Dismissive Descriptions of Media

• The Cat in the Hat: the film which is a bad thing.
• Fallout 4: the game about daddy issues and building favelas.
• Cape Town: Sudden Impact, but with retired Stasi officers and that guy who's always evil.
• The Witcher 3: someone finally thought about including the fan favorites from the books.

The Core: That film where people go deep and get hot in a long, hard drill.

• The Poseidon Adventure: Titanic but with less icebergs and romance.

• Hitman: A series of actual Murder Simulators.

• Wipe Out: The show where they get knocked down, but they get up again.

• The Flintstones: Without all the prehistoric jokes, it'd be a just an average sitcom.

• The Jetsons: The Flintstones IN THE FUTURE!

Also:

• Jurassic Park (franchise) - Life finds a way and then you die

Frank Zappa-That weird guy who made weird songs.

Steven Universe-Some kid goes on adventures with lesbian rocks.

Tales of Symphonia-An idiot and his friends try to beat racism.

Death Parade-A show about playing games with death.

Pulp Fiction: the one where John Travolta dies on the toilet.

Neon Genesis Evangelion: a show about a boy who gets a giant robot for his birthday, and vast lakes of tomato soup.

Tony Hawk's Breath of the Wild 3.

• Far Cry 3: Fratboy versus pirates, Death By Sex optional.
• Far Cry 5: The Redneckalypse is upon us, and the worst part of it is Canadian. And unkillable.
• Watch Dogs: an excuse to have your company pay for your SuicideGirls.com subscription. You know, for visual reference.

edited 12th Apr '18 2:56:27 PM by NotSoBadassLongcoat

Okay, you...just...all three of them are just amazing.

Sniper Elite V2: Nazi Murder Simulator with anatomy diagrams with special effects.

Pippin- a play about a circus putting on a play about Charlemagne's deformed son, but only for the first act.

edited 13th Apr '18 6:11:59 AM by WilliamRadarStorm

x7

• The Honeymooners: The Flintstones without the prehistoric gags.

That's because I'm extremely salty about Clara's depiction in the game. She's badly written and designed in a way that screams "Someone watched way too many SuicideGirls." And then, she gets pointlessly fridged in the final act.

God of War-Really angry Greek dude with pale skin kills lots of monsters and people.

Monogatari series: Japanese people talk a lot.

Ro Kyu Bu: Lolis play some good basketball.

Kingdom Hearts: that game with the darkness and the key-shaped weapon

Hetalia: that manga/anime with pretty-boy nations and all the homo

Ms. Marvel: that comic book with a Pakistani American superheroine

Evita: that musical where a lady asks the country of Argentina not to cry for her

My Immortal: That fanfic that causes your brain to leak out your ears

Friends: The one with the quirky Manhattan singles in the 90's

The Interview: The movie where they throw Kim Jong-un in the fire.

Galaxy Quest: ¡Three Amigos! Recycled In Space

Ghost in the Shell: A policewoman gets fed up with technology and flirts with her coworker.

• Oreshura: An anime about a delicious sky-haired biichi~ ♫ !
• Yuyushiki: The optimized cute girls doing cute things anime, where all of them is arranged in neat OTTs
• YuruYuri: A laid-back yuri anime, I suppose. More or less.
• Avorion: That space game which is a literal blockbuster ! Players break ships on asteroids while developers break bases on torpedoes, so the main game mechanic is Stuff Blowing Up~
• StarBound: That contrarian planet exploring game, which cues flourishes as the player wallows in misery and then plays sad music while she gets cool things. Got a lot of interesting ideas patched out while released^~ May be an allegory for current space programs
• : that inexplicable circular thing which appear in lists. Sometimes becomes balances

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead: Those Two Guys: THE PLAY!

The Shawshank Redemption: A man kills an innocent woman and gets away with it. Features a subplot about an accountant's pin-up poster.

Adventure Time: Poorly-researched Dungeons And Dragons fanfic.

Watchmen: The book that directly inspired Youngblood.

Cowboy Bebop: Skinny girl plays on a computer.

A Clockwork Orange: Character experiences conflict and hardships

edited 22nd Apr '18 8:32:37 PM by Pisthetairos

Some older ones I found while browsing my posting history at another forum:

A game usually shows you: you're the fucking dude, now prove it.

• Fallout 3: Your dad disappears with some secret knowledge on how to make the world better? Prove you're the fucking dude and find him.
• Fallout: New Vegas: Some asshole in a bad suit steals your shit and brains you with a gun worthy of a Mexican sicario? Prove you're the fucking dude, get your shit back and shove that gun up that asshole.
• Far Cry 3: You're the only fratboy who managed to give a horde of pirates the slip? Prove you're the fucking dude and save your drinking buddies.
• RAGE: You're a rare example of a recently defrosted human popsicle hunted by the totalitarian new government for some nefarious and mysterious purpose? Prove you're the fucking dude and find out what they're doing with those popsicles.
• S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: You're some schlub who fell off a truck, and all you have is amnesia and a grocery list with "Kill Bill" hastily scrawled at the bottom. You have no idea who the fuck Bill is, what he did to you, your family or your dog, nobody was kind enough to pay you for wetwork in advance, and your only option is to ask the first schmuck at hand who the fuck Bill is. That's hardly a job for the fucking dude, now.

Final Fantasy VII-A spiky-haired blonde guy and his friends save the world from an evil pretty boy.

Drakengard 3-You, your dragon and your group of really messed folks try to save the world by killing lots of people.

Dragon Age: Origins- Every fantasy book you've ever read but slightly darker.

And everyone in your party is a Deadpan Snarker for some reason.

Death Note: "Dear Diary: My teen angst bullshit has a body count. In the hundreds of millions."

The Pitch Perfect movies: Sports movies for pop music nerds.

(I kinda covered that in another thread)