Epic Failure Game

You strangle yourself.

I take a shortcut while driving somewhere.

Shortcuts Make Long Delays. Good luck finding your way out.

I try to make new friends.

You're accepted into the Manson Family.

I try to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Enjoy your Peanut butter and Jellyfish Sandwich. It's deliciously poisonous!

I try to sleep.

You develop a bad case of insomnia.

I walk down Bad Guy Street.

You drop your wallet and a stout man with the Face of a Thug returns it to you with a polite bow. You still have it out when you return home, but it's labelled with the wrong football team. So, your roommates then beat you up and burn the wallet.

I try to mow the lawn.

Turns out that the lawnmower you're using is actually a Transformer (and additionally a Decepticon) with a lawnmower as its alt mode. Then, it proceeds to somehow go on a rampage in the area/city/town you're living in. Oh, and the government somehow gets involved with this.

I'm trying to eat chocolate bread spread.

The Chocolate Guy appears to murder you.

I try to use cheats on Roblox.

You instead try to use those while playing Nethack and are instantly bitchslapped.

I try cheating a toll both.

The toll bar comes down and cuts your car in half.

I try to dance with a lady (that i know of course!).

edited 22nd Mar '17 3:26:56 PM by CenturyEye

Unfortunately, you haven't taken dance lessons, so you trip right at the moment you start dancing with her.

I wager 50 cents in "Final Jeopardy!"

You lose so badly that you have to pay them 7 trillion dollars.

I try to meme.

You accidentally

I try to draw something.

You end up recreating one of Caliborn's early attempts at artwork. That is, to say, a bunch of incomprehensible scribbles.

I try to walk down a set of stairs.

You go down the stairs with perfect poise and grace. Then you slip on a rug in the next room and touch a metal doorknob to stop your fall. The static shock is slight but just enough to trigger a dormant heart condition. The authorities cannot figure out what happened and arrest your spouse for your murder.

I try to research and finish a report early.

You end up getting an F— because you rushed it.

I try to watch youtube videoes about cute cats.

They turn out to be Jump Scares.

I try to make tuna salad.

Your "salad" is a severed tuna head covered with lettuce leaves on a bowl. And lots of mayonnaise.

I try to play a game.

You just lost it.

I try to build a new invention.

You are sued because you built an invention that was just patented the day before.

You end up losing the lawsuit.

I go trick or treating.

You're to old for that, its in the middle of the day, you get no candy, and your costume sucks

I play magic the gathering.

You're on the business end of a Curb-Stomp Battle.

I try to Post 217.

Your post is number 47.

I bullshit Congress.

That ... might actually be an improvement.

edited 27th Mar '17 3:20:12 AM by kouta

They take your ideas and pass it as the law of the land.

I try to change a tire.

You replace it with a cardboard box.

I try to imitate Team Skull's poses.