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You are sued by Nintendo.
I try to make the polar opposite of this thread.
You get banned by the mods for the resulting paradox.
I try to fix a machine.
You get fatally electrocuted.
I try to watch Television
It works...so well that your neighbors find you on your Laz-E Boy chair two weeks later, what's left of your eyes still trained on the TV. They also find a fully stocked kitchen right behind you. I try to find buried treasure at the beach.
edited 25th Mar '17 2:08:27 PM by CenturyEye
You end up digging in the beach so much that the coast erodes away. Great job.
is your attempt to quack you somehow meow instead.
I study and learn real magic.
You accidentally put a curse on yourself.
I use precognition as a contestant on The Price Is Right.
The only thing you forsee is another contestant's Double Showcase win at the end of the show.
I make a Rube Goldberg Device operated by dominoes and marbles.
edited 26th Mar '17 12:54:45 AM by aNinjaWithAIDS
The first domino falls onto a landmine.
I try to DOMINATE another player.
DOMINATING a player involves killing them 4 times in a row without being killed by them inbetween, You Fool!
edited 27th Mar '17 2:34:17 AM by StarAndroidJaguar
You end up being the sub instead.
...what do you mean, "not that kind of dominating"?
edited 27th Mar '17 4:36:34 AM by anza_sb
Your attempt at failure is such a failure, it creates a Reality-Breaking Paradox onto yourself that Retgones you.
I try to clean my room.
You end up throwing away all your possessions, except for the trash.
I try to cut my hair.
All of your hair falls out from just one careless snip. Time to get a wig, or some hair growth potion or something.
I try to get out of bed.
you get eaten after realizing that most children claim to have a monster under there for a reason.
I try to rob a bank.
You ended up only stealing 1 cent. And you're still sentenced in jail for attempted robbery.
I try to stop procrastinating and finish my task at hand!
You finish the task but it ends up being sub-par.
I try to summon a demon
Congratulations! You summoned, but failed to bind, Ligier and he's not happy with you.
I fillibuster the US Senate for four straight days.
They scream 'Get on with it' and kick you out, you tumble down all the steps and break your neck.
I try to use paradoxes against a rouge AI
I try to make the entire internet SFW.
The internet blinks out after losing its purpose, instantly annihilating combined trillions of hours of work and countless bits of knowledge. The resulting backlash instantly knocks humanity back to the stone age. And cave dwellers still draw NSFW stick figures on the cave walls. I try a case in court.
edited 28th Mar '17 3:30:18 AM by CenturyEye
You tried the case. It's rather hard to chew on, but you managed to do it anyway. It tasted like leather and important papers. You are charged for damage of personal property.
I try to make noodles.
You attempt to use a broken coffee maker to make the boiled water. It catches on fire.
I attempt to esacpe a fluorine-metal fire without running shoes.
edited 31st Mar '17 6:51:20 PM by kouta
You die as soon as it occurs, owing to Stuff Blowing Up and Deadly Gas.
I try to tame a supernatural animal.
It works. It fetches, sits, and gets you the newspaper. Unfortunately, its here because you're a participant in a supernatural tournament—no they didn't ask you—and all that time you spent taming was supposed to be for training a ferocious competitor. No, you're not an Ordinary High-School Student. Your that blissfully unaware participant, with no plot armor, who is promptly eaten roughly 1.4 picoseconds after walking out your front door on what looks like a normal day. Your supernatural animal is swallowed whole soon after by another (much bigger) supernatural animal. I try to chase down a single wounded fighter with a hundred soldiers backing me up.
edited 1st Apr '17 2:06:06 PM by CenturyEye
You mistakenly pick up an enemy soldier and bring him back. No one knows what to do with him now.
I tried to catch up on You Tube videos.
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