Epic Failure Game

You end up trapped in a staggeringly large playlist of 10-hour videos.

I try to make spaghetti.

You end up smacking it against a phone.

I try to beat That One Boss.

Not only do you fail, you fail so hard that the fourth wall opens up and the boss smacks you for your impudence,.

I try to win a go-kart race.

Blue Shell, coming through... followed by a trail of Banana Peels, a flurry of Red and Green Shells, giant racers flattening you, and invincible racers knocking you off the track!

I try to build a masterpiece in Minecraft.

Ssssssssss...

I try to change my avatar.

You accidentally posted an NSFW image and are subsequently banned forever.

I try to set things on fire.

in your attempts to become an arsonist you somehow become the worlds best firefighter and go down in history for your great ability to put out fires.

I become an all powerful Evil wizard.

You become an all-powerful evil wizard...that people point to in the museum and laugh at, because you're sealed in a city-in-a-bottle at the hands of a tastes like diabetes prepubescent in frilly clothing.

I become a brilliant theorist, whose ideas are widely cited in academia.

edited 2nd Apr '17 8:49:21 AM by CenturyEye

...for all the wrong reasons.

I try to open a .bin file.

You accidentally erase your OS.

I try to post to my blog.

edited 2nd Apr '17 5:49:31 PM by BearyScary

You activate a worm hidden in your computer and 24 hours after you post to your blog, the entire internet is under the control of a Psychopathic Manchild troll cabal.

I try to color inside the lines.

You are kicked out of college because that's something little kids are required to know how to do.

I try to drive over 200mph on the Monaco racetrack even though I know that 185mph is about the upper limit of what an F1 car can do in Monaco before things start breaking.

That wouldn't be all that much worse than what happened during some of those races. Three drivers have messed up after leaving the tunnel. Two wound up in the harbour. The third one wasn't so lucky.

edited 2nd Apr '17 9:02:42 PM by kouta

You end up spinning wildly before crashing into another car, which then crashes into another car, and then all the other cars are crashing into each other in a chain reaction. And then everything catches on fire. And then explodes.

I try to train a dragon.

As it turns out, Komodo Dragons cannot be trained. Instead, it bites your finger off for your audacity.

I go to Las Vegas to cover a motorcycle race. While tripping on acid. :V

edited 2nd Apr '17 8:56:11 PM by PresidentStalkeyes

You walk into the way of the drivers.

I try learn how to stand up.

You accidently break your spine and spend the rest of your life sitting down.

I become immortal.

-ized as a spirit trapped in a never-decaying painting, in the back of a storage closet.

I graduate from grad school

Into a college that was so difficult, it fries your brain. You are now back in pre-school having to learn everything all over again, including how to speak.

I try and destroy the world.

You just end up smashing globes.

I try to learn a new language.

You learn exactly one work of Tok Pisin—but in the effort you forget how to speak anything else.

I try to give a Rousing Speech.

edited 4th Apr '17 1:36:47 AM by CenturyEye

You literally bore your audience to death.

I try to make three wishes.

All of them get corrupted!

I want to play a game.

You just LOST "The Game".

I try.

edited 4th Apr '17 7:27:45 AM by anza_sb

You play nethack, which is almost impossilbe to win without a wand of wishing and really difficult even when you have one. You die before you get one.

TNA is an arctic soldier.

edited 5th Apr '17 7:37:05 AM by kouta

A Spanish Moroccan arctic soldier...in the Russian far north...equipped with colonial quality tropical gear. I don't even last long enough to be shot.

TNP is news reporter