the door.

Your mom yawns before picking you up in her arms, carrying you to the bathroom. "Okay, don't get too excited just yet..." She mutters, sleepily.

> Throw a tantrum because you're in your terrible twos!

"NOOOO!!!" you scream, shaking your little baby fists and your little baby legs. "I want outside!!! Lemme go!!!"

You kick and squeal and cry but it is no use, your poor mother is far too patient for her own good. Eventually, you let up and let her change your diaper, then quickly settle down to...

> Stay indoors and play with the cat.

You pet the soft tabby cat that stretches across the living room floor. When your parents first brought him home, you hated him, but so far he's been pretty chill. You're starting to warm up to him.

As a side note, what is the cat's name?

> Daddio.

> Chonks

Beck

You're having a great time with Chonks, when suddenly, you decide it's a great idea to pull on his tail. The cat yowls in pain and surprise and he leaps out of your grip, before turning to you and hissing menacingly. You laugh it off, though Chonks seems severely perturbed by this.

The rest of the day goes similarly, you continue to make a ruckus as your tired parents try to reign you in, with varying degrees of success. At the end of the day, you are awarded with yet another cake, which you devour just like the first one.

The years keep coming, and they certainly don't stop coming, and before you know it another two of them has passed.

It is now the eve of your fourth birthday, and you are on the cusp of an important life moment. You can talk now, like coherently, and think thoughts with words. You're looking forward to the prospect of preschool in the fall, to finally have a chance to hang out with other kids.

But for now, your father is heading out to the store, and asks if you want anything.

What do you do?

>Ask for Chocolate-Frosted Sugar Puffs (with marshmallows!). If he says no, throw a tantrum.

Edited by TalesofUnder on Jun 12th 2019 at 10:23:53 PM

>request the apples

Edited by Smiley100P on Jun 12th 2019 at 11:24:04 AM

Ice cweam

god these are all great names. i cant

oh damn yall edited

Edited by Afterwards on Jun 12th 2019 at 8:24:52 AM

>Ask for Chocolate-Frosted Sugar Puffs (with marshmallows!). If he says no, throw a tantrum.
>request the apples
>Ice cweam

You ask for all manner of delicious foodstuffs. Your dad laughs and, fortunately for you and himself, accepts the requests, including the sugar puffs. He heads out the door without another word.

What do you do now?

Edited by Afterwards on Jun 12th 2019 at 8:28:55 AM

Listen to the duck song