Tropers: The Series

"Right! Surely SOMEONE must have seen it... someone else than the thief..."

Several ads adorn the page of the Gazette:

SWEEPSTAKES TO APPEAR ON AUTOTROPHERS: THE SERIES

Mow my lawn please

Help I've Been Turned Into Text On a Newspaper

And yet, one ad sticks out in particular.

NEED: PETSITTERS

I need someone to watch over my precious little biter, Duchess. Duchess is a very friendly and easy-to-maintain D

A bite mark cuts off the particular breed of dog Duchess is, but it'd be easy to assume it to be a Dachshund, or perhaps a Doberman, or even a Dane, Great.

Either way the rest of the ad reads as follows:

Willing to pay exponentially for the hour. Am currently in possession of beaucoup bucks, which I'm willing to spend.

Contact me at DinahDecrepit69@AOL.com.

Edited by TacoBadger on Feb 25th 2021 at 10:46:14 AM

"PET-SITTING? Man, this is some grade-A bullshit. Ain't no-one got time for that. I'm chasing down this Italian thief!"

"Petsitting, huh? Doesn't seem too bad. I can juggle that around my day job. Let's do it!"

"Oh hey, check this one out," I say, pointing at another ad in the newspaper. "Apparently the Tropesburg Derby got moved to this week. Maybe we could gamble our money back."

"Petsitting sounds fun enough... but money isn't gonna bring back those save files. Not all those games had cloud saves, you know... I'm gonna find that damn thief."

I'm an experienced dog-walker, I'm sure pet-sitting'll be a breeze.

"I'm gonna get that fucker who stole our stuff, come hell or high water..."

"Calm down, I'm sure we can trach them somehow. For now, I'd better be going. The Martial Arts Club apparently hates tardiness." Tilly said, before departing for said club.

“Why don’t we just CALL THE FUCKING POLI-oh, right. You already did.”

Edited by DookieIdiotNimrod on Feb 26th 2021 at 7:06:56 AM

"I'm an... alright pet sitter. I have a cat, can't be harder than her..."

"I can be a good pet-sitter."

"Are you s-sure? Last time you d-did, you turned the p-pet into a beast and wrecked the the Tropesville Mall, uh, for a few days."

"Shut it."

Daniel walks into frame out of nowhere, followed by canned applause. "Thank you, thank you!" He smiles and waves to the nonexistent audience (because the whole 'filmed in front of a live audience' thing is a total lie).

"Hey, what's up?" He says this to no one in particular, grinning and showing off his filed teeth.

"Oh, hey. Welcome to our currently empty apartment. My name is Chey, that's my husband Ford, this is our daughter Delilah, and those over there can introduce themselves to you. Anyway, we've been robbed and we're thinking of taking up a petsitting gig so we can get money and be able to replace most of our stuff."

Daniel smirks, turning to Ford to set up a car joke, then changing his mind and turning to their daughter. "Hey there, Delilah." He really, really hoped she was from New York, both because it would multiply the hilarity of the song joke and also because he was a New Yorker himself. Specifically Boston. "Oh, and also, I have an alternative idea." He opened to a different ad in the paper, pointing to a little corner ad for "Fite4Cash", a fighting tournament-type thing happening soon. "I like punching. And Kicking. And a lil' bit of stabbing." His eyes lit up. "What if... We do a pet daycare with fighting matches for extra. One room has a bunch of pets and one has a boxing ring!" He thought it was an excellent idea.

Edited by Omega-Z on Feb 26th 2021 at 2:29:08 AM

Tropes was sitting on a chair in the kitchen for some reason, with his eyes closed, possibly asleep. Suddenly, his eyes opened as ge remembered something.

"Aren't I supposed to get an ex-mayoral pension?"

He opened the oven and pulled out a landlinde phone, and dialed the Mayor's number.

Daniel nodded approvingly. "Appliances inside appliances. I like it." While the camera was off him, he apparently Magic Satchel-ed a person into his hands, holding them by the throat and throttling them.

"Who's up for torso flambe?"

Taco, who is playing Solitaire, answers the phone. “Hey there, T-Man, what’s up?”

————

Junior sees that... a lot is happening with Daniel. Hey, hey, let’s just focus on one thing at a time here... we’re pet sitting, not... cooking people?

Edited by TacoBadger on Feb 26th 2021 at 9:24:20 AM

"Hey, man. Wanna catch this thief?"

"Don't get your hopes up, Tropes, I still haven't gotten my vice-mayoral paycheck. Anyways, I'm gonna go do some petsitting as well. Junior. Help you out a bit. I don't really have any important business right now anyways."

“W-we’re filmed in front of a live studio audience, isn’t that right, audience sound machine?”

[Cheers erupt]

“Also how the fuck did you get in? Did the thief steal our lock?”

Edited by DookieIdiotNimrod on Feb 26th 2021 at 8:13:33 AM

"Yeah, of course. Thieves'll take anything."

“So anyway, I’m up for the pet sitting thing! Specifically if I’m the pet, but...”

"Great, we're so poor we can't even get locks for our doors," I sigh, kicking the Canned Laughter Machine dejectedly.

Daniel considers Dookie's comment and responds with a single, succinct statement. "Kinky." The canned laughter is deafening.

"Anyways, I still say there should be some sort of fighting-for-money-type deal goin' on, like that one Justin Beiber music video where he wins a boxing tournament despite being scrawnier than a damn streetlight." He finished throttling and just... bites into the guy's neck.